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Horse Mask

May 15th, 2013
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  1. Day Let's Get It On in Equestria
  2. >You are Anon, and boy do you have a prank for Twi.
  3. >Rummaging thru your old earth stuff you think still got it around here somewhere.
  4. >Aha! Perfect!
  5. >You stand over your box with the words "Earth Stuff" written on it.
  6. >And there you have it, fully emerged from a literal beer can pile.
  7. >A human sized horse mask you wore when you got drunk and landed here.
  8. >With everything ready you quickly stuff it away in your jacket pocket and say: "Let's go scare us some Purplesmart."
  9. >You wait outside the cottage taking a deep breath.
  10. >You knock twice and sure enough, there goes Sparklebottom opening it up.
  11. >She looks with a happy smile on her face, it will only make your plan more effective...
  12. >"Hey Anon, what bring you here?" Spurgle says with a smile on her face.
  13. >Trying to contain your excitement you keep a calm voice.
  14. "Just wanted to check out a book." You say in a reassuring tone.
  15. >"Really? Then come on in!"
  16. >You waste no time compiling to that order, and carefully duck your head under the door frame.
  17. >"Need any help?"
  18. "Naw I'm good.
  19. >"Good, then there's a seat for reading once your done." She says pointing to a stool in the corner.
  20. "Thanks Twi."
  21. >After that exchange, you start your 'search' for a book.
  22. >And by search, you mean you just pulled a random novel and sat down.
  23. >Twilight takes notice to you reading and says: "Wow Anon, I didn't think you had a thing for romantic novels."
  24. "Y-yeah sure, astronomy whatever. C-Could you help me with this word?"
  25. >Now donning the mask on your head, you make it your purpose to fully cover yourself with the book.
  26. >"Sure, never thought that you would have a problem with such an easy book."
  27. >The clopping of hooves signal her getting closer.
  28. >You here her stop in front of you, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!
  29. >You pull down the book and reveal your horsy disguise.
  30. >Twilight begins to stutter.
  31. >"Y-y-you, b-but, I uh...
  32. >Behind the mask you are grinning from ear to ear, waiting for her to say something.
  33.  
  34.  
  35. >"SOOOO HANDSOME OHSWEETCELESTIATHEEYESBLARGLRAGL!"
  36. >...Not the answer you were looking for.
  37. >"You-you're like the handsomest thing in Equestria!"
  38. "Uh... Twilight?"
  39. "HE SAID MY NAME!"
  40. >Sweet fucking Cele-uh... god what have you gotten yourself into?
  41. "Handsome... really?"
  42. >"Y-you have the most chiseled chin ever! And the eyes! Sweet Celestia the eyes!"
  43. >This is not funny, you regret everything.
  44. >But it get worst when you see her walking to you.
  45. >"You know, I've always wanted to keep my virginity for you Anon~."
  46. >You see she has thoes bedroom eyes.
  47. >And a very seductive gait...
  48. "Y-yeah uh, thanks, I uh, forgotsomethinginthefridgegottagosanicspeedbye."
  49. >You rush to the door, but just then you see a purple aura surrounding the exit.
  50. >In your rush you smash right through it.
  51. >Purplesmart yelps and passes out from the sudden magical strain.
  52. >Makes you wonder were the hell is spike.
  53. >In your rush to the fresh Ponyville air you made a mistake, a grave mistake...
  54. >You left the mask on...
  55.  
  56. http://youtu.be/YqA_BKFQeL0?t=5s
  57. >Ponies are all staring at you.
  58. >Roseluck jumps out of the crowd.
  59. >"Handsome!"
  60. >Just like that, you're showered with praise and affection.
  61. >Too much.
  62. >They all start crowding you.
  63. "Oh, okay guise it's just a mask calm down."
  64. >They ignore you and continue to gang up on you.
  65. "Okay guise! Stop!"
  66. >More of them start crowding you. Almost smothering you to death.
  67. "Help!"
  68. >Just then a huge light from the sky blinds you and the ponies.
  69. >As it dims to a bright orb in front of you it begins to descend.
  70. >When it lands it disperses and reveals outspread wings.
  71. >They look whi-oh god no.
  72. >The Light flies away with a flick of the majestic wings.
  73.  
  74.  
  75.  
  76. >And there stands her, the princess, the allegory of god, Princess Celestia.
  77. >You must have done something horribly wrong to deserve this.
  78. >The ponies have let up on the assault and are bowing.
  79. >She opens her regal eyes and looks at you. Your blood runs cold at the sight.
  80. >She begins her speech to the crowd, after clearing her throat of course.
  81. >"Ponies of Ponyville! Today we are given the curious sight of anon the human as the handsomest man
  82. in all of Equestria, and now he is the handsomest -pony- in all of Equestria!"
  83. >You would be flattered if you weren't terrified.
  84. >"As you princess I declare that this estrus season."
  85. >Wait, estrus?
  86. >"WE RUT ANON INTO OBLIVION!"
  87. >SWEET JESUS NO!
  88. >The ponies, stallion and mare alike cheer in victory.
  89. >They turn their attention to you...
  90. >You run like a mad man out of there.
  91. >Pegasus fly and unicorns use da majiks!
  92. >All of them chase you down a major Ponyville road.
  93. >Flapping gets close as you hear a familiar voice behind you.
  94. >"C'mon Anon! You can't outrun me, so how's about you let me give you a little -love tap-?"
  95. >It's RD! Her voice is too close for comfort, but you don't dare turn around.
  96. >You see something useful ahead, a trash bin.
  97. >You have to do this while running, it's your only chance.
  98. >You grab it and pull the lid off.
  99.  
  100.  
  101.  
  102. >The sound of flapping grows.
  103. >"You can't beat a sonicrainboom!"
  104. >You turn the can around and point it behind you.
  105. >Just as a pop of colors behind you explode into your peripheral vision.
  106. >*Tunk* You are jettisoned forward by the can containing rainbow at full speed.
  107. >You rocket away at speeds you have never gone before.
  108. >"Ouch!" Yells Rainbow from the inside of the can planted onto your back.
  109. >You turn to see the mob getting farther away at your assisted speed.
  110. >Very little even attempt to follow you.
  111. >You look forward and see a very notable building getting closer. Town hall.
  112. >As you zoom closer the thought strikes you.
  113. >You're about to crash into the building.
  114. >You quickly shift your weight to the side and roll out from the front of the rocket can.
  115. >The aim is just and true as Rainbowtrash flies into the building like a filthy bullet.
  116. >The wall easily gives in at Rainbows speed.
  117. >Your in pain but it won't distract you, you hear galloping and you know they'll be here soon...
  118. >You run into the building's hole.
  119. >In front of you is the main chimney shattered into a bundle of pieces.
  120. >At the bottom is a trashcan with a knocked out Rainbow slumped out. Still breathing, she should be okay.
  121. >You waist no time gathering bricks from the fireplace and barricade yourself in.
  122. >It's dark, all the windows are blocked by bricks.
  123. >Perfect time to take off your mask.
  124. >You tug, pull, and nearly take skin off with it.
  125. >Wondering what's wrong you take close inspection and pull.
  126. >A faint white glow appears at the neck after each tug.
  127. >Fuckn' Celestia.
  128. >Just before you have time to curse the cruel god that put you in this you hear a patter of a bipedal animal coming down the stairs.
  129. >Oh shit, did you lock yourself in with an enemy?
  130. >You put up you dukes as you wait for the guest to arrive.
  131. >A tiny silhouette appears in the dark.
  132. >The light flashes on and blinds you.
  133. >Spike is a the bottom of the stairs with his finger on the light switch.
  134.  
  135.  
  136. >"Hey Anon, whatcha doing here in the dark?"
  137. "Oh thank god! Spike!"
  138. >You've never been more relive to see that lizard before in your life.
  139. >"Wow Anon, you look stupid with that mask on."
  140. "I do? Oh thank the lord!"
  141. >"What's up, is something wrong?"
  142. "Yeah uh... wait how did you get here?"
  143. >"Well I kinda came here to collect a letter from the mayor to send to Celestia. When I got here she wasn't at her office, nopony was. I tried to leave but the town was empty and there was shouting in the distance, I was scared so I hid, and I uh, sort of uh...
  144. "Fell asleep?"
  145. >"Yes."
  146. >This is bad, the townsfolk are scaring the kids.
  147. >Just then you hear knocking on the brick barrier.
  148. >"Anon~ come on~ it's me Celestia, how about you come out so we can rut you politely?"
  149. >The voice is so seductive it almost makes you want to come out, but fear of a snuu snuu based death is driving you to stay.
  150. "HELL NO, YOU OLD HORNY BITCH!"
  151. >"YOUR RUTTING WILL BE TWICE AS LONG FOR THAT! MY LITTLE PONIES, ATTACK FOR YOUR PRINCESSES COOCH!
  152. >With that, a thunderous roar of cheers come from the other side.
  153. >"Wha-what's going on Anon?"
  154. >Spike seems terrified.
  155. >Suddenly you get an idea.
  156. "Spike! I need you to burn me!"
  157. >The wall is about to give in as the ponies heave and slam.
  158. >"WHAT?"
  159. "DO IT, BURN MY FACE!"
  160. >"Why?"
  161. "It's the only way to get the mask off!"
  162. >The bricks are giving in and letting cracks of light seep through.
  163. >He huffs and puffs as the screams get louder.
  164. >He can't seem to get a spark.
  165. >You waist no time grabbing him, putting him to your face, and giving him a big squeeze.
  166. >He lets out a thunderous belch as a torrent of flame goes into your face.
  167. >The wall gives in as you fall to the ground wiping your face to make sure it doesn't burn.
  168. >A golden slipper lands in front of your face as you crouch and stare at the floor.
  169. >You look at its origin and see the dainty princess looking disappointed.
  170. >You can see clearly now, the mask is burnt!
  171.  
  172.  
  173. >All that is left of it are the parts covering the back of your head and neck, along with a little in the front.
  174. >The princess stares at you with detest.
  175. >The crowd notices and groans in disappointment.
  176. >You are banished to the moon later that day.
  177. >At least it's better than.
  178. >Fucking Equestria.
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