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- Day Let's Get It On in Equestria
- >You are Anon, and boy do you have a prank for Twi.
- >Rummaging thru your old earth stuff you think still got it around here somewhere.
- >Aha! Perfect!
- >You stand over your box with the words "Earth Stuff" written on it.
- >And there you have it, fully emerged from a literal beer can pile.
- >A human sized horse mask you wore when you got drunk and landed here.
- >With everything ready you quickly stuff it away in your jacket pocket and say: "Let's go scare us some Purplesmart."
- >You wait outside the cottage taking a deep breath.
- >You knock twice and sure enough, there goes Sparklebottom opening it up.
- >She looks with a happy smile on her face, it will only make your plan more effective...
- >"Hey Anon, what bring you here?" Spurgle says with a smile on her face.
- >Trying to contain your excitement you keep a calm voice.
- "Just wanted to check out a book." You say in a reassuring tone.
- >"Really? Then come on in!"
- >You waste no time compiling to that order, and carefully duck your head under the door frame.
- >"Need any help?"
- "Naw I'm good.
- >"Good, then there's a seat for reading once your done." She says pointing to a stool in the corner.
- "Thanks Twi."
- >After that exchange, you start your 'search' for a book.
- >And by search, you mean you just pulled a random novel and sat down.
- >Twilight takes notice to you reading and says: "Wow Anon, I didn't think you had a thing for romantic novels."
- "Y-yeah sure, astronomy whatever. C-Could you help me with this word?"
- >Now donning the mask on your head, you make it your purpose to fully cover yourself with the book.
- >"Sure, never thought that you would have a problem with such an easy book."
- >The clopping of hooves signal her getting closer.
- >You here her stop in front of you, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE!
- >You pull down the book and reveal your horsy disguise.
- >Twilight begins to stutter.
- >"Y-y-you, b-but, I uh...
- >Behind the mask you are grinning from ear to ear, waiting for her to say something.
- >"SOOOO HANDSOME OHSWEETCELESTIATHEEYESBLARGLRAGL!"
- >...Not the answer you were looking for.
- >"You-you're like the handsomest thing in Equestria!"
- "Uh... Twilight?"
- "HE SAID MY NAME!"
- >Sweet fucking Cele-uh... god what have you gotten yourself into?
- "Handsome... really?"
- >"Y-you have the most chiseled chin ever! And the eyes! Sweet Celestia the eyes!"
- >This is not funny, you regret everything.
- >But it get worst when you see her walking to you.
- >"You know, I've always wanted to keep my virginity for you Anon~."
- >You see she has thoes bedroom eyes.
- >And a very seductive gait...
- "Y-yeah uh, thanks, I uh, forgotsomethinginthefridgegottagosanicspeedbye."
- >You rush to the door, but just then you see a purple aura surrounding the exit.
- >In your rush you smash right through it.
- >Purplesmart yelps and passes out from the sudden magical strain.
- >Makes you wonder were the hell is spike.
- >In your rush to the fresh Ponyville air you made a mistake, a grave mistake...
- >You left the mask on...
- http://youtu.be/YqA_BKFQeL0?t=5s
- >Ponies are all staring at you.
- >Roseluck jumps out of the crowd.
- >"Handsome!"
- >Just like that, you're showered with praise and affection.
- >Too much.
- >They all start crowding you.
- "Oh, okay guise it's just a mask calm down."
- >They ignore you and continue to gang up on you.
- "Okay guise! Stop!"
- >More of them start crowding you. Almost smothering you to death.
- "Help!"
- >Just then a huge light from the sky blinds you and the ponies.
- >As it dims to a bright orb in front of you it begins to descend.
- >When it lands it disperses and reveals outspread wings.
- >They look whi-oh god no.
- >The Light flies away with a flick of the majestic wings.
- >And there stands her, the princess, the allegory of god, Princess Celestia.
- >You must have done something horribly wrong to deserve this.
- >The ponies have let up on the assault and are bowing.
- >She opens her regal eyes and looks at you. Your blood runs cold at the sight.
- >She begins her speech to the crowd, after clearing her throat of course.
- >"Ponies of Ponyville! Today we are given the curious sight of anon the human as the handsomest man
- in all of Equestria, and now he is the handsomest -pony- in all of Equestria!"
- >You would be flattered if you weren't terrified.
- >"As you princess I declare that this estrus season."
- >Wait, estrus?
- >"WE RUT ANON INTO OBLIVION!"
- >SWEET JESUS NO!
- >The ponies, stallion and mare alike cheer in victory.
- >They turn their attention to you...
- >You run like a mad man out of there.
- >Pegasus fly and unicorns use da majiks!
- >All of them chase you down a major Ponyville road.
- >Flapping gets close as you hear a familiar voice behind you.
- >"C'mon Anon! You can't outrun me, so how's about you let me give you a little -love tap-?"
- >It's RD! Her voice is too close for comfort, but you don't dare turn around.
- >You see something useful ahead, a trash bin.
- >You have to do this while running, it's your only chance.
- >You grab it and pull the lid off.
- >The sound of flapping grows.
- >"You can't beat a sonicrainboom!"
- >You turn the can around and point it behind you.
- >Just as a pop of colors behind you explode into your peripheral vision.
- >*Tunk* You are jettisoned forward by the can containing rainbow at full speed.
- >You rocket away at speeds you have never gone before.
- >"Ouch!" Yells Rainbow from the inside of the can planted onto your back.
- >You turn to see the mob getting farther away at your assisted speed.
- >Very little even attempt to follow you.
- >You look forward and see a very notable building getting closer. Town hall.
- >As you zoom closer the thought strikes you.
- >You're about to crash into the building.
- >You quickly shift your weight to the side and roll out from the front of the rocket can.
- >The aim is just and true as Rainbowtrash flies into the building like a filthy bullet.
- >The wall easily gives in at Rainbows speed.
- >Your in pain but it won't distract you, you hear galloping and you know they'll be here soon...
- >You run into the building's hole.
- >In front of you is the main chimney shattered into a bundle of pieces.
- >At the bottom is a trashcan with a knocked out Rainbow slumped out. Still breathing, she should be okay.
- >You waist no time gathering bricks from the fireplace and barricade yourself in.
- >It's dark, all the windows are blocked by bricks.
- >Perfect time to take off your mask.
- >You tug, pull, and nearly take skin off with it.
- >Wondering what's wrong you take close inspection and pull.
- >A faint white glow appears at the neck after each tug.
- >Fuckn' Celestia.
- >Just before you have time to curse the cruel god that put you in this you hear a patter of a bipedal animal coming down the stairs.
- >Oh shit, did you lock yourself in with an enemy?
- >You put up you dukes as you wait for the guest to arrive.
- >A tiny silhouette appears in the dark.
- >The light flashes on and blinds you.
- >Spike is a the bottom of the stairs with his finger on the light switch.
- >"Hey Anon, whatcha doing here in the dark?"
- "Oh thank god! Spike!"
- >You've never been more relive to see that lizard before in your life.
- >"Wow Anon, you look stupid with that mask on."
- "I do? Oh thank the lord!"
- >"What's up, is something wrong?"
- "Yeah uh... wait how did you get here?"
- >"Well I kinda came here to collect a letter from the mayor to send to Celestia. When I got here she wasn't at her office, nopony was. I tried to leave but the town was empty and there was shouting in the distance, I was scared so I hid, and I uh, sort of uh...
- "Fell asleep?"
- >"Yes."
- >This is bad, the townsfolk are scaring the kids.
- >Just then you hear knocking on the brick barrier.
- >"Anon~ come on~ it's me Celestia, how about you come out so we can rut you politely?"
- >The voice is so seductive it almost makes you want to come out, but fear of a snuu snuu based death is driving you to stay.
- "HELL NO, YOU OLD HORNY BITCH!"
- >"YOUR RUTTING WILL BE TWICE AS LONG FOR THAT! MY LITTLE PONIES, ATTACK FOR YOUR PRINCESSES COOCH!
- >With that, a thunderous roar of cheers come from the other side.
- >"Wha-what's going on Anon?"
- >Spike seems terrified.
- >Suddenly you get an idea.
- "Spike! I need you to burn me!"
- >The wall is about to give in as the ponies heave and slam.
- >"WHAT?"
- "DO IT, BURN MY FACE!"
- >"Why?"
- "It's the only way to get the mask off!"
- >The bricks are giving in and letting cracks of light seep through.
- >He huffs and puffs as the screams get louder.
- >He can't seem to get a spark.
- >You waist no time grabbing him, putting him to your face, and giving him a big squeeze.
- >He lets out a thunderous belch as a torrent of flame goes into your face.
- >The wall gives in as you fall to the ground wiping your face to make sure it doesn't burn.
- >A golden slipper lands in front of your face as you crouch and stare at the floor.
- >You look at its origin and see the dainty princess looking disappointed.
- >You can see clearly now, the mask is burnt!
- >All that is left of it are the parts covering the back of your head and neck, along with a little in the front.
- >The princess stares at you with detest.
- >The crowd notices and groans in disappointment.
- >You are banished to the moon later that day.
- >At least it's better than.
- >Fucking Equestria.
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