AiE:This shit needs a title part 1

>Time for another mediocre day where you accomplish nothing
>This isn't your room, it's a forest
>What the fuck
>Must still be dreaming, time to kick the fuck back til you wake up
>Decide to walk around, this dream seems pretty damn vivid
>Four hours have passed, you're still walking
"Fuck you dream, this is boring now."
>Hear a rustling to your side
>Oh fuck
>Against better judgement, decide to check it out
>There's a fucking yellow creature with wings and pink hair cowering behind a tree
"What the fu-"
>The creature emits a squeal and runs off.
>Start running after it.
>You're not exactly a fat fuck, but you could stand to shed a few pounds
>Start to lose the creature, give up the chase and sit down by a tree
>Start to drift off to sleep
>Awoken by another rustling
>Can see that yellow creature is back along with 5 others
>They look kind of like horses, although a lot smaller and some of them have wings or horns
>Try to sneak past them


>Snap a twig underfoot
"Oh shit."
>They turn to see you
>You run.
>A blue, winged one caught up to you in a flash
>Start stepping one way, then quickly turn the other way and bolt
>It fell for it
"You just got juked bitch!"
>Felling pretty good about yourself
>Legs get thrown up, faceplant the dirt
>"Ah got 'im!"
>The orange one fucking lassoed you
>No place to go, time to accept your fate
>"What is that repulsive thing?" the white one asks with a tone of disgust
"Well fuck you too."
>"Well I never!"
>"Hang on everypony." The purple one was speaking now, "I think that's a human!"
>"A what?" The rest ask.
>"A human, ancient creatures that died out thousands of years ago. But how is it here? They're supposed to be extinct."
"Gee thanks, I love being told I should be dead."
>You're sick of this shit now, you just want to wake up.
>"Oh...urh, sorry. Do you have a name?"
"Anonymous"
>"Greetings Anonymous, I'm Twilight Sparkle"
"Fan-fucking-tastic, how about you untie me now?"
>"Oh no ya don't, y'all could be dangerous and I ain't lettin' a dangerous critter loose!"
>"Applejack is right, we should take this thing to Princess Celestia immediately." The white one said.
>You were beginning to like those two less and less
>"In any case," Twilight began, "We should take him back to Ponyville and work something out tomorrow.
>"Fine, but ah say we keep 'im tied up."
>And then Twilight's horn began to glow, you didn't know what the fuck was going on
>Then you were covered in sparkling purple light and began to float
"Okay what the flying fuck is fucking going on here why the fuck am I floating?!"
>You begin to yell, but it's clear that whatever this light that's covering you is it is drowning out all the noise you're making.
>About 20 minutes later you arrive in a small town.
>If you were paying attention, you would've thought that the strange houses such as a giant tree were very odd.
>You were too busy being shocked that everyone in the town was a fucking pony.
"Fuck you brain, stop making me second guess my mental health."



>You and your 6 captors make your way to a massive tree
>Everytime one of the many ponies walking around town lays eyes on you, they scream and run
"Run motherfuckers run!"
>No one can hear you in this purple shit anyway, so you take this opportunity to insult everything you can see
"Fuck you slutty white whore!"
>The white pony who insulted you earlier received most of the verbal abuse.
>You are taken into the giant tree and are sat down on a chair, the light dissipates
>Twilight walks off into another room and you hear her say "Spike, take a letter."
>One of the other 5 ponies, a bright pink one, is staring at you
>You stare back
>She runs up to you, her face inches from yours.
>"Hi Anonymous, I'm Pinkie Pie! You have a weird name, Anonymous but it's fun to say a lot Anonymous Anonymous Anonymous Anony-"
>Dear fucking christ this thing won't shut up.
"Shut up!" You yell, she doesn't stop
>"Pinkie..." The white one groans whilst rubbing her head with her hoof
>"Am I too loud? Sorry Rarity." She says, and hops back amongst the other ponies.
>Rarity. Now that you know her name, cursing at her will feel that much more personal.
>The blue winged one walks up to you with an angry stare
>"You're just lucky I slipped, otherwise I would've caught you in seconds."
>You remember she was flying at the time, so you gather she must pride herself on her speed if she's making stupid excuses
"Pfft whatever, you can't handle these silky smooth skills."
>She grumbles, turns and walks away
>"The names Rainbow Dash by the way."



"I'll let you know when I care."
>You had no doubt everything in the room hated you, and you could really give less of a fuck
>Twilight came into the room with a big smile on her face
>"Good news everypony!"
>Suddenly your mind floods with quotes of Professor Farnsworth and you begin to chuckle
>Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were glaring at you, Pinkie Pie was bouncing around and the yellow one whose name you didn't know was facing the wall not making a sound.
>"Um..anyways, Princess Celestia is sending a carriage tomorrow to take us all to Canterlot so she can speak with Anonymous."
>No one seemed to share her enthusiasm, including yourself
>Twilight picked up on the fact that you've managed to piss off 3 of her friends
>"I guess it'll stay here tonight then."
"Seriously, enough with the 'it' crap, I'm a he okay?
>"Uh sorry, it's just we've never seen a human before and this is supposedly the first time a human has been here for thousands of years." Twilight says
"And where exactly is 'here'?"
>"Why Equestria of course!"
>You could gather that it was starting to get late, the sun was low in the orange skyline.
"Well, it's gettin' mighty late, ah suppose we should leave ya to it Twi."
>"Okay then, see you all tomorrow!"
>"Applejack came over to you and untied you, she came in close, gave you the stare of death and whispered "Don't try anything funny." before walking out with the others.
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
>You stand up and stretch, note to self being tied up is not fun.
>You realise that Twilight stands at eye level to your slight man boobs
>"Right then Anonymous, I have some que-"
"Listen Twilight, thanks for letting me crash here and everything, but I just want to go to sleep and get this over with."
>She looks crushed, "Oh, okay. Goodnight then Anonymous!"
>You set out the chairs to make a makeshift bed before lying on them and shutting you eyes
"What a crazy fucking dream, time to wake up and forget this whole thing."