#minecraft's text adventure

<supergauntlet> you guys hear something?
* yoho listens
<yoho> I hear my dog barking incessantly
<supergauntlet> tickle him.
<Ausmerica> Lick dog.
<supergauntlet> (or her)
<MooingLemur> hug dog
<Ausmerica> > lick dog
<supergauntlet> (i dont know the gender of your dag)
<MooingLemur> hug lemurs, too
<yoho> > I don't understand what that means.
<Ausmerica> > use tongue on dog
<supergauntlet> dags, MooingLemur
<supergauntlet> ya like dags?
<LadyDaemon> Hey guys <3
<supergauntlet> hi
<Flashynuff> DOG
<yoho> > You place your tongue on the dog. It tastes foul.
<Flashynuff> hi LadyDaemon
<MooingLemur> fowl*
<Ausmerica> > get dog
<MooingLemur> "tastes like chicken"
<supergauntlet> > tickle dog
<LadyDaemon> hi Flashynuff
<supergauntlet> hi Flashynuff
<Flashynuff> > pet dog and talk to dog and teach dog how to use computer
<yoho> > You pick up the dog. It continues to bark in your face.
<supergauntlet> > tickle dog
<Helzibah> > put dog in pocket
<MooingLemur> supergauntlet: http://i.imgur.com/i5A0gl1.png
<yoho> > You place the dog on your computer chair and place the mouse under its paw. It looks confused and licks the keyboard, then wees on the chair.
<Ausmerica> > look chair
* supergauntlet hacks Baybay
<Ausmerica> This game is very good. I hope it has trading cards.
<yoho> > You try to stuff the dog in your pocket even though it's size of a large toddler. It makes a saddening whining noise.
<yoho> > You look at the chair. It is moist.
<Flashynuff> > dog
<supergauntlet> tickle the fucking dog already god damn
<BrowncoatShadow> Is yoho doing a text adventure game?!
<yoho> > You tickle the dog. It wags its tail happily.
<supergauntlet> \o/
<Ausmerica> > look room
<x10A94> > take the dog for a walk
<yoho> > You dog. The world turns to dogs around you. I hand you a hamburger as your ancestors bark at you through the folds of time.
* redstonehelper_ is now known as redstonehelper
<supergauntlet> > go north
<yoho> > You look at the room. It's a fairly bare kitchen with a dog cage in the corner and a wooden table in the center of the room.
<x10A94> > ascend time and space
<yoho> > You put a leash on the dog and take it outside. She poos in your front lawn, walks with you for some 500 metres, then sits and tries to drag you back home because she's lazy. You give in and head home.
<yoho> > You try to go North but end up not getting anywhere because you don't actually know which way is North.
<supergauntlet> > import antigravity
<Helzibah> > put dog in cage
<Helzibah> > put self in cage
<Helzibah> > nap
<Flashynuff> > print("Hello world");
<supergauntlet> >semicolons
<yoho> > You try to ascend time and space. You end up standing on your kitchen table, going forward in time at the rate of 1 second per second.
<yoho> > You begin to float.
<supergauntlet> hahaha
<x10A94> > ' OR '1'='1
<BrowncoatShadow> haha
<BrowncoatShadow> &buttcoin tip yoho
<supergauntlet> &buttcoin tip x10A94
<yoho> > You float your way into the dog cage, where you just sent the dog. You can't get comfortable because it's a pretty small cage.
-janebot- [TRANSFER] You (1269) have received 10 buttcoins from supergauntlet (982). [No reason given.]
<yoho> > Hello world
<yoho> > Error: Unexpected token on line 1, column 1.
<supergauntlet> > feed dog
<Ausmerica> Better than whatever Peter Molyneux makes, I'll say that much.
<janebot> shittyircquotes: <Flashynuff> > dog (by /u/Flashynuff) https://reddit.com/r/shittyircquotes/3huo2b
<supergauntlet> thats not exactly hard to do..
<x10A94> > become self aware
<yoho> > You put food in the dog bowl, and drag the dog over to it even though it's not hungry. It sits and looks at you. It seems like you can lead a dog to food, but you can't make it eat.
<supergauntlet> > eat dog food
<Helzibah> phew, I was worried we accidentally fed self to dog
<yoho> > You become incredibly self aware, and begin to fear leaving the house for fear people will judge you. Your mental health declines.
<supergauntlet> lol
<Crendgrim> It's not a retriever then, I see.
<Helzibah> > look dog
<yoho> > You get down on your hands and knees and begin to eat the dog food. It stinks of fish, tastes like a poor imitation of white rice and fish. Your mouth is very dry.
<yoho> > You look at the dog. It appears to be a 7 year old female Portuguese Water Dog called Maré. You are unsure how you gleaned all that information just by looking at the dog.
<supergauntlet> yoho plz
<Helzibah> > water dog
<yoho> > You pour some water on the dog with a watering. It seems unhappy. Maybe taking it to a beach or river would be a better idea?
<yoho> > You notice a missing word in the script. You submit a bug report suggesting the word "can" be inserted after "watering".
* redstonehelper waters yoho
<x10A94> > water self
* Flashynuff waters supergauntlet with a watering
<yoho> > You raise the watering can over your head and pour it on yourself. It is cold, and now your clothes are wet. You begin to understand why the dog was unhappy.
<Helzibah> hehhe
<BrowncoatShadow> > inv
<yoho> > You try to look at your inventory. You don't have an inventory.
<Helzibah> > look pockets
<yoho> > You look in your pockets. You find a leather wallet and an android phone.
<BrowncoatShadow> look phone
<BrowncoatShadow> s/^/> /
<Helzibah> bless you
<Flashynuff> > browse reddit on phone
<yoho> > You look at the phone. It's a HTC One S with most of the paint on the back scraped off
<MooingLemur> /^H-^H\^H|^H
<MooingLemur> (repeat)
<Ausmerica> > sellotape bread to face
<Ausmerica> Do it.
<yoho> > You open RedReader and open your front page. A thread on AskReddit asking air stewards what people on planes don't know catches your attention, so you open it and start reading.
<yoho> > You repeat your previous actions and look at the same thread again.
<Gambit> > Read comments
<yoho> > You sellotape a slice of bread to your face, after some difficulty finding space among all the other slices you've already sellotaped to your face.
<yoho> > You read the comments. People seem to be highly intolerant of having other people near them despite being totally aware of what they signed up for when they bought a plane ticket.
<Atellion> > browse /r/shittyircquotes
<tobylane> Xisuma already had a snapshot video out
<tobylane> *has
<x10A94> In the browser. Only that way can you appreciate the true laggy mess that the CSS is
<tobylane> So that's about 80 minutes from snapshot release to video release
<yoho> > You browse shittyircquotes. Among the bright things and rotating uphorses and downferns, you find a post about a clever seeming individual to be the current top post.
<Ausmerica> Gotta capitalise on the new release, tobylane. Those clicks are very important. Please subscribe.
<Atellion> > downfern
<yoho> > You downfern a post titled "i miss Gambit" for being an absurd proposition.
<Baybay> > report it
* MooingLemur duct-tapes buttered bread to cat's back
<LambdaSix> What if you duct tape buttered bread butter side up to both sides of the cat?
<yoho> > You click the report button. A series of options come up and leave you scared and confused. You close the tab, vowing never to return, then go cry in the corner.
<tobylane> Hawking Penrose covered that in their 1988 black holes paper LambdaEight
<LambdaSix> nice
<x10A94> Why not just put butter on both sides of the bread?
<tobylane> Jam too?
<supergauntlet> yoho: wow rude
<Ausmerica> Roger Penrose <3
<yoho> > :^)
<supergauntlet> > make a meme
<BrowncoatShadow> > &youtube jk3xBhqcjqY
<BrowncoatShadow> &youtube jk3xBhqcjqY
<janebot> BrowncoatShadow: "Infinite Energy Generator" 1M6S (by AlgebraicVideos) 208935 views, 2763 likes, 17 dislikes http://youtu.be/jk3xBhqcjqY (no region restrictions)
<supergauntlet> BrowncoatShadow: ok but self aware redstone when
<BrowncoatShadow> next week. confirmed.
<yoho> > https://imgflip.com/i/pv8om
<supergauntlet> quality meme
<yoho> > You generate infinite energy. An omnipotent being appears and slaps you.
<supergauntlet> > help
<yoho> > A sound comes from outside. It sounds like a child stuck in a tree! You run outside and help him down, becoming a hero in your neighbourhood.
<BrowncoatShadow> > hug omnipotent being
<supergauntlet> > tickle the child
<supergauntlet> this is so much better than working
<LadyDaemon> ...what on earth is going on in here?
<Crendgrim> Oh, btw, can we have the content-post on SIRCQ unstickied?
<supergauntlet> it's a yoho-based text adventure
<yoho> > You try to hug the omnipotent being. It, being omnipotent, foresaw this event and had already hugged you before you even planned to hug it.
<x10A94> It's omnipotent, not omniscient!
<LadyDaemon> ^
<supergauntlet> so the omnipotent being is MooingLemur?
<x10A94> omnihugent
<BrowncoatShadow> I wonder if the being is dinnerbee
<yoho> > You tickle the child. It hates tickles and begins to cry, then runs off to its parents. A week later, the event forgotten, you are served papers by the child's parents' lawyer for sexual assault.
<LadyDaemon> BrowncoatShadow: no, because he'd accept the hugs
<Baybay> > kill child
<Helzibah> > inquire as to the omnipotent being's feelings about butts
<yoho> > The omnipotent being uses its omnipotence to retcon the story and become omniscient as well.
<Helzibah> :D
<BrowncoatShadow> Nice save
<yoho> > You set the child on fire and cackle maniacally. When did you lose your moral compass?
<LadyDaemon> hahahahhaaaaa
<BrowncoatShadow> Who let sems in here?
<supergauntlet> > summon cthulhu
<yoho> > You ask the being its opinion on butts. It answers in every possible way, simultaneously. Your brain suddenly contains more information than the rest of the universe, and collapses into a singularity. You're instantly reborn in a parallel universe, where you didn't ask that question.
<LadyDaemon> ...wow
<Baybay> > kill any witnesses
<BrowncoatShadow> > look room
<yoho> > You activate the eye of Cthulhu. A giant eyeball zooms in from nowhere and starts destroying your neighbourhood.
<x10A94> > hide
<Helzibah> that much knowledge about butts?  It might well be Dinnerbee
<yoho> > You enslave the giant eyeball and begin murdering all the witnesses.
<LadyDaemon> >realize that you yourself are a witness
<yoho> > You look around. You're not in a room, you're sitting on a giant eyeball flying around murdering people.
<supergauntlet> Gambit: u irl https://twitter.com/SteveStreza/status/633085386877603840
<yoho> > There's nowhere to hide, since you're sitting on a giant floating eyeball.
<x10A94> > contemplate existance
<yoho> > You realise that you're a witness, but decide that that's not a problem since you can't be compelled to incriminate yourself.
<yoho> > You wonder aloud what the purpose of life is. The omniscipotenthing being instantly imparts the knowledge that you'll never be able to answer that question directly into your memories.
<BrowncoatShadow> This would be really fun to do in a dedicated channel, where voice cycles to one person at a time, they give a command, narator responds, voice moves.
<Helzibah> I'm impressed by yoho's committment, I'd have killed the player by now
* [Beta] is now known as johndrinkwater
<Ausmerica> > exit
<Fisker> redstonehelper http://i.imgur.com/JPZDIh8.gifv
<redstonehelper> that's mean
<Fisker> Yep
<LadyDaemon> Hey Fisker
<LadyDaemon> HAH I win.
<Fisker> Damn
<Fisker> You win this time
<LadyDaemon> Yes, yes I do.
<yoho> > You dismount the eyeball, walk into a house and then exit it. You're impeded by a chair that suddenly appeared in front of you. You stamp your foot, raise your arms and yell at the sky. Somehow, you managed to pronounce an icon of two feet with a small red x over them.
<yoho> Welp, that was fun, I'm going to go have breakfast :P