Anon's excellent adventures in Tartarus pt9

In which anon goes fullretard.


>You are Anonymous.
>And it is, by your estimate, the beginning of the fifth day you’ve spent in Tartarland.
>And for a large portion of that period, you’ve been on the move. No rest for the wicked, as they say.
>Much to your displeasure, no direction either. For all your determination, you still have found no leads as to where to go to get out of Tartarus, or even your rough location in this undoubtedly vast dimension.
>Quite the rustling fact, considering you’ve learned, by way of a few other visions, that your time spent in here is not synched with the passage of time in the overworld at all.
>ANY of the overworlds, you correct yourself.
>None of these visions showed any connection to your Equestria, aside from the fact that they were in some form of the place.
>This raised questions. What if you ended up in an Equestria not your own?
>What if you ended up in the one where your best friend and another version of yourself were married, and the former barely clinging to life?
>What if you ended up in the one where the land was engulfed in war between that friend and her sister, the latter of whom under Discord’s malign influence?
>What if you ended up in the one of the many where some powerful figure saw your very presence as a threat to the safety of ponykind, and had taken action against those anons to prevent it?
>You shudder, unconsciously gripping the blade of Starfury tighter. You wanted nothing to do with any of that, regardless of any sympathy you may have felt for your fellow humans.
>You were no dimension-crossing hero who could right all wrongs in the multiverse, nor did you want to be.
>You just wanna go home.
>You gaze up at the burning light in the sky that is your guide.
>As it turned out, the Phoenix wasn’t so stupid as to completely trust you with the well-being of its child, and so it sort of flew escort for you.
>Much to your relief, as it were. The Hellfire Phoenix was a godsend in your travels, proving a fearsome ally in battle and an invaluable source of food.
>Of course, charred hellrat wasn’t exactly your idea of a gourmet meal, but it got the job done.
>This stroke of luck, however, also worried you. Tartarus must be winding up for something pretty big to maintain the status quo.
>All the more reason to get out of dodge. If you were gonna suffer for your good fortune, you figure you’d best do it close to escape, so you’d only have to live through it once.
>You aren’t sure how much sense that logic makes, but you don’t want to waste time trying to sound perfectly rational that could be spent getting closer to your escape. You knew what you meant, and that’s all that mattered, right?
>Not like this was a story or anything. Fuck logic, you think what you want.
>Resisting the urge to stop in your tracks and begin rotating, you press on, reminding yourself of all the reasons you needed to get out.
>Time isn’t synched. You miss your friends. This place sucks.
>Time isn’t synched. You miss your friends. This place sucks.
>Time isn’t synched. You miss your friends. This place sucks.
>You repeat these words in your head in an odd mantra, trudging through the plains of assfuck nowhere, Tartarus.
>Where the weather is chaotic as fuck besides being hot.
>Case in point, you are drenched by a spontaneous monsoon for thirty seconds.
>You grin as the clouds clear, fading into nothingness as the crimson sky returns.
>Joke’s on Tartarus, you WANTED it to rain.
>Seriously, poisonous as it probably was, you were fucking parched.
>You needed some water, and you’d probably live through anything the toxins’d put you through.
>Besides, they couldn’t be too bad. Your right eye hasn’t erupted into a burning pain of any sort from the raindrops that landed on you, so you figure that to be a good sign.
>Shrugging, you remove your shirt, tilt your head back, and wring it out into your open mouth.
>Holy fuck, you had forgotten how awesome water feels on your throat.
>Before now, your gullet had felt like you had tried to drink the ebony sand of Tartarus’s beaches when you wound up there twelve hours ago.
>But now?
>Fucking heavenly, bro. 10/10 would drink again.
>A stupid, content grin on your face, you don the shirt once more even as the phoenix flutters down onto your shoulder, damp and, thankfully, not currently on fire.
>You wince as its talons dig into you for steadiness, whilst it shakes out the excess moisture from its ruddy feathers with an annoyed squawk.
> You glance over at the raptor, a tad indignant to be used as a perch whenever the hell the phoenix felt like it.
>What you see in the distance does not stabilize your jimmies in any way whatsoever.
What the hell is that?
>Off in the distance, you see a rolling wall of red advancing towards you, and feel the wind picking up.
>Your vision is obscured as the phoenix shields its eyes, tucking its head under one wing.
>And you frankly aren’t lucky enough to suddenly find cover out here.
>So then, Tartarus has sandstorms. Fucking wonderful.
>You crouch low, shielding your own eyes with an arm even as you turn away.
>Glancing up, you think you see a figure walking through the plains… a distinctly humanoid one.
>Before you can call out to them, the wave of dust hits, forcing you to avert your eyes as you and the phoenix are engulfed.
>You feel the tiny grains grind into your skin as the howling winds drown out even the sound of your own breathing.
>For five minutes, you weather what you might say was a scaled up sandblaster.
>And then, as quickly as it had appeared, it is gone.
>You rise, wiping sand off the back of your neck as the phoenix takes to the skies once more, igniting into the bright red and orange flames you’ve become familiar with.
>You nearly jump as you hear a voice from behind, smooth, with an oddly unsettling undercurrent.
>”Well, well. What do we have here? Another human who decided to go out in a blaze of glory? You people seem to delight in doing that.”
>You whirl, and see one of the oddest creatures you have met yet.
>Clad in obsidian armor, the creature stands at roughly your height. His skin looks almost as if it was made out of lava, flowing and luminescent orange.
>On his leechlike head, there rest two icy blue crystalline eyes. And upon his back, there was a pair of…
>Uh… rainbow wings. Huh.
>His arms are folded, evidently expecting a response. You do the best you can.
 X_ಠ
>He scoffs. “What’s that look for? This is Tartarus, surely you’ve seen worse.”
>You say nothing.
>An air of disbelief washes over him. You don’t know how you can tell, but it’s there. “Seriously? You’ve been in Stable Tartarus this whole time?”
>Dafuq?
>”And you DO realize you’re walking AWAY from it, right? Honestly, none of you humans ever stop and think, for a change.” he begins, lizardlike tail flicking in annoyance.
>Okay, you didn’t know who this asshat was, but you know you don’t like him. Him and his insinuations about you being impulsive could kindly go fuck themselves.
>He chuckles, an odd sight considering his head looked like some sort of worm. “Oh, and now I suppose you’re going to ‘prove me wrong?’ Feel fre—“
>His criticisms are thankfully interrupted by a blast of fire from the side, as your avian companion blazes overhead like a meteor through the sky.
>”Gah. Hellfire Phoenix. So you’ve made a friend.” He says, as twin beams of blue launch from his crystalline eyes.
>With a surprised squawk, the raptor spirals downward, with twin smoking holes in the wing and back.
>BIRDBRO’S DOWN.
>HIS SACRIFICE SHALL NOT BE IN VAIN!
>He turns to face you once again. “Now then where was-“
>He ducks under an attempted decapitation, Starfury’s white patterns glowing, almost burning a bright golden hue. The magic don’t lie, this guy’s evil.
>He skips back, casually raising a hand and snapping his fingers. “Hey, you should really work on your anger management.”
>Your weapon flies back out of your grip, propelled by an unseen force.
>”So, do you plan on…” he begins, trailing off as you remove the phoenix’s egg from your pocket, gently placing it on the ground a few feet away.
>You then turn to face him, lowering your stance and raising your guard.
>”You aren’t serious, are you?” he asks.
>Wordlessly, you dash forward.
>”Of course you are.”
>He merely uncrosses his own arms.
>”Your mistake, “ he states, “You-“
>A solid kick to the head promptly shuts him up.
>He stumbles, knocked off balance by the sudden attack. Evidently he had misjudged your speed, and would now pay the price.
>You press the advantage for all it’s worth, stepping forward and driving an elbow into his gut, just below the armor plate, and you feel the wind get knocked out of him.
>Sliding forward, you twist your hips and deliver a hook to his ribcage, gritting your teeth as a spike of pain shoots through your knuckles.
>What the hell? It felt like you just tried to punch your way through the Berlin Wall!
>Preturbed, you torque your hips again, sending a cross towards his head.
>With a snap, he disappears, and you are overwhelmed by déjà vu as your fist strikes air.
>”Okay, I’ll admit. You nearly got me the same way you got the big D.”
>You whirl to face him—
>And are suddenly overcome with a woozy feeling, stumbling awkwardly.
>You hear a sigh. “You drank the rainwater, didn’t you.” Ever the eloquent speaker, you retort with cutting wit.
Mlblguh.
>The strange being just stares at you, even as your vision begins to blur and oscillate.
>”You know, for an anon that prides himself on his martial prowess, you sure do seem to have been coming up short in a fair few of your fistfights. First, you couldn’t finish Discord, who fought at /your/ level to give you a sporting chance, and he sent you here. Second, You tried to take on a Griffon, and… well, I’m sure you realize what a great idea /that/ was.” He says with mocking laughter, gesturing towards your scarred eye.
>”And now, we have me. I haven’t even retaliated, and you can barely keep your balance. Truly a fearsome warrior.”
>Managing to focus your vision into an indignant glare, you respond.
Shut up, fagwings.
>Even as you slump forward, you could swear he’s somehow rolling his eyes.
>Everything goes white.