[Physique] Royal Flanks (Update: 29.04.15)

>You are Celestia, princess of the sun and ruler of Equestria.
>And you are about to send this damned mirror to the moon.
>Together with any other mirror in the castle, the royal tailor, your personal chef and Cadance.
>There is NO WAY your rump has gotten this big.
>Cadance can go BUCK herself!
>Just because she has a slim figure, a successful husband, a happy life, her own kingdom...
>Wow, maybe you should actually swap places with Cadance, no one would notice.
>You'd be an amazing princess of love!
>No you wouldn't.
>You haven't seen any real action in about 300 years.
>UGH!
>You'll have to talk to Luna about your... weight problem.

>Outside her room you can hear her muffled voice from inside.
>Oh my, does she have a visitor?
>The thought of her having more success with stallions than you pops into your mind.
>Well it's not eavesdropping if you do it for her safety, right?
>Gently you lay an ear against her door.
>And soon you can hear her... sobbing?
>This is not what you expected, your poor sister!
>You quietly open her door and look towards the bed of your sister.
>Luna is crying on top of her bed, a huge bowl of ice cream magiced in front of her, levitating some of it inside of her mouth between sobs.
“L-Luna? Is everything okay?”
>After hearing her name she almost drops the bowl.
>But she actually manages to set it down on the floor before getting up and running over to you.
>”Tiiiiiaaaaaa-”
>Your sister buries her muzzle in your neck and starts bawling again.
>Lifting one hoof over her withers you start stroking her back to calm her down.
“There there. Why don't you tell your big sister what happened?”
>She sniffs again and takes a step back so she look into your eyes.
>By yourself, she must have been crying for quite some time by now!
>”Tia *sniff* do you think I got fat?”
>This smells suspiciously much like Cadance.
>Looking at her rump you would say she... probably has the same problem you have.
>You take a deep breath and look into your sisters eyes again.

“Luna, I think both of us have to lose weight.”
>"W-what?"
>You sigh and smile at her, wiping away her tears with a hoof.
>"You are not fat Luna, but both of us may have... gained a few pounds."
>Before she can start to cry again you nuzzle her neck.
"Don't worry, we can fix that. We'll get ourselves a nice personal trainer and then we'll be down to our old weight in no time!"
>She seems to ponder about your idea.
>On second thought, your idea was even better than you first thought.
>You flash her a mischievous grin.
"A nice, athletic stallion, all sweaty and hot, teaching us how to get fit."
>Her ears perked up at this.
"Maybe even touching us, so he can correct our form~"
>Luna clears her throat, a light blush on her face now.
>"I believe you are right dear sister, it is time we hire a royal personal trainer!"
>Gotcha!
"Now you go to bed sis, you should at least get some sleep before you have to raise the moon again."
"Meanwhile, I'm going to find ourselves a nice selection of worthy stallions."
>Leaving the room you wink at her.

"ARGH-!"
>As if day court wasn't enough trouble as it is, finding possible stallions for the position of royal trainer was more difficult than you thought.
>A lot more difficult.
>Most ponies that would fit your image of the perfect trainer are either in the guard or otherwise occupied.
>And while you could just order them to quit their job, even you know that it's wrong to do so.
>You don't think they'd know much about fitness anyway.
>Most farm ponies grow up strong because of the hard work they have to endure.
>And most of the trainers in the few gyms there are around are mares.
>Damn you royal guard! Taking all the good stallions for yourself.
>Suddenly remembering something, your frown turns into a grin rather quickly.
>Maybe something more... exotic?
>You rummage through the letters on your desk.
>All of them from Twilight.
>You got a desk just for her a long time ago, it started to conflict with the rest of your duties.
>Ah there it is!
>Apparently he works for the mayor of the town now.
>A rather dull job since Twilight became a princess.
>He's probably just copying and filing papers all day long... nothing so important they'd actually miss him, right?
>Time to write some letters to your other candidates and one towards Mayor Mare.
>Heh, funny name...

>You are Anonymous.
>And while you don't exactly hate your job... you are pretty sure Pinkies pet alligator would be qualified enough for it.
>Papers go in, papers go out.
>All day long.
>You sigh and look at basket of letters you are holding.
>A scroll?
>Well that looks official as fuck, this goes straight to the mayor.
>It's fucking hard to mess up at this job, but not giving her this scroll as fast as you could was one of them.
>You knock once and then push the door to her office open with your shoulder.
"Emergency mail."
>"Anonymous, do I have to remind you that-"
>"Did you just say emergency mail?"
"Yepp, royal scroll right at the top of the basket."
>She gets up from her seat and fishes the scroll out of your basket.
"Alright, now if you need me, I'm at my desk, sorting the rest of those."
>It's pretty sad actually, that mail duty is one of the more exciting things you do around here.
>Most of the time you spend the whole time at your desk, stamping and filing papers.
>Occasionally you'll have to do something more interesting, like finding out where a certain pony lives.
>Yes, that's actually the most exciting thing you do.
>Fuck office work.
>But if Twi hadn't gotten you this job, you'd probably be a still unemployed.
>"But you don't have a cutie mark in [X], why should we hire you?" they'd say.
"Because I don't get a tattoo on my ass you fucktards..." you mumble to yourself.

>You are Mayor Mare.
>Yes, you know that your name is hilarious.
>But everyone of your ancestors wore the name "Mayor" with pride.
>While the mayor of Ponyville technically IS getting elected, your family never had competition.
>No one else wants to do this job.
>And by Celestia you know why.
>You're just glad you have Anon around since two years now.
>Nice fella, even if he is a bit grumpy at work.
>He hates his job.
>But he seems to enjoy the chats you two have, too.

>You sigh and take the scroll out of his basket.
>Royal post? What could this be about now?
>The important stuff normally goes to princess Twilight.
>"Alright, now if you need me, I'm at my desk, sorting the rest of those."
>You watch him turn around, still holding the huge basket of mail.
>He did lose a great deal of weight, didn't he?
>Also his... arms as he calls them, did get quite muscular since he arrived here...
>Keep yourself in check, lady!
>The letter from the princesses is a little bit more important than swooning over Anonymous right now!
>Not that you'd ever admit feeling attracted to this human.
>It would hurt your professional relationship.
>You're probably to old for him anyway...
>Shaking your head you sit down at your desk again and break the golden seal on the scroll.

>”To my beloved subject Mayor Mare,
>I write to inform you, that one of your employees, Anonymous the human, is to be sent to the palace tomorrow morning instead of coming to work. We, that is my sister and I, have chosen him as a possible candidate for an open position inside the castle. Should he pass the evaluation and accept the offer, your office will receive a replacement that will take over Anonymous' work. Please inform him that, should he take this opportunity, he will be granted a room inside the palace for housing as well as an hourly wage of about 20 bits. He will be awaited at the palace at 07:00, the guards will give him further information upon his arrival.
>Yours sincerely, Princess Celestia
>PS: Since we are aware of his habit of wearing clothes, please ensure that he is dressed casually, or even better, dressed for physical activity.

>...
>20 bits?
>Really?
>20. Bucking. Bits.
>That's the same amount of bits you earn yourself and more than double as much as he gets right now.
>They can't have your Anon!
>But there is no way he would refuse an offer like that...
>And you really don't want to give up your little chats with him.
>Think, Mayor, think!
>Maybe... Yes!
>While it might be suspicious if he won't show up, you miiiiight just give him a little bit of false info about the whole thing.
>You are going to keep your human piece of art, or your name is no longer Mayor Mare!
>Honestly, it's a win-win situation.

>You are Anon again.
>And this is by far the most interesting bucket of mail you ever had to sort.
>Wow, it is amazing how much fun it is to take out a letter, read the name of the sender, and put it on top of the according pile!
>FUN!
>Another letter from the hospital, probably asking for more funds.
>You are not even allowed to open and read them.
>FUN!
>After the letters are sorted you bind the piles together so you can transport them in an orderly manner.
>Mayor will be impressed about how perfect these letters are sorted.
>FU- NO!
>You know what? Fuck mail.
>Nap time.
>”Anonymous, would you mind coming in here?”
>Celestia. Fucking. Dammit.
>Sighing you get up and make your way into your boss's office.
“Yes?”
>”It's about the royal letter. It's about you.”
>Oh shit.
>She points her hoof at an empty seat in front of your desk.
>Getting kinda nervous you comply.
“Sooo... what was it about?”
>The mare clears her throat and gives you a stern look.
>”Anonymous, the princesses want to see you in person. Tomorrow, 07:30 at the palace.”
>You swallow audibly and try to find a hint of emotion on your employer's face.
“Any idea why they want to see me?”
>”Maybe they didn't quite like the idea of a human fooling around with mares?”
“H-how did you-”
>”Anonymous. It is an open secret in Ponyville that you tried to get some... 'action' at Pinkie Pie's last party.”
“I was drunk! I didn't know what I was-”
>”Save your words for the princesses Anonymous. Honestly? I don't care, but they may see this a little bit differently.”
>”If I were you, I'd make sure to look my best and dress in my best suit tomorrow.”
>You're not sure how this could get any worse, so you just nod.
>”Now I am sure you have to take care of some preparations, so after you are finished with the mail, you can go home today.”
>Nodding again you get up and leave the room.

>Sighing you sit down at your own desk again.
>You knew this was coming back to haunt you.
>A few weeks ago you got pretty damn drunk and tried to get some action with Lyra.
>Well the end of the story is a pretty angry Bon Bon stomping your drunk ass and dragging Lyra back home.
>So... apparently inter-species relationships are not a thing in Equestria.
>Even though you think you look pretty decent now, lost a serious amount of weight since you washed up here 3 years ago.
>Got some nice muscles too.
>But Lyra was the only mare that seemed kinda interested in you.
>Humans are just still way to different to be attractive you guess.
>Well, it took you a pretty long while too before you actually felt attracted to them.
>Fapping to memories of porn get's boring real quickly in a land filled with colorful miniature horses.
>But at Ponks party you tried to make your move – and failed.
>Now you have to face the consequences like a real man.
>Not the fat bearded wimp you were before.

>After you're done with the mail you drop it off at at Mayor's office.
>Time to prepare.
>Alright, you need to look your best tomorrow, maybe your charm can persuade the princesses not to lock you up.
>You guess this is the day you feared since you arrived here.
>The day you need to visit the spa.
>Yeah, your hair is actually reaching between your shoulder blades by now.
>Not that it's a huge mess or something, you know how to take care of it.
>It looks ridiculous though.
>Haircut it is!
>And while you're there you can just get a massage anyway, you're not ashamed of your body.
>Not anymore.

>After a short walk you are standing in front of the castle of femininity.
>Also known as Aloe and Lotus's Spa.
>Time to make a choice here.
>A: You go in there, get a hair cut and a massage. You might smell girly after this.
>B: You don't go in there and continue looking like a hobo. You might rot in a cell for this.
>Actually you don't know if the palace even has cells, but better play it safe.
>Option A it is.
>Cautiously you walk inside and see both proprietors of this establishment sitting at the counter.
>Slow day it seems.
“Evening.”
>Waving a bit you make your way up to them.
>They seem genuinely surprised to see you here.
>Well you're still somewhat surprised yourself about you being here.
>The blue one eyes you while the pink one speaks.
>”Good evening Anonymous. We haven't had the honor of serving you in here yet.”
“Yeeeaaahhh, about that... Is it possible to get an appointment?”
>”But of course there is! When woul-”
“Now?”
>Suddenly both of them look at each other and start whispering.
“Excuse me, but what exactly is going on?”
>The pink one you talked to disappears in the back leaving you with the blue pony.
>”In fact, we do have a spot right now, our client couldn't make it. Aloe is preparing everything.”
>So the pink one is Aloe? Then this one here has to be Lotus.
>Either this or the sign is old as fuck.
“Sorry, but what do you mean with everything? I just need a haircut and maybe a massage.”
>”Yes yes, haircut, massage, mudbath. The standard procedure. If you'd follow me please?”
>Mudbath? You are not sure you like where this is going...
>”If you'd sit down here please.”
>She motions towards a chair in front of a mirror before disappearing towards the backroom too.
>Pretty sure she won't even reach your head if you'd actually sit down there.
>Still you do as asked, this is going to be hilarious.

>After a few minutes the spa pony returns with a little rolling table in front of her.
>She stops behind you and you can see her fidgeting in the mirror, trying to reach the top of your head.
>While she could actually reach it rearing up, she probably wouldn't be able to cut your hair like this.
>After a few tries she actually blushes slightly.
>”Excuse me for this terrible inconvenience, but could you maybe... sitonthefloor?”
>It takes a lot of willpower not to grin at her.
“I'm sorry, what?”
>”I, uhm i-it's just that you are so tall and I can't really reach your head. So it would be better if you sat on the floor...”
>Wow she's really embarrassed about this.
“Yeah, no problem. Seriously.”
>Flashing her your best smile you get up from the chair, push it away and sit down on the floor again.
>”So how would you like it?”
“Oh, is this THIS kind of establishment? I thought this was a-”
>She actually smacks the back of your head.
>”I meant your mane and you know that.”
>Ouch.
>Rubbing the back of you head you answer her.
“Pretty short, sides shorter than the top so I can actually still do a little bit with 'em.”
>”Alright, this is only going to take a few minutes.”

>After about 10 minutes you are fucking amazed.
>You don't even know how an earth pony could cut hair that good.
“This is amazing Lotus, wow, thanks!”
>She actually smiles at this while showing you the back of your head with another mirror.
>”All in a days work. Now if you're pleased with your mane, would you please follow me to the massage room?”
“Who could say no to an offer like that?”
>Even though you're going to smell like a hussy after this, a massage is actually exactly what you need now.
>You follow the pink maned mare into another part of the spa, which actually looks more like an Asian park with a massage table in the middle of it.
>This shit is downright beautiful.
>”Do you like it? It's modeled after a Chineighse open air temple.”
>Chineighse? Like... really?
>Better not question the horse puns. The horse puns are law around here.
“Yeah, it's beautiful.”
>There is actually a little river flowing right through the room, creating a soothing noise of moving water.
>You stop in front of a massage bench fitting your size.
>So that's where Aloe went.
>”We had minotaur patrons before, but the bench was getting kinda... dusty. So Aloe went to clean it.”
>Motioning towards it she smiles at you.
>”I don't know why you are clothed all the time Anonymous, but would you undress and lie down please?”
“Sure.”
>You start unbuttoning your dress shirt and slide it off, throwing it on the ground.
>This is going into the wash later anyway.
>After taking off shoes, socks and pants you're standing there in your boxers.
>Lotus is staring at you, blushing hard.
>Well this is somewhat uncomfortable...
>Oh, right, underwear was kind of a fetish for ponies here, right?
“Uhhh, I know this is kind of a... bedroom thing here, but I am not going to take these off. Humans are really uncomfortable in the nude. You don't need to massage this parts anyway.”
>...
“You are kinda staring you know?”
>”What? O-OH! I am terribly sorry! It's just the first time I have seen something like this. It's quite different from a minotaur.”
>If everyone is going to act like this you'll probably never go for a swim during the day.
>”If you would lie down please, I'll get my sister and then we can continue.”
>She hurries off through the door, tail between her legs.
>Wait, wasn't that some sign of fear?
>Well it was for dogs, couldn't be that different, right?
>But did you come of as that angry?
>You'd never hurt a pony, they are just way to adorable, and even if they weren't she was just spacing out for a minute.
>Who'd get angry at that?

>After a short wait the colorful spa ponies emerge from the door with another rolling table in front of them.
>This time it has several bottles on top of it.
>Lotus rummages through the bottles while Aloe walks up to you.
>”Mr Anonymous, I have to inform you that we might need to 'step' on you for this massage.”
“'Step' on me?”
>Rolling over to your side you expose the front of your body.
>The pink pony already has her tail between her legs.
>Holy shit those mini-horses need to calm down, you can't look that angry all the time!
>Also the smell of flowers is getting stronger by the second, probably one of the bottles that's not closed properly.
>”Y-yes, step on you. Your back is pretty large, so one of us would stand on your back for the massage. Trust us, we're professionals.”
“Alright, alright.”
>As you lie down again blue speaks up again.
>”What kind of scented oil would you like? Peach? Rose? Cherry? Honey?”
“Seeing how it already smells like flowers in here, I'm going with rose.”
>At this comment both of their faces rival a tomato.
>Sadly there is no way for you to notice, lying face down on the massage bench.
>”I'll work on your back while my sister works on the rest.”
>You're not entirely sure, but you think that voice belongs to Aloe.
>She grabs the bottle of rose scented oil and jumps up an the table.
>Meanwhile Lotus starts to massage your arms.
>”I must confess, I'm quite curious about your forelegs. They are quite muscular, aren't they?”
“They are called 'arms' in my case, and the things at the end are called hands.”
>Meanwhile the pink pony climbs on your back.
“And the little appendages are called finGAH-”
>The warm oil between your shoulder blades startles you.
>Instinctively you flex your back muscles at the sudden sensation.
>Another sudden splash hits your lower back.
“Isn't that enough oil just for my back?”
>The scent of roses is so intense now it's almost intoxicating.
>”Mmhhhmm- What? Oil? Right! Oil! Yes, t-this is quite enough oil to work with.”
>Oookay, what's her problem now?
>But as soon as her hoofs start digging into your tense back muscles you feel like you're in some kind of rose scented pony heaven.
>”You ARE quite tense, you know? Don't you work at the mayors office?”
>Apart from some some grunt noises that differ between painful and blissful the only word you get out is 'workout'.
>You could get used to this.
>If you could enjoy something like this every day from now on, you would no longer care about smelling like a woman.
>You genuinely enjoy those hooves kneading your back, your hamstrings, your bu-
“You don't have to massage there, really.”
>”Oh nonsense, your rump is so tense, as professionals we can't ignore something like this!”
>Alright, feeling pretty uncomfortable there.
>Especially because there is a certain tingling in your loins.
>Calm down man, you're going to court tomorrow because you tried to get frisky with a mare.
>No need to make things worse.
>Like your boner would listen to you.
>By now you're pretty thankful that you are lying on your stomach.

>After about 10 minutes the hooves stop kneading your muscles.
“Massage over already?”
>”Oh, not at all! Would you turn on your back please?”
”Yeeeaaaahhh... how about you give me a minute or two to relax?”
>”Nonsense, you should be pretty relaxed by now.”
>Okay, not like they could do something about it.
>”Mr Anonymous, if you don't turn over soon your time is going to run out.”
>Sighing you roll on your back, your shorts barely restricting your semi.
>Maybe they won't even notice?
>Yeah, not gonna happen.
>Lotus clears her throat and applies some more oil to your chest.
>This time no one steps on you, instead each of them is in charge of one of your sides.
>Since no one commented on it you probably are in the clear.
>Closing your eyes you start to relax again, drifting off into your own little world of pleasure.
>Pretty sure those hooves are somehow magiced to be this amazing.
>Every little bit of soreness is gone after those two are done with that certain part.
>You find your way back to reality after the blue mare speaks up again.
>”I think we might have a little problem here Mr Anonymous.”
>”Oh I wouldn't say 'little'.” her sister chimes in.
>Opening your eyes you look to the cause of the 'problem'.
>Yeah, that's a nice big tent for three.
>Fuck.

>Suddenly they pull your boxers down and apply a generous amount of oil to your crotch region.
>”It would be unprofessional of us if we'd let you go like this.”
>”MOST unprofessional!”
>”So just bear with it, I am sure you are going to enjoy it.”
>So yeah, this is happening.
>And you are not exactly caring about the Canterlot situation anymore.
>Aloe jumps up on the bench again and straddles your stomach.
>She gently starts massaging your chest again.
>"Just lie back and relax, this special service is free of charge of course."
>Fuck, you totally forgot to ask how expensive this is going to beEEEEH-
>Apparently Lotus is sandwiching your cock between her hooves now.
>Gently stroking it up.
>And down.
>Sometimes blowing a bit of air at the tip of your rod, making you shudder with pleasure.
>All the while Aloe still massages your muscular chest, sometimes giving one of your nipples a flick with her tongue.
>You never felt the touch of another being on your body before.
>And if you thought the massage was heaven before, then you didn't know jackshit about a massage and a hoofjob at the same time.
>"You are quite muscular Anonymous, so you work out a lot?"
>You'd answer the pink pony, but your mind is not able to form a coherent sentence.
>A nod and some moans are the only answer she gets.
>And if the heat between the mare's thighs is any indication, she's getting turned on by this too.
>You wonder if you could actually feel her marehood dripping if your body wasn't oiled up as hell.
>Meanwhile Lotus steps up her game.
>Now alternating speeds and sometimes even giving the tip of your dick a quick lick.
>"You DO have quite the stamina, don't you? So you do this kind of thing often?"
>You're almost bursting by now.
>Shaking your head you let out another moan.
>"You don't? That's quite unbelievable mister Anonymous. Not with that kind of stamina." Aloe throws in.
>Then she slowly starts licking from your chest all up to your neck.
>By Celestia, the the tightness in your loins is getting unbearable.
>Your cock starts twitching, warning the blue mare of your impending climax.
"C-coming!!"
>And immediately your rod is almost getting swallowed by Lotus, burying you in her mouth as you shoot string after string of your hot load into the waiting mares throat.
>She continues sucking on your sensitive tip, as if to make sure there's nothing left she could have missed.
>Aloe giggles softly while climbing off of you.
>"I don't think there's time left for a mudbath now."
"Gah..."
>Still not being able to form words you just lie there, basking in the afterglow of your first non-self induced orgasm.

>Aloe speaks up again.
>"We'll have to go clean ourselves up Anonymous. Would you meet us at the counter in 10 minutes? Thank you."
>Both of them leave the room.
>Well they ARE quite oily right now, and Lotus might have few other stains to clean up.
>You're honestly surprised they'll only need 10 minutes.
>Quite the professionals, eh?
>After a few minutes you take a deep breath you get up and put your clothes on, effectively turning them into oily rags.
>Well you were going to wash them tomorrow anyway.

>Arriving in the main hall you can see Lotus already at the counter.
>Not surprising, Aloe practically bathed herself in oil there.
>"Alright Mr Anonymous, time to talk bits."
>Flashing you a smile she motions you closer to the counter.
>"Let's see... 15 bits hair cut, 40 bits massage, "special service" free of charge, of course, friend discount..."
>She winks at you again.
>"That will be 35 bits, sir."
>That's some pretty fucking generous discount, by now you were expecting something about 100bits.
>Seems like you really wasn't the only one enjoying this.
>You pull a bag of bits out of your pocket and pay the waiting mare.
"Thank you very much, I think I might come to use your services a more often."
>"Oh we'd like that very much!"
>The blue mare actually blushes, realizing how eager her voice must have sounded.
>Grinning you wave her goodbye and leave the spa.
>You smell like a hooker, but that was definitely worth it.
>Time to go home, take a shower and go to bed.

>The next morning.
>You awaken to the most horrible noise you can imagine: your alarm clock.
>At 4am.
>Way to early, but you need to get that fucking train to fucking Canterlot.
>Ugh, better not even think about that.
>Time to get up and go for a run to clear your mind.
>A nice jog before breakfast is just what you need.
>Even though it's still dark outside, the temperature is just right.
>Neither to warm nor to cold, perfect running weather.
>You turned your morning runs into a habit about 2 years ago now, and everyone of them made you feel great.
>But normally you could still sleep until at least 6:30 and don't have to appear before royalty.
>Today at 6:30 you're already inside the train towards Canterlot, shaved, showered and dressed in your best suit.
>You're even wearing a tie.
>Fuck ties.
>And fuck Canterlot...
>The only time you talked to the princesses was after your arrival in Equestria, then they decided that you were Twilight's problem from now on.
>Apparently it was kinda her fault that you arrived here, not that you mind, Equestria is amazing.
>Sighing you look out the window.
>You're actually starting to get pretty nervous about now.
>What if you're going to jail, or even worse, get banished to the moon?
>There's just no way you could keep your precious gains in low gravity!
>And you probably wouldn't even be able to breathe, soooo... probably not the moon.
>Still, jail time is not exactly your idea if fun.
>But there's not much you can do on the train to distract you.
>Spending the next hour worrying about your future and complaining about how everything is unfair all the time, you reach the palace.
>A guard immediately speaks up after seeing you.
>"Ah, Mr Anonymous, right? We already thought you wouldn't come."
>Shit, was it already that late?
>"If you would follow me please, the princesses await you."
"Of course."
>The 'trial' didn't even start and you already lost points for being late.
>That would be a really great start, if you actually wanted to go to jail.
>The guard leads you towards a huge two-winged door leading into the throne room.
>"Good luck in there."
>After that he opens the doors and announces your presence.
>"MR ANONYMOUS FROM PONYVILLE!"

>Since you kinda learned the basics of royal etiquette from Twilight, you know what to do now.
>You walk forward until you are in front of the two princesses and get down on your right knee.
>As always, the white alicorn is the first one to speak.
>"You may rise Anonymous. We feared that you would not follow our invitation."
>You get up on your feet again but keep looking at the floor.
"My princesses, I am terribly sorry about my late arrival. I was sure I'd arrive before 7:30."
>"7:30?" Luna exclaims before turning towards her sister.
>They whisper to another for a while before the princess of the night speaks again.
>"You DO know why you are here Anonymous?"
>Taking a deep breath you get down on your knee again.
"Yes I am, and I deeply regret my past actions. I swear that it will never happen again, so I beg you, please show mercy.”
>A deeply confused Celestia speaks up. "What exactly are you talking about?"
>You blink a few times before you answer.
"Uhm, isn't this about me and Lyra?"
>Celestia looks even more confused now.
>"Anonymous, we have no idea what you are talking about. Who is this Lyra? Is she your special somepony?"
"I... no. No she isn't. But just to be sure... This isn't a trial because I tried to have a..."
>Clearing your throat you try to find the right words.
"Casual... inter-species... 'encounter'?"
>Getting up on your feet again you notice a slight blush on the princesses' faces.
>Yeeeaahhhh so they didn't actually know about that, seems like you dug your own grave buddy.
>Luna slowly shakes her head.
>"No, no it isn't Anonymous. There is nothing wrong with some casual uhm... fun."
>She blushes even more and looks away from you before continuing.
>"I guess that explains why you are dressed like this too."
>The white alicorn clears her throat.
>"Anonymous, you are here because we are looking for a royal personal trainer, and your 'transformation' over the last three years made you a top candidate for this."
>"That's why we expected you in casual or even exercise clothing."
>You come here to be judged for a crime you didn't know you commited and instead get a job offer in the royal palace?
>Alright life, I'm sorry, you're not always unfair, I love you man.
>But personal trainer? You're already glad to know how humans stay in shape, but ponies?
>Future Anon will have to solve that problem, you guess.
"Well that changes everything princesses. If you would give me a second."
>Fuck ties. Thank god you can take it off already.
>You place the tie inside your suit jacket and take that one off too.
>Now pull your dress shirt out of your pants, roll up your sleeves, mess up your hair s little bit.
>Voilá, casual look.
"This would be more casual your highnesses."
>...
"You are kinda staring."
>"But of course we are!" Luna exclaims. "We need to see how fit the stallion is we are entrusting our health to!"
>"Exactly Anonymous,” Celestia nods “just bear with it. Now lose the shirt."
>Alright, time to take of you-
>Wat.
>Alright, this is getting kinda weird, but it does make sense.
>Since ponies are naked all the time, you could judge their musculature just by looking at them.
>And since you are certainly not the only one they invited for this job, they'll have to evaluate your body as well.
>The princesses get up from their thrones and start circling you.
>Both of them stopping several times to look over a certain part of your body.
>Sometimes telling you to move in certain ways so they can see how your muscles work.
>After a few minutes of this Celestia speaks up again.
>"That's an interesting musculature you have there Anonymous. It reminds me of a minotaur, but it's nothing like any other creature in Equestria."
“Uhm, thank you?”
>”SO Anonymous.” Luna says while both princesses return to their respective thrones.
>”You may dress again. After that you are to accompany the other applicants to breakfast. We shall announce our decision soon.”
“Of course my princesses.”
>Giving a quick bow you pick up your clothes and dress on your way out.

>Outside, a guard is already waiting for you.
>He leads you into a huge dining room.
>There are several guards posted at the doors and three stallions are already at the table.
>A thin looking stallion with a light brown coat and sand colored mane, a bag of bits as his cutie mark.
>...
>You are pretty sure his way of spelling fitness is 'd-o-s-h'.
>Then there's also a maroon coated stallion with a black mane, wearing glasses.
>His cutie mark is a pile of books.
>...
>Yeeeaaahhh... Right.
>And then there's Bulk Biceps.
>Bulk. Fucking. Biceps.
>That guy isn't exactly legit, but he certainly knows his shit.
>You've seen him in the locker room, guy's probably got more minotaur juice in him than Iron Will.

“Good morning everyone.”
>”About time you showed up, we’re practically starving here!” the brown stallion sharply responds.
>Friendly fella, eh? Not that you care.
>You take the last empty seat at the table and look over the huge wooden surface, devoid of any food.
“So I guess this breakfast isn’t going to be buffet style, huh?”
>A rose coated maid pony steps forward and does a curtsy.
>”We were ordered to wait until every guest arrived before taking your orders.”
>While every other pony is now getting attended by a different maid, the one who spoke up before walks up to you.
>”May I take your order, sir?”
>So there you were, sitting in the royal dining hall, being able to get every possible breakfast you could imagine.
>For free.
>So you did the only right thing possible.
“Would a bowl of oats with milk, a few fruits and nuts be possible?”
>After Giving you a confused look at first, she suddenly smiles.
>”Humble one, are we? Of course that lies well in the possibilities of the royal chefs.”
>She winks at you and makes her way out of the room.
>Heh, cute girl.
>You wonder what those other “fitness experts” ordered.
>If not for that whole vegetarian thing, you’re sure Bulk Biceps would’ve ordered a huge plate of meat.
>Well sucks to be you Bulky, guess you gotta get your protein somewhere different.
>By the look on ‘his’ maids face, he asked for something incredibly ridiculous.
>Soon every order was taken and an awkward silence filled the room.
“So. I’m Anonymous, Equestria’s only human. Working in Ponyville’s mayoral office. Who are you guys?”
>Again the light brown pony is the first one to make himself heard.
>”MY name is Bit Coin. I am the owner of a fitness club in Manehattan called “Squarefit”. It’s a brand new concept, you see? I doubt you ever heard about it, it IS quite expensive you know..”
>That guy already sounds like a douche, but… Squarefit? Please don’t let that be pony crossfit…
>”I’M BULK BICEPS!”
>Celestia no… can’t he talk like a normal person?
>The thought of him talking to the princesses like this makes you grin like a retard.
>”I LIFT HEAVY THINGS AND PUT THEM DOWN AGAIN! I OWN THE GYM IN PONYVILLE!”
>For emphasis he flexes his muscles.
>Alright, only glasses left.
>The maroon stallion clears his throat.
>”I am Flawless Nutrition, I am the number one health researcher at Canterlot’s Starswirl university. I know EVERYTHING about nutrition and fitness, don’t even try getting this job, you’ll fail.”
>Wow, this guys is pretty full of himself.
>You’re really looking forward to see HIS breakfast.

>After about 20 minutes of pointless chit chat the doors to the room open the maids from before serve everyones food.
>Pancakes for Mr Dosh.
>A salad with different fruits and vegetables for science guy.
>And a huge fucking bowl of cottage cheese for Bulky.
>”YEEAAAHHH! THAT’S THE STUFF!”
>Holy shit, how can a pony even eat that much?
>And the rose coated mare from before places a tasty looking bowl of oats in front of you.
>Smiling at you she gives you a neatly folded note before leaving with a happy “Enjoy your breakfast.”
>While eating with your right hand, you open the note with your left.
>”Meet me tonight, servants room 1734”
>...
>Tonight? But you gotta be back in ponyville tonight!
>Well… maybe… juuuuuust maybe… you can take the first train to Ponyville tomorrow morning.
>Wouldn’t be the first time you’ll manage to sort some letters without having slept.
>Eh, that’s future Anons problem.
>After everyone finished their meals, which took quite a lot of time for Bulk Biceps, another guard entered the room.
>”If the candidates would follow me, please. The princesses have made their decision.”

>You are Celestia.
>And it is now 10am.
>Luna already went to bed, it’s hard for her to stay up for so long.
>But that means it is now your task to make an appropriate decision.
>You had ordered your maids to tell you everything that happened in the dining room.
>It didn’t influence your decision much, but still, you wanted to know how your beloved subjects see your possible candidates.
>The gym manager got himself a plate of pancakes - even you are sure that this isn’t a healthy breakfast - and tried to chat up the maid whenever he could.
>Quite flirty isn’t he? Mhm~ you’d like that.
>But you’re not sure if Luna would appreciate getting hit on ALL the time.
>His physique wasn’t impressive in any way either.
>Mr Nutrition lived up to his name and ordered probably the healthiest meal that the chefs ever prepared.
>But he didn’t really strike you as a nice guy, also he was a liiiittle bit too full of himself.
>He talked to the maid like he already got the job.
>And judging by his body, eating healthy wasn’t all you need to know to look good.
>Yes, he was slim, but he also looked like he couldn’t even carry his own books!
>Then there was Bulk Biceps.
>A hulking mass of muscles.
>A hulking mass of muscles that seemed to rival the Royal Canterlot Voice at all times.
>And he looked…ugh, gross.
>No matter how much he knows about training, you would never accept that kind of guy as a personal trainer.
>And then there was the human.
>The big, lean, sexy human.
>Just thinking about his shirtless body sends a shiver down your spine.
>By now you are pretty grateful he wears clothes most the time.
>He even told you that he is somewhat looking for inter-species relationships~
>The maid described him as ‘handsome and well-mannered’.
>Tartarus, she even confessed that she wants to meet him tonight.
>With a sly grin on your face, you sit down on your throne.
>Maybe she can give you even more infos about his body tomorrow.
>He also ordered a filling and wholesome meal, but who cares at this point?
“Guardsman, please fetch the candidates for me. I have made my decision.”

>You are Anonymous again.
>And the guardpony is leading your group of four back towards the throne room.
>You wonder who’s going to get the job.
>To be honest, you don’t think your chances are that good.
>The other candidates were ‘meh’ at best, but at least they are ponies, you are human.
>And you have no idea about pony fitness at all.
>The princesses did seem interested in your body though…
>Eh, whatever, let the princesses decide, over thinking won’t help you here.

>The trip to the throne room is short and silent, you can almost taste the tension building up around you.
>The guard opens the big door and steps into it, giving his majesty a short bow.
>”Princess, the candidates have arrived!”
>The guard signals you to get in.
>Positioning yourselves in front of Celestia’s throne, you notice that Luna’s throne remains empty.
>Minding your court manners, you get down on one knee again.
>”My beloved subjects.”
>The white alicorn looks over everyone of you, smiling.
>”My dear sister can’t be here with us at this time of day, but before she left for her rest, we have come to a decision.”
>The tension in the room keeps rising.
>Everyone wants to have this job.
>...
>Now that you think about it, you forgot to ask about lodging, wage and essentially everything else.
>The only reason you want it, is because it seems a hell of a lot more interesting than your old job.
>Fucking letters can go sort themselves.
>Oh shit, the princess continued talking again some time ago.
>”... wasn’t an easy decision, but after careful consideration, taking everything into account…”
>Slowly looking over every single one of you, you get the feeling her gaze lingers on you a bit too long.
>”We are sure that we picked the right po- person for the position as royal trainer.”

>Did she just say-
>”Mister Anonymous from Ponyville, do you officially accept this position?”
>Holy shit, good bye letters!
“It would be an honor your highness! When do I start?”
>Can’t lose your cool though, you’re still in court.
>”You will begin tomorrow, we’ll talk about the details later.”
>She shifts her gaze over towards the other candidates.
>”Thank you for attending everypony, but the decision has been made. Of course your train tickets will be refunded. Please have a nice trip home.”
>The guard opens the door again and your competitors start to leave.
>Bulk Biceps is the only one who actually looks sad about not getting the job though.
>After they left, Celestia walks up to you.
>”Please rise Anonymous.”
>Doing as you’re told, you notice that you are actually still a little bit taller than the large alicorn.
>A smile creeps on your face.
>Finally you won’t have to crouch down to have a normal conversation.
>Not that you don’t love those cuddly bright little ponies, but sometimes-
>”Walk with me.”

>After a few longer steps you catch up with her.
>”As I am sure you are familiar with the terms of your new position, the preparations shall be made as soon as possible. Would you like to have some of your belongings delivered here?”
>What.
“I… am not sure I follow, your highness. I actually meant to ask you about that, I didn’t even know why I was here in the first place, so I don’t know anything about that.”
>She suddenly stopped and looked at you.
>”Yet without knowing anything, you still accepted the offer?”
>Giving her a light shrug you smile.
“Couldn’t be worse than sorting letters all day, right?”
>A quiet chuckle escaped her lips before she started moving again.
>”I’m sure Bit Coin was only here for the money, and you didn’t even know about it.”

>After a few minutes of walking - holy fuck this castle is even bigger than you thought - she leads you into a room you would call a study.
>A huge study with a table decked for two and enough books to turn Twilight into a drooling mess.
>”Would you care for some tea Anonymous?”
“I’d love some.”
>You take a seat in one of the soft cushions in front of the table while she does the same.
>”So, Anonymous. I would like to discuss the terms of your new employment.”
>Nodding, you can see her levitate a small bell next to her, ringing it once.
>”While you can refuse, we would like to offer you a room inside the castle. It will be furnished, spacious, and allow you access to everything you might need for your duties. Otherwise there won’t be too many rules that you would have to follow, just don’t be too loud during the nights.”
>You swear she gave you a little wink there.
>Remembering the note inside your pocket your face starts to feel somewhat hot.
“I gladly accept that offer princess. But you’ve said something about my belongings?”
>”Of course. We can arrange that your clothes are brought here, you probably didn’t plan on staying in Canterlot.”
>Nodding again, your attention is brought to the sound of the door opening.
>The rose colored maid entered the room, balancing a tray on her back.
>Seeing you, she blushes hard and almost loses her balance, barely catching herself.
>After taking a deep breath, she graciously serves the tea and leaves the room without saying a word.
>Apparently Celestia either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
>”I hope you don’t mind my choice of tea, it is a natural green from Saddle Arabia.”
>Still quite flustered, you pick up your cup and take a small whiff.
“I am more of a coffee person myself, so I couldn’t choose another one even if I wanted to.”
>”Now Anonymous, about your new salary.”
>Alright, this is getting interesting.

>”You’ll earn 20 bits an hour, 7 hours a day, not including weekends. The training might not take that long, but we expect you to prepare seriously for our lessons and of course be available during that time.”
>T-twenty… bits… an hour?
>Holy shit, that’s more than two times as much as you earned before and exactly as much as Mayor herself earns!
>Of course you’ve seen her paycheck. They don’t expect you to NOT look into the ‘finances’ folders, right?
>”Now, do you have any questions?”
”What about my old job in Ponyville?”
>”Don’t worry, Mayor Mare will be noticed and a replacement will be sent tomorrow morning. Anything else?”
>Taking a sip of your tea you look around the room.
“Since I don’t know that much about pony physiology and training, would it be possible to lend me some books about these topics?”
>Smiling the alicorn levitates a few books out of the shelves and in front of you.
>”Good to see that you are serious about this Anonymous. These books will answer everything you need to know. We trust you are going to do your best. Now if you would please finish your tea, I would like to show you to your room.”
>After emptying your cup she leads you through countless corridors and up several staircases before she stops in front of a large wooden door.
>”This is it. I hope it will be to your liking. Now if you need anything, use the bell on your desk to call one of the maids, I need to take my leave.”
>And with that the white alicorn walks away.
>Alright, time to see what’s behind door number one!
>Carefully opening the door you take a peek inside.
>And you are fucking amazed.
>While the room is not hilariously huge by castle standards, it’s still as big as your whole lower floor.
>The bed is king size, desk with chair, a coffee table with several cushions, a huge wardrobe, a few shelves…
>All in all everything a man could need.
>A quick search of the room reveals your personal bathroom, tub and everything.
>Sighing happily you let yourself fall down on the bed.
>This is comfy as fuck!
>But now... it’s time to read up and actually do something for your new job.