that wasn't weakness

[I should have been there. I should have protected him. Should have been there should have protected him my fault my fault my fault -]

Gaster had been there when they brought in a severely injured Roy, had run through the castle corridors to grab Mila and lower her three floors down directly into a courtyard (she'd screamed at him about what on earth he thought he was doing until she saw the stretcher), had found the spare bed and carefully settled Roy there to recover.

But the ice-cold calm that flowed through him when anyone else would have panicked was gone now. He was hiding underneath a desk crying like a child for no good reason. He despised himself for this weakness, and that made it even worse.

He knew intellectually that this was not his responsibility: he knew full well Roy would not have let him come even if he'd begged to. He should know better than to let it get to him. But the internal monologue just would not stop. He couldn't protect his friends and so he was a failure and a disgrace and should have been -

Wait.

The voice inside his head wasn't even his. It was just repeating what Roman had said to him so many times before.

He took a deep, ragged breath. And then let it out.

He was crying for himself. And that wasn't weakness.