Mamono Emergencies and Medical Services (Upt: Oct. 31, 2015)

Anubis Operator: 9-1-1, what is the nature of your emergency?
Man: Help! It`s my wife! She just suddenly collapsed! I don`t know what to do!
AO: Sir, please try to calm down.
M: O-ok.
AO: Can you tell me what happened?
M: I-I was just heading to work, but she wanted to kiss me goodbye. Then she just collapsed!
AO: ...Sir, is your wife a mamono?
M: Yes, but I don`t see what that has to do with anything! My wife COLLAPSED!
AO: ...What species of mamono?
M: Oomukade. Why`s that imp-
AO: ...*sigh* Sir, she has just been incapacitated from your saliva mixing with her venom. Just give her a couple hours and she`ll be fine.
M: Oh...Really?
AO: Yes really...Good Bye sir.
Lizardman on the Net
Jacob P: Pic of my little brother at the petting zoo. 10 to 1 says we wants to be a cowboy when we grows up!
Lizzie: Oooh How cute! Pictures like this make me look forward to when we have kids!
Jacob P: Lizzie? When did you get a Facebook account?
Lizzie: Just today!
Jacob P: So now you're stalking me on Facebook as well as in public?
Lizzie: Yup! Isn't technology amazing?
Jacob P: Yeah... Hey, isn't that you outside?
Lizzie: What do you mean?
Jacob P: I can see you. Outside. The light from your computer's making really easy to see you. Are you stealing our Wi-Fi?
Lizzie: ... Marry Me.

Mamono Emergencies 1
Anubis Operator: Hello 9-1-1. What is the nature of your emergency?
Man: Hello, I'd like to report a suspicious person skulking around my home.
AO: Ok sir, we'll send a squad ca... Wait a minute. I recognize this number. Jacob Pharley, is that you?
M: Uh yeah. It's me.
AO: Seriously man, this is the fifth time this week. Just marry the poor girl.
M: B-b-but I don't want to marry her! She's stalking me and stealing my Wi-Fi!
AO: And she'll stop the minute you pop the question. Besides, stalking’s kind of in her genes.
M: I DON'T CARE! I'm only nineteen! There's still a whole bunch of stuff I want to do before I get married!
AO: And she won't stop following you till you do. So you better suck it up!
M: ... Can you at least send a squad car?
AO: No.

Mamono Emergencies 2
Anubis Operator: Hello 9-1-1. What is the nature of your emergency?
Man: There's someone in my house.
AO: Ok sir, I'll need you to calm down. Did you manage to see this person?
Man: Yes, yes I did.
AO: Can you give a description?
M: Yes. She's got blue skin and black hair. She kind of looks sticky and her clothes look like they're really wet.
AO: Can you tell me what she's doing?
M: I don't know. I just woke up and noticed that someone was in the kitchen. I went to go see, then I hid in the closet. I'm so scared...
AO: Don't worry sir. Someone's on their way.
-Later at the man's house-
*A nureonago opens the front door to find a dark priest standing outside.*
Dark Priest: Good evening, madam.
Nureonago: Good evening. How may I help you?
DP: Are you an unwed mamono?
N: *gasp* How did you know?
DP: I'm with emergency services. The man of this house made a 9-1-1 call about ten minutes ago about a household intruder.
N: Oh my... I'm in trouble, aren't I?
DP: Not at all madam. If fact, today's your lucky day!
N: It is?
DP: Yes. Lately, there have been a lot of emergency calls involving unwed monster girls. Because of this, emergency services now sends us dark priests to calls such as this to preform emergency marriage ceremonies.
N: You mean you’re here to help me marry my darling?!?!
DP: Precisely. If you could get your "darling" we can start right away. He's hiding in the closet.

Mamono Official: Ok sir, just write this exam and you'll get the perfect wife for you!
Guy: O-ok, thanks...
MO: Wait as second, your name isn't Edmond Pierrot, is it?
Guy: Yes? What about it?
MO: I'm sorry, it seems like I was mistaken. You can't take the exam.
Guy: Because marrying people against their will is wrong?
MO: No... It's because you've already been claimed by another mamono, a nekomata if I remember correctly. Don't worry, she's on her way. Just go pick up a tux and the ceremony will begin the minute she gets here!
Guy: :(
Anubis Operator: 9-1-1, what is the nature of your emergency?
Lamia: I'd like to report a missing person.
AO: Alright ma’am, whose gone missing?
L: My husband, he's around 5' 9", a little husky, dark brown hair, green eyes. Last I saw him, he was wearing a batman t-shirt and a pair of old blue jeans.
AO: Ok ma’am, I think you're in luck! A man matching that description was just brought into the station not too long ago!
L: ...
AO: ...Ma’am?
L: ...
AO: Ma’am? Are you still there?
L: ... Thank you for your help *hangs up*
AO: ...Shit... All officers, return to the station. We have a RJL. Repeat, we have a RJL.
Salamander Police Officer: Copy that. By the way, what's a "RJL" again?
AO: Really Jealous Lamia.
SPO: ...Shit.

Inside the Police station's interrogation room.
Dark Angel: C'mon friend, I'd like to know why you tried to rob that liquor store with a water pistol.
Randy: I already told you, money's been getting tight. I thought I could get a couple hundred if I waved a gun around.
Werecat: But that's where your story doesn't make sense. If money's what you wanted, you could have used a real gun or at least a more realistic looking water pistol. Instead you used the latest NERF Super Soaker. Most people can tell the difference.
DA: Yeah, and that makes me that you wanted to get caught, you little shit. C'mon, tell us why you really did it before I lose my temper!
W: Just do it Randy, she only wants some answers. This will all stop if you just tell us the truth.
R: ... Ok. The truth is, I want to go to jail. I met up with a girl I knew from high school. We wanted to do a little catching up, so she came over to my place to chat. After a couple hours, she decided she needed to get home, husband and kids to take care of and all that. We hug goodbye just as my wife gets home. Now I love her to death but, she's a lamia. You know how they can get. Somehow I managed to get out of the house. Eventually, I got the idea that I'd be safe in jail, so I got a water gun and went into the nearest store. And now I'm here.
DA: ...
W: ...
R: What?
DA: Diane.
W: Yes Michelle?
DA: The good cop, bad cop routine isn't working. Let's start with sexy cop, slutty cop.
W: Can I be the slutty cop this time?
DA: ...No.
W: Aww.
*Suddenly the door breaks open and a battle worn lamia comes rushing in*
Lamia: RANDY, YOU TWO TIMING SON OF A BITCH!
R: Maya? How'd you find me?
W: Ma’am, you're not suppos- *the lamia uses her tail to throw the werecat through one of the walls*
DA: So that's how we're going to be playing, huh. Well, I'm sorry sister. I'm currently interrogating this man and I'm not stopping till I'm all kinds of satisfied. So back off!
L: Oh Randy, to think that you'd not only fool around with that wererabbit, but you'd also go to this angel whore! Is there no low you won't sink to?
R: H-h-h-honey, I swear this is just a HUGE misunderstanding!
DA: Hush lover. Once I get rid of her I'll show you the time of your life.
R: YOU'RE NOT HELPING!
L: Get away from him, whore...
DA: Make be, snake bitch!
And then an epic mamono cat fight occurred.

High Speed Chase
A car is being pursued by a police car down the freeway.
Lizardman Officer: Holy crap! This guys really movin', isn't he!
Dullahan Officer: Oh definitely! But that won't help him!
LO: Oh? Why not?
DO: Because I always catch what I chase! Especially if he's hot!
-In the other car-
Cockatrice: Ohgodohgodohgodohgod!
Monster Medical
A succubus decides to visit the doctor's office located somewhere in the demon realm.
Doctor: Alright, next patient please.
Succubus: Hello doctor.
D: Hello, how may I help you?
S: Well, I haven't been feeling well lately.
D: I see. Can you tell me your symptoms?
S: Well, sometimes when I'm with a hot stud of a doctor, I get all flushed. My heart starts racing and my body feels sooo hot. My skin starts to fell really sensitive and my crotch starts to itch. I try to scratch it, but I just start to feel worse and my fingers get covered in a strange substance.
D: ...
S: Uhhh, doctor? Are you ok? Isn't there some sort of meaty lozenge that I could suck on, or some sort of injection you want to give me?
D... Do you know how many patients I've had to look at today?
S: ...No...
D: I've seen twenty patients today, not counting you. And out of those twenty, eighteen tried to pull the same trick you're trying.
S: ... What about the other two.
D: A bicorn and her echidna sister looking for a threesome. So unless you actually have any medical problems for me to look at, I suggest you leave before I make sure the only kind of sex you'll be able to enjoy will involve and intricate system of pulleys and levers.
S: ... *Succubus got away safely!*

Monster Medical 2
The doctor, a unicorn and a witch are trying to subdue a Beelzebub.
Witch: Hold still will you!
Beelzebub: NEVER!
Unicorn: Please just CALM DOWN! It's only a flu shot!
B: I DON'T CARE! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME DO IT! I HAVE MY RIGHTS!
Doctor: I'm almost done. Please just hold on to her for a little longer!
U: Yes doctor!
W: Of course darling!
*The doctor disinfects the Beelzebub's arm before giving her the shot*
B: OH GOD IT BUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNS! :cry:
*The Beelzebub flies off to rub dirt over the little clean patch on her arm*
Mamono Medical 3
Doctor: Ok Miss Gazer, I have some bad news for you.
Gazer: Give it to me straight doc. How much time do I have left?
D: Oh, plenty of time. It's not that kind of bad news.
G: ... Let's hear it then.
D: Well, It's not really my field, but I think you might be near sighted. If you want, I can get you an appointment with an optometrist.
G: Near sighted? I can't be near sighted! What kind of gazer would I be if I had bad eyes?
D: Well it has been known to happen...
G: SHUT UP! I'll show you near sighted! You're going to LOVE ME!!!
D: ... Why are you trying to hypnotise my model of mamono anatomy?
G: :oops: I-I’ll take that eye appointment please...

Mamono Medical 4
Doctor: Aaand we're all done!
Baphomet: And the results?
D: Perfectly healthy. Just like yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that...
B: Oh good.
D: Kid, can I ask you something? Do you want me to be your Onii-chan?
B: Wh-what makes you say that?
D: Well, in my experience, when a monster comes to my clinic every day they're either a hypochondriac or trying to get into my pants.
B: ... :lol: That's hilarious! Don't worry, I only come over every day because if I don't my witches start to get all whiny. They get so worried about my health that it's kind of embarrassing!
D: I see.
B: Besides, doctor, you're not my type. My Onii-chan needs to be about... 20% cooler than you at the very least. Well I gotta go now. See you later!
D: Ok, goodbye... *Baphomet leaves* I'm not cool?
B: Dammit, I'm such an idiot... It was going great until he guessed what I was up to, and then I just freaked out... And to make matters worse, I tell him he isn't cool enough for me! What if he doesn't like me now? What if he liked me too and I broke his heart? Would he go hook up with one of those busty harlots? I-I don't know what I'd do if that happened... Tomorrow, I'll try again tomorrow...

Tim Hortons
A grizzly police officer is perusing the selection of doughnuts at the danuki owned Tim Hortons.
G: Hmmm. I’ll take three of those, two of those, and one of those please.
D: Ok, was that everything?
G: No, that should be go- *suddenly, a man wearing nothing but a pair of torn up boxers bursts through a door*
M: Officer! You have to help me! The danuki kidnapped me and several others and have been renting us out for a profit! Sometimes they just outright sell us to single mamono! You have to help me please! *A dark elf runs into the room and catches the man in a net*
DE: Finally caught you again. Sorry boss, he managed to sneak out because someone forgot to lock his cage. I’ll have him put back right away!
M: No! Please! HELP ME! I WANT TO GO HOME! HELP MEEEEE!
DE: Quiet! Or it’s going to be another twenty lashes on top of the ones you’ve earned for breaking out! *The dark elf pulls the man out of the room. The man’s screams can still be heard for a few moments*
G: …
D: …
G: … Are those honey glazed?
D: Yes! Made with fresh honeybee honey!
G: My favorite! How much for twelve?
D: For you, on the house. In fact the rest of your order and future orders are absolutely free!
G: Really? *drools slightly* Then I’ll take three dozen!
Hive Doctor
A man wakes up, only to find himself in what seems to be a cross between a doctor’s office and an insect hive. A hornet, dressed in a white lab coat, notices him wake up and comes over.
Hornet: So you’ve woken up, huh? How are you feeling?
Man: Ok I guess… Wh-where am I?
H: Oh, you’re in my office. One of the other hornets injected you with her aphrodisiac venom and you, unfortunately, had an allergic reaction to it. So she rushed you here and I fixed you right up.
M: Oh. Th-thank you.
H: Don’t worry about it. It’s kind of my job to deal with this sort of stuff.
M: Ok… So what happens now?
H: What do you mean?
M: You’re not going to make me go back to the hornet who brought me in are you?
H: No.
M: Are you going to let me go?
H: What? Of course not!
M: Please! I’m allergic to hornet venom! If I stay here, I’ll die! Surely someone as kind as yourself would do the right thing and let me go!
H: Kind? Heh! Thanks, but I can’t do that. And I can’t let you because of this. *she shows him a small needle*
M: What’s that?
H: This is a small dose of a hornet’s venom. Mine in fact.
M: And what are you going to do with that?
H: This! *She forcibly injects the man with the needle* That dose is juuuust small enough that it shouldn’t cause you to have a negative reaction. Now if we keep injecting you like this, then you’ll eventually become slightly resistant to the venom. I can’t give you back until then or else she’d probably kill you by accident!
M: Wh-why would you do this? Why?!?!
H: Oh that’s easy. While I’m not allowed to keep you for myself, I get to have my way with you during your treatment. So drop them pants and get ready for the best part!
M: N-no! You c-can’t!
H: Oh my, so you’re going to be a difficult patient… I love that in a man!
M: NOOOOOOO!
Mamono on the Force: Paedo Hunt
A man is walking down the street late at night. Suddenly, a familiar steps out of the shadows.
Familiar: Hello~! You must be really brave to be out all by yourself, onii-chan~.
Man: Not really. What are you doing out so late?
F: I got lost on the way to the town’s Sabbath headquarters~.
M: Sabbath? You mean that little girl cult?
F: I’ve never heard it put like that, but yes~.
M: So you need someone to help you get there?
F: Oh onii-chan! Would you help me? Pretty please~.
M: I don’t know…
F: Pwetty pwease? I can give you a reward if you do~.
M: … What kind of reward? *the familiar hugs the man and nuzzles his crotch*
F: The kind that feels reaaaalllly good onii-chan~. I could give you a free sample if you’d like~.
M: Well… I gu-guess I could give it a tr-
???: FREEZE SCUMBAG!!! *A manticore and a Cyclops police officers jump out of an unmarked car nearby and arrest the man.
Manticore: You are under arrest for soliciting sex from an under aged girl.
Cyclops: You sir are the scum of humanity. Truly the worst of the worst.
F: Wait! He didn’t do anything!
M: Yeah! I’m innocent!
C: Really sir? You were in fact talking to bring this little lady here to Sabbath headquarters?
M: Well yeah, bu-
Mt: And you do realize that Sabbath is a known sanctuary for pedophiles?
M: Bu-bi-but she’s-
C: An innocent little girl. For shame sir. Trying to pin your devious lusts on a child.
Mt: That’s enough chit chat, creep. We’re taking you down to the station. Hopefully we’ll be able to “re-educate” you.
C: Don’t worry, you brave little girl. We’re going to take the bad man away so he’ll never do anything bad to you ever again.
F: Wait a minute. I remember you two! You arrested to all of the potential onii-chan that I’ve been trying to recruit!
Mt: Ha ha ha What a lively imagination! I bet you can do just- IS THAT A NAKED MAN SLATHERING HIMSELF WITH ICE CREAM!
F: What! Where! *the manticore and the Cyclops throw the man into their car and drive away as fast as they can* Hey! GET BACK HERE! I HAVE YOUR BADGE NUMBERS! JUST YOU WAIT! I’LL HAVE THE WHOLE SABBATH LEGAL DIVISION ON YOUR ASS! YOU HEAR ME?!?! ON! YOUR! AAAAAASS!
Mamono Medical 5
The doctor arrives at his clinic and finds his unicorn and witch assistants standing in front of the blood fridge.
Doctor: What’s up?
Witch: Oh darling! Something’s snuck into the fridge!
Dr: Really? How can you tell?
Unicorn: Well, it shakes a bit and every once in a while you can hear something moan. It’s kind of freaking me out a bit…
W: Geez, you’re such a wimp.
U: I c-can’t help it. *Gasp* Maybe it’s a g-g-g-ghost!
W: Seriously…
Dr: Well, whatever it is we won’t find out by just standing around and talking about it. Stephanie, get one of your stun spells ready?
W: Yup!
Dr: Ok, I’m going to open it in three… two… one! *The doctor opens the fridge door and a half naked, blood covered dhampir jumps out. She tries to grab the doctor, but gets fried by the witch’s stun spell* Good job Steph!
W: Heh I always got your back darling!
Dr: Now back to the task at hand. Jenna, I thought we were over this.
Dh: S-sorry. I-I-I was just getting so stressed… I just needed a bit of blood. Just a bit to calm me down! Just a bit…
Dr: And that’s why you’re practically drenched in blood after spending the night in our blood fridge?
Dh: Half the night.
Dr: What?
Dh: I-I only spent half the night in the fridge…
Dr: We’ve been through this before Jenna, you’ve got a problem.
Dh: No I don’t! I can quit whenever I want!
Dr: The fact that you spent half the night in my blood fridge tells me that you can’t. Listen, I know of a great group that can help you deal with your addiction. Stephanie and Francine will get you cleaned up and you can go get some help.
Dh: …Can I get a hug?
Dr: I’m not falling for that for a third time.
Dh: Oh…
W: Alright love bug, let’s get you cleaned up
Dh: Ok…

Mamono on the Force: Hostage Situation
Several police cars are parked outside of a house. Several police officers are using their cars as cover while they train their guns on the house, while others are trying to keep the general public as far away from danger as possible. A nekomata runs up to a male officer.
Nekomata: Captain! Captain!
Captain: What is it?
N: News from headquarters! They’ve sent one of our best hostage negotiators to the scene!
C: Good. Hopefully they can help sort this out. *A black sedan pulls up and a ren xiongmao climbs out of it. She walks up to the captain and nekomata*
Ren Xiongmao: Are you the one in charge here?
N: N-no… *the nekomata points to a slightly annoyed captain*
RX: Oh… sorry about that!
C: Never mind. Are you the hostage negotiator?
RX: Yeperoos!
N: Yeperoos?
C: All right. Here’s the situation. Ron Andrews is wanted for possession of narcotics with an intent to sell and grand theft auto after he escaped from police custody this morning. After crashing the stolen car in that lamp post, he ran into that building and took the resident, a twenty one year old holstaur, as a hostage. He is believed to be armed and dangerous. Any questions?
RX: Nope. Sounds like it’s time to get to work. *She starts to walk towards the house. The captain and the nekomata follow her*
N: Yeperoos??
C: Do you want to hear his demands?
RX: Naw. I’m sure I’ll find out eventually.
C: Wait, shouldn’t you be wearing your Kevlar vest?
RX: And get the girls all sweaty and gross? I don’t think so.
C: O-ok… Well, here’s your megaphone. *the captain hands the ren xiongmao a megaphone*
RX: Thanks. MR. ANDREWS! I’M HERE TO SEE IF WE CAN WORK OUT A DEAL! I’LL BE COMING IN BY MYSELF SO DON’T SHOOT ME PLEASE~! *she tosses the megaphone back to the captain* Thanks for the help. I’ll take it from here.
C: But the procedures!
RX: Are no fun at all. Geez, you cops and your silly rules. Anyway, I’m going in. If you hear gun shots, send your team in, but only then. Ciao! *the ren xiongmao enters the house*
N: Yeperoos???
*Inside the house, the ren xiongmao finds herself in a hallway. At the end of the hallway, Ron Andrews is pointing a gun at a terrified holstaur’s head*
RX: Wow, this place is pretty nice! Are those doors made out of oak or something? Really swanky!
Ron Andrews: Shut up! Throw that stick of yours to the ground!
RX: Fine, fine. *the ren xiongmao complies and tosses her bamboo shoot a fair distance from herself*
RA: Good. Now the first of my demands is… What are you doing?
RX: Taking off my clothes.
RA: Why?
RX: I assure you that it’s an act of good faith. Who knows what I could be hiding under these? *the ren xiongmao finishes removing her clothes then slowly spins in a circle, posing as she does so* Like what you see?
RA: Yes. I mean no! I mean… Let’s just get this over with!
RX: Ok, time for the fun part~!
*Two hours later, outside of the house*
N: What’s taking her so long?
C: Try to be a little patient.
N: What if something happened? Maybe we should send in the S.W.A.T. team?
C: She said not to send anyone in unless we heard gunshots. We have to trust that she knows what she’s doing.
N: I didn’t think she was so trustworthy. Yeperoos? Seriously?
C: You’re still hung up on that?
N: Like you don’t think it’s weird! Wait… Someone’s coming out of the house! * The ren xiongmao and the holstaur carry Ron Andrews out of the house. All three are naked, but the ren xiongmao and holstaur are covered in semen. When they’re clear of the house, several officers approach and arrest Ron before taking him away.*
Holstaur: Call me!
C: Did you single handily take down the perp?
RX: Yep!
C: That’s amazing! I’ve never seen anything like it! I wouldn’t doubt it if you were the best hostage negotiator in the world!
RX: Oh stop it, you’re making me blush! Oh who am I kidding? Don’t stop, praise me some more!
N: Why are you naked and covered in jizz?
RX: Trade secret. So anyway, cutie. You doing anything later?
C: Well, I’ve got a bit of paperwork to do. Why?
RX: That sounds pretty lonely. Mind if I tag along and keep you company?
C: Of course not! Hey, while we’re at it, maybe you could tell me how you managed to get that guy to surrender?
RX: Honestly, I’d rather show you.
C: Cool!
N: Hey, wait a minute! I you’re not leaving me behind!
RX: That’s fine. The more the merrier as I always say.
Mamono Medical 6: Sticky Situation
The doctor walks into the medical room and finds a barometz and a tentacle waiting for him. Both of them are sitting rather close together.
Doctor: Hello, what seems to be troubling you today?
Barometz: W-well… You see…
Tentacle: We’re stuck.
D: Stuck?
T: Yeah, stuck. Watch. *the tentacle moves to the side to show that her tentacles are stuck in the barometz fruit*
B: Eeep!
D: Interesting. And you’ve tried pulling yourself out?
T: Of course! But this happens. * the tentacle tries to pull out, but the fruit’s flesh pulls them back into the barometz vagina and ass*
B: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH~!
D: Hmmm… Let’s see… Can’t barometz change the viscosity of their fruit?
T: They can, but this one seems to like having me inside her…
B: Ah hah hah… More…
D: That is quite the predicament… *the doctor pokes the fruit and his finger sinks in slightly. He tries to pull it out, but then his hand gets trapped in the fruit. He then tries to pull his hand out, but he gets his arm stuck in the fruit up to his elbow* Oh this isn’t good.
T: Now why did you go and do a fool thing like that?!?!
D: Curiosity I guess.
B: *blush* I-I don’t mind.
T: So now what do we do?!
D: Already on it. NURSE! *The unicorn nurse rushes into the medical room*
U: Brother! Is everything going ok? *the doctor shoots the unicorn nurse a glare*Eep! I-I mean, is there anything I can help you with, doctor?
D: Yeah, can you get Stephanie to come over? I need her to use some magic to help us out a bit.
U: Th-that might be a problem…
D: Ok. Why?
U: Stephanie decided she wanted to get a head start on her days off so she left a half hour ago…
D: Oh… Now that’s unfortunate…
T: When she’s coming back?
D: Monday.
T: So you’re telling me all three of us are stuck like this till Monday…
B: I don’t mind!
U: I-I can do magic!
D: Can you use fire magic?
B+T: FIRE MAGIC!?!?!
U: … No…
D: Darn.
T: Why do you need fire magic?
D: I was hoping to burn off the fruit.
B: Eep!
D: But since Stephanie’s gone, I guess all we can do is wait till Monday. So where are we staying?

Mamono on the Force: Lightning Bug
A raiju is walking down the street, minding her own business, when a mucus toad police officer confronts her.
Mucus Toad: Are you Sora “Lightning Bug” Wakahisa, kero?
Sora: Yes?
MT: You are under arrest for rape, failure to preform rape when requested, public indecency in a clothing mandatory area, public decency in a clothing free area, assaulting a police officer, molesting a police officer, not calling back a police officer, inciting an orgy, inciting an underage orgy, inciting an orgy that looks under aged, inciting an orgy while looking under aged, failure to show a ryu how you do that thing with your tongue, and being the object of jealousy for every female member of our police force! Kero!
S: Is that all? I guess I must be losing my edge.
MT: Lay on the ground so that I can secure you, kero.
S: No.
MT: Why not?! Kero!
S: I just don’t feel like it.
MT: This is your last warning, kero!
S: And this is me ignoring you!
MT: Stop, kero! *the mucus toad shoots out her tongue to catch Sora* Got you, kero!
S: Tch! Hey frog!
MT: Kero?
S: Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning?
MT: Kero?
S: The same thing that happens to everything else. *Sora grabs the mucus toad’s tongue and zaps her*
MT: GYAH!
Five hours later, Sora and the mucus toad lay in bed after an epic threesome with the mucus toad’s husband.
MT: Wow! Now that felt good kero!
S: Thanks, you weren’t too bad yourself. The slime felt better on my skin then I expected.
MT: Thanks kero! So how long are you planning on staying kero?
S: Weren’t you trying to arrest me?
MT: S-sorry about that kero! It’s just that, when I realized that you were THE lightning bug, I just had to try to at least talk to you, kero!
S: Well we did much more than talk!
MT: That we did, kero! … So how long till he wakes up, kero?
S: Probably not for another half hour at least.
MT: Drat, kero!
S: Ready for another go?
MT: Yes kero…
S: Well we don’t have to wait for him, now do we?
MT: Oh you criminal~! Kero~!

Mamono Medical 7: Falling Off the Wagon
The doctor enters the room and finds his assistants Stephanie (a witch) and Alexis (a unicorn) standing in front of the blood bank. Again…
Doctor: What’s up?
Stephanie: Good morning Darling! Something’s snuck into the fridge again.
D: Seriously?
Alexis: It seems so…
D: This is getting annoying…
A: So what do we do?
D: We’ll just have to open it. If it’s who I’m thinking of, we need to give her a good tongue lashing.
S: That sounds so sexy Darling~. Could you give me one later?
D: …
A: Stephanie!
S: I’m just teasing! Can’t you two take a joke?
A: It wasn’t very funny…
S: Well fine! Whatever! I’ve got the stun spell ready, so let’s just get this over with…
D: Alright. *the doctor opens the door to the blood bank, but nothing jumps out. Instead they find Jenna the dhampir sleep cuddling with a vamp mosquito. Both are completely covered in blood and look very content. The doctor looks on in horror as he notices that the blood bank has been completely emptied of blood* Son of a bitch…
A: Language brother! *the doctor shoot the unicorn a glare* I-I mean, doctor…
S: Wait, brother?
D: That’s not important right now. Could you wake those two up Steph?
S: With pleasure! Flash Flood! *a torrent of water appears magically and engulfs the sleeping mamono*
Vamp Mosquito: Puah! Alright, who’s the wise guy!
Jenna: Urgh… Oh no…
D: Oh yes. So how are you feeling Jenna?
J: A little better…
D: Really? You’re not feeling a little full? After drinking our ENTIRE blood supply!
J: W-well, y-you know. W-when you get a c-craving for b-blood, things get a little c-crazy!
VM: Stop that! I keep telling you to be more confident. You’re not in the wrong for drinking their blood. They’re in the wrong for making it so hard for you to get to the blood.
D: That’s not something you should be saying to a recovering blood addict.
A: We’re really disappointed in you Jenna. You were doing so well!
S: I guess a junkie will always be a junkie.
J: S-sorry…
VP: Don’t apologize! Drinking blood means drinking the essence of life itself and it’s beautiful! You don’t have a problem!
D: If she’s breaking into hospitals to drink their blood than yes, she does have a problem. A big one.
VP: It’s not like you really needed all that blood.
D: Yes we do! Do you have any idea why people even come to the hospital?!
S: Who are you anyway? I can’t help but feel like I know you from somewhere…
VP: I’m Carla Aling.
A: Wait. You’re Carla Ailing? The owner of the local blood addiction clinic?!
VP: The very same.
D: Then why?
VP: Well Jenna here told us about how she’d sneak in here and drink her fill, and it made me sooo thirsty. So I asked her if she could show me around.
D: So the blood addiction clinic is run by a blood addict…
VP: I wouldn’t say that. Not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic. It’s all a matter of controlling how much you consume.
D: You call drinking a hospital’s entire blood supply “controlling yourself”? … Stephanie.
S: Yes?
D: Dispose of them.
S: Gladly. *Stephanie lifts the two blood soaked mamono with her magic and takes them away*
A: What about me?
D: Could you head over to the church and some blessed locks for the door?
A: Sure! *Alexis leaves and the doctor looks at the empty blood bank. He sighs in defeat before he heads to his office to order some more blood*