Skit 01: An Advertisement For Magical Girl Noir Quest

See Chiaki-san as she deals with death defying leaps!


"The helicopter's about to explode!" The nameless mahou shoujo screamed next to Chiaki, sounding like a banshee out of hell. "That fucking incubator must've sabotaged the propeller!"

Chiaki didn't think twice on her decision. With a one-two, she threw herself out of the spinning coffin, never looking back. The helicopter exploded a few seconds later, taking with it the pilot and the mahou shoujo agent. The explosive wave washed Chiaki's back with depleting napalm; the leftovers of that bomb.

Her skirt bellowed in front like an angry beast's roar, the sound of rushing wind filling her ears to the bursting point. A skyscraper was fast coming up on her. She prepared herself, tucking herself into one point. Upon impact, she rolled to her feet and stood, turning to stare at the mess.

It burned like Satan's pride, falling to the grave ridden earth as if in slow motion. That incubator will pay. Pay in grief seeds and cash for this calamity.



Heavy Noir Undertones!


One day at Charles' place, Chiaki took a long, bitter swig of her Kong Whiskey. "I took a long, bitter swig of my Kong Whiskey. It went down as well as a clown honking his horn at a 5 year old. I figured myself to be a sap for all the things I've done, but a quick glance at my drinking partner and all my worries evaporated like spit on a californian sidewalk in summer."

"What the! Murderface, are you... are you narrating your actions and thoughts?!" Kyoko exclaimed, bewildered.

"My drinking partner, that pocky-fellating bitch," Chiaki said in a deadpane tone, her tired eyes staring at Kyoko. "exclaimed her confusion at me. It was understandable -"

"Pocky-fellating...?" The fellater snarled. "Shut the fuck up, Murderface. I'm only here because of your invitation to drink something after a long day of work! If you won't be nice, I'm leaving. I could be with Sayaka for once right now..." She muttered, downcast. Chiaki looked at Kyoko with a discerning eye.

"She stared at her drink as if it held all the answers to her questions, all the ointments to her ailments. Her feelings were hurt due to my carelessness, and I must atone for them. 'I'm sorry,' I muttered to her, taking another drink of Kong Whiskey. She deserved better than that." Chiaki's self narration was interrupted by her drink, but after it went down she continued onward. "She was right. She could be with Sayaka right now, but decided a drink with me was the better plan for the evening. I'm flattered, but she was right. However, if she was so right, then why did she blow pocky when she was such a carpet-munch-"

CRACK. Chiaki's head was dealt a serious blow from Kyoko's lance, causing her to fall out of her chair and lay out on the floor like a clump of laundry. "BITCH!" The one eyed lancer howeled, spitting on her and pushing the table over, storming out of there.

Chiaki laid there, contemplating where she went wrong. "She was right... I was narrating everything. I was so skunk drunk that I was narrating my actions. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so terrible."


ROMANCE OF THE AGES!!


Another sharp moan pierced the Silent Room's air. Chiaki was licking Midori's soulgem, getting all the alcohol residue off the surface. It was dunked for a very long time. A very, very long time, and the coats of whiskey were like a Witch's barrier. Midori, the illusionist, panted, her body shaking from the waves of pleasure she was getting from Chiaki's tongue.

"M-Murderface, y-you like me. You." She had to catch her breath. What was Murderface trying to do, mindbreak her newly recruited Callidus? "Nnnnhh! You really, REALLY do like me~" She giggled like a fool, her doubts long gone. Didn't matter if her personality, her body, or her rum soaked condition was the factor; Murderface liked her. Her!

Chiaki just wanted time to herself, and Midori. Time to soak her brain in the liver rupturing fluid that most use to deal with life, break down barriers, or just to feel warm. Fuck the world out there for an evening. She wanted to forget for a while, and relax with some understanding company, such as Midori. All arrows point to Midori, like her tongue, incidentally enough.

The Silent Room continued being loud.


DDR Dueling!

"I bet you can't beat me at DDR, Mur-der-face!" Kyoko Sakura spat out each syllable, grinning wolfish, the taste of competition soaking deep in her mouth. She couldn't wait to bite down on Murderface's petite form.

"You're on." Murderface muttered, in rare form. Why was she taking Kyoko up on her challenge? She had the time. How would it hurt blowing off steam with a colleague?

Both went to the arcade and found a DDR machine, open for the taking.

"Alright, let's do this." Kyoko said, getting on the dancepad and picking a song. "Yeah, that's good for a warm up." Kyoko stood ready, the song and game setting up. Murderface stood to the side, watching both Kyoko and the screen. Soon, the song 'Butterfly' wafted from the machine, and that was when Kyoko went into motion. Twirling and swirling, jumping like a veteran, her feet kept hitting the directional arrows with a percision that made Murderface envious.

"Alright," Kyoko said, stepping off once it finished. She got a perfect score and wasn't even panting. "Your turn. Same song." She gestured and Murderface stepped up. She wouldn't lose.

The song started, the arrows dragged across the screen. Murderface had a feeling this was on Super Easy, difficulty 1. No. Difficulty 0.

She lacked the stylish moves her cohort had, and was a bit awkward moving when her life wasn't on the life, but she completed it with the same score. She was slightly winded.

Kyoko growled softly, not satisfied. "Fine, a harder song!" She pushed Murderface off and picked another, this time harder than the previous.

That was how the night went. Kyoko danced supremely song to song, while Murderface kept up with increasing fatigue. Finally, the victor was determined.

"Yaay! You owe me a favor, Murrrderrrfaaace!" Kyoko cried, a sharp grin gracing her face as she pointed a finger at Murderface.


SEE THIS AND MORE! ALL IN THE COMING CHAPTERS OF Magical Girl Noir Quest.