**It’s ridiculous**

Hi.

It’s ridiculous to tell you about mysterious circles pulling the strings and correcting typos in our copybooks while not being able to tell what exactly is so scary about them. It’s ridiculous to try to expose them while not exposing them. I don’t really want exposure.

There are two forces in the world. The first one is alive and dead; it makes our hearts beat and stops them, it riddles us, it opens our pores and poisons us. The second one is strict and simple; it seeks knowledge that would allow it to transform the first one into an intelligent and clear order.

I know you were among those who love intelligence and clearness, Dad. I was a child, but I understood what you were doing. I’m adult now, but I don’t understand why.

Why not share a bit of your knowledge with me? We haven’t seen one another in a while, but that’s circumstantial. Circumstances mean nothing to a luminous mind.

When it dawned on me that I’m sick, I started dialling numbers, mailing letters, and shuffling yellow pages. I travelled half the world. I couldn’t find you, of course. You’re impossible to find if you don’t want to be.

And then I thought that my omnipotent and kind father will surely cure me, if he only finds out about my sickness. So I’ve launched a website with a very straightforward name: feverishfeeling.com. So my dad and his associates follow everyone who mentions them? Well, here I am. I’m exposing you. Catch me. Bring me home.

Cure me.

I know you can.

When I woke up today, I found a note by me bed. I’m not sure if I was the one who wrote it in my sleep or if someone got into my cabin during the night. I’m not sure if it’s intended for me or not.

Voronika,
http://feverishfeeling.com

P. S. Perhaps there is a third way?