The Cadence Blues (with musical accompaniment)

“…shall I compare thee to a luxury yacht?
Thy stern is far more shapely and more hot,
But fain would I compare thee, rather,
To that self-same yacht’s safe harbour,
That I might hoist my eager flag and come on in to dock.”
>You bow your head slightly to signal that the poem is finished, and take a sip of wine.
>The princess blinks twice, a twinkle of amusement belying the innocent look in her big purple eyes.
>“That was…  umm…  yes. Very flattering. And you wrote it yourself, you say?”
“But of course! What sort of court bard would I be if I just ripped off other people’s work? Of course, there are some unscrupulous entertainers who might be dishonest enough to try that, but not me. Hell, I’m the guy they rip off.”
>“Hmm. Unscrupulous entertainers, you say?”
>She swirls the wine around her glass and eyes you sidelong, tossing a cream-coloured curl of mane back out of her eyes.
>“Were they common?”
“Sure. For every man like me, an honest slave to his muse and his art, there were a dozen chancers and cheats, crooks and conmen.”
>“Oh, my. It sounds like you humans are a deceitful people. But tell me, how do I know I can trust you? You SAY you’re an honest man, but isn’t that exactly what a liar would say?”
“Very wise, Princess.” You crack a smile. “You’d be a fool to let your guard down around me.”
>“Hmm? Why? What might you do? That is, IF you happened to… unscrupulous.”
“I might see something I like…” you say, sitting back in your chair and maintaining eye contact. “And just take it. Even though it doesn’t belong to me.”
>She drops her eyes and fidgets a little in her seat as a small smile comes to her lips.

>“You have me at a disadvantage, Anon. We ponies aren’t so subtle as you. We’re rather straightforward, you know.”
“Oh? Ponies don’t lie or… cheat?”
>“There’s the odd exception, perhaps. But we’re not very good at all that. Amateurs, next to a veteran rake like you…”
“Well,” you shrug. “Everybody starts somewhere. I could teach you.”
>“Teach me how to lie?”
>You lean forward across the table, resting your chin on your fist and smirking suggestively at her.
“Teach you how to cheat.”
>A pointed throat-clearing cough comes from the other side of the table, and you turn to meet Shining Armor’s frosty glare.
>You give him an easy smile.
>A few of the other dinner guests are watching the three of you openly, whilst others are attempting to conceal their interest in the name of good manners.
>“Cadence,” her husband says between clenched teeth. “Darling. Perhaps we could change the subject? Some of our guests are getting jealous of Anonymous’s monopoly on your attention.”
>Cadence gives a breezy laugh. “Oh, by all means. But, look, here comes dessert! Do have something sweet, dear, you look like you’ve bitten a lemon.”
>“Mm..”
>You can practically hear Shining Armor’s teeth grinding from across the mahogany dining table as you help yourself to a choice cream pastry topped with strawberries and chocolate flakes.
>He’s so cute when he’s angry.

>The rest of the meal proceeds uneventfully. Dishes are cleared away and liqueurs, port and brandy are passed round as the distinguished company digest their meal.
>Cadence catches your eye and smiles.
>“Anon, do you feel up to a song? I know we’re all dying to hear more of your people’s music.”
“Sure, sure.”
>You rise from your seat to collect your guitar from where it leans against the wall.
>The battered old thing hasn’t been tuned by anybody competent in months, but luckily it seems like all the ponies are too culturally sensitive to mention how bad it sounds.
>You clear your throat and strum a few experimental chords.
>At Cadence’s urging the dinner party has soon quieted down.
“This is a little something I’ve been working on in our Princess’s honour. It’s about… uhhh… you know when a song gets stuck in your head, and you can’t get rid of it, and it drives you crazy? Yeah, it’s not really about that.”

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1ogsdxqFQtr

Well I’ve known men fall to whisky and I’ve known men fall to wine
I’ve known men fall in battle and in love or hate
I’ve known many men brought low, but not by any vice like mine
By a melody I’m harried on to my cruel fate
Yes my downfall is a siren song
Racks my body all night long
Fevered and besotted, I succumb
Tormented by that sweet refrain,
Every night I’m lost again,
When cadence calls, I can’t hide, I can’t run

Oh Cadence won’t you leave me be
Cadence, oh, I’m begging you
Don’t you know you’re killing me
I got the Cadence blues

Oh Cadence, won’t you let me rest
Cadence, I can’t satisfy you
I ain’t equal to the test
I got the Cadence kept me up all night blues

Just last night I was tryin’ to take my rest
Prayin’ for nothin’ more than peace and quiet
My poor used body aches now and my weary bones protest
Oh, sleep, I’d give my soul if that could buy it
But there ain’t no bargain I can make
No precaution I can take
When I hear that tune, I gotta dance
There ain’t nothin’ that I can do
She’s gonna dog me all night through
When Cadence calls, I haven’t got a chance

Oh Cadence won’t you leave me be
Cadence, oh, I’m begging you
Don’t you know you’re killing me
I got the Cadence blues

Oh Cadence, won’t you let me rest
Cadence, I can’t satisfy you
I ain’t equal to the test
I got the Princess-Mi-Amore-Cadenza-ain’t-let-me-get-no-sleep-cuz-she-kept-me-up-all-night-rockin’ my body… bluuuuuueeeees, ohhhhh, bluueeeeees.

>The final chord fades away into total silence as two dozen or so dignitaries and diplomats stare at you and try to figure out how to respond.
>In the hush, the sound of Shining Armor facehoofing in despair is distinctly audible across the dining room.
>Then Cadence begins to snicker, then chuckle, then throw back her head and laugh.
>The two griffon ambassadors are the first to join in with raucous squawks of amusement, followed by the ambassadors from Canterlot and then finally Cadence’s own courtiers hurriedly joining in with the general amusement for fear of being thought prudish.
>“I love it,” Cadence cries happily. “Encore! Encore!”
>“…or perhaps a nice after-dinner game of charades…?” Shining Armor tries with a forced smile.
>“Encore!” the guests drown him out.
“Okay, okay.” You rise and take a bow. “I call this next one ‘Lovebutt Shimmy.’ It’s got a singalong chorus, so y’all join in once you know it…”