Suicide Note

Carly, Ludvig. I'm sorry for all the stress and hell i've put both of you through. And I want to make a private message here for both of you.

Carly: I think you're the best girl I could ever have met and you're my dream girl. I'm sorry for stabbing myself in the leg and i'm sorry for being an ass most of the time. I love you so much it makes me crazy sometimes crazy and I don't know what i'm saying or doing. I get butterflies everytime I'm talking to you and every second my heart beats I think about you. You are my everything and I want to be with you forever and ever more. I'm sorry and I hope that you can take this apology. I want you to be happy with or without me.

Ludvig: I am sorry for what I did on your birthday, a day honestly so holy and sacred to me that I will never for as long as I live forgive myself for. You've always been my best friend and one of the only people I could ever trust. I would do anything for you and my dream was to one day show up in Sweden and we could have just 10 minutes chilling. I would lose it. I know that is never going to happen and was never even in the realm of reality. I want to wish you a happy birthday and I love you so much.

I love both of you and I don't know what to do. I feel so much pain in my heart from what i've done I don't know how I can make it up to you, how I can be sorry and how I can do something to make it up to you. You are both extremely important people in my life and I'm sorry for what i've done to you two. I really really really am. I am the real asshole, the real cunt, the real jerk, the real dickhead. But don't worry; maybe one day I won't be so real after all





Look Carly I know it's hard for me to leave you and it's even harder for me to decide because you were my last one. You're the last girl I want to be around before I call myself an Asexual. Fool me once shame on you for taking my trust for granted. I believed you and I put faith in you and you just twisted it by not being 100% honest with me. You also have already made your choice long ago. You stopped paying attention or even caring about me for one week at a time twice! The first time is an accident the second time is a decision. I can't believe you would lie to me after everything I promised you and did for you and would do for you, you decided with your own hands. I don't want to leave you I just wish you were the girl you promised to be 4 months ago, before I sank my money and got so much stress out of this to a point where I was hospitalized 3 times. Carly I want to support you but I don't know if you want me or if you want someone else that will make you happier than I. Either way after you I'm done and it's not your fault.

^ I thought about this last month but now i'm so sick and fucking tired of this life and I know now for a fact that it will be over. I have been stressed this whole week and month and I WILL kill myself. I'm giving my account away, and I don't care if you add them and I don't care what happens. My life is just a piece of shit hell hole and I'm supposed to support Carly and fucking say everything is alright? And everything will work out? I don't think until you really give a FUCK about anyone, Carly you won't have anyone who will be more patient than me, waiting weeks at a time and sacrificing a flight to Korea because you didn't seem happy I was going. I sacrificed so much for you and you  were UNWILLING to force yourself for me. I forced myself to accept your lies and I forced myself to try not to lose my mind because I felt like I was always fighting for you. And when you came out to me about who you really were I tried my ab-so-fucking-lutely best to accept you for who you were and you weren't willing to put in even 1% in the relationship for me. I am done. Nothing would make me happier than ending myself. Goodbye