Butt of all jokes

>It has been three years since you were transported to this different world. The first few months were pleasant enough. Everypony was a friend and helped you out. Your monthly stipend from Princess Celestia ain't half that bad too. But then again your pride gets the better of you and you got tired of being a burden of the town.

>Nothing special about your job really. Pay is great but the working hours are ungodly. Ponies tend you call you up at the most inconvenient of times.
>Leaky roof repair at two in the morning? Check.
>Window repair at a little after midnight? Check.
>And you just repaired Breezy's bathtub. He was adamant about having it fixed since taking a long hot bath is a part of his morning routine.

>Goddamn ponies driving you to insomia. If not for the triple pay you wouldn't even pick up the phone. The last thing you need is to be rudely awakened from your short sleep.

>CURSE YOU SUNBUTT! CURSE YOU AND YOUR DASTARDED BALL OF FART OF A SUN!

>You turn the other way hoping to catch some more sleep before your repair appointment with Berry Punch later at 8 in the morning. You swear almost half of your revenue comes from her.

> ...
> *klaka klaka klaka klaka*
> *fssssssssssk*
> ...

>You try to ignore the racket outside for the sake of some extra shuteye. Then you get a whiff of something.
>Kinda smells like...
>Paint.

>The thought of that gets you wide awake and you bolt upright. You quickly toss away your blanket and ran towards the window.

"C'mon Button paint faster! He'll kill us if he catches us again!"
"Jus' a little more...there!"
>"OI YOU GODDAMN KIDS AGAIN! THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! I'M GONNA SKIN THE TWO OF YOU ALIVE!"
"Aw crap he's awake now Thunder RUN!" The little colt blurts out while throwing away the paint can.

>You kick the door open with shotgun in hand. Goddamn kids already got away.
>Then you notice a lot of ponies looking at you in shock.
>And then it hits you. You're outside in just your boxers while holding a gun.
>Plus your old pal morning wood is up and awake too.

"Anon what are you doing?" A mare behind you asks
>"Er..good morning Twi..it's the damn kids with their spray paint cans again" You say while discreetly adjusting your tent. You take a few steps forward and turn around to see what those little runts did.

>They drew a huge dick on the side of your house. And the head of it was the window where you peeked your head from.
>You just cluck and shake your head in disbelief. This was the second time that those bastards did this to you. You informed their parents about it and surprise surprise--they ignored you.
>There goes ten bits again for repainting that wall.

"I'll try to talk to them later Anon don't worry." She says reassuringly.
>"I'd feel much better if I can hang them upside down from a flagpole." You glumly say as you rub your eyes.
"C'mon Anon no need to get worked up on little fillies."
>"Whatever." and you give her a deadpan look.
"I know just the thing to cheer you up. How about some coffee and donuts at the Sugarcube corner? My treat" She beams
>You smile a bit. Free food is free food so why not?
>"Alright Twilight you win."

> ...
> ...
> *KRBOOOM!*
" GRAH!"


>You nearly jump out of your skin. At first you thought you accidentally fired your gun. A fit of raucous laughter from above you tells another different story though.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man you should see that look on your face Anon! Priceless!" The cyan colored pegasus said. She snuck up a thunder cloud on top of you without noticing.
>Easy Anon...mind your manners.
>She's still laughing at you.
>Pegasus hunting season is....closed
>You just grumble and head for the door
"Hey Anon what abou--" Twilight stammers
>*BLAM!*

"What's up with him? A grumpy old pony today?"
"He's just having a bad day Dash. Your little prank isn't much of a help either" Twilight says while shooting her a stare
"Maybe he shouldn't act like a little filly. It's just a prank anyways!" Rainbow Dash says while she throws her hooves in the air.
"Prank or not, you ought to apologize to him later" Twilight says finally
"Alright alright jeez!"

>"Fucking ponies." You mutter under your breath
>Yep it seems that this day would be great for you. This little charade cost you some time and now you're running a bit late. One thing you hate is being late for something.
>You shoulder your bag and grab your toolbox. No breakfast for today since you forgot to do the groceries yesterday.
>Those donuts and coffee that Twilight offered you still sounds nice. You wonder if that offer still stands.

> ...
> ...
"..Hey Anon" Someone from behind said
>You look back and you see her again.
>Whoop-de-woo it's fucking Rainbow Dash
>"What do you want?" you ask while you step up your pace. Just go away you overgrown blue chicken!
"Listen..about that prank I did this morning..I'm sorry okay?" She says while rubbing her arm with a hoof.
>"I got over it. No worries"
"Are you sure?" She looks at you expectantly
>"Listen, I'm running a bit late now so...may I?"
She stammers a bit. Looks as if she wants to tell you something. "A-alright. See you around then?"
>"Yeah..sure thing" You assure her.

>A clump of pony hair.
>A teaspoon.
>A goddamn wine cork.
>"Uh hey Berry I think I know why your sink is clogged up bad again" You show her the stuff you retrieved from poking the pipes.
"Well that explains it" She said. You notice that her voice is a bit slurred. Drunk already in the morning? Jeez this pony sure needs to lay low on the booze
"Lemme get something..ah here it is". You take out a small strainer from your bag and you put it on the drain.
"Thanks Anon..you're really a lifesaver" She gets closer to you and she's leaning at you now. "How can I ever repay you?" And she gives you a sultry look
>"Well, 10 bits should cover everything up"
Berry looks at you as if you slapped her. " Fine just wait here for a moment. You're certain that she said "homo" under her breath
>You get the hell out of there fast. The last thing you need is a drunk mare that you need to send child support every month.

>You decide to take a detour to Sugarcube corner for a quick bite before you head home. Being sleep deprived AND hungry is wearing you down real fast.
>A full stomach and a long warm bath. Yes that's how you would spend your afternoon. No more house calls for today.
"Uh hey Anon.."
>Make a guess who that was
>"Hey what's up Rainbow. Lunch done?" No need to be upset right now since your work is over.
"Nah maybe later. On my way to Cloudsdale today when I noticed you. Just want to say hi" She adds sheepishly
>"Oh..well good luck then."
>She still flies beside you for a bit.
>"Anything else?" you ask her
"..oh yeah! Can you drop by at my house later? I need to have something patched up" She stammers
>So..work or an afternoon of relaxation?
>"Alright I'd be there by five" you finally say to her
"Sweet! well, I gotta go now see ya later dude" she holds a hoof out.
"You got it" And you hold yours out for a brofist

>You give her a wave as she flies away.
>Huh. Looks like she's a bro after all.
>You put those thoughts away as you reach Sugarcube corner.
>Waffles.
>Donuts.
>Cake.
>Sweet Jesus please give me diabetes.
>You grab a couple of frosted donuts and a cup of coffee. The store is well packed today but you never had any problems finding a seat.
>The Cakes had a special table and chair made out for you. It's roughly twice the size of a pony chair and table so uncomfortable for them, fits like a glove for you.
>You open your paperbag and take one of the donuts out . You take a bite and savor. You wash it down with a generous gulp of coffee.
>Sweet Celestia..this really hits the spot.
>After a few minutes of pure bliss, you get up and head back home.
>Dammit you almost forgot. The groceries!

>You arrive home after a few minutes of shopping. It takes you awhile to open the door since you got a bag of groceries on one hand, a heavy toolbox in the other.
>You finally got the door open and you place your toolbox just behind the door. You walk towards the kitchen and you place the bag on top of the counter. You remove its contents to get something at the bottom of it. Inside a small plastic bag awaits your most prized possession.
>Half a dozen chicken legs and a small tin of ham. Oh where have you ladies been all my life!
>Good thing you met a gryphon one time you were at a bar. It turns out he knows someone who can supply you all the meat you can eat. Ask an ordinary store about that and you might end up hog tied in the middle of the plaza.
>You carefully place them at the back part of your freezer. Soon my pretties, soon.
>You glance at your watch. You still got three hours before you  head out so you reward yourself with a hot bath and a nice nap.

>Your alarm clock wakes you up abruptly. Two hours of sleep felt like just five minutes.
>You shake off a few more cobwebs in your head and reach for your the last donut on the bag.
>"Do I really have to do this?" You ask nopony in particular as you rub your eyes tiredly. The couch felt very inviting now.
>Temptations Temptations...
>You finally will yourself up and head outside.
>In your haste, you forgot to ask Dash what she needs to get fixed. Now what tools should you bring..Fuckit just grab the whole toolbox
>"Damn almost forgot..." You retrace your steps and retrieve your ladder.

>It's a bit chilly outside now with winter is just a few months away. Damn your third Christmas in Equestria? Oh yeah,they call it Hearth's Warming eve over here.
>You force those thoughts out as you reach Dash's house. It's on top of a cloud hence the ladder under your arm.
>"Hey Dash you there?" Nothing.
>You remember her mention that she would be in Cloudsdale this afternoon. Might be that she hasn't returned yet.
>"Ey yo Dash! you there bud?" Still nothing.
>"I suppose whatever she needs fixing can wait until tomorrow" You shrug and lift up your toolbox and your ladder.

> ...
"Hey Anon wait up!"
>"Oh hey Rainbow. I thought you weren't back from Cloudsdale yet" You say while leaning the ladder at the cloud "Hold the other end for me will ya?" You holler out
"Okay I got you covered"
>Climbing up the cloud was hard. You have to take it slow since it shifts a bit.  After a few minutes you were already on top
>"House on a cloud huh? First time for me you know" You say apologetically.
"Well, I did consider getting an ordinary home but yeah..it's a pegasus thing" she smiles as she rubs her mane.
>Her house is definitely better and bigger than yours. Damn all the hard work you have to go though yet you can't  move out of that shack of a house of yours.
>"So..what's that thing you need repaired?" You ask while setting your toolbox at the floor
"Oh yeah that one..why don't you take a seat first?" She motions you to the sofa
>"Something wrong Dash?" You got a lot of alarm bells going off your mind right now.
She sit beside you and starts to twaddle with her hooves. " I got a problem with you know..somepony.."
>You cock your head sideways and give out a tiny smile. Rainbow Dash having love problems? THE awesome boyish Dash?
>"Hey listen Rainbow, I may be an all around repairman but I ain't your next door love doctor you know" and you winked at her.
"What? Hell no! Its just..look, so there's this pony.." She starts
>"Okay go on.." and you lean back at the sofa
"And I sorta kinda made him mad because I always play pranks on him..I'm not sure how I can make it up to him"
>"Well, if you ask me, a six pack of cider lite would cheer him up. Though I bet he's already forgiven you now" You say as you catch up  what she means
" Really?" She looks at you expectantly
>"Really." You assure her.
> ...
>"So..you gonna get me a six-pack?" You ask and give her a grin.
" Heh I think I do owe you one" She smiles as she rubs her arm again
>"You got me in there real smooth RD" You chuckled. " Tomorrow afternoon then?"
" Heck yeah!"

Hoofbump? Hoofbump.