Godstuck: Babies

DAVE: sup pup
DANA: arf!
DAVE: yeah sure
DAVE: hope that dog barking is just a phase
DAVE: i mean not really against weird fetish choices
JADE: obviously...
DAVE: but babies and furries
DAVE: just doesnt seem like a combination that should exist
JADE: well uhhh
DAVE: thats a thing isnt it
JADE: :/
DAVE: god da
DAVE: god dang it
DAVE: welp thats decided then
DAVE: kids dont get internet access until theyre forty
DAVE: or furaffinity burns to the ground
DAVE: speaking of which
DAVE: no making out with the spark plug
DAVE: or that
DAVE: yeah im taking that out of your mouth too
DAVE: jesus christ enough with the mouth stuff
JACE: arf!
DAVE: yeah betting you got your oral fixation from your mom
JACE: hehe
DAVE: ow come on really
JADE: >:(
DAVE: i have been dry on dick jokes for way too long and that was barely one to begin with
DAVE: you have to give me at least one concession
DAVE: sides they cant understand me
JADE: they laughed at it!
DAVE: okay no star trek guy had a rule about babies
DAVE: main thing is that they laugh at anything if you say it in the right tone of voice
DAVE: watch
DAVE: communism
DANA: ehehehe
DAVE: see
JADE: thats a terrible example though! everyone even babies know that communism is a total joke
DAVE: yeah okay fair point
DAVE: maybe they just inherited my incredible sense of humor
DAVE: now move over ive got an armful of baby and another armful of baby
JADE: too late! ive claimed the couch in the name of jade
DAVE: yeah well monarchy is over
JADE: oh please its still a perfectly viable system of government look at england!
DAVE: nope sorry league of nations says otherwise
DAVE: we can divide it up evenly in a treaty
DAVE: youll be east germany and im west germany
JACE: hehe
DAVE: huh maybe you do get communism jokes then
DAVE: guess that fu
DAVE: guess that screws my theory over
DAVE: next matter of business
DAVE: when did they start climbing
JADE: why would i know?
DAVE: well its obviously from your side of the family
JADE please youre the climber!
JADE theres been at least two times where ive found you sleeping up in places you shouldnt be!
DAVE: sorry hard habit to kick
DAVE: but no if the climbing was in my genes it skipped a generation
DAVE: wouldnt be surprised if bro did it though
DAVE: you should have seen his arms
DAVE: looked like some sort of primate
DAVE: pretty sure he was a stunt double for orangutans when he was younger
DANA: bark?
DAVE: yeah okay not with the glasses
DAVE: sorry kiddo youve been deemed infected with being too grabby and too climby
DAVE: youre being quarantined in the jade zone
DAVE: aka east germany
DAVE: here
JADE: well hi there! welcome to the jade zone!
JADE: oh shhh dont cry the jade zone isnt that bad!
JADE: its not THAT close to east germany!
DAVE: you ever think its all gonna go bad
JADE: what?
DAVE: all this
DAVE: just sitting on a couch shooting the breeze about stupid random things
DAVE: nothing trying to kill us
DAVE: feeling like a normal familial unit
DAVE: even if we kind of combined the 2.3 kids and a dog thing a bit
DAVE: it just doesnt seem like we deserve it
DAVE: or were going to pay a price
JADE: karma isnt real dave...
DAVE: maybe
DAVE: but what if were doing this wrong
DAVE: what if they end up as fucked up as we were
DAVE: or worse what if they end up objectivists
DAVE: i just think about it and it really worries me
JADE: what objectivism?
DAVE: well that and more growing up to be like some fu
DAVE: like a screwed up ninja parody who thinks love isnt real
DAVE: or at least not important as running with your arms behind your back
JADE: dave youre overreacting
DAVE: am i
DAVE: lets face it we really werent qualified to raise one kid even
JADE: but nobody is!
JADE: its like nuclear engineering... nobody is born a nuclear engineer
JADE: the best ones are the ones who put effort into it!
JADE: and i feel like we're making an attempt to do it right!
JADE: we read all the stupid online stuff
JADE: we even read the entire star trek book series before realizing that doctor spock was a different person!
DAVE: oh i knew i just liked kirk
JADE: please kirk is an arrogant womanizer! give me picard any day!
sorry jade my fatherly instincts just tell me to keep away from a bald guy who tells you about his secret monster baby house
JADE: like youd pass up the chance to have your kids be x-men!
DAVE:its a tough choice but sorry safety has to come first
JADE: see this is what i mean!
JADE: maybe were not the best parents but... we try
DAVE: well what do you think kiddo
DAVE: you gonna turn into some sort of psychopath and stab me with a dumb looking laser sword when you grow up
DANA: bark.
DAVE: acceptable answer