[h1] WORLD WAR II [/h1]
I served as a Soviet Spetsnaz during World War II. I was nothing but a simple soldier that got drafted into war. They day I left the Motherland of Soviet Russia was the day my life changed. I fought all throughout the war, screaming CYKA BLYAT and cutting down Nazi forces while my Americano comrades were by my side. I witnessed great many friends die at the hands of Nazis.

Me and my Spetznas squad have won many battles, because our commander had a secret strategy. Rush B no stop. Then pick up P90, and rush B again. Works every single time. We kill all our enemies and then we go home hehehe! After a long day of battle, we would return to camp as comrades. All night long, we drink vodka and listen to Kalinka Mix. Eventually, we got so good at P90 rushing B we would get drunk before a battle and we still win. We learned to smoke off an entrance, throw flash bang, and cyka blyat rush in and demolish all scumbags! The Nazis were no match for the Red Army. Their battle cries of "HEIL HITLER" and "SIEG HEIL" were no match for our Ruski "CYKA BLYAT"

I was there during the Battle of Berlin. April 20, 1945. I remember it like it was yesterday. The morning of the battle was horrific. I woke up and saw two of my comrades who was injured die, and another one of my comrade was having sex with some Americano whore!! Nevertheless, I put my personal feelings aside, and prepared for battle. Now you might be wondering, how in the world did we win? Easy peasy lemons squeazy, me and my Ruski comrades P90 rushed B (Berlin) and kill these scumbags! The Nazis were broken, we rushed in. My commanding officer sent me to assassinate the Fuhrer himself. I was nearly able to kill him when he captured me.. After the battle was over, Hitler killed himself like a fucking pig and Germany surrendered. I returned to Soviet Russia and lived happily for a few years.

[h1] THE COLD WAR [/H1]
I volunteered to be a spy for Soviet Russia. I hated these Americanos, so I went to spy on them. They deployed me to Washington D.C., and I posed as an Americano scumbag for two years, working very closely with the FBI. I secretly provided false information to the Americanos, in hopes of tearing them down from the inside. Eventually, they were suspicious of me so I needed to go back to Russia. I gathered many secret files on the Americano's alien weapon development and Death Star plans. The Americanos captured me as I tried to escape in the sewers, and took me in for questioning. Again, I escaped but this time I was only able to take the Death Star plans. With a single spoon, a bag of food and water, and a stack of Americano porn magazines, I tunneled my way back to Soviet Russia. The Spetsnaz and my fellow comrades were happy to see me safe. That night we went to a strip club to celebrate, we sang and listened to Kalinka all night while drinking vodka. At the debriefing, I gave the military the secret plans of the Death Star. I didnt have all the information, but I had enough for the Soviets to create their own, The Red Star. However the project was abandoned because the scientists spilled vodka on all the papers.

[h1] LIFE AS A CSGO PLAYER [/h1]
After I returned home, I was in a state of constant pain. I was constantly getting PTSD flashbacks of my P90 B rushes, my teammates getting killed and I was always last alive to clutch the battle. I would drink vodka all day and listen to Kalinka Mix. In 2014, after more than 10 years of constant pain and masturbation while crying, I found Counter-Strike: Global Offensive. The game was wonderful and it still is. I became very good and was ranked Global Elite because I used to play with two of my old Ruski comrades and P90 Rush B, and I would ace rounds very often. Unfortunately, they were extremely mentally damaged from the war, and their PTSD drove them both insane.

My first friend Vostok died during April 1st of 2015 while playing CSGO. I was in a Skype call with him, and I told him to "cyka blyat Rush B" and apparently that triggered his PTSD. He started to have flashbacks of his war days, and he saw Hitler at the balcony. I cried and begged him to calm down, but it was no use. He jumped at imaginary Hitler screaming "CYKA BLYAT RUSH B" and fell out the window, down 20 floors and hit the floor with a splat.

My second friend Vladimir died on October 31st, Halloween in 2015. He saw some stupid Americano dress up as a Nazi, and attacked him. The police came and put him down.

So here I am playing CSGO by myself. I really hate Americano scumbags because they think they're so good at CSGO. Their NA "pro players" are CYKA. They are all silver 1. All Americano are scum. They kick me for speaking Russian, they don't cyka blyat rush b, and they don't like it when I play Kalinka and Soviet National Anthem. They think they're so good with their Juan Deags. They are trash!

So if you are Ruski, hit me up my friend. We shall go to McDonalds and eat some cyka nuggets, McBlyat or share a Cyka Cola. If you are Americano, screw you. You do not rush B enough. You are not my my friend, my friend.

Remember, keep calm and cyka blyat rush B my comrades!!