A British man goes to the Doctors

A British man is ill and goes to the doctors. When he gets there he finds David Cameron sat at reception. "Good news sir!", says Cameron, "Today, we're not letting the doctors decide. We're going to let you pick your own medicine". The British man looks bemused. Isn't that why we have doctors in the first place? To use their expertise to pick the right medicine. Sure, some might occasionally be less good, but you can always ask to see another one.

"Don't worry!", says Cameron, "I know this is probably daunting. So I've got lots of information from lots of medical experts. They're going to tell you all about the nasty side effects of taking the wrong medicine". Just then another man pops up from behind reception - Michael Gove. "I wouldn't trust what all of his experts say" says Gove, "he's just trying to scare you".

The man looks bemused. Can't a doctor just tell him what to take? But both Michael Gove and David Cameron tell him this choice is a really good thing.

There's another man in the doctors. He doesn't appear to have a job there, but he's talking loudly and a lot of people seem to be listening. On closer inspection it's Nigel Farage. "I wouldn't trust some of these medicines, they're foreign!". A few people nod and agree. "Back in Victorian times, we used to prescribe good old fashioned leeches. And we had an empire then!". A few more people nod.

The British man looks confused. How do you make a decision on something so complex that you haven't been trained in? He spots a man rushing in - it's Boris Johnson. Boris has heard that there's a possible vacancy for a doctor. "Don't worry everyone, I can guide you through this!", he says. He does a cheery wave to the people waiting, then starts bumbling on using vocabulary that isn't in the normal vernacular. "He sounds clever", someone says, "and a funny, friendly guy too. I think he just wants to help, that must be why he's here". A lot of people start feeling reassured. They decide to follow the advice of Boris, Nigel and Michael. David Cameron tries to make himself heard, but he's muffled by the piles of paper of expert opinion in front of him. The medicine cabinet is almost buckling under the weight.

Boris starts to look worried. People are now looking at him for guidance. "Erm, yes...what Nigel says....leeches....they'll cure you...won't they?". He looks confused. But he's nearly in the doctors place now. He always wanted that. People take the leeches, but the leeches just start sucking their blood. A few of them start to wonder whether they should have listened to the experts after all. "But Boris, Nigel and Michael, they were only trying to help us, right?", one of them says.

Just then, the medicine cabinet topples over, crushing Cameron. "That's such a shame" say Boris and Michael, "he was a good man. And all he wanted to do was give you a choice. For you. To help you. But we'll help you now.". But people start to get more sick. "The leeches, Nigel. You said they'd make us better, right". "Oh no", says Nigel, "I didn't say that at all. I just said that they used them in the old days. When everything was much better. Anyway, I don't even work here, so it's not my fault if you listened to me. But I'm sure everything will be great". Nigel wanders off, leaving Boris, Michael, a smashed medicine cabinet, some leeches and a lot of sick people.