Cwn Arc 18 Pt 1

14:13 <~Antioch|GM> ...
14:23 <~Antioch|GM> Gwyn wakes up on her own time on Saturday, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
14:23 <~Antioch|GM> The previous night spent with Quickdraw staying over went a good ways towards keeping her mind on other things. The company, too, was nice. It's a different atmosphere from the company of Dead Man's Hand, of being surrounded mostly by subordinates.
14:23 <~Antioch|GM> Despite the brief moment of awkwardness where the Tinker pulled out a device that vacuumed up some of her smoke and scanned a small rift she made for testing, everything else had a veneer of normalcy that had been wholly absent from her life since she triggered.
14:23 <~Antioch|GM> A sleepover with nail painting, idle, inane chit-chat, some weird musical about Romans... Quickdraw fell asleep partways through it, and Gwyn's surprised to see her still lying on the pull-out bed the PRT had provided, half-sprawled beneath the covers, completely dead to the world.
14:23 <~Antioch|GM> It's Saturday, and according to her phone, two hours or so before noon. With the preliminary stages of PR, psychiatric evaluation, and power testing out of the way, all that remains before she's either approved or denied for active duty is her physical evaluation. ||
14:26 <Saff|Cwn> I stand up and try to tiptoe out of bed without waking up Quickdraw. It doesn't seem like she's a light sleeper, but I'm not going to test that theory. I try to remain as quiet as possible while grabbing my things. I should probably hit the showers before I get changed. My hair feels heavy and uncomfortable from not being washed in a bit, and I still have
14:26 <Saff|Cwn> the swampy taste of sleep in my mouth. Gross.
14:29 <Saff|Cwn> I'm getting really fucking antsy here though. Being on house arrest sucks ass, and I just really want to get out and fight someone. Though... I still haven't mentioned to the therapist about my um. *urges* It was sort of under control when I had Mal around but. Shit. I miss him. There's a small nagging idea in the back of my head that I should call him and
14:29 <Saff|Cwn> apologize for everything but... I know that would be a really bad idea. Still, I check my phone before heading into the bathroom. ||
14:32 <~Antioch|GM> The only notifications on her new, PRT-issued phone are schedule reminders and inter-PRT memos. A light lunch before the physical eval at 1, getting her modified costume at 3, and an introductory course on martial arts at 3:45, with the potential for a low-risk evening patrol, assuming she's cleared.
14:32 <~Antioch|GM> It's a busier day than most, she muses, scrolling through the memos. A new cape to the Protectorate has arrived -- Sirocco, it seems, and the Blackguard villain Cremator has been taken into custody. The Wards fundraiser is tonight, as well.
14:32 <~Antioch|GM> She thinks of the last fundraiser, when she'd been on the other side of the hero-villain divide, taking advantage of the PRT's concentration of forces in one area to wreak havoc elsewhere. ||
14:38 <Saff|Cwn> I put the phone down and hop in the shower before checking the water temperature. Shit. That seems like so long ago. It was thrilling, running around and causing havoc all over the town with Coldhand. Shit. There was a point when he was my friend. But... Gah. Selling him out to Nach *Felt* good. Killing and maiming and hurting people felt nice. I sigh and
14:38 <Saff|Cwn> lean forward until my forehead presses against the cold tile walls. "I'm a piece of shit." Honestly, if I could drown in this fucking shower I would. I'm not supposed to *Want* to hurt people, especially not now. ||
14:45 <~Antioch|GM> The shower is a marked improvement from her prior living situations. Most of her showering was done in Malcolm's shitty apartment complex, with garbage water pressure and water that went cold in ten minutes or shorter. The water is briefly cold at first, but the room fills with steam within seconds.
14:45 <~Antioch|GM> It's stifling, in multiple senses, but it's better than prison. At least it's comfortable, at least it's of her own choosing. ||
14:52 <Saff|Cwn> I take a bit too long showering, turning the heat up higher and higher until it starts stinging my skin, and then another degree higher after that. It burns, it hurts, but I probably deserve it. "Shit." I mumble as I turn it off and hop out, toweling off quickly. I get dressed as quickly as I can, barely squeegeeing the burning water out of my wet hair
14:52 <Saff|Cwn> before pulling on the hood of my costume. I opt not to put my mask on just yet. I don't care enough to hide my identity right now. I definitely got lucky. I should be in jail. Like, real, scary big people jail. I've hurt people, I've done bad things. And somehow I'm getting a second chance? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't at all. The next thing on my list
14:52 <Saff|Cwn> is supposed to be lunch, but my stomach is doing so many flips that I don't know if I could keep anything down. Instead I walk off towards the lounge. The whole way I start chewing at my bottom lip until I taste blood.||
14:55 <~Antioch|GM> Quickdraw still seems to be out cold as she leaves her room and steps into the lounge. At first glance, it's empty, but from the skyway entrance leading to the PRT main building she sees a new cape being led by a PRT employee.
14:58 <~Antioch|GM> He's tall, regal, and oddly quite tanned for the season. It's been snowing for the past week or so, skies overcast and gloomy, but this guy looks like he just rolled out of a pit full of bronzer. His costume is a light armor with a golden helm and red cloak, and he strides into the lounge not only as if he belonged there, but if everything in the room
14:58 <~Antioch|GM> belonged to him as well.
14:58 <~Antioch|GM> The PRT employee is carrying a few boxes on a moving dolly, explaining the general layout of the Protectorate living quarters. ||
15:02 <Saff|Cwn> Hm. That's... Interesting. I wonder what he's about. I don't even think, really. My feet just kind of start walking in that direction, wondering if I'll be able to make it downstairs to sneak a peek before someone finds me and drags me to lunch. ||
15:06 <~Antioch|GM> The cape's head turns to face her as she wanders towards him, fixing her with a piercing gaze. The attention is startling, but so is the color of his eyes, sun-bleached blue light enough to be almost white, and he stops his surveying of the room. ||
15:21 <Saff|Cwn> Shit. Fuck. Um. I try to pull my shadow armor over my skin, even though it doesn't do much when you're wearing a fucking white dog suit. God, I probably look stupid. I am stupid. Shit. Um. "Hi." I manage to mumble, while staring at my feet.||
15:24 <~Antioch|GM> Darkness starts leaking through parts of her suit -- the neck and hands, mostly, coalescing into an armor that obscures much of her suit.
15:26 <~Antioch|GM> He steps in closer, inspecting her. Under his scrutiny, she feels almost like a person on the auction block, to be examined before being bought and sold.
15:27 <~Antioch|GM> "Prey shouldn't call attention to oneself," he says. "Your attire ill-suits your nature." ||
15:29 <Saff|Cwn> "Um..." I swallow the quickly-forming lump in my throat and take a step back. "I don't... I don't understand." Everything in me wants to run, but my feet feel stuck. Instead I just focus on disappearing into the smoke before I hurl all over this guy's shoes.||
15:30 <~Antioch|GM> "No matter," he replies, turning away to look over the room again. "Begone." ||
15:32 <Saff|Cwn> "Excuse me?" I let the shadows dissipate, making sure the frown on my face is known. "What's your fucking problem?"||
15:35 <~Antioch|GM> Sirocco turns back, fixing her with his gaze again. "I have no quarrel with you, dog."
15:35 <~Antioch|GM> The PRT employee has set the dolly aside, punching in a text message with a worried look on his face. ||
15:38 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm about to have a quarrel with you though." I mutter under my breath. I take a step closer to him and let my claws flicker out for a moment. "I'm Gw--Cwn Annwn. Not *dog*. Please try to remember for next time." I flash a smile, though not a friendly one. I'm itching to hurt, and the grin is one of a hungry predator.||
15:45 <~Antioch|GM> "Bare your fangs at me, do you?"
15:45 <~Antioch|GM> A light gust seems to whip around the room, enough to trail smoke from your armor, billowing his cloak behind him.
15:45 <~Antioch|GM> "Make your choice, Cwn Annwn. You cannot be both the Hound and the Hunted." ||
15:49 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm no one's prey." I snarl, digging my fingernails into my palms as I do so. "I may be messed up but I'm not to be messed with. Who the fuck even are you? Who gave you the right to come in here and stare me down like a piece of meat and tell me who I am?" God, I want to hurt him. I want to rip out his throat and feast on his hot, wet blood. ||
15:52 <~Antioch|GM> "I am Sirocco," he replies, "scouring wind of the southeast. I see you, Cwn Annwn. I see you but you do not." ||
15:56 <Saff|Cwn> "Sirocco?" I still take another step forward, getting up in his face. "I can see just fine." I poke him in the chest, still baring my teeth. "You really don't want to fuck with me."||
15:57 <~Antioch|GM> ((Brawn))
15:57 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6 i don't remember what my brawn stat is
15:57 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "i don't remember what my brawn stat is" [5]  = 5
16:00 <~Antioch|GM> As she draws closer to the cape, the storm surrounding him scales up in intensity. Every step towards him grows more difficult, but she's able to close the distance. Every step, though, seems to take something out of her, and she can barely muster the strength to raise her arm.
16:05 <~Antioch|GM> He nods, and the winds die down. ||
16:08 <Saff|Cwn> I take a step backwards and a deep breath. All I want to do is rip this guy to shreds. "Don't fucking toy with me. I'm not a child." I'm going to get into so much trouble for this. I lunge towards him again, my heart racing a mile a minute. This is stupid. It's stupid and childish but I don't care, because losing control feels good.||
16:09 <~Antioch|GM> ((Claws out or no?))
16:09 <Saff|Cwn> ((Out and ready~))
16:09 <~Antioch|GM> ((Finesse or Martial Arts, your choice. -1 penalty.))
16:09 <Saff|Cwn> ((What's the difference?))
16:10 <~Antioch|GM> ((You have pips in Martial Arts, and it's Brawn based rather than Dex, which you already have a -1 in. MA is the better choice, and you'd roll 2h6-1 here.))
16:11 <~Antioch|GM> ((But if you're losing your cool, it doesn't make as much sense.))
16:11 <~Antioch|GM> ((So it's really a question of if you're trying to legit take him down or flail angrily at him.))
16:11 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1h6-1 martial arts oh god i'm gonna get whooped
16:11 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "martial arts oh god i'm gonna get whooped" [2] -1 = 1
16:12 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
16:12 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [2] -1 = 1
16:12 <~Antioch|GM> $roll 2h6+2 SD
16:12 <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "SD" [5] (5) +2 = 7
16:14 <~Antioch|GM> Sirocco steps fluidly to the side and you lunge past him, stumbling and off-balance for a moment. The storm was powerful enough to shove some furniture off to the side.
16:15 <~Antioch|GM> "Hunter or hunted," he says, a trace of irritation creeping into his voice, "a hound must still heel for its master." ||
16:18 <~Antioch|GM> ** she lunges past him
16:19 <Saff|Cwn> I land on the ground, growling as I hit the floor. "You're not my master. I don't. I don't... have one. I'm my own master. I don't belong to anyone!" My claws are still out, they're still aching to be shoved into someone's flesh. But I can't even remember what started this. "I need... need to stop. I want to hurt someone." I look at my hands for a moment,
16:19 <Saff|Cwn> wondering what it would feel like if I touched my claws to my own flesh. "I don't know how to stop this."||
16:20 <~Antioch|GM> "We serve the same master," he replies. "You hunt at her command."
16:21 <~Antioch|GM> Whatever he says next is interrupted by a full squad of PRT troopers in light body armor entering through the skyway door, the one at the forefront leveling a foam sprayer at the two capes.
16:22 <~Antioch|GM> The leader orders, "Stand down, the two of you!"
16:22 <~Antioch|GM> It's not quite a shout, but it's enunciated as a strong command.
16:23 <~Antioch|GM> Sirocco whirls on him, a golden spear drawn from his back holster, leveling it at the foam trooper in turn.
16:23 <~Antioch|GM> "You presume to threaten me?" he growls. ||
16:29 <Saff|Cwn> I pull myself to my feet and whip around, claws still out while facing the foam guy. "This doesn't concern you." I snarl. "And you know that shit won't do anything to me, right?" I slash slightly at the air in front of me, leaving a  jagged path of tears in the air. "Let me finish this." I probably won't be satisfied until I land at least one hit on him.
16:29 <Saff|Cwn> "I've already smelled blood, Sirocco. And you know that you can't stop a hound that's trapped on a scent."||
16:30 <~Antioch|GM> "A disobedient cur like you isn't fit to serve my queen," he shoots back, turning his spear back towards Cwn. "You won't be the first I've cut down, mongrel."
16:30 <~Antioch|GM> Many things happen at once.
16:31 <~Antioch|GM> Sirocco makes a gesture with his free hand, and a thin spire ruptures from the ground. A gale howls around it and the ground shifts, dragging Cwn Annwn, the furniture, the squaddies, and the PRT employee towards it.
16:32 <~Antioch|GM> ((Athletics roll, please.))
16:32 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6
16:32 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [6]  = 6
16:32 <~Antioch|GM> $roll 2h6 Foamer, maintain balance.
16:32 <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "Foamer, maintain balance." (5) [6]  = 6
16:33 <~Antioch|GM> She stays level, drawn towards the obelisk, but stays upright, while the foam trooper unloads the rapidly expanding concoction of containment foam at the two of them.
16:33 <~Antioch|GM> Flecks and blobs of foam are flung every which way in the Protectorate lounge, clinging to walls, furniture, the floor, the ceiling, each individual clot expanding as the mixture is exposed to air.
16:34 <~Antioch|GM> Between the gale and the tear in space, neither combatant is trapped within the foam, though the PRT employee that was helping Sirocco move in is caught in a blob. ||
16:37 <Saff|Cwn> I try as carefully as I can to avoid the foam as I run towards him, hopping over obstacles to try to land just one fucking hit on this bastard. "I'm not a cur, I'm not a mongrel. I just don't like *you*"||
16:38 <~Antioch|GM> ((MA again, still -1.))
16:39 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1 please don't be a 1
16:39 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "please don't be a 1" [5] -1 = 4
16:39 <~Antioch|GM> ((One more, 'tis 2h6-1.))
16:39 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
16:39 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [3] -1 = 2
16:39 <~Antioch|GM> $roll 2h6+4 SD
16:39 <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "SD" [4] (2) +4 = 8
16:41 <~Antioch|GM> Sirocco leaps with preternatural grace and an athleticism that far exceeds the limit of his wiry frame, coming to a perch at the top of his spire.
16:41 <~Antioch|GM> Cwn's lunge comes far too late.
16:41 <~Antioch|GM> "You are a fool, to challenge me in my domain," he says, and his voice seems to echo, amplified by the howling gale around them.
16:41 <~Antioch|GM> The squaddies, dragged towards the center, are busy trying to change their course to avoid being pulled into Cwn's spatial tear. ||
16:44 <Saff|Cwn> "You're a fool to fuck with the crazy girl." I'm getting in so much trouble for this. So, so much. "You pissed me off and at this point I don't care what happens to me. I'm half dead anyway." I let another crooked grin spread across my face. "What's the worst they can do? Keep me locked inside here longer?" No, you idiot. You could go to fucking jail. Still,
16:44 <Saff|Cwn> I push away the voice inside me and lay out a few more tears in the air. "Stop running away. Fucking Fight me!"||
16:45 <~Antioch|GM> $roll 2h6+1 Foamer Sq. Hansen, quick thinking
16:45 <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "Foamer Sq. Hansen, quick thinking" [2] (2) +1 = 3
16:45 <~Antioch|GM> $roll 2h6x4 Squad Athletics
16:45 <[ATM]> Antioch|GM "Squad Athletics" [4] (2)  = 4  ::  [3] (3)  = 3  ::  [6] (4)  = 6  ::  (1) [3]  = 3
16:46 <~Antioch|GM> The PRT troopers are seemingly well-briefed on the nature of Cwn's tears -- as a whole, they struggle and panic, desperately trying to avoid being dragged into the increasing minefield of jagged, gaping holes in reality.
16:47 <~Antioch|GM> "There's no need," Sirocco says, voice still echoing strangely. "You have already lost."
16:47 <~Antioch|GM> With every swipe of her claws, she feels strength sap from her bones. Her arms and legs feel leaden. ||
16:51 <Saff|Cwn> "I just... I'm not... I'm not weak." My chest starts feeling heavier, and I'm starting to realize just how bad I fucked up. "Just let me show you that I'm not..... Not... Prey." I fall to my knees and pull my shadow armor over my skin, my head spinning. "I've... Messed up. But I'm not... Not weak." I still try to get up one more time, my eyes welling up with
16:51 <Saff|Cwn> tears. "Don't look down on me!"||
17:00 <~Antioch|GM> ((Guts. Willpower applies -- it would be 2h6+1.))
17:01 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2h6+1
17:01 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn (1) [2] +1 = 3
17:01 <Saff|Cwn> ((why this))
17:02 <~Antioch|GM> "Kneel," Sirocco simply replies. Between the force of the wind and the crushing weight of her weakness, her body seems to comply automatically, falling to her knees.
17:02 <~Antioch|GM> The storm subsides, and the obelisk sinks back into the ground.
17:03 <~Antioch|GM> Cwn is left on the ground, struggling to find the wherewithal to pick herself back up. ||
17:10 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm not weak. I'm not. I'm... not." I try to pull against my aching muscles, but I simply can't. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare call me weak!" I can feel my eyes tearing up. God, I'm in so much fucking trouble. "Don't... don't tell Mendez about this. I fucked up."||
17:11 <~Antioch|GM> This is the part where the squaddies pick themselves back up and foam the everloving shit out of Sirocco. ||
17:20 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm sorry." I'm still on the ground, this time putting my head in my hands. Smoke is swirling off of my skin at an alarming rate and I can feel bile rising in my throat. "Don't tell Mendez. Please, please don't tell her. I'm sorry. I didn't..." I lean over a little bit farther and try to steady myself so I don't throw up everywhere. "I messed up. Don't tell
17:20 <Saff|Cwn> her. Please." I don't know who I'm talking to, or why. I feel empty. My face feels tingly and my hands do too. None of this feels real. "Please!"||
17:21 <~Antioch|GM> "Turn around, please," one of the squaddies says. "Hands behind your back." ||
17:22 <soulpelt|> haha
17:23 <~Antioch|GM> ((Shamepelt!))
17:23 <Saff|Cwn> "I. Please. No." I look up at the squaddie with tears in my eyes. I probably look a mess. I've chewed my bottom lip into a bloody mess, my hood has fallen to the side, and there's smoke swirling all around me. "I'll go with you just please. Please don't cuff me. Please. Don't do this don't tell her. I'm sorry." I let out a sob, my voice cracking in my
17:23 <Saff|Cwn> throat. "She'll send me away don't *Tell her*"||
17:24 <~Antioch|GM> ((Social))
17:24 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
17:24 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [1] -1 = 0
17:24 <Saff|Cwn> ((FUCKIN))
17:25 <~Antioch|GM> "Turn around, please," he repeats, expression unreadable behind the tinted visor. He unclasps a pair of reinforced handcuffs from his belt, making his intentions very clear. ||
17:29 <Saff|Cwn> I hesitate, utterly humiliated. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I just keep blubbering, every sob sounding more and more pathetic. "I just wanted. I'm not weak. I'm sorry. I fucked up." I lean forward, as the combination of blood and snot and tears is making me feel physically ill. I dry heave a few times before pulling myself up. "I'll go
17:29 <Saff|Cwn> with you but please don't tell her! Please!!! Promise me!"||
17:30 <~Antioch|GM> "It's not my call to make," the PRT trooper replies. "Cuffs or foam, your choice. Don't make this harder on yourself than it needs to be." ||
17:32 <Saff|Cwn> "Cuffs. It's... It's fine." I turn around and put my hands behind my back. This is awful. I can feel my heart beating in my throat and I wish I had never gotten out of bed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."||
17:32 <~Antioch|GM> "Come with us," he says.
17:33 <~Antioch|GM> She's led out of the decimated Protectorate lounge as two squaddies stay behind to defoam the trapped PRT guy.
17:34 <~Antioch|GM> The troopers escort her out of the skyway and into an elevator. She barely pays attention, eyes blurred with tears.
17:34 <~Antioch|GM> She's taken to an elevator, ascending to the administrative floor of the main PRT offices.
17:38 <~Antioch|GM> Unable to do anything about her vision save for blinking -- her hands can't wipe at her eyes, cuffed tightly to her back -- it takes her a moment to get her bearings as she comes to a stop, finding herself in an office.
17:38 <~Antioch|GM> A stocky, broad-shouldered man in a PRT uniform is seated at the desk across from her.
17:38 <~Antioch|GM> "Deputy Director Findlay, sir," the squad leader salutes.
17:38 <~Antioch|GM> "Thank you, Lieutenant Winters. Stay, if you don't mind?" the Deputy Director replies.
17:38 <~Antioch|GM> "Yes, sir."
17:38 <~Antioch|GM> He turns to face Cwn Annwn.
17:39 <~Antioch|GM> "I understand you don't want this to reach the Director's attention," he says, levelly. ||
17:45 <Saff|Cwn> "No... I... Sir. I messed up. I... I know that." God, I feel so incredibly sick. "I messed up. I could have hurt... Hurt people." I stop and take another deep breath, hoping to god that someone uncuffs me soon. "I don't want to go to jail. I don't... I don't want to get sent away." I'm just a sniffling, awful, choking mess and I just want to melt through the
17:45 <Saff|Cwn> floor. "I know what I did was wrong."||
17:46 <~Antioch|GM> "I'd prefer not to trouble Director Mendez with this either, though it's not for your sake. Her attention has been... stretched thin, lately. Too much focus on intradepartmental affairs, letting things slide elsewhere."
17:46 <~Antioch|GM> "We're left fumbling in the dark, where certain villains and organizations are concerned, in large part because so much of our time has been spent dealing with distractions like you."
17:46 <~Antioch|GM> He sighs, clasping and unclasping his hands.
17:48 <~Antioch|GM> "You have threatened the lives of your teammates and the PRT troopers. Bearing in mind that you were provoked, the fault still lies with you. You escalated with your power, and your power is lethal."
17:49 <~Antioch|GM> "Within my right as Deputy Director I could rescind your probationary status, unfreezing the charges levied against you as Killhand, and begin the prosecution process. This will be irritating for me, and far more inconvenient for you."
17:50 <~Antioch|GM> "To that end, I'm requesting the expertise of Doctor Freeman. He will assist me in passing judgment, and should be here shortly." ||
17:58 <Saff|Cwn> "No. No! Please. I want to be here. I'll be good! I swear!" Oh god, oh god. My heart is racing and I feel like I'm about to pass out. "I made a mistake. A stupid mistake."||
17:59 <~Antioch|GM> "You will have your chance to state your case. Doctor Freeman, you may come in." ||
18:01 <Teruzi|Freeman> Freeman composes himself, going in. This was not going to be pretty. He had been rushed to the office too. Cleveland had a penchant for making Richard run. Inside the office, he frowns when he sees Cwn in cuffs. "Deputy Director." He says, grimly, as he nods his head towards the squat man.
18:02 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Cwn Ann." He says in a more level tone of voice. He also nods towards the Lieutenant, opting not to say anything else for now.||
18:02 <~Antioch|GM> (( Meant to say Cwn Annwn? ))
18:02 <~Antioch|GM> (( Or is pronunciation deliberate? ))
18:03 <Teruzi|Freeman> ((The former!))
18:04 <Saff|Cwn> I shift uncomfortably in my seat, pulling at my handcuffs as if that would do anything. "I... I overreacted to something Sirocco said. I didn't think. I was... I was in a bad place and I should have come to talk to you but I didn't. And I could have hurt people and I can't do that anymore. But I wanted to hurt him. And that's not okay and I'm sorry, please
18:04 <Saff|Cwn> don't send me away don't send me to jail. I'll do better I can do better!"||
18:04 <~Antioch|GM> Findlay gestures at Freeman, open-palmed.
18:04 <~Antioch|GM> "The floor is yours, Doctor." ||
18:05 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods, turning to stare at the parahuman in the room. He holds up a hand, stopping her stream of words. Excuses.
18:06 <Teruzi|Freeman> "I understand that Sirocco taunted you, Cwn." He starts, his voice not really giving away how he feels about the situation. "And I'm glad you understand that you acted badly."
18:07 <Teruzi|Freeman> He thinks for a moment. "But tell me, what did you expect to accomplish? What happens if a criminal insults you? Would you maim them?"
18:08 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Officers could have been hurt. Both you and Sirocco should be sorry." His frown deepens. "You know exactly what your power can do Cwn."
18:08 <Teruzi|Freeman> "And you've just admitted it yourself. You wanted to hurt Sirocco." Richard sighs, as he rubs his temples. "You're not fit for patrolling."
18:09 <Teruzi|Freeman> "There were a lot of things to overcome, Cwn. But this?" He shakes his head. "I don't think you are prepared to be part of the Cleveland PRT."||
18:10 <~Antioch|GM> ||
18:10 <~Antioch|GM> ((You can speak between yourselves. I'll interrupt with ...))
18:12 <Saff|Cwn> "No! No, Please don't say that!" I go to stand up, knocking the chair over by accident. "No, no, no! I Can do better. I can be better. Please. Please don't say that. Dr. Freeman, please. I'll do whatever you say, just please. Please..." I stop, still pulling at my cuffs. "Sir, I think I'm going to be sick. I'm... I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I don't...
18:12 <Saff|Cwn> No, I can't say that. But. I can control myself. I can."||
18:14 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Stop. Breathe." Richard says, pitying the parahuman. He feels almost bad about this, but it had to be done. She was a danger to herself and others.
18:14 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Remember your exercises." He says, calmly. "You have to understand Cwn, this is not a simple matter. You are already on a probationary status."
18:15 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard looks at the Deputy Director before continuing. "I don't think jail would help you either. But as it stands? I don't think you are cut out for this team."
18:16 <Teruzi|Freeman> A team moving forward the a threat of violence between its members? That was just a risk you can't take with parahumans.
18:17 <Teruzi|Freeman> "There are stations better suited for your needs Cwn." He goes on, his voice firm.||
18:20 <Saff|Cwn> "No. No! Please, Doctor. Please don't send me away! I can get better! I know. I know I shouldn't have done what I did but I just. I shouldn't..." I should have just hurt myself. That's what I really want out of this, isn't it? "Please, Please don't do that." I pull at the cuffs until they bite at my skin, and then continue to pull harder. What does it matter
18:20 <Saff|Cwn> anyway now? I've ruined everything. "I was angry. I was scared. Please don't send me away because I made a mistake! Doctor, Please. Please!" There are tears running down my face, flooding my eyes to the point where I can't even see anymore. "Deputy Director. Don't let him do this. I need to be here. I don't want to leave."||
18:21 <~Antioch|GM> Deputy Director shifts, movement indiscernible behind the tears, but Freeman can see him shake his head. ||
18:21 <~Antioch|GM> ** Deputy Director Findlay
18:22 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard waits until Cwn has stopped talking for a moment, feeling a heavy weight in his shoulders. Damn it Findlay. "What are our options, Cwn? What can we do?"
18:23 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Our hands are tied. Do you think Sirocco can trust you? Or the PRT officers?" Freeman gently chides. "Why do you want to stay here so badly?"||
18:26 <Saff|Cwn> "I don't... I don't know. I just. I don't want to be sent away. I don't want to be shuffled around and locked away because no one can figure out what to do with me. I want to get better. I want to... I want to stop having this urge. I want to help people." I swallow hard. "Valiant made me feel like maybe I wasn't fucking worthless. I didn't... I didn't want
18:26 <Saff|Cwn> to disappoint him. Out of all of this," I pause, "I'm probably most embarrassed by the fact that I let him down.
18:27 <Saff|Cwn> ||
18:27 <~Antioch|GM> ...
18:28 <~Antioch|GM> The door swings open, thumping as it bounces off the rubber stop on the office wall.
18:28 <~Antioch|GM> Sorenson strides in, looking hurried but not out of breath.
18:28 <~Antioch|GM> "You're not sending her anywhere," he says. "Not happening." ||
18:30 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard sighs. Audibly. It was always something with PR.
18:30 <Saff|Cwn> ((Heading to lab, will be on mobile when I can.))
18:30 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Cwn, you're not worthless. And we're not sending you to be locked up, okay?" Richard starts before giving a look of animosity to Sorenson. He was interrupting. And making things more complicated than they ought to be.
18:31 <Teruzi|Freeman> "But this urge you have? The reaction you showed just now? We need to treat you in a place were you and others are safe."
18:32 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard turns to look towards Sorenson, not bothering to hide his scowling. "Did you want to add anything, Mr. Sorenson?"||
18:32 <~Antioch|GM> ...
18:42 <~Antioch|GM> "The PRT made a very public showing about Cwn and her joining the PRT. Her redemption. You send her away, put her in jail, anything like that?"
18:42 <~Antioch|GM> "It sends a strong message . The PRT failed. We're already looking bad on multiple fronts. This is face we can't afford to lose. We're in the red as it stands, and admitting publicly that we've failed to rehabilitate a dangerous criminal is yet another black mark on top of many. I can't work with that."
18:42 <~Antioch|GM> "It was our job to reform her. We made a pledge to the public to that effect. Going back on that is an irrecoverable loss." ||
18:43 <Teruzi|Freeman> "No one is putting her in jail. And we're not giving up on her either." Richard rubs his temples again. "Tell me Sorenson, what would be better? To pretend nothing happened?"
18:44 <~Antioch|GM> ...
18:44 <~Antioch|GM> "As far as the public is concerned, yes," he says, pointedly. ||
18:44 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard bites his tongue for a moment. His jaw flares outward as he clenches it. "I cannot in good conscience allow her to patrol. I won't sign on it." Richard says, slowly.
18:45 <Teruzi|Freeman> "And we're not giving up on Cwn. The PRT will help her. But it cannot be done here."||
18:45 <Saff|Cwn> "I can... I can control it. I did. Have it under control." Mostly. "Until Mal dumped me." I swallow, looking between the two. "I fucked up today and I know it. But don't send me away!"||
18:48 <~Antioch|GM> ...
18:49 <~Antioch|GM> "You force her to leave, you force me into an unsalvageable situation. I won't be able to spin it, to pull the department out of the resultant backlash."
18:49 <~Antioch|GM> "Deny her patrols, by all means, but the PRT must help her, and it must be here."
18:49 <~Antioch|GM> He glares at Freeman.
18:49 <~Antioch|GM> "You're the professional in charge of her rehabilitation. I'm sure you're capable of managing," he says coldly. It's clearly an accusation. ||
18:55 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard crosses his arms, looking at Sorenson as if the man wasn't even there. Looking through him. "I'm not a permanent addition to the office." Richard starts. He really shouldn't bring himself to argue with Sorenson.
18:56 <Teruzi|Freeman> "And wouldn't your inability to spin the situation just entail your own inability to do your job?" Richard asks, ruffled nonetheless. He turns to look towards Findley. "The others are not going to be comfortable with her. She's not comfortable with them, as it stands."
18:57 <Teruzi|Freeman> He crosses his arms. "It's in her bests interests to be reassigned. Take the time to organize herself."||
18:58 <Saff|Cwn> ...
19:01 <Saff|Cwn> "Let me speak for myself!" I shout, pulling at the cuffs again. "I'm fine here. I just. I overreacted to what he said. I like. I like Fleetfoot. And Gigawatt. I just. I screwed up!" I stop and look down at the ground. At this point I'm almost certain my wrists are bleeding. "Doctor, I'm willing to work with you. I'm ready for this. I want to go out and
19:01 <Saff|Cwn> patrol. I'm sick of being locked up!"||
19:01 <~Antioch|GM> ...
19:04 <~Antioch|GM> Sorenson sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.
19:05 <~Antioch|GM> "Alright, that's unfair of me."
19:05 <~Antioch|GM> "You're in as difficult of a situation as me, if not worse. It was Valiant who wanted to take this gamble, the fault doesn't lie with you."
19:07 <~Antioch|GM> "If there's a chance, a way to move forward without having to break our word, keeping her here and continuing to help her, I'd like to take it."
19:07 <~Antioch|GM> "If there isn't, then I'm afraid you may be right. I'll be out of my depth. My expertise only goes so far. I'll resign, maybe find work at another department."
19:08 <~Antioch|GM> ** Sorensen -- wow, I've been getting it wrong all this time. My bad.
19:08 <~Antioch|GM> The reminder that Gwyn's let down Valiant drives home, whether Sorensen phrased it intentionally or not. ||
19:11 <Saff|Cwn> "Can I talk to him?" I mumble, feeling quite small in the chair. "Valiant, I mean."||
19:13 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard looks towards the Deputy Director, unsure on how to answer. "I think it would be best if we decided how to move forward from here on out. As terrible as this might reflect on you Mr. Sorensen, I think that Cwn being let out while unprepared could lead to more trouble than anything."
19:15 <Teruzi|Freeman> He then turns towards Cwn. "Cwn, do you understand that others could have been hurt? What if Sirocco's power had dragged an officer into one of your zones?" Richard asks, in a stern tone of voice. "You said to me you were ready to do whatever it took to get better."
19:15 <Teruzi|Freeman> He pauses for a moment. Best get it over with. "That starts by taking responsibility for your actions."
19:15 <Teruzi|Freeman> "No more excuses."||
19:18 <~Antioch|GM> ...
19:20 <~Antioch|GM> Findlay speaks up to interrupt. "Valiant is patrolling in Central, in the vicinity of the university. He'll be back for lunch."
19:22 <~Antioch|GM> Sorensen clears his throat. "What can we do for her here? Is it feasible? Isolating her from Sirocco, partnering her with a less... volatile cape?" ||
19:27 <Saff|Cwn> "I told you I understand!" I shout, tugging one more time until the pain is white hot. "I know I screwed up and I'm sorry. I didn't know his power would react like that. I'm used to using my power to make myself harder to get to. And I know that was stupid and dangerous. I know! I just. He called me weak. And I couldn't handle it."||
19:29 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Did he?" Richard asks. "Deputy Director Findley, can we show the recording of the incident to Cwn?"||
19:30 <~Antioch|GM> He nods, turning his computer monitor to face everyone else in the room, pulling up the security feed and rewinding to the point where Cwn walks into the lounge.
19:31 <~Antioch|GM> Cwn walks up closer to Sirocco, hesitating, fidgeting. "Hi," she stammers.
19:31 <~Antioch|GM> Sirocco replies. "Prey shouldn't call attention to oneself. Your attire ill-suits your nature."
19:31 <~Antioch|GM> "Um... I don't... I don't understand."
19:31 <~Antioch|GM> The conversation continues, playing out.
19:31 <~Antioch|GM> For Gwyn, watching herself stutter and flail, then fall back to anger, violence, it's like an out-of-body experience. ||
19:42 <Saff|Cwn> "Can you please take these cuffs off?" I ask, my voice barely a squeak. "I've hurt myself." I don't even acknowledge the screen. It's making me feel sick||
19:43 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Can I have the remote for a moment?" Richards asks to Findley. This girl was gonna acknowledge her mistakes if it took all afternoon.
19:43 <Teruzi|Freeman> ||
19:44 <~Antioch|GM> Findlay hands the keyboard and mouse to Freeman.
19:44 <~Antioch|GM> "Arrow keys rewind or fast-forward in ten-second increments. Space bar is play or pause." ||
19:45 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods. He wasn't that technically impaired. He rewinds the video to the moment were Cwn lashes out, creating a rip in space.
19:45 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard plays the short clip twice.
19:46 <Teruzi|Freeman> "There's a good reason you are in cuffs." He says, gently. "I don't defend Sirocco's actions. He called you a dog and was less than kind to you. But tell me, before you are distracted about how you are hurting yourself-"
19:47 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard lets the words hang in the air for a moment. "Did you consider what your power could do? How you could hurt others?"||
19:47 <~Antioch|GM> "This doesn't concern you," Cwn snarls. "And you know that shit won't do anything to me, right?"
19:47 <~Antioch|GM> Her claws leave a wide, jagged gash in the air, interposed between her and the squaddies.
19:47 <~Antioch|GM> "I've already smelled blood, Sirocco. And you know that you can't stop a hound that's trapped on a scent."
19:47 <~Antioch|GM> Freeman repeats the clip. ||
19:53 <Saff|Cwn> "I didn't consider it." I say, looking Freeman dead in the eye. "I wanted to hurt him. Is that what you want to hear? I'm fucked up. Is that what you want?" My voice is raised, my hands are shaking. My wrists are cut and red and raw and at this point maybe I should just tell them to arrest me. "I screwed up. I know that!"||
20:03 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Do you actually understand that?" Richard presses. There was the gentle way and there was the hard way. This was going to be hard. "Because I get the distinct impression you would rather say you 'fucked up' rather than confront your mistake."
20:03 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Tell me, Cwn, why did you want to hurt him? He didn't call you weak."
20:04 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Is that what pushed you? You had to hurt him because he pitied you?"||
20:09 <Saff|Cwn> "He called me prey. Prey is weak." I snap, looking away from him. "I wanted to hurt him because... it was either hurt someone else or myself." My shoulders are starting to get sore from the position they're in. This whole thing sucks balls. "I usually keep that voice under control. I had other methods of stress relief. But I'm going stir crazy and it was
20:09 <Saff|Cwn> eating at me and I know. I sound insane." I swallow and look back towards Findlay. "I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry I almost hurt someone. I'm sorry I couldn't control myself. Can you please take off the handcuffs?"||
20:10 <Teruzi|Freeman> "You don't sound insane." Richard says. But well, maybe just a little. He ignores her pleas for freedom. "Think about what you just said to me. Why did that affect you so much? Why do you see yourself as a hunter?"
20:11 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard eyes the other people in the room, his expression grim. "Do you hurt yourself to prove you're not weak? Do you hurt others to prove that you're strong?"||
20:15 <Saff|Cwn> "I am strong! I ran Dead Man's Hand. I was a boss!" I'm desperate, pulling and tugging until I end up falling ass first to the floor. "I'm not just Wink's discarded piece of shit! I'm not a little lost girl! I get rid of the weak!"||
20:16 <Teruzi|Freeman> And there it is.
20:16 <Teruzi|Freeman> "What did he do to you, Cwn?" Richard mutters, feeling vaguely disgusted with Wink. He had read some about the man in question.
20:17 <Teruzi|Freeman> Before she can answer the turns to look at Sorensen. "You're trapped by whatever it is that happened still."
20:18 <Teruzi|Freeman> The he turns to look at Findley briefly before focusing on Cwn once more. "And until we don't do something about that ..."
20:18 <Teruzi|Freeman> He shakes his head.||
20:23 <Saff|Cwn> "Wink didn't do anything to me! What happened was I was mauled by wolves because I was weak! I ended up like this because I was weak! Mortal Lock fucked me over because of it. I let Coldhand die because he couldn't keep up." I take a breath, "Wink. Wink scares me. He branded me and he's plotting to kill me but he's not what broke me, Freeman." I try to stand
20:23 <Saff|Cwn> up, but fail without my hands. "I was screwed up before Wink. So stop blaming this on him."||
20:25 <Teruzi|Freeman> Well, that was an informative dump. "Hardly what I would call broken." Richard goes on, stalwart.
20:25 <Teruzi|Freeman> He hits space on the recording. "Rash? Yes. Controlled purely by your own feelings of inadequacy? That too. Not broken."
20:26 <Teruzi|Freeman> He sternly looks at Cwn. "Everyone has moments of weakness. No one is strong all the time. There's no need to be strong all the time either. You're with the PRT now. You're with us."
20:27 <Teruzi|Freeman> "We can support you. We will support you." Richard continues. "But putting you out there right now? That would be the opposite of supporting you. That would be throwing you to the metaphorical wolves."
20:27 <Teruzi|Freeman> ||
20:32 <Saff|Cwn> "I don't want to be cooped up in here any longer! Let me out there. Let me prove myself! I can be an asset to the team if you just *let* me!" I look up from the ground one more time, I can feel sweat beading on my forehead and collecting in my palms. "Please remove the cuffs. I believe that I am bleeding. I won't hurt anyone."||
20:34 <Teruzi|Freeman> "You're hurting yourself." Richard notes. But he silently defers to Findley.||
20:36 <~Antioch|GM> Findlay shakes his head. "Don't struggle against the cuffs." ||
20:42 <Saff|Cwn> "If I'm only hurting myself, what's the problem?" I try to swallow the lump in my throat and absolutely fail. "I understand what I did was wrong. I won't do it again. I'm fine. I'm fine. Just let me prove it!" I roll over to my side on the floor and frown. "I hate it here. I hate all of you. I should have just let Wink kill me."||
20:44 <Teruzi|Freeman> "The problem, Cwn, is that you don't stop." Richard chides. He stops when Cwn falls to the floor. Richard gives Sorensen a pointed look. "I'm going to help you it up again, okay Cwn?"||
20:45 <~Antioch|GM> (( You it up again? ))
20:46 <Teruzi|Freeman> ((>_> replace it for get))
20:47 <~Antioch|GM> ((Gotcha.))
20:48 <Saff|Cwn> "I stopped! It's fine. I'm fine!" I frown and pull my shadow armor over myself. "I don't want you to touch me. I don't trust you right now. You won't listen."||
20:51 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard fights his every instinct to roll his eyes. "And neither would you. Is this your behavior when you are fine?" He asks, serious.||
20:56 <Saff|Cwn> "It's what you want to hear." I snap, looking up at him with a dirty glare. "I don't know what you want from me. I've tried explaining. I've tried apologizing. I know I screwed up. I attacked him. I attacked him because I was mad and it felt GOOD"||
20:58 <Teruzi|Freeman> "I want you stop, Cwn. I told you what I wanted from the start." Richard says, slowly. "Stop. Breathe. Remember your exercises." He waits.||
21:03 Antioch|GM set the topic: Weaver Dice: Cleveland || https://goo.gl/17pJaD || Current date: 12/12/09, Saturday
21:25 <Saff|Cwn> "You're sending me to my room?" I roll my eyes at him. "I'm not twelve." I stop and take another breath. "Please. Just tell me what's going to happen to me. Tell me what I need to do. Because right now I'm worried that you'll all stab me in the back."||
21:26 <~Antioch|GM> The squad leader nods, then hesitates as Cwn speaks up, looking first at Findlay then Freeman for guidance. ||
21:27 <Teruzi|Freeman> Freeman speaks up. "Would you rather stay here and listens us talk about it? We haven't even decided what's going to happen."
21:28 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard smiles thinly at Cwn. "I can promise you, no prison. No stabbing." He gives Sorensen another pointed look. "Since Mr. Sorensen has brought up certain valid points, I think we need to deliberate."
21:29 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Do you want to know what you should do? Cooperate. Show willingness to carry out orders."||
21:35 <Saff|Cwn> "I want to see Valiant. I want to be out of this place. I want to not feel so fucking alone." Breathing. Right. In. Out. Shit. ||
21:37 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods. "You'll be out of here. Valiant will come to get you." He continues, aware that Cwn is still in a panic. "Don't let your thoughts get the better of you. Keep up the breathing. Do the other exercises we talked about."||
21:39 <~Antioch|GM> ...
21:39 <~Antioch|GM> "I've sent him a message with a summary and briefing," Findlay says.
21:40 <~Antioch|GM> "He's requesting to have lunch with her. Your call to make, Doctor Freeman." ||
21:41 <Teruzi|Freeman> Oh sure, make him the bad guy. Or the good guy? Hmm. It was worth considering. "I think ... I don't have any problems with that if Cwn has no problems with that."
21:41 <Teruzi|Freeman> Maybe a gesture she would appreciate? Unlikely.||
21:46 <Saff|Cwn> "I have no problems. With it. I have problems. I mean. Shit." Stop. Breathe. Breathe, Gwyn. "I would like to have lunch with him." I stop for a moment, then look between the three men. "May. May I have a glass of water?"
21:47 <Saff|Cwn> ||
21:47 <~Antioch|GM> Sorensen walks over to the water cooler, taking a disposable cup and filling it for her.
21:48 <~Antioch|GM> He's ostensibly on her side, but it's clear he's more than frustrated.
21:48 <~Antioch|GM> He moves to set the cup in front of her, then realizes she's cuffed, hesitating.
21:49 <~Antioch|GM> Findlay sighs. "Uncuff her, Winters. CX-ten-eighty."
21:50 <~Antioch|GM> "Sir," the trooper replies, releasing the catch on her restraints. ||
21:55 <Saff|Cwn> I let them undo the restraints and try to suppress every instinct inside of me that's begging me to run. I'm cornered, and my heart is racing. Still, I pull my hands in front of me and try to flex out the stiffness in my shoulders. My wrists are confirmed bloodied; they sting like hell and they're starting to bruise. I did this. I wanted to. I *wanted* to
21:55 <Saff|Cwn> hurt myself. And still they see me as weak. I'm not one of them. I'm slow and deliberate in my movements, only taking small sips from the cup. My eyes dart upward, catching Findlay's. "I lost control today. I don't want to do that again. I hope that you give me a second chance." ||
21:57 <~Antioch|GM> As she works her arm and fingers, shaking the soreness from them, she picks up the cup and sees her painted nails.
21:58 <~Antioch|GM> The water is cool on her throat, soothing when she sobbed herself hoarse moments before. ||
21:59 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard tilts his head at Cwn, slightly. "A lot of your actions are not directed at us, Cwn. But yourself. Look at your wrists. You knew that would happen. You still struggled."
22:01 <Teruzi|Freeman> "In a morbid twist, I think you enjoy the punishment." He says, his voice low. "I assure you that the PRT will do its best to help you overcome your difficulties."
22:02 <Teruzi|Freeman> "Do you think you can retire while Valiant arrives? No one wants to send you to jail." Richard says as he glances briefly at Findley. "You can be sure of that."||
22:04 <Saff|Cwn> "I deserve to be hurt." I say with a frown. "I struggled because it would hurt." I blink a few times and then look away. "I'll be fine until Valiant arrives."||
22:05 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard nods, then looks at the Lieutenant. Winters was it?||
22:06 <~Antioch|GM> "Where?" Winters asks.
22:11 <~Antioch|GM> ||
22:11 <~Antioch|GM> ((Oops, sorry!))
22:15 <~Antioch|GM> -||
22:16 <~Antioch|GM> Findlay pauses for a moment in consideration.
22:17 <~Antioch|GM> "Conference room 5A," he eventually decides. "Valiant will come up with lunch."
22:18 <~Antioch|GM> "Now," he says, exhaling, "Sirocco should be defoamed. I'm going to have a word with him."
22:18 <~Antioch|GM> "Freeman, do what you will."
22:18 <~Antioch|GM> He stands up, heading out the door. ||
22:20 <Teruzi|Freeman> What? No Doctor? That's just rude. Richard instead looks at Sorensen. He sighs before speaking. "I guess we should work out what happens next then."||
22:21 <~Antioch|GM> Winters salutes Findlay as he leaves, then holds the door open, waiting for Cwn. ||
22:27 <Saff|Cwn> I stand up and follow Winters, keeping my eyes locked on the ground. While he's not looking, I press on my ripped-up left wrist with my thumb, wincing as it burns. Deep breaths, Gwyn. In, press, out. The pain helps keep me focused on the breathing, strangely enough. It keeps me from thinking about all the possible things the Doctor and Sorensen could be
22:27 <Saff|Cwn> discussing, at least. There's no way that Mendez hasn't found out about what happened yet. I'm. I'm honestly terrified of what she'll say. I still have the urge to run, to run away from all of this. But I know I can't. One. Two. Breathe in. Press. Out.||
22:30 <Teruzi|Freeman> Richard watches the parahuman go. Oh dear, he would have to deal with Sirocco as well. Watching the recording had given him a pretty good idea on how to tackle that, thankfully. He turns to face Sorensen.||
22:31 <~Antioch|GM> ((End here, Tuzi, continue w/ Sorensen and Sirocco at your convenience?))
22:31 <Teruzi|Freeman> ((Yeah! Thanks Anti.))
22:32 <~Antioch|GM> Winters walks down the hallway at a measured pace, easy to keep up with even with dragging feet.
22:32 <~Antioch|GM> She stops for a moment, unclipping a small thing of what looks like pepper spray from her belt, turning towards Cwn.
22:32 <~Antioch|GM> ||
22:33 <Saff|Cwn> "What?" I stop in my tracks, my heart racing. Everything in me wants to swipe at her. I need to run. I need to get out. I can't breathe. "What are you doing?"||
22:34 <~Antioch|GM> "It's... antibiotic spray? For your wrist?" Winters replies ||
22:34 <~Antioch|GM> *replies.
22:35 <Saff|Cwn> "Oh. I um." I stop and try to relax, but my heart is still racing. "Thank you." ||
22:35 <~Antioch|GM> "Here, hands out. It'll sting a little." ||
22:36 <Saff|Cwn> "That's fine." I say, holding out my hands. In. Out. In. Out. ||
22:37 <~Antioch|GM> Winters sprays her wrists, a fine mist covering them. True enough, it stings.
22:37 <~Antioch|GM> Nothing like getting shot, branded by the barrel of a gun, or electrocuted by a Tinker gun, though.
22:38 <~Antioch|GM> "Do you need to use the bathroom first?" the trooper asks. ||
22:40 <Saff|Cwn> "Yes." I don't really need to, but I can at least take two moments to myself, unless Winters decides to follow me in. I need a moment to get myself together before I talk to Valiant. I'm worried I've already messed everything up. ||
22:41 <~Antioch|GM> They pause outside one of the restrooms in the corridor.
22:41 <~Antioch|GM> "Go ahead," Winters says. ||
22:47 <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah." I walk inside and proceed to go to one of the stalls. The door doesn't seem to close all the way but I don't really give a fuck. My stomach is doing flips, so I end up on my knees in front of the toilet, spitting up bile into the still-blue water. I flush, then walk back to the sinks and stare into the mirror while I wash my hands. I look like hell.
22:47 <Saff|Cwn> My hair dried unevenly, there are dark circles under my eyes... My lips are chapped and chewed and bloodied, though it's hard to see through the smoke oozing off of my skin. "Come on Gwyn. Get it together." I splash some water on my face, then try to rinse the puke taste out of my mouth before returning outside. "Ready."||
22:53 <~Antioch|GM> Winters has her helmet off by the time Gwyn leaves the bathroom. Her hair is buzzed short, there's an earpiece on her right ear, which has a lot of piercings but no rings. It's not a look that she expected.
22:54 <~Antioch|GM> "Let's go," she says, continuing down the hallway. ||
22:54 <~Antioch|GM> ** hallway, helmet tucked under one arm.
22:57 <Saff|Cwn> Oh. Um. I blush bright red and try to look away. "Yeah. Let's go." ||
23:01 <~Antioch|GM> They reach the conference room. It's not far, and it's on the same floor. She holds the door open, standing there.
23:01 <~Antioch|GM> "I'll be waiting outside." ||
23:05 <Saff|Cwn> "All right. Um... Thank you. For my wrists, too." God, I need to stop. I walk through the door and sit down in one of the chairs. My stomach is still doing flips, but I really don't want to puke in a trash can before Valiant shows up. Or *when* Valiant shows up. I try to keep up the deep breathing, even though everything in me wants to scream. What is
23:05 <Saff|Cwn> Valiant going to say? I've been waiting for this moment and now I only get it after I've fucked everything up.||
23:11 <~Antioch|GM> ((Willpower roll. 2h6+1.))
23:11 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2h6+1
23:11 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn (1) [2] +1 = 3
23:12 <~Antioch|GM> Being alone isn't helping. Thinking on it only stresses her out further, but she's able to push the thoughts aside, focusing on Doctor Freeman's breathing exercises. It takes a lot of struggling before she's able to regulate her breathing, and even longer for her heart rate to return to normal.
23:13 <~Antioch|GM> It only does a little to suppress the sense of nerves and nausea, even so. At the very least, she's not counting seconds off the clock. ||
23:16 <Saff|Cwn> "Come on..." I start rapping my fingers against the table, bouncing my leg. I'm fidgeting and nervous and... maybe I should just leave. Tell Winters I'm not feeling well, and maybe I should just go back to my room. There's still time to run. But I'm still glued in place. In, out. In, out.||
23:22 <~Antioch|GM> Winters pokes her head briefly into the room.
23:22 <~Antioch|GM> "Do you want anything in particular for lunch?" ||
23:27 <Saff|Cwn> "No, I um." I really don't feel like eating, to be honest. "Anything is fine." Though, I think about it for a second. "Actually, a ginger ale would be nice." I give a small smile, then start picking at my wrists again. They're bruised, and my smoke is bubbling forth from the cuts. I watch it as it rises and dances in the air. It's calming, at least a little
23:27 <Saff|Cwn> bit. ||
23:28 <~Antioch|GM> "Got it."
23:29 <~Antioch|GM> The smoke creeps over her, dissipating after it wafts too far away.
23:29 <~Antioch|GM> It seems to breathe in tandem with her. ||
23:32 <Saff|Cwn> I've never seen my smoke this way before. It pulses, it dances. It looks almost beautiful. I just sit and watch, taking longer and longer breaths. It seems like I've been in here for an eternity.||
23:34 <~Antioch|GM> The door opens, and Gwyn is too immersed in her smoke to register it for a moment. The smell of fries brings her back to reality.
23:35 <~Antioch|GM> Valiant walks in, setting a cardboard-handled takeout box on the table, and hands a plastic bottle of ginger ale to her. ||
23:37 <~Antioch|GM> ((we can pause whenev you want to go to bed, btw. i'm good for a decent while longer but i'm also good to continue basically any time.))
23:38 <Saff|Cwn> My smoke slinks back and hardens into armor over my skin, my heart near skipping a beat. I take a moment and let it dissipate again. I can't act so defensive. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't show. I um. I didn't get a chance to really introduce myself. I'm um. I'm Gwyn." I quickly wipe my hand on the leg of my costume before holding it out to shake.
23:38 <Saff|Cwn> It's a last-ditch attempt to not have gross and sweaty palms. ||
23:38 <Saff|Cwn> ((I'll go for a little while longer. We'll probably have to pick up tomorrow though
23:39 <Saff|Cwn> ))
23:44 <~Antioch|GM> "I know," he says, sounding a little regretful. "I should have spoken to you sooner. I'm sorry."
23:47 <~Antioch|GM> He shakes her hand firmly, then opens the box. There's chicken fingers, potato wedges, onion rings, some cookies in a wax paper packet. ||
23:48 <Saff|Cwn> "Don't apologize. You're a busy man." I look away from him and the food for a moment and swallow hard. The smell is making me nauseous all over again. "I should be the one to apologize."||
23:54 <~Antioch|GM> He smiles, but only slightly.
23:56 <~Antioch|GM> "Thank you," he says. "But I was the one to extend a hand to you. Your well-being should be my responsibility." ||
Friday, January 20th, 2017
00:01 <Saff|Cwn> I open my mouth to say something, but the words won't come out. I want to play it cool, give off a put-together and even arrogant air. I don't want him to see me as a sad, scared, and unstable little girl. "There are more pressing matters going on at the moment. It's really not a big deal." I can feel my face get redder. He probably knows about what I did
00:01 <Saff|Cwn> this morning. Everyone probably does. "I'm glad I can talk to you now, though." I give him a wide smile, so that maybe he can forget that I attacked Sirocco and nearly killed some squaddies.||
00:02 <~Antioch|GM> ((Social))
00:02 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1 come on cashy
00:02 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "come on cashy" [4] -1 = 3
00:05 <~Antioch|GM> As much as she tries to play it cool, she stumbles on some words, too self-conscious to speak with the air of confidence she wants to portray, but she doesn't fumble outright.
00:08 <~Antioch|GM> Valiant removes some food from the box, nudging some of it closer to her.
00:10 <~Antioch|GM> "Well, for what it's worth, I'm here now. What's on your mind?" ||
00:12 <Saff|Cwn> I ignore the food and dart my eyes down to the ground. "I don't think I'm fitting in here. No one really likes me. And this morning I screwed up, big time." I bite my lip again, but it's still raw and tastes of blood. "I don't think it's going to help my case at all. I just... I don't see why you reached out to me. I haven't done anything to deserve it."||
00:18 <~Antioch|GM> "Because you didn't get the chance. Your powers forced you into a bad situation. It wasn't something you could get out of, without help." ||
00:22 <~Antioch|GM> ((Pause here? 'tis bedtime for me.))
00:22 <Saff|Cwn> "But how did you know? I... I might just be a bad person. I might just want to hurt people." I meet Valiant's eyes for a fleeting moment, before looking away again. "I tried to hurt Sirocco. I used my powers recklessly and I could have gotten people killed today. I killed one of my own men when I ran the Dead Man's Hand, and I didn't care. And I sold
00:22 <Saff|Cwn> Coldhand out to Silver Bullet because I got bored of him. I don't know... If I deserve this."||
00:22 <Saff|Cwn> ((yeah i need to sleep. tomorrow!!))
00:22 <~Antioch|GM> |||

14:00 <~Antioch|GM> ...
14:01 <~Antioch|GM> "You seem convinced that you don't deserve this chance," he says, talking slowly and deliberately, as if choosing words carefully.
14:01 <~Antioch|GM> "Setting that aside for a moment..."
14:01 <~Antioch|GM> He pauses, still in thought.
14:01 <~Antioch|GM> "... do you want this chance?" ||
14:06 <Saff|Cwn> I want to disappear into the floor, to dissolve into vapor and fly off into the wind. "I do. Valiant... It's not just because I don't want to go to jail. I... I want to be here. I want to stay, and fight with you and help." My hands are shaking, and I can't stop staring at them. They're covered in ropey scars where the dogs bit me, areas that had to be
14:06 <Saff|Cwn> stitched up and salvaged to maintain some mobility. My knuckles are adorned with tattoos reading 'KILL' and 'HAND', and the whole thing just clashes with the bright purple nail polish. "I messed up today. I gave in to those stupid urges. Maybe Freeman is right. Maybe I want to be punished."||
14:11 <~Antioch|GM> "Or maybe not," he says, shrugging. "Tomorrow's another day. You're not destined to mess it up."
14:11 <~Antioch|GM> "Even if you slip today, there'll be people here to help you get back on your feet. As long as you keep looking forward. Nobody's expecting you to be perfect." ||
14:14 <Saff|Cwn> "It doesn't seem like there is. Freeman just yelled at me. Wanted to pass me off to another department. Sirocco and Undine hate me." I look up for a moment, catching Valiant's eye. "I don't feel like I belong. I'm a villain, Valiant. How can someone like me... How can I ever measure up to someone like you?"||
14:17 <~Antioch|GM> "Give it time, Gwyn," he says. "It took me nearly ten years to get to where I am. You've only been here four days. Of course you'll have a rocky start. It's not something that's going to happen overnight. Small steps." ||
14:22 <Saff|Cwn> "But, you're... You. You're a leader. You're trusted. You're a hero." I reach over and grab the bottle of ginger ale, turning it over in my hands before opening it. Maybe a few sips will settle my stomach. "I bet you never firebombed police stations, robbed shit," I swallow, "killed people." I push the bottle of soda aside and put my face in my hands. "My
14:22 <Saff|Cwn> power was made to destroy. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm deadly, that I need to be more careful. And I know that. But if I'm so dangerous why am I here? I don't understand! I just. I want... to understand."||
14:26 <~Antioch|GM> "I've never firebombed a police station, no," he replies. "It took me a long time before I was trusted. Longer, to lead this team."
14:26 <~Antioch|GM> "Your power can protect. You can make walls, defend. You can carve a path through rubble, rescue the trapped. People and powers aren't hammers. You're good for far more than one thing." ||
14:30 <Saff|Cwn> "I feel like I've let you down." God damnit, my eyes are watering again and my hands haven't stopped shaking. Still, I look back up at him. I can't hide forever. "You brought me here and no one wants to deal with me and I keep screwing up. They seemed to drive that home." Stop. Gwyn. Breathe. In, out, in... I start picking at my wrist wounds, pressing and
14:30 <Saff|Cwn> poking at them. I did this. "I just. I'm sorry. For letting you down."||
14:31 <~Antioch|GM> "You haven't given up yet, have you?" ||
14:33 <Saff|Cwn> "I don't want to. I begged them to keep me here. I still want to patrol, and soon!" I pound my fist on the table, knocking over the bottle of ginger ale in the process. "I'm ready. I can do this."||
14:34 <~Antioch|GM> The lid, only loosely placed on the bottle, comes off the bottle as it hits the floor, and a small, fizzy puddle pools beneath the table.
14:34 <~Antioch|GM> Valiant walks over with a handful of napkins from the lunch, placing them over the spill.
14:34 <~Antioch|GM> "If you haven't given up, then you haven't let me down." ||
14:36 <Saff|Cwn> "Can you talk to them? I'm so sick of laying around here and doing nothing." I look down at my phone to check the time, as at this point I'm worried that they've cancelled all my activities for the day. "I'm serious. I want to patrol."||
14:38 <~Antioch|GM> "I'll see what I can do," he says. "You've got a physical to pass first, though." ||
14:41 <Saff|Cwn> "Am I still scheduled for that today, or did I erm..." I pause and look down to my wrists again. "I can do it. I didn't get my ass kicked that hard."||
14:43 <~Antioch|GM> He nods, pulling his phone out and glancing at it. "Forty five minutes 'til," he says.
14:43 <~Antioch|GM> "Some food before you go will help. Maybe a light jog around the indoor track before, to warm up." ||
14:49 <Saff|Cwn> "Oh, I um." I want to say that I'm not really hungry. My stomach hasn't settled at all, to be honest, but still I grab a chicken finger and take a small bite. I need to stop fighting every single thing. The grease is at least comforting, reminding me of food runs with some of the DMH guys. It's making me think of KeAndre, who I scared away. Of Mal, who I
14:49 <Saff|Cwn> royally screwed over. I can feel a few tears on my face, and god I must look fucking STUPID crying over a chicken finger.||
14:49 <~Antioch|GM> "Take it easy," Valiant says. "You've got time." ||
14:51 <Saff|Cwn> "Sorry." I mumble, wiping a few crumbs from my lips. "I just miss someone I guess. It's fine. I'm fine. Pass the fries?" ||
14:51 <~Antioch|GM> He passes along the tray of fries, along with a small plastic cup of the tangy orange sauce that's supposed to go with the chicken fingers. ||
14:53 <Saff|Cwn> "I just. I got too attached. He wasn't into me like that. It's my fault." I shove a couple of fries in my mouth and shrug. "I'm sorry. You don't care about my mess of a love life."||
14:54 <~Antioch|GM> Valiant doesn't respond, expression unreadable beneath his armor-stylized mask. ||
14:55 <Saff|Cwn> "I should just. Stop talking." I stop and take another deep breath. "I guess I should. Go for a jog. Probably. I um. Shit."||
14:59 <~Antioch|GM> "Go for it. Exercise is a good way to take your mind off things." ||
15:02 <Saff|Cwn> I stand up too quickly, which makes me hit my knee on the leg of the table. "Fuck. Um. Look, just... forget I said anything about Mal. I don't..." I'm blushing bright red, and I can feel my armor starting to solidify over my skin. "I don't want you to think I'm some pining and crazy... lovesick... I don't know. Just. Forget about it. Please." ||
15:04 <~Antioch|GM> "Consider it forgotten," he replies. "Don't worry about it." ||
15:09 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. I um. Thank you. For lunch. I'd like to see you soon." Fuck. "I mean. To talk. I just. I'm gonna go. Bye." My eyes are glued to the ground as I hurry out of the room, and I start jogging down the hallway before he can catch up. I've thoroughly embarrassed myself. Now he probably thinks I have a crush on him. I mean, he's handsome, and tall... And he's
15:09 <Saff|Cwn> nice too. I stop my running and sit down on the floor in the hallway, pulling my knees up to my chest. Shit. "I've really fucked up."||
15:14 <~Antioch|GM> It takes a moment to catch her bearings and navigate back down to the second floor of the gym. The track circles above the main portion of the gym, with weight-lifting and other exercise equipment encircling it. There are glass studios with punching bags, a metal door labeled 'TARGET RANGE', and a variety of other fitness equipment.
15:14 <~Antioch|GM> One circle along the track is short. She tries to fall into a rhythm, focusing on running laps and not thinking of anything else. In tandem with the breathing exercise, she can focus on her footfalls, one after the next. ||
15:22 <Saff|Cwn> I focus on running, but I don't want to go until I'm out of breath. I just want to stop and push Valiant out of my head. Getting a crush on a superior is dangerous, especially since I'm a fucking mess. I need to focus on passing my physical and hoping that Freeman doesn't lock me in a padded room.||
15:22 <~Antioch|GM> ((Willpower -- 2h6+1))
15:22 <~Antioch|GM> ((And Athletics -- 1d6))
15:22 <Saff|Cwn> $1d6+1 willpower
15:23 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1 willpower rather
15:23 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "willpower rather" [4] +1 = 5
15:23 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6 ath
15:23 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "ath" [4]  = 4
15:23 <~Antioch|GM> ((One more Willpower -- highest of two))
15:23 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1
15:23 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [5] +1 = 6
15:27 <~Antioch|GM> She's able to concentrate wholly on running. Inhale, exhale, one foot, then the next. Her pace increases, but it's not taxing -- she's not in bad shape. It's enough to build up her confidence for the impending physical.
15:27 <~Antioch|GM> In her pocket, her phone buzzes, giving her a ten-minute warning. Not out of breath, heart rate at a healthy pace, the running's gone a long way towards fighting off the nausea and nerves. ||
15:32 <Saff|Cwn> I guess I should probably start to head over. I'd rather be early then late, as I'd rather not be escorted by another officer. I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to hide or get out of my duties, and I really don't want to be cuffed again. I stop for a moment to catch my breath and try to go over everything in my head. I've got to show them that I
15:32 <Saff|Cwn> want to be here. I can't freak out on everyone. I can't use my power unless I'm told to, and I really need to stop thinking about Valiant. In, out. God, it can get stifling in this costume. I walk to the side of the track and start unzipping it, stripping down to the sports bra and spandex shorts I wear underneath it. I pull my hair back into a ponytail,
15:32 <Saff|Cwn> using a hair tie I pulled out of my pocket, and then head toward where I'm supposed to be next.||
15:33 <~Antioch|GM> There's a PRT employee waiting for her downstairs in the gym in one of the empty exercise studios.
15:34 <~Antioch|GM> "You're early," she says, "but we can start now if you'd like." ||
15:37 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm serious about being here." I say, giving the employee a smile. For once I feel less self conscious about my body, about the scars and Wink's brand on my back. I don't even really mind my smoke that much. "Let's start. Let's do this." ||
15:43 <~Antioch|GM> "Great. You'll start by doing push-ups. I'll start the timer when you do your first, and we'll see how many you can do in two minutes." ||
15:44 <Saff|Cwn> "Um. Okay. Cool." I get down on my knees and take a deep breath before assuming the position. Heh. How many times am I going to end up like this today? "Are you ready?" I ask before I start the first one.||
15:45 <~Antioch|GM> "Ready when you are," she says. ||
15:47 <Saff|Cwn> Okay. I can do this. I start my pushups, trying to focus on both the quality and the speed.||
15:48 <~Antioch|GM> ((2 Ath rolls, 2 Guts rolls.))
15:48 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6 ath
15:48 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "ath" [2] [3]  = 5
15:49 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6 guts
15:49 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "guts" [6] [2]  = 8
15:51 <~Antioch|GM> The quality of her push-ups are somewhat inconsistent, scarring near her arms causing a few here and there to be shallow, but she pushes herself hard and finds her stamina not running low.
15:51 <~Antioch|GM> "Seventy-four," the examiner replies. "Not bad. Take a breather, two minutes of sit-ups when you're ready." ||
15:56 <Saff|Cwn> Damn. I could have done better. I'm still annoyed that I haven't regained all of my dexterity back. Most of the pain from my scars has dissipated but my range of motion is still shit. Sit up should be fine, I think. Unless the scars from my kidney incident fuck with that... Shit. I hope my kidney isn't going to like. Explode. "Yeah. I'm ready. I can do
15:56 <Saff|Cwn> this." I take another deep breath and then start. I'm probably pushing myself too hard, but I need to try.||
15:58 <~Antioch|GM> ((2 Ath and 2 Guts again.))
15:59 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6
15:59 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [6] [5]  = 11
15:59 <Saff|Cwn> ((ath))
15:59 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6 guts
15:59 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "guts" [6] [3]  = 9
16:00 <~Antioch|GM> ((Note for my annotations, Cwn has +1 to guts. Should be 10 and 11.))
16:03 <~Antioch|GM> If there's any residual damage to her guts from getting shot in the kidney back a few months ago, it doesn't seem like it. Maybe the kidney's just gone altogether? That's the problem with illegal doctors.
16:03 <~Antioch|GM> There's no pain in her stomach or excessive tightening of muscles. The sit-ups feel like a breeze, and it's easy to put all her focus into the exercise, trying to get as many in before the timer runs down.
16:03 <~Antioch|GM> "Ninety-one. Very nice. Breathe again, take some time to walk around the room and limber up. We'll do pull-ups next, as many as you can before you need to stop." ||
16:08 <Saff|Cwn> "I don't need a break. It's fine." It's probably not. Pull ups require my hands, and I *know* my hands are still jacked up. I walk over to the bars and start massaging my hands, in a vain attempt to try to limber them up a bit. They're covered in knobby scar tissue, and the tendons underneath are still weak. "Want me to start?"||
16:08 <~Antioch|GM> "When you're ready," she says. ||
16:10 <Saff|Cwn> "It's fine." I nod at her and grab ahold of the bar. "Please don't fuck up, Gwyn." I whisper under my breath before starting the first pull up.||
16:10 <~Antioch|GM> ((2 Dex, 2 Guts))
16:10 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6-1 dex
16:10 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "dex" [3] [5] -1 = 7
16:11 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6+1 Gutsu
16:11 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "Gutsu" [6] [5] +1 = 12
16:13 <~Antioch|GM> Though her arms feel noticeably weak, her frame is light enough that it's not insurmountably difficult. Her hands nearly slip, but she continues. There's no time limit this time, so she hangs, continuing to force herself up and over the bar, hanging there to catch her breath between every pull-up.
16:13 <~Antioch|GM> Eventually, the trainer says, "Alright, that's enough. There's no need to hurt yourself. That's plenty." ||
16:14 <Saff|Cwn> "I can do more!" I say, trying to prove it by doing another. "It's fine. I'm fine."||
16:15 <~Antioch|GM> ((1 Dex 1 Guts))
16:15 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1 dex
16:15 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "dex" [6] -1 = 5
16:15 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1 guts
16:15 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "guts" [1] +1 = 2
16:18 <~Antioch|GM> Her grip tightens, she hauls herself up and over, but feels something give way as she does so, slipping off the bar and landing awkwardly on the floor. She tests her arm, flexing her wrist and fingers. Nothing sprained, it feels like.
16:19 <~Antioch|GM> "Kind of like that," the trainer says, sighing and extending a hand to help Gwyn up. "Don't worry, you're well over the benchmark." ||
16:20 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm sorry." I mumble, dusting myself off. "It's my stupid hands." I try to flex them a little bit more so they stop feeling so sore. "What's next?"||
16:21 <~Antioch|GM> "How's your wrist?" she asks. ||
16:22 <Saff|Cwn> "What?" I look down, and remember the marks from the handcuffs. "Fine. I'm okay. If something were wrong I'd stop." ||
16:23 <~Antioch|GM> "Just checking. Part of the evaluation takes us down to the firing range, and I don't want to exacerbate any condition in your wrists."
16:23 <~Antioch|GM> "Here, let's head up to the track. Ten laps is a mile. Full sprint, I'll time you." ||
16:26 <Saff|Cwn> "My wrists are fine. It's just my stupid hands." I push a chunk of hair out off my face and take a deep breath. "The tendons got really messed up when I was attacked. They can get stiff and sore, and they don't work as well as they should." I freeze, staring at her like a deer in the headlights. "I can still do things! It doesn't prevent me from doing
16:26 <Saff|Cwn> anything! I swear, I'm fine!" ||
16:28 <~Antioch|GM> "It's fine. If you can't fire a gun, it won't disqualify you, just so you know," she says, leading Gwyn up the stairs. "Some of our best heroes can't aim for shit. I'm not trying to pass or fail you, I'm just trying to get an idea of your capabilities." ||
16:33 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. Okay. I guess I'll start the run." I nod and start jogging, my heart racing. I can't shoot for shit. Ke and Mal always did all that for me. Ugh, this is going to be a pain in the ass. My mind wanders as I start running, I think about Quickdraw, then to Sirocco, about all of the things that he said. I can't be both hunter and prey. What the fuck did he
16:33 <Saff|Cwn> mean by that? I'd like to talk to him again, maybe when the dust has settled. Thinking about Sirocco makes me think of Freeman and Findlay and then... Valiant again. God. Shit. ||
16:33 <~Antioch|GM> ((Willpower -- 2h6+1 and 2 Ath, 1 Guts))
16:34 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2h6+1 willpower
16:34 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "willpower" (1) [2] +1 = 3
16:34 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6 ath
16:34 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "ath" [2] [2]  = 4
16:34 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6+1 guts
16:34 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "guts" [2] +1 = 3
16:36 <~Antioch|GM> Her mind wanders. She can't focus, stumbling and nearly falling onto her face. She finishes the run, apparently doing badly enough that the trainer looks concerned.
16:36 <~Antioch|GM> "Are you doing okay?" she asks, holding the stopwatch. ||
16:38 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm fine. Was that... was that really bad? I can do it again!" ||
16:39 <~Antioch|GM> "Sure. We can redo it later. Catch your breath for now. We'll do a sit and reach, see how limber you are." ||
16:42 <Saff|Cwn> "Shit." I mumble and try to take a deep breath. "How bad was it?"||
16:43 <~Antioch|GM> "Ten minutes, fifty seconds. Don't worry about it."
16:43 <~Antioch|GM> She gestures to a small boxy device she sets down, something she's seen in P.E. class before. Feet against the box, lean forward, push the little marker. Easy. ||
16:46 <Saff|Cwn> Well, now I'm definitely going to worry about it. "Yeah. Okay." I sit down and start to reach. Please dear god let me not screw up.||
16:46 <~Antioch|GM> ((Dex, 2 Ath))
16:50 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1 dex
16:50 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "dex" [2] -1 = 1
16:51 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6 ath
16:51 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "ath" [6] [5]  = 11
16:54 <~Antioch|GM> Her legs are limber from the exercise, but her arms are stiff. She pushes the marker as far as it gets. It's fortunate that the test mostly hinges about her lower flexibility.
16:55 <~Antioch|GM> "No problems there," the examiner says. "Go ahead and redo your run if you want. We've got time, you started early." ||
16:57 <Saff|Cwn> "Yeah. Okay." I nod and walk back over to the track. I got to keep my head on straight this time. "Is this the last thing?" I try to stretch a little while awaiting her response, as maybe it'll kill my nerves.||
16:58 <~Antioch|GM> "This, the firing range, working with some of the weights and machines -- deadlifts, leg presses, so on, and the outdoor obstacle course." ||
16:59 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. Sounds good. I'll... I'll start." I nod and take off running again, this time trying to keep my head clear.||
17:00 <~Antioch|GM> ((2 Ath, 2 Guts))
17:00 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6 ath
17:00 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "ath" [5] [1]  = 6
17:00 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6+1 guts
17:00 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "guts" [5] [3] +1 = 9
17:05 <~Antioch|GM> Better, this time. She focuses on her steps and running, but she's starting to feel sore here and there. Even so, the end result is better.
17:05 <~Antioch|GM> "There you go. Seven forty-two. Way better." ||
17:07 <Saff|Cwn> "See? Told you I could do it." I nod, though my throat is starting to get sore. "Do you mind if I grab a drink before we go to the firing range?" I'm nervous about this part of the test. Between my aim and my hands, my gun skills are shit. I know how to clean one, I know that you have to turn the safety off first... But everything else? Who knows.||
17:08 <~Antioch|GM> "Water fountains over there," the examiner says, pointing, "but there's Gatorate in the break room fridge downstairs. No rush." ||
17:10 <Saff|Cwn> "Water'll be fine." I say, walking over to the fountain to take a long drink. Come on, Gwyn. You can do this. I take a deep breath after I finish and wipe away the drops of water and sweat from my lips. "I'm ready to go!"||
17:13 <~Antioch|GM> "Great. Follow me."
17:13 <~Antioch|GM> She's led back downstairs to the firing range. There's some procedure that she wasn't aware of before, in her day-to-day life of handling guns with Dead Man's Hand.
17:13 <~Antioch|GM> Safety glasses, earplugs, firearm inspection, a lot of safety questions and making sure she knows how to operate the damn thing. The examiner shows her to a booth, then stands behind a screen.
17:13 <~Antioch|GM> "We'll do short, medium, and long range. Let me get the target into position, then fire when ready." ||
17:15 <Saff|Cwn> "All right." I nod and look down at the gun in front of me. There's a small voice in the back of my head that's nagging at me. I wonder for a moment what would happen if I turned it on myself. I know what it feels like to get shot, but... I look away quickly, taking a few deep breaths. I don't want them to think I'm going off the deep end. Breathe in, out.
17:15 <Saff|Cwn> "I'm ready when you are!"||
17:17 <~Antioch|GM> The target moves into position, and the examiner gives a thumbs up. Odd, that they'd put a firearm in her hands so soon after her meltdown. An oversight, maybe. ||
17:20 <Saff|Cwn> I pick up the gun and take a deep breath. It feels heavier in my hands than I remember. Immediately, my finger goes to the trigger, and it takes a second or two to remember that it's not supposed to do that. Finger goes beside until I'm ready to shoot. Okay. Safety off.... It would be so easy.... No. No, Stop. I take another deep breath, aim, and shoot at
17:20 <Saff|Cwn> the target.||
17:21 <~Antioch|GM> ((Dex))
17:22 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 1d6-1
17:22 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [3] -1 = 2
17:23 <~Antioch|GM> The recoil and report of the gun shock her, even through the earplugs, throwing her off for a moment. She's hit the paper target, but not the human silhouette printed out on it. ||
17:24 <Saff|Cwn> "Shit. I can do better! I think." Damn. I put the gun down for a second and try to massage my hands some more. They're getting kind of sore, but I can't stop. ||
17:25 <~Antioch|GM> ((We'll speed this bit up. 14 more Dex rolls (1d6-1x14) unless you want to do something silly in the middle like shoot yourself.))
17:26 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 14d6-1
17:26 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [1] [5] [4] [1] [5] [4] [1] [4] [3] [6] [6] [5] [5] [3] -1 = 52
17:26 <Saff|Cwn> ((while it would be delicious character development, I don't want to go to the psych ward and or die so just the target today.))
17:29 <~Antioch|GM> Her first few shots are atrocious. Two hit at short range out of five, only one at medium range, but she finds some sort of rhythm near the end, two shots dead-center at the longest range and two more on the body besides.
17:29 <~Antioch|GM> "Alright, you got it," the examiner says. "Weights, next." ||
17:30 <Saff|Cwn> "Gotcha." I'm glad I can get away from the gun. I don't trust myself near it right now. I follow her to the next room, worried again about my grip. ||
17:31 <~Antioch|GM> ((5 Brawn rolls))
17:31 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 5d6
17:31 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn [6] [6] [3] [2] [1]  = 18
17:32 <~Antioch|GM> The first few go particularly well, but she might've overexerted something, pulled her hamstring on the leg press or something, because her showing on the last couple of weights kind of sucks. Still, it's better than expected. ||
17:33 <Saff|Cwn> Shit. I sit down for a moment and try to rub out the cramp. Maybe I'm pushing myself too far. "I'm okay. Just a moment."||
17:36 <~Antioch|GM> "Stretch it out, take a short walk. No need to push yourself so hard. The course, next, but you've got time to recover." ||
17:38 <Saff|Cwn> "It's not too hard. I'm okay." I say before standing up. I know I shouldn't push myself too hard. I'm not going anywhere if I get injured. But still, I don't want them to think that I can't do this. I try to walk on the leg, hoping that it won't give out on me||
17:42 <~Antioch|GM> The soreness and cramping eases down after a few minutes of hobbling, then walking.
17:42 <~Antioch|GM> "We can always do it later, if your leg is giving you trouble," the trainer says. ||
17:43 <Saff|Cwn> "No! No. It's fine. Feels better already. Let's go!" I turn around and flash a confident smile, though my insides feel like pudding. ||
17:45 <~Antioch|GM> "You'll want to change into these," she says, indicating a basket of longer-sleeved running clothes. "It's cold out. We've cleared the track of snow, don't worry." ||
17:47 <Saff|Cwn> "Oh. Okay." I nod and pull on a shirt over my sports bra. "Um, do you mind if you look away for a moment?" I say, indicating the shorts that I still need to get off. ||
17:47 <~Antioch|GM> She nods, turning away. ||
17:48 <Saff|Cwn> I quickly pull off my shoes, then the shorts, changing as quickly as I can. "Okay. Okay, let's go."||
17:51 <~Antioch|GM> The course outside has a lot of different things. Nets and ropes to climb, obstacles to crawl under, tests of agility, balance, and strength. It's daunting, the cold outside making the soreness in her muscles more noticeable, but at least it isn't snowing. ||
17:52 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. So, how do I do this?" I ask, looking over at the officer with a worried expression. The cold is making everything stiffer. I'm worried that I'm not going to pass. "Do I have a time limit?"||
17:55 <~Antioch|GM> "Nope. Start to finish, I'll time you. I'll start the timer whenever you're ready." ||
17:56 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. I'm ready." I nod at her one more time before taking off down the course.||
17:58 <~Antioch|GM> ((5 Ath, 2 Dex, 3 Guts))
17:58 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 5d6 ath
17:58 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "ath" [6] [6] [2] [4] [2]  = 20
17:58 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 2d6-1 dex
17:59 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "dex" [6] [3] -1 = 8
17:59 <Saff|Cwn> $roll 3d6+1 Ath
17:59 <[ATM]> Saff|Cwn "Ath" [3] [5] [2] +1 = 11
17:59 <Saff|Cwn> ((I mean guts))
18:06 <~Antioch|GM> She starts strong, pushing aside the thoughts of soreness, scrambling over and through and under the course.
18:07 <~Antioch|GM> Where she falters she makes up for it with vigor, pushing through and doubling down when she loses ground.
18:07 <~Antioch|GM> The portions that offer the most difficulty are the overhead ropes, climbing hand over hand with stiff fingers going numb from the cold.
18:08 <~Antioch|GM> She falls once, climbing back up and backtracking, but she finishes the course, panting and out of breath, air fogging up in front of her.
18:09 <~Antioch|GM> "Well done," the examiner says. "You're physically fit for patrol." ||
18:15 <Saff|Cwn> "Cool." God. My hands hurt. "So when can I go out?" It's a long shot. "Like, right now? Because I could!" I frown and brush my hair off of my forehead. "I. I don't need to get looked over by a doctor or anything, right?"||
18:16 <~Antioch|GM> "You'll get a message from admin when you get the all-clear. For now, you've got time to shower off." ||
18:24 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. Yeah." I nod once again. "Thanks." I need to get my hands warmed up. So I head back to my room to shower off. Maybe... maybe I'll get lucky. I walk in quietly, just in case QuickDraw is still asleep, and walk over to the bathroom. I turn up the water as hot as I can make it to try to soothe my aching muscles and let myself relax for a moment. Now. Now
18:24 <Saff|Cwn> I can let my mind wander. But still I keep getting stuck on fucking valiant. "God damnit."||
18:27 <~Antioch|GM> Quickdraw is still, remarkably, completely unconscious.
18:27 <~Antioch|GM> As scalding as the water is, it only serves as so much of a distraction. ||
18:30 <Saff|Cwn> "Stupid fucking Valiant, with his stupid fucking face." God, I hate myself right now. I'm so fucking stupid. I really, I can't do this. I can't fall for someone who I can't ever have. God. I reach out and punch the wall of the shower, a small cry escaping my lips.||
18:32 <~Antioch|GM> ((pause, rehearsal time))
20:35 <Saff|Cwn> -||
20:35 <Saff|Cwn> "God damnit!"||
20:38 <~Antioch|GM> The tile is cold against her knuckles. The reaction force of the punch stings. ||
20:39 <Saff|Cwn> I grumble as I shut the water off and get out, toweling down quickly. I really don't want to sit around on my ass while I wait, but I'm just too tired to get out and spar. Maybe I should go to the lounge with my laptop and chill out. Maybe that'll get my mind off of stupid Valiant's stupid face.||
20:39 <~Antioch|GM> Not quite enough time for that. Final costume time in 15 minutes, according to her phone. ||
20:41 <Saff|Cwn> "Damnit, damnit, damnit." I towel down my hair and throw on some clothes and run out the door as fast as I can, not bothering to be quiet anymore. Gotta be there early. Gotta show them that I'm reliable. I sprint down the hallway, dodging squaddies and suits and anyone in the way. "Sorry!"||
20:43 <~Antioch|GM> Not too many people get in her way. The lounge is empty and somehow already tidied up. Sorensen's office is open when she arrives, a fabric bundle on his desk.
20:44 <~Antioch|GM> He seems particularly stressed, and it's not too hard to imagine why, given the events of this morning. ||
20:46 <Saff|Cwn> "Reporting for uh. Duty? Sir." I stand in the doorway, half out of breath. Everything is aching, and I just want to collapse on the ground and sleep. I peer up to meet Sorensen's eyes and try to flash some sort of smile, but I'm assuming he's not having it. "I'm. I'm sorry for this morning. I make everything more difficult."||
20:48 <~Antioch|GM> "I can still work with it," he sighs. "Try not to get to the point where I can't."
20:51 <~Antioch|GM> "Here's your final costume. Reinforced fabric, breathable mesh ports that can be zipped or unzipped. Faux fur and fabric mask. Gloves with removable fingers. Red scarf is for public appearances only. Back holster can carry collapsible baton and flexi-cuffs, your clearance for pepper spray and smoke grenades is on hold." ||
20:55 <Saff|Cwn> "On hold?" I tilt my head to the side and run my hand over the fabric. It's soft and white. "But I passed my physical exams?" I don't wait for an answer before I start stripping down to my underwear, the door still wide open. There's a part of me that kind of hopes someone will see me. Still, I grab the costume and start to pull it on slowly. "Everything
20:55 <Saff|Cwn> seems to fit fine."||
20:57 <~Antioch|GM> "It's equipment requisitions. I believe that goes through Findlay, and you may need proper safety training to use them without risk of injury."
20:57 <~Antioch|GM> Sorensen doesn't turn away, nor does he look particularly interested.
20:59 <~Antioch|GM> The costume is tight, here and there, but mostly in the chest. It's constricting – not enough to hamper breathing, but enough to be uncomfortable." ||
20:59 <~Antioch|GM> * nix the "
21:03 <Saff|Cwn> "Is there a mirror?" I ask, twirling around to try to see if I can spot one for myself. If the costume is going to be this tight, it better look good. "And so I need to talk to Findlay. Great." I turn around to face Sorensen again with my same forced smile. "I'm great."||
21:04 <~Antioch|GM> He gestures to the full-body tri-fold mirror in the back, amidst the clutter. There's a platform in front of it. ||
21:06 <Saff|Cwn> "Right. Um." I go and hop up on the platform and take a look, making sure to pay attention to the chest. I remember them saying something about flattening it so that people wouldn't remember my um. Transgression as much. ||
21:10 <~Antioch|GM> It's pretty tight. Two sizes down, maybe. She doesn't look like Killhand at all, which is the point. Despite it, she looks good. Trim, in the right places, athletic. The scarf is a soft fabric, comfortable to the touch. Between it and the mask, there's not an inch of exposed skin, and only a trace of smoke surrounds her. ||
21:13 <Saff|Cwn> "It looks good. You outdid yourself." I turn around and take the mask off to give him a smile--genuine this time. "I love it. I do." I open my mouth again, but close it quickly. I shouldn't bug him about patrols when... he doesn't have anything to do with it. That, and he saw my meltdown this morning. "Um. About this... this morning. The Director... doesn't
21:13 <Saff|Cwn> know, right?"||
21:15 <~Antioch|GM> "No. Believe it or not, she has more pressing matters to worry about." ||
21:21 <Saff|Cwn> "Oh. Yeah. I guess you're right." I frown and look over to him. "I haven't been chewed out by her yet, so I guess I already knew the answer. Um. Thanks."||
21:22 <~Antioch|GM> "Thank me by staying out of trouble. I'd like to stay here too." ||
21:25 <Saff|Cwn> "Yes, sir." I nod. "Am I done here? Do I have any other appointments today?"||
21:26 <~Antioch|GM> "Not with me, at any rate."
21:27 <~Antioch|GM> He sets down a legal pad with surprisingly legible outlines of speeches and spiderweb diagrams sketched out on it.
21:28 <~Antioch|GM> "That said, if you wanted to work on your speech, your presentation – social aptitude and oratory, things of that sort, I can make time for you, given advance notice." ||
21:32 <Saff|Cwn> "I'll need that at some point. Last time I was at a press conference I almost hurled everywhere." I start to play with the fabric of my scarf. It's soft and warm and maybe I could just. Strangle myself with it. "I just. I want to know if I'm going to be allowed to patrol tonight. I know. I know it's probably a no. But. I have to have hope, I guess? I'm
21:32 <Saff|Cwn> trying to kill time."||
21:37 <~Antioch|GM> "I believe you're patrolling the base tonight. With a lot of our capes at the fundraiser, we'll need to ensure that nobody targets our headquarters, particularly with Cremator in our cells." ||
21:39 <Saff|Cwn> "Cremator?" Wow, that's a shit name. "Um. Okay. Will I be paired with someone or?" Shit. I can do this. I need to breathe. ||
21:43 <~Antioch|GM> "Think so. Dunno who, though. Gigawatt, maybe? You'll have to check with Findlay. Maybe Buchanan." ||
21:48 <Saff|Cwn> "Okay. I like Gigawatt. We um. We had lunch together. Shared some onion rings." I give a smile, even though I'm disappointed I won't be spending the time with Valiant. ||
21:49 <~Antioch|GM> "Good. And good luck." ||
21:52 <Saff|Cwn> "Thanks. I'll. I'll try to stay out of trouble." I give him a wave and exit the room. I guess I could wait in the lounge for a bit. Or maybe try to find a way to apologize to Sirocco.||
21:56 <~Antioch|GM> There's the option of going to the martial arts seminar she was invited to by one of the squaddies, and there's the option of finding some place to try and relax and not fuck things up. Maybe a nap. Or something. No idea where to find Sirocco. ||
22:00 <Saff|Cwn> I'm too tired for anymore training for the day. I decide to just try to find somewhere quiet. Collect my thoughts for a bit. Maybe I'll see Fleet or Feral. They're both relatively nice.||
22:03 <~Antioch|GM> She eventually settles on the small room she and Quickdraw had a chat in, curling up into a beanbag, after pacing the Protectorate quarters and finding it unusually empty.
22:03 <~Antioch|GM> Busy patrolling or preparing for the fundraiser, perhaps.
22:04 <~Antioch|GM> She dozes off for a long while, sore and exhausted with the day only partially open.
22:04 <~Antioch|GM> When she wakes up, it's night, no light filtering into the room.
22:05 <~Antioch|GM> No light save for the strobing red of the PRT's alarms flashing — it's the wail of sirens that jerks her violently awake.
22:05 <~Antioch|GM> ||||