Norse in Equestria 1

>An Anon is You
>Got that fucker?
>Good. Let's get started.

>You died
>Good job.
>You got a Roman sword through your stomach
>That's okay, you put your Dane Axe into his neck
>As the light fades, you can see the winged horses of the Valkyries circling above.
>Today, Odin calls for you.

>Your eyes open to a bright new world.
>You have you massive battle axe, and your bear pelt.
>You have what's left of your armor, and your wolfskin boots
>Your helmet is nowhere to be found, however.
>Oh well, like you need a Helmet
>You're a fucking Viking

>In the woods
>Must be a challenge
>Grab your axe and look around.
>Spy movement in the distance.
>It moves like a wolf, and it looks like a wolf.
>Time to kill some fucking wolves.
>Grab your axe.
>Run at the bitch
>Nigger don't you run from me, don't you know who I am?
"I'M THE NORSE, BITCH!"
>Bring your axe down on the wolf.
>Green sap, green sap everywhere
>Fucking hell, Sprigans and Dryads
>Sprigans and Dryads everywhere, all up in this bitch.
>Wolves made of wood all around you.
>Put on your fucking game face, it's time to make Odin proud.
>Don't fuckin' run now, Nigger. This shit's just getting started.
>Spin as a wood-wolf leaps at you.
>Grab that fuckers neck.
>Squeeze the life out of it with a grunt and a flex.
>Hurl that bitch at another attacker
>Grip your axe, leap at the knocked over Wolf
"FEEL MY RAAAAAAGE!"
>You're pretty sure you'd be on fire right now if you were any angrier.
>Wolves run like little babies.
>You've seen braver Romans.
>This only pisses you off even more, given that you can't eat this shit.
>Turn your rage elsewhere, time to find Valhalla
>It's very warm, that's a surprise

>Couple minuets later, you're on a field.
>See a few buildings in the distance.
>Buildings = Plundar, Loot, and >rape
>Time to get busy




>You're a viking
>Just arrived in Ponyville
>Walking through an Orchird
>The fuck kinda pansy grows their food?
>"Wut in tarnation?"
>Turn your ass around, see a small horse
>That's a surprise, still, Valhalla. Must be a horse that died a warriors death punching fuckers out.
>Horses are good in your runes.
"Noble warrior! I am newly arrived in this land, mind you show me to the Halls of Valhalla? I have fought my way through the Dark Forests to reach my land."
>Horse is surprised
>"You came from the Everfree?"
>Dark Forest = Everfree in Horsetonge.
"Aye, and destroyed many a Sprigan to get here."
>"You fought off Timberwolves?"
>Wolves of wood =/= Timberwolves.
>Idiot horse doesn't know shit.
"Yes! Many Sprigans fell to my axe!"
>Slap your massive two-handed axe against your chest, still stained with the sap of your slain enemies
"It was a good fight, but they could not lay low the might Anonymous!"
>Horse is shocked. Looks at you sideways.
>Look at horse sideways
>Was this some strange form of greeting?
>"Well, uh.. Good to meet ya then. Uh..."
"Indeed,