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Duke_Of_Derpy

10 boards in Equestria

May 3rd, 2012
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  1. >It was a cold night in P0nyville.
  2. >A freak storm was brewing on the horizon
  3. >Purple lightning shot to the ground
  4. >This storm wasn’t created by any Pegasi, and couldn’t be stopped by any unicorn.
  5. >It flowed into town and at the centre, it shot down a large lightning bolt.
  6. >All the p0ny residents came out to see the damage done.
  7. >In the crater formed sat 10 human looking creatures.
  8. >Their names were x-tan, tg-tan, k-tan, b-tan, c-tan, ck-tan, mu-tan, sci-tan, co,tan and mlp-tan.
  9. >Though sharing a common name suffix, they were merely housemates who had found themselves in Equestria.
  10. >These are their stories.
  11.  
  12. >x-tan and tg-tan stood there, looking at the mane 6.
  13. x-tan: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! THE SIX P0NIES OF THE APOCOLYPSE!!!!!!!!
  14. Tg-tan: Umm….There are only 4 p0nies of the apocalypse.
  15. x: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! THE FOUR P0NIES OF THE APOCOLYPSE AND TWO MORE SENT TO EAT US!!!!!!!
  16. Tg: I don’t think they will
  17. >tg-tan walks up to the p0nies.
  18. Tg: Hi, My name is tg-tan, and that’s my girlfriend x-tan. Can you tell me whe-
  19. x: HELP ME GREAT CTHULHU!!!!! SAVE ME FROM THIS EVIL AND DELIVER ME TO INSANITY!!!!
  20. Tg: I swear to god she is already insane.
  21. >tg-tan turns around and hugs x-tan.
  22. Tg: I promise I will not let anything hurt you here.
  23. X: Swear on your d20?
  24. Tg: I swear on my d20 that I will protect you.
  25. >X-tan smiles and they both turn to talk to the p0nies, to find they had walked off.
  26. X:That was rude.
  27.  
  28. >K-tan was running as fast as he could. When he landed, he found all his guns were gone. Whether these p0nies had stole them, or the rift had filtered them out, he didn’t know. But he didn’t want to take the chance.
  29. k-tan: if those fucks want to up and die, that’s their deal.
  30. >He found his way into a large forest.
  31. K: perfect, just like basic training.
  32. >He snapped off a simple branch to use as a weapon. If shit went down, he didn’t want to be high and dry. He heard a snap of twigs behind him and he spun. There stood a zebra with a staff next to her.
  33. Z: Who dares trespass on my land, you best leave monkey lest your pain be grand.
  34. K: Oh geez. You working for those p0nies too.
  35. >K-tan raised his make shift staff, as did the zebra.
  36. >The fight scene was so awesome, the author couldn’t put it into words. Eventually k-tan tired out. No matter what training he had, he didn’t have the stamina to match this animal.
  37. >He began to laugh
  38. Z: How dare you think its time to laugh, maybe you would like to taste my staff?
  39. K: I’m sorry, I haven’t had a good fight like that in ages. My housemates and I found our way into this land, I was just trying to find a way home.
  40. >The zebra looked at k-tan and walked away.
  41. Z: If you need some help quite most, my hut is only very close.
  42. >k-tan followed the zebra, hoping for some food.
  43.  
  44. >b-tan decided to look at this in a new light. He fought his way to Canterlot, punching any “fucking cancer” that got in his way. For a skinny hipster, he had the rage to beat off every royal guard that tried to attack him.
  45. >He now stood in the throne room, staring down Troll-estia.
  46. B-tan: You and your kind have ruined my life!
  47. >he spat
  48. >T: How could I have done this? Did you not just get transported here?
  49. B: Don’t give me that crap! You probably brought me here to mess with me and the others were just collateral.
  50. >Trollestia shot a magic bolt at b-tan. It hit him straight in the chest and out the window. He landed in the royal garden next to a statue of Discord.
  51. >The statue stared to shake and broke apart. In a flash of light, Discord was released from his stone prison.
  52. >D: I’M FREE!
  53. >b-tan jumped up and snapped Discords neck as Trollestia floated down to the ground.
  54. >T: You…You killed him.
  55. B: YES! IT WAS THAT FUCKING EASY!! Jesus fucking Christ, if you don’t want him to escape, then kill the fucker.
  56. >Trollestia’s face changed to a blush and she began to whimper.
  57. >Molestia: Take me, o god king of men.
  58. >B-tan took Molestia because who could turn down a good horse fucking. He is now the King of Equestria, and constantly “Bel-Air’s” p0nies.
  59.  
  60. >ck-tan took the high road, and tried to be nice to the p0nies. She found a pink one who loved to bake.
  61. Ck-tan: So, Pinkie Pie, You like baking?
  62. >PP: YEP! It’s the most wonderous thing in the world and all my friends love my cakes.
  63. Ck: I love baking too. What do you like to bake?
  64. >PP: absolutely everything!
  65. >Pinkie Pie gasps violently.
  66. >PP: I haven’t thrown you a welcome to P0nyville party. I have to do that now!
  67. Ck: Well can I help you bake? I would hate to make you do all the work.
  68. >PP: Okie Dokie Lokie.
  69. Ck: Okay, I just need to find c-tan. Did you see her?
  70. >High Pitch screaming can be heard from out the front of the store. Pinkie Pie and ck-tan ran out to see a small child wrestling with a laughing yellow Pegasus.
  71. >FS: Help *giggle* Help me Pinkie!! She is *giggle* she is tickling me!
  72. Ck: c-tan, stop tickling the p0ny.
  73. >c-tan stopped and ran over to ck-tan
  74. C-tan: I’m sorry. She was just so fluffy.
  75. >FS: It’s okay. It was kinda fun.
  76. >c-tan tackled Fluttershy again and continued to tickle her. Ck-tan and Pinkie Pie went back inside to plan the party.
  77.  
  78. >Mu-tan started his life in Equestria working the party scene at Pinkie’s parties but moved to manehatten to work the local clubs. It was in one of these clubs that he met a white unicorn with a blue mane and magenta eyes.
  79. Mu-tan: Hey, hows it going?
  80. >VS: Fucking super. You?
  81. Mu: can’t complain. I’m mu-tan, but everyone calls me DJ Mu-Tant.
  82. >VS: I’m DJ PON3, but you can call me Vinyl Scratch.
  83. Mu: So, you here to beat me up for taking your gigs?
  84. >VS: Nah man, your cool. I just heard your set, if bucking sick.
  85. Mu: So…you actually like my music?
  86. >VS: Course man! Who wouldn’t?
  87. Mu: I dunno. I don’t really talk to others a lot. I only came in for a drink, usually I just go straight home.
  88. >VS: Man, come one. The crowd loves you. I bet you could get and mare with your set.
  89. >Mu-tan’s left eyebrow shifted at these words.
  90. Mu: But what if I, am that kind of guy, I act all shy, cos it ain’t no lie, so I should really fly.
  91. >Vinyl nodded along.
  92. >VS: Come on Mu, here’s what you do, just take that chance, get them in your pants, just for release, it’s easy peace.
  93. Mu: But what if I like, a p0ny of music type, eyes of red and mane of blue, oh dear lord what should I do?
  94. >Vinyl blushed and mu-tan followed soon after.
  95. >VS: Well maybe this mare, might already share, these feelings you just drop, like the bass they won’t stop, even for her you see, she might just want to be, held in your arms close, and maybe in your throws.
  96. Mu: Do you want to come back to mine for a drink?
  97. >VS: What, no rhymes?
  98. >Mu-tan blushed.
  99. >VS: sure. I would like that
  100.  
  101. >Sci-tan was in the middle of an argument with the curator of the local library, a purple unicorn named Twilight Sparkle.
  102. Sci-tan: NO! That is impossible. You can’t blame everything that happens which you can’t explain, on fucking magic!
  103. >TS: But it IS MAGIC!! Everything in this world is. The sun and moon move because of magic!
  104. Sci: The sun and moon move because of gravity, a force that holds you to the ground. Not just because some stuck up bitch in some other city says so.
  105. >TS: Princess Celestia is not some “Stuck up bitch”, she is our ruler. And if magic doesn’t exist, how can I make you float in the air like this?
  106. >Sci-tan looked down to see he was in fact floating in mid-air, surrounded by a purple aura.
  107. Sci: There is merely less gravity here, making my body float.
  108. >Twilight dropped him with a growl.
  109. >TS: How can you be so closed minded you stupid... ignorant…monkey.
  110. Sci: brain-dead horse!
  111. >TS: Magicless windbag!
  112. Sci: mindless follower of a tyrant!
  113. >The next morning, Sci-tan wakes up naked next to Twilight Sparkle, who was already smoking a cigarette.
  114. >TS: Well…I won’t say that technology is true, but you were a machine last night.
  115. Sci: You were fairly magical as well.
  116.  
  117. >mlp-tan and co-tan walked through the streets of P0nyville.
  118. Mlp-tan:This isn’t fair. Everyone gets a wonderful life with p0nies and look at us. Nowhere!
  119. Co-tan:Don’t bring me into this. I told you I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.
  120. Mlp:but…but…but you’re supposed to be my big brother. My BBBFF.
  121. Co:A what?
  122. Mlp:Big brother best friend forever.
  123. >Co-tan face-palms
  124. Co:You got that from this stupid show?
  125. Mlp:yeah? I thought that if I could find a way here, I would finally be accepted.
  126. >Co-tan stopped dead in his tracks.
  127. Co:Em-al? Please tell me you didn’t cause this?
  128. >mlp-tan hid her face under her fedora.
  129. Co:EM! You tell me now or I will…will-
  130. Mlp:You’ll do what? You already disowned me, everyone already hates me. There is nothing you can threaten me with.
  131. >Tears streamed down her face as mlp-tan ran off.
  132. >Co-tan found her hiding outside the towns apple farm, and he sat down next to her.
  133. Mlp:G-tan let me borrow his portal gun and x-tan showed me the runes to use.
  134. Co:Is there a way back?
  135. Mlp:I don’t want to go back. I’m better off here.
  136. Co:So there’s no way back? FUCKING HELL, EM!
  137. >Co-tan yelled into his hands
  138. Mlp: there is a failsafe. We get transported back after a week.
  139. Co:Oh…
  140. Mlp:Yeah…
  141. Co:I…I’m sorry for yelling at you.
  142. Mlp:Even though you disowned me for being “obsessed”, your still my big brother and I only got obsessed because I looked up to you.
  143. Co:And dating b-tan?
  144. Mlp:It wasn’t dating, I was assaulting him with p0nies. He just fell in love.
  145. Co:Come on.
  146. >Co-tan stood up and lifted mlp-tan into a piggyback
  147. Co:Let’s go see if we can find Derpy Hooves.
  148. Mlp:YAY
  149. Co:Just don’t tell anyone about this.
  150. Mlp:Okay Onii-chan
  151. Co:Hey, I get enough of that crap from a-tan.
  152. >Mlp-tan rested her head on Co-tan’s shoulder.
  153. Mlp:I love you co-tan
  154. Co:I love you too, mlp-tan.
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