March of the Fluffies - Spider Fluffy

Vanner, April 24, 2013; 00:45 / FB 10430
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March of the Fluffies, Part 1

>Flipping through the channels one night.
>Kind of late, and there’s nothing on.
>You’re about to go to bed when you hear the melodic voice of Morgan Freeman coming from Fluff TV.
>”Good evening, and welcome once again to ‘March of the fluffies.’”
>Dis gon be good.
>”We begin tonight’s journey in the woodlands of North America in the treetops, of all places.”
>The camera pans through the lush woodlands, before settling on a pile of brownish fuzz nestled on a low branch.
>”You might think to yourself ‘Now, how did a fluffy pony manage to get way up there? Far as you know, fluffy ponies don’t climb trees.”
>The pile of fuzz begins to move, and turn toward the camera.
>Eight fuzzy legs stretch in unison from the chubby body of a fluffy pony.
>The soft hooves patter in a circle revealing the smiling face of the Spider Fluff.
>Two adorable fangs grace his smile like tiny pointed commas.
>”Hewwo!” calls the Spider fluffy, raising a hoof.
>”Here we see that this is no ordinary fluffy, but instead the rare and beloved Spider fluffy.”
>The scene shifts to the spider fluffy scampering down the tree trunk and across the ground in a little eight legged waddle.
>Sure, she moves with all the grace of a fluffy pony, but it’s at least three times faster.
>”No one knows where the spider fluffy came from,” continues Morgan Freeman. “Some think that it was yet another experiment gone awry. Other believe that it was some sort of crossbreed with the now extinct Metroid promotional fluffy, and still others think that it just came about through the gross mutation of the unstable fluffy genome.”
>The spider fluffy hums to herself as she continues her waddle across the leave strewn ground.
>However the spider fluffy came to be, anyone can agree that they’ve far outstripped the potential of their vermin cousins.”
>The spider fluffy goes silent and ducks down into the drying autumn grass as she spots a small family of fluffies dead ahead.
>”Today, the spider fluffy has found the ideal prize: a family of fluffies with a father, a mother, and a few foals.”
>”Because winter is coming, she needs every last bit of energy she can find before she lays her eggs, and passes on.”
>The spider fluffy makes her way up to a nearby tree and starts grunting with gusto.
>A moment later, she expels from her behind great quantities of a what looks like cotton candy.
>After leaving her pile, she climbs up the trunk of the tree, and waits on a low branch with her eyes covered.
>”With that sort of hiding, she may not fool a human,” says Morgan Freeman, “but the fluffies below won’t be able to see her until it’s far too late.”
>”Skettis!” calls the fluffy in a chirpy, youthful voice. “Fwuffy haf skettis! Mmmm!”
>The camera focuses back on the fluffy family, which has turned to face the sound of the sound of the spider fluffy.
>The mother gathers her foals onto her back as they trundle over to the pile of sticky fluff.
>””No fluffy alive can resist the siren call of spaghetti,” says Morgan Freeman.
>”Sketti?” asks the male, speaking directly to the fluff pile. “You haf skettis?”
>”Hu hu hu!” cries the spider fluffy. “Nu can eat skettis! Too maneh owies! Pwease gif huggies, make betteh?”
>The male looks around, sniffing at the pile of fluff.
>”Fwuffy smeww wike skettis,” he says. “Wheh skettis? Teww fwuffy ow big owies!”
>”Nu huwties!” cries the spider fluffy, as she positions herself over the mother. “Gif skettis if gif huggies!”
>The father fluffy looks around a moment before hugging the pile of fluffy spider excrement.
>”Wha?” asks the father, as he finds himself stuck fast. “Wet go fwuffy!”
>”Then, as he begins to panic, the spider fluffy strikes.”
>She drops from the branches atop the fluffy mother, and pins her legs to the ground in a single swift motion.
>Struggle as she might, the dam is pinned and helpless in moments as the spider fluffy’s cotton candy like webbing cocoons her.
>”Eeee!” shrieks the “Wun bebehs! Wun way!”
>But it’s far too late for the foals, as the spider fluffy has already begun to tie them in their own sacks of fluffy silk.
>She bites each one behind the neck, her tiny fangs puncturing the tissue soft skin with ease.
>The fluffies shriek in agony as the venom starts to take hold.
>”Bebehs be gud!” she says, adhering the sacks to her underside. “Gon gif huggies to you daddeh!”
>The spider fluffy waddles over to the struggling father with a wide grin.
>”Wet fwuffy go ow gif biggest owchies!” demands the patriarch.
>”Fwuffy gif you huggies!” the spider fluffy replies.
>”To watch her embrace her prey might make you think that she desire companionship, or warmth, or any of the other things a fluffy desires in life.”
>She repeated bites the male, despite his sobs of protest, and shrieks of agony as the venom flows through his body.
>”But what she’s doing is injecting the male with her toxin over and over again.”
>The picture cuts away to a slick computerized drawing of the spider fluffy’s fangs.
>”When the venom comes into contact with fluffy DNA,” says the dulcet sound of Morgan freeman’s voice, “it causes this section, known as the merge fault, to activate.
>“Early fluffies could be combined to create larger fluffy ponies. While this ability didn’t carry past the prototype stages, it still allows fluffies to reintegrate lost limbs and organs from other fluffies.”
>The camera cuts back to the male fluffy screaming in agony as his body slowly looses its fluffy shape.
>”Unfortunately for him, that same gift is now causing every bone and organ in his body to lose to become a thick soup which the spider fluff will feed upon for the rest of the day.”
>The camera time lapses ahead for the next few hours as the male fluffy slumps into a puddle, and the spider fluffy feasts on the gooey strew inside.
>She finishes the meal with the webbed foals before turning her attention to the still webbed mare.
>”Having feasted upon the insides of her cousins, the spider fluffy now turns her attention to the sobbing widow that she left alive.”
>The spider fluffy gathers the web bundled mare and departs for the tree tops as night falls.
>”Now is the most treacherous part of the spider fluffy’s life. She must wait the evening as new life forms inside of her, hoping that her quarry not only livs through the night, but that it doesn’t escape.”
>The camera focuses on the hanging fluffy mare.
>”Huu huu huu,” she sobs.
>Day breaks over the next scene, as the spider fluffy drags the fluffy mare down from the tree top and onto the ground.
>The webbing is weak now, and the fluffy mare struggles free of it with little trouble.
>As she takes off at maximum speed, the spider fluffy is upon her again, once more pinning her to the ground with her eight legs.
>The spider fluffy mounts the mare and begins thrusting with reckless abandon.
>”eeee!” Screeches the mare. “Nu wan spechaw huggies! You giwl fwuffy!”
>”Enf enf enf!” replies the spider fluffy.
>It’s only a few short moments before the spider fluffy releases the mare again, but the spider fluffy looks far worse for the wear.
>”Sweepy,” mutters the spider fluffy as she makes her way toward the trees.
>”Her eggs laid, the spider fluffy has done her part to secure the survival of her species, and she will soon die.”
>”Fwuffy haf nappies,” she yawns, before cuddling up against the desiccated sack of fluff that used to be the fluffy stallion.
>A few short minutes later, the fluffy spider stops breathing, and lays motionless on the forest floor.
>The scene shifts again through the winter, following the mare as she struggles through the snow and ice.
>”As the winter progresses,” continues Morgan freeman, “the mare grows larger as the foals grow insid her.”
>”Gon be mummah!” she says to no one in particular.
>As the scene fades from winter to the first green sprouts of spring, the fluffy dam lays comicly bloated and immobile in a hollowed out log.
>She pants and squeals at every contraction, before finally yelling “big poopies!”
>”As the dam gives birth, the spider fluffies break free of their amniotic sack to swarm over the brood mare.”
>”Eeee!” she screeches as the baby spider fluffs swarm over her. “Munsta bebehs! Eeee!”
>”The dozens of fangs of the spider fluffies bite down, each injecting a tiny bit of venom into the mare, paralyzing her as the toxins begin to break down her organs.”
>The camera pulls out as more spiders fluffs swarm from within the dam, leaving the hollowed out log with the howling cries of the mare.
>”Few of the spider fluffies will make it to adult hood,” says Morgan freeman, leaning against a nearby tree.
>”But the ones that do will devour many fluffies in their life time, and help to control the vermin that have spread across our land.”
>”So if you see a spider fluffy, leave it be. Give it a pat on the head, or a fluffy foal if you’ve got one, and remember that the spider fluffy is your friend.
>He leans down to pat a green spider fluffy on the head.
>“Isn’t that right, Miss Muffet?”
>”Dat wite daddeh fweeman!”