100 offensive jokes

1_What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.

2_My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

3_What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.

4_Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

5_What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

6_What's got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

7_What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

8_How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.

9_How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

10_How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

11_Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver's Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.

12_Feminism.

13_So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer
patient.

14_Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all the trouble.

15_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

16_What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.

17_So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn't work.

18_How do you kill a redneck? Wait 'till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.

19_What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

20_What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.

21_How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.

22_Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.

23_What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.

24_How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.

25_How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.

26_What do you call 40 mexicans buried up to their neck in sand? A spicket fence.

27_How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.

28_Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.

29_What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.

30_What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.

31_How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

32_What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

33_How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to
revolve around her.

34_Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

35_Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.

36_Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

37_How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don't. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being
black.

38_What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.

39_A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.

40_What's difference between dollars and Jews? I'd give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.

41_How does a black woman know she is pregnant? When she pulls her tampon out the cotton is already picked.

42_Whats the difference between George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin? Zimmerman knew how to dodge a bullet.

43_One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

44_I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean,I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll
shoot anyone.

45_What's the difference between a Jew and harry potter? Harry can escape the chamber.

46_What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

47_Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

48_What's the difference between cancer and Black people? Cancer got Jobs.

49_What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a downey jr inside of them.

50_What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people? Dad.

51_What do you say when you see your T.V. floating in the middle of the night? Drop it nigger!!

52_Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? I can't unload a truckload of bowling
balls with a pitchfork.

53_How do you blindfold a Chinese man? Dental floss!

54_Why are black people so fast? Because all the slow one are in the jail.

55_What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

56_Why do brides wear a white dress? So that the dishwasher matches the washing machine.

57_What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill? A jail break.

58_What's faster than a nigga stealing your TV? His brother with your xbox.

59_What's the toughest thing about eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on.

60_What do you call an ethiopian with a bag of rice? A restaurant owner.

61_How can you tell if a nigga is pregnant? Have her squat on a watermelon and check it for teeth marks.

62_What's 7 inches long and hasn't been sucked in over 2 years? Whitney Houston's crack pipe.

63_What's the difference between a 4 year old boy and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

64_What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.

65_How do you make a gay fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.

66_What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.

67_What does a nigga and an apple have in common? Both look great hanging from a tree.

68_the parents of the sandy hook victims should of kept the Christmas receipts.

69_ Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

70_ How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple food to the ceiling.

71_ Why don't black people go on cruises? They're not falling for that one again.

72_What's the most confusing day in Detroit? Father's day.

73_What's the hardest part of watching a school bus full of kindergarteners go off a cliff? The erection.

74_What's black and blue, and scares mothers everywhere? Crib death.

75_What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an ethiopian? A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.

76_Fat logic.

77_What's faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon.

78_How did Hitler kill so many Jews? Free transportation.

79_What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to shoot and the other is fun to eat.

80_How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles? Nail it's other hand to the floor.

81_Black dads coming home.

82_How do you get a dead baby out of a blender? Nachos.

83_How do you stop a Mexican tank? You shoot the guy pushing it.

84_I just gave my sister head. First time eating cheese.

85_How do you fuck a special person? You go down.

86_Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Cause it wasn't born yesterday.

87_Why did Hitler kill himself? He got the gas bill.

88_How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS.

89_How did Jesus walk on water? Shit floats.

90_How does a black woman fight crime? She gets an abortion.

91_How do you drown a nigga? You pop their lips.

92_Why can't Mexicans play UNO? They steal all of green cards.

93_What's the worst thing about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven.

94_What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An erection.

95_What do fat chicks and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

96_What's pale, white, and bounces up and down in a baby's crib? A pedophile's ass.

97_What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

98_How do you get a white girl to suck your dick? Put mayonnaise on it.

99_What's the difference between a nigger and a pile of dog shit? Eventually the pile of dog shit will turn white and stop stinking.

100_What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down a baby's throat.