Cheerful Kindness

>You start to wake up.
>You feel a weight on your chest.
>As you open your eyes you see a...Small brightly colored horse.
>You do what any sane person would do at this sight.
>Freak the fuck out.
>You sit up as fast as you can, flinging the horse across the bed.
>It wakes up and starts panicking.
>It’s running around the room screaming.
"HOLY FREAKING CRAP, THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. HOW'D A FUCKING HORSE GET IN MY GODDAMN HOUSE?!"
>"I'M NOT A HORSE, YOU APE!"
"WELL I'M SORR... Did you just talk?"
>Brain? You there buddy?
>NOPE.
>Brain has left the building.
>Shit. Looks like you're alone.
>Now you do what any person that just saw a talking horse thing would do.
>You pass out.
>You start coming a few hours later.
"Wow... That was one weird dream..."
>"What was it about?"
"Well, there was this talking...."
>You look to the source of the voice to see the brightly colored horse is indeed real.
>"Oh no... Not again... Please don't freak out..."
>Brain, you there?
>Yeah... I think we won't freak out this time.
>Why'd you leave last time?
>I was late for my breakfast with your Liver.
>...
>What? I have to keep up good relations with your other organs or else you will die.
>O...kay...
>You feel something poke you in the side.
>You turn to see the horse is prodding you in the side.
>"Are you alright...?"
"Uh, yeah, sorry... When I get under stress I start talking to my body parts... It's a weird habit, I know, and why am I explaining this to a horse?"
>"I already said, I'm NOT a horse! I’m a pony!"
"Okay, pony, that doesn't change the fact that you talk. Ponies aren't supposed to do that."
>"What do you mean?"
"Ponies. Don't talk. In fact, Ponies aren't supposed to be a Reddish Violet sort of color either."
>"I'm actually more of a cerise color."
"Whatever doesn't change the fact that you're in my house talking to me..."
>"I would leave, but I don't know where I am. I don't even know how I got here in the first place..."
"What does that mean?"
>"It means that I was sleeping in my own bed, and woke up here."
"Well, you're taking it better than me at least."
>"I'm more used to this type of stuff it seems...It's more shocking to see my sister come home, drunk, with three stallions... The noises are worse."
"I... Did not want to know that..."
>"Sorry... I just wanted to tell someone..."
"It's... Okay..."
>There's an awkward silence between the two of you...
>The pony is the first to break the silence.
>"My name's Cheerilee... What's yours?"
"I'm Anonymous.... It's... Good to meet you Ms. Cheerilee."
>"Likewise, Mr. Anonymous.”
"I prefer Anon. I don't like formalities."
>"Then you can just call me Cheerilee."
"Well, okay then Cheerilee. Now, if you don't mind asking, do you have ANY idea of how you got here?"
>"Not in the slightest. The last thing I really remember from the day is taking the class on a field trip to Canterlot."
"Class? Canterlot? What?"
>"Oh, I'm sorry; I forgot to mention I'm the teacher of the Local school in Ponyville."
"Again, Ponyville? Canterlot? Where are you from, another planet?"
>"Oh dear... This can't be good..."
>She gets up, and walks to the window, and pulls the blinds open with her mouth.
>"Oh no... This ISN'T good..."
>You get up and walk to her side.
"What's so bad? It's just Manhattan."



Chapter Two.

>"Oh no, Oh no, nonono... This isn't good at all..."
>Cheerilee is pacing around your house.
"You okay? You're acting like I was... Ya know... Panicking..."
>"That's because I AM panicking... I have a class to teach!"
"They don't have a sub..?"
>"Not on such short notice!"
>"Ohhh, I hope nothing goes wrong.. I have a bad feeling."

> MEANWHILE IN PONYVILLE.
>A team of news ponies have gathered in front of the charred remains of the school house.
>A reporter for Equestrian News, Pale Narrator, was on the scene.
>"The schoolhouse has somehow caught fire, and Cheerilee is nowhere to be found. There are no reported deaths as of yet. We also have just got the 'Okay' to get a few words with Ms. Derpy, the short notice sub that was brought in, to say a few words about the sudden fire."
>"I just don't know what went wrong!"


>Back in Manhattan.
"Hey, what's the worse that could happen?"
>"Discord could break out again, the school house could burn down, and, and..."
"And..?"
>"And Derpy could be the Sub."
"O...kay... How's that bad?"
>"All of that could go bad, and THEN some!"
"...Huh. Well, let’s hope that Derpy won't be the sub?"
>"I hope not..."
"Look, you're just over thinking things right now. Lets get something to eat, and talk more then."
>"That... That sounds good."
>You walk into your kitchen and open the fridge.
>You hear Cheerilee follow you.
"Now, what do you want? I have some Carrots, Lettuce, Eggs, and some fruit."
>"A salad sounds good right now..."
"Okay. Salad for you, Bacon and eggs sandwich for me."
>"Thanks for the food..."
"No problem. Never eat the salads anyway. Students just give shit to me."
>She raises an eyebrow.
>"You're a teacher too?"
>You nod.
"Yeah, I work at the local university."
>"Oh, what do you teach?"
"Physics."
>You retrieve the items to make her salad from the fridge, and set it on the counter.
>You go back into the fridge and get the Bacon and eggs for your sandwich.
>"Why do students studying physics give you... Salads?"
"I don't really know. One of my students, Nick, is trying to get me to eat healthy. Don't know why."
>You open the pack of bacon, and pull out two strips.
>Laying the bacon on the counter, you head over to your stove, and turn it on.
>You pull down a medium sized frying pan, and put it over the flame.
>Then you head over to the sink, and wash off a spatula.
>You open a drawer, and get out a knife.
>You then head over to the counter, and cut the bacon in halves.
>Once the bacon is cut, you carry it over to the stove, and put in the pan.
>The familiar smell of cooking bacon hits you in the face.
>You turn and walk back to the counter.
>As you start to prepare Cheerilee's salad you hear her speak up.
>"When is the next time you go to work..?"
>You glance at the clock.
"In about... half an hour."
>"Oh dear..."
"Hey, I can call in sick. I have a small class."
>"You have a small class... And you work at a university?"
>You shrug.
"I chalk it up as people not enjoying physics like I do... That and this is a liberal arts university."
>She nods her head in understanding.
>You get out a bowl and open the pack of lettuce.
>You grab some out of the bag, and put it in the bowl.
"Now, I'm not too keen on making salads, but I can add some olives and carrots if you want."
>"Plain's just fine."
"Okay."
>Unsure as to what to do next, you set the bowl on the floor for her.
>She gives you a funny look.
"...What?"
>"Why did you set it on the floor?"
>Oops...
"I...err... Look, I'm a physicist, not a biologist. I just assumed that's how you eat due to your lack of hands."
>She smirks at you.
>"I assure you that I'm able to use a knife and fork."
>After getting a fork, you pick up the salad, and set it at the table.
>You set the fork next to the salad, and pull a chair out for Cheerilee.
"Ihr Sitz Frau"
>Another funny look.
"What? I never learned French. I don't want to surrender. I'd rather come off as angry."
>She shakes her head and sits in the chair.
>She grabs the fork in a manner that defies physics.
"I'm a physicist, and what you are doing doesn't follow the laws of physics."
>She puts the food in her mouth and looks at you with an eyebrow raised.
>She swallows and asks, "What, eating? Eating defies the laws of Physics?"
"No, the way you're holding that fork."
>"What do you mean?"
"Well... Never mind. I have to go finish cooking my food."
>She shrugs and goes back to her food.
>You walk back into the kitchen at the right time.
>Any longer, and the bacon would have over cooked.
>Using the spatula you washed, you flip the bacon over.
>It's time to start the eggs.
>You get three eggs out of the carton.
>Opening a cupboard you get out a glass, and crack the eggs into it.
>You get down a small frying pan and put it on the stove.
>You turn on the flame, and go back to the eggs.
>Grabbing a fork out of a drawer, you scramble the eggs.
>You go back over to the stove, and pour the eggs into the pan.
>As soon as they hit the pan they start to cook.
>You hear a sort of clopping coming from behind you.
>"You seem to be enjoying yourself."
"Breakfast is an art."
>"Really now?"
"Well, no.. But still, it has to be perfect."
>You start to scramble the eggs.
>You grab the salt, and take a pinch and sprinkle it on to the eggs.
>You stir the eggs more.
>After deeming the eggs cooked, you turn of the flame.
>You grab a piece of cheese from the refrigerator and place it on the eggs.
>You put a lid over the pan and let the cheese melt.
>You go back to the bacon and take it off of the stove and turn off the flame.
>You then put the bread in the pan that had the bacon in it, and let it soak up some of the grease.
>"That... Looks unhealthy."
"Probably is. Don't care though."
>The bread is toasted well enough and you swap it out for the other piece.
>After that piece was done, you take the lid off of the pan that holds the eggs and, using the spatula, take the eggs and put them on the bread.
>Now you can enjoy your dea-Err breakfast.
>You're about to take the first bite of your food when you phone rings.
>Disappointed, you set down your food and walk to the counter where the phone was.
>You look at the caller I.D. and see its Jacob calling.
>You pick up the phone.
"Hey, Jacob, what's up? Something wrong?"
>"I think I got slightly more crazy..."
"That's impossible. You're already fucking insane. What makes you think this?"
>"You know John, right?"
"...Your tulpa thing that keeps hitting on you?"
>"Yeah, him. Well, I think I have another one..."
"REALLY. What's its name? Phil?"
>"...Shut up, her name's Lyra."
"Huh. Least it's a girl this time."
>"Mare."
"...What?"
>"She's a mare."
"Doesn't that mean female horse?"
>"Yes. Lyra is a Talking pastel horse."
>"HEY! I'M NOT A HORSE!"
>"YOU'RE WHAT EVER I CALL YOU!"
>Wait, what?
>you feel a hoof prod your side.
>Putting your hand over the receiver, you ask her what she wants.
>"What are you doing? Why are you talking to yourself?"
"I'm not, I'm on the phone."
>She gives you a curious look.
>"What's a phone?"
>You hear more yelling on the other side of the line.
>J:"GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING HORSE. I"LL FEED YOU TO JOHN!"
>L:"WHO THE FUCK IS JOHN!?"
>J:"HE'S MY CRAZY."
"I'll explain it more later..."
>...You can hear the horse....
>You move your hand away from the receiver.
"Jacob."
>"I'LL FUCKING HAVE JOHN EAT YOU SAUTE'D IN MUSHROOMS AN-Yeah anon?"
>WOW. Bi-polar as FUCK.
"I can hear the horse you're talking about..."
>"...I think you might have caught my crazy."
"I'm PRETTY sure that can't happen."
>"Well, how ELSE do you explain a 4' mint pastel colored horse TALKING to me?"
"Let me ask Cheerilee. MY 4' high talking ho-pony."
>"What."
>You wave Cheerilee over to the phone and explain what to do.
"All you have to do is talk, and he'll hear you."
>"Alright..."
>You put the phone to her head, and she grabs it one of her forehoofs.
>C:"Hello?"
>L:"I'M NOT A HORSE. I'M A PONY!"
>You walk into the living room, and grab one of the handsets, and turn it on to hear what they're talking about.
>"Sorry ma'am."
>... Did Cheerilee just make Jacob say sorry? No one's able to do that. Dis horse.
>C:"Good. Now, would you mind putting Lyra on the... Phone was it?"
>J:"Yes ma'am. Horse th-"
>C:"She's a pony. Refer to her as such."
>J:"Pony thing, Oth-"
>C:"She has a name, use it."
>J:"Lyra, the other pony wants to talk to you."
>You can hear in the back ground "ANOTHER PONY?"
>After a small scuffle, you hear a new voice on the phone.
>L:"Hello? Who is this?"
>C:"Lyra? Is that you?"
>L:"CHEERILEE!"
>Ow, that was loud.
>C:"Calm down, Lyra. Do you know anything about what's happing?"
>L:"A little... I know that we're in the human world, which by the way, I TOLD YOU WAS REAL!"
"What."
>L:"Who was that?"
>C:"That was Anon, the human I woke up on."
>L: On? So, like... You had sex with him?"
>You and Cheerilee respond at the same time
>C:"WHAT, NO!"
"Aw, HELL NAW."
>You hear Lyra laughing.
>You let out a groan.
"Lyra, can you give Jacob the phone?"
>L:"Ugh, WHY?"
"I need to ask him something.
>L:"FINE"
>You hear the phone fall on the floor.
>L:"HEY, FATGUY, HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU."
>J:"I'M NOT FAT....I'm big boned."
>You hear Jacob pick the phone.
>J:"Waddya want?"
"How fast can you get here?"
>You hear knocking on the door.
>J:"I dunno. Like, 5 minutes?"
>You walk to the door.
"Okay, get here, and bring Lyra."
>J: "Alright. HEY HORS-"
>C:"PONY."
>J:"Pony... Come with me, we're going for a ride."
>You hang the phone up, and open the door to see your friend Brent with his own 4 foot high pony.
"...Another one?"
>B:"What's that supposed to mean?"
>S:"Please, PLEASE tell me you know what's going on."
>This pony is flying.
>Witt small
"What's WITH you ponies and breaking the DAMN LAWS OF PHYSICS?"
>S:"What?"
>You hear Cheerilee yell from the kitchen.
>C:"Anon, what do I do? The phone's making funny sounds."
"Ugh, Come in. Jacob's coming here in a few sec-"
>The door slams and Brent is no where to be found.
>The pony is still there, Brent is half way down the block.
>S:"What just happened?"
>You let out a sigh.
"Brent is afraid of Jacob... I'm Anonymous by the way. Call me Anon."
>S:"Spitfire here. Do you know why he's afraid of this... Jacob pony?"
"Person and no. I think it's along the lines of Jacob being crazy."
>You walk to the kitchen and grab the phone from Cheerilee and hang it up.
>C:"I thought I heard someone knocking?"
>Spitfire flies into the kitchen.
>S:"Hiya."
>C:"You seems familiar...”
>S:"That's ONE way to say 'hi'"
>C:"Oh, uh, sorry."
>S:"Hey, its fine. I'm Spitfire by the way."
>C:"OH! That's where I remember you from! You're the captain of the Wonderbolts, aren't you?"
>S:"Yep, that's me."
"Who're the Wonderbolts?"
>C:"Oh, sorry Anon, They're the main flying group of Equestria."
>S:"And the BEST."
>You roll your eyes and hear another knock at the door.
>As you get closer to the door you hear some yelling.
>B:"LET GO OF ME YOU CRAZY HORSE THING."
>J:"Hey, I didn't know you could do that. That's pretty nifty."
>L:"I can only hold him for a little bit longer..."
>You open the door and see Brent FLOATING IN THE DAMN AIR.
>You slam the door in their faces and yell, "YOU CAN COME IN ONCE YOU OBEY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS."
>You hear a thud then an 'OW'.
>J:"Okay... No law breaking out here..."
>You open the door and see Brent face first on the ground
>You help him up, and lead them inside.
>As they're walking inside you unconsciously give Lyra a dirty look.
>L:"What's with that look?"
"What look?"
>L:"This look"
>She mimics your facial expression.
"Might be a bi-product from you destroying the laws of physics."