Evangelion 3.0: Spoilers Will (Not) Be Contained

---------------Evangelion 3.0 Overview:
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In accordance with Ritsuko saying "Third Impact has begun" at the end of "2.0", the incident with the 10th Angel (Zeruel in NGE) is documented as the Third Impact.

So, deemed responsible for causing Third Impact, Nerv is dismantled by the government.
Misato and the other Nerv staff are confined, Eva-01 with Shinji and Rei absorbed is imprisoned in a tesseract and transported to the Moon. Then the story moves ahead 14 years.

All original Nerv staff except Gendo and Fuyutsuki have started an organization called WILL-E.
Their public pretext is restoring the red ocean back to blue, but in actuality they exist to prevent Gendo (Nerv?) from carrying out Fourth Impact. To do this, Misato and WILL-E advance the operations plans of the flying battle ship Wunder using Eva-01 as a power source. [I think that's what it says?]

Asuka and Mari pilot their Evas to perform a heist of Eva-01, which is imprisoned on the Moon. En route, they encounter the 11th Angel, but Eva-01 destroys it. (The TV sneak peak opening 7 minutes.) Asuka and Mari's appearances haven't changed due to the curse of Eva.

With Eva-01 back on the surface, Shinji is salvaged by Misato, as in NGE. Shinji then learns about the post-3I world and goes into despair. After that Wunder begins to make use of Eva Unit-01's power, and the 12th Angel is destroyed.
Kaworu appears before the despairing Shinji, and tells him that the world can be remade/constructed if they use the two Spears and Eva-13.
Shinji joins Kaworu and Nerv instead of WILL-E.

Shinji and Kaworu pilot the compound cockpit model Eva-13 and go to extract the Spear of Longinus and the Spear of Cassius that are impaling Lilith. But when they actually reach Central Dogma, both Spears were the Spear of Longinus. [buh?] Shinji pulls out the Spear(s) of Longinus so that Asuka won't meet a cruel fate again, but it was a trap by Keel and sets Fourth Impact in motion. As Fourth Impact is on the brink of happening, Kaworu stops it, and he blows up / ruptures. Because of the cockpit's compound arrangement, Kaworu bursts apart before Shinji's eyes.

Even after Fourth Impact is prevented, humanity is mostly extinct, and we proceed to "New/Sin Evangelion Theatrical Edition: ||".
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---------------Evangelion 3.0 TL;DR Overview:
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SEELE throws Eva 01 into space, with a tang'd Shinji and Rei still inside
They stay up there for 14 years
Misato goes rogue, found her own organization to fix the world and recruits Asuka, Mari, and Touji's younger sister, Asuka and Mari not aging because LCL exposure halts the aging process
They save Unit 01 from space, but Shinji and Rei decide to go back to NERV where Gendou is still in charge, also he has Kaworu.
Kaworu hits on Shinji while Rei disappears
Kaworu thinks he found out a way to fix the world with magic spears and Lillith, he and Shinji team up and even combine their Evas
Misato's organization knows better and sends forth Asuka to stop them
Kaworu and Shinji almost kill Asuka only to discover that SEELE tricked Kaworu and they really just started Instrumentality
Kaworu explodes himself to stop it, making Shinji all sad and reducing everything to a red wasteland
Asuka yanks Shinji out of his entry plug and holds his hand as they walk through the desert.
Also Rei is also in the desert with them somehow.

IT KEEPS TUMBLING DOWN.
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---------------Evangelion 3.0 Unit Status:
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Unit 00: Rei's unit, destroyed, possibly rebuilt into Unit 09.
Unit 01: Shinji's unit, combined into Unit 13.
Unit 02: Asuka's unit, destroyed then rebuilt.
Unit 03: Corrupted by an Angel, destroyed.
Unit 04: Annihilated during testing.
Unit 05: Mari's unit from 2.0. Self destructed.
Unit 06: Kaworu's unit, combines with 01 to make 13.
Unit 07: Unknown.
Unit 08: Originally seen in the 3.0 preview, it has since been revamped into Mari's new pink EVA unit. There are at least two version of it.
Unit 09: New unit shown in the 3.0 artbook, apparently piloted by Rei, resembles Unit 00.
Units 10-12: Unknown.
Unit 13: Created by combining Units 01 and 06, piloted by both Shinji and Kaworu.
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---------------Evangelion 3.0 Specifics:
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・シンジ目を覚ますとネルフ本部の白い部屋綾波が立っている
Shinji wakes up, inside white room in Nerv HQ Ayanami is standing [I presume they’re same room but the sentence order is so weird I can’t be entirely sure. It’s also possible Shinji wakes up and starts wandering around and finds Rei from some “white room”]
・綾波について行くシンジジオフロントなのに空が見えるボロボロの基地ピ
アノの音が聞こえカヲル登場
[While] Following Ayanami Shinji stares up from Geofront to sky he can see due to crumbling state of base, he hears sound of piano playing and Kaworu appears
・ついて行くとゲンドウと球体(13号機)時が着たら2人でこれに乗れと言われ
る
By following [Rei? Kaworu?] he arrives to Gendou and “Orb” (No. 13) and he’s told by two to pilot it [okay only way to make to sense of this is to assume 球体/kyuutai is referring to Eva-13 but…why球体? That basically means orb/sphere and quick googling didn’t bring up any eva specific meaning to word]
・綾波にお礼を言うため探すシンジシャッターを開けたら綾波全裸
Shinji searches for Ayanami in order to express gratitude to her and ends up opening shutters - there’s nude Ayanami
・ゲンドウと冬月がゼーレの所にいるがゼーレは沈黙
Gendo and Fuyutsuki are at SEELE’s place but SEELE remains silent
・ピアノをやろうと誘うカヲル、「君と同じ運命を仕組まれた子供さ」ピア
ノの映像楽譜が流れ自室でも練習をするシンジ
Kaworu invites Shinji to play piano, “We’re both children with same pre-arranged fate” Music video playing [in the background?] Shinji practices piano in his room
・カヲルにラジカセ治すように渡す夕方になりそろそろ帰らないとと促すカ
ヲルシンジは星を見ようと提案
Kaworu wants to fix cassette player and evening passes along until it looks like Shinji should leave home, this prompts Kaworu to ask Shinji come watch stars with him.
・次の朝服を着替えているとでかい事に気付き名札に鈴原トウジの名があり
驚く
Next morning while changing clothes Shinji is surprised by familiar name Suzuhara Touji on name tag
・カヲルに真実を聞きサードインパクトの光景を見せられる辺り一面真赤エ
ヴァの残骸の様なものも多数
From Kaworu Shinji hears the truth and he shows the scene of Third Impact – as far as one can see there are countless things that look like glowing remains of Eva
・Qレイともう一人レイLCLに浸かっている
Q Rei and one another Rei are immersed in LCL
・冬月と将棋31手先で積みこれなら楽しめるかと崩し将棋をやり始め母の事
を聞き写真をシンジに見せる
Fuyutsuki tells Shinji about his mother who’d giddily play Shogi with 31 pawns as well as start playing shogi kuzushi – he also shows him a video [okay I admit literal understanding is way beyond me as I don’t know shit about shogi, I’m not even sure if the bit about 31 pawns is about playing with 31 as opposed to normal 42 set or something else, “shogi kuzushi” seem to be some specific form of shogi going by japanese wiki. Point is Yui enjoyed Shogi a lot and seemed to have gleeful, finger rubbing attitude to playing it with Fuyutsuki. I also presume shashin is video and not photo due to what follows but again not sure]
背景にエヴァのプロトタイプで綾波シリーズや母が初号機にいる事を伝える
ゲンドウは巨大綾波の生首に話しかけている
In the background Gendo - who tells about how in Eva Prototype there’s [member of?] Ayanami series and within Eva-01 there’s [Shinji’s] mother - is talking to gigantic severed head of Ayanami [DUUUUUUUUUDE]
・シンジ回想自室でいじけている所にカヲルが来て首輪を外し自分に付け2
本の槍が必要とか説得し名前で呼び合う
Shinji is reminiscencing in his room and feeling sorry for himself when Kaworu comes, fixes his unfastened collar and tells him about two essential spears and persuades Shinji to have them call each other with their names
・13号機とマーク9がターミナルドグマ降下そこでリリスだったものに刺さっ
ている
槍が2つとも同じ事に気付きカヲルが長考
When Eva 13 and Mark 9 go down to terminal dogma he notices the spear Lilith has been struck with is exactly same thing [as his spear?] and this gives rise to deep contemplation on his part

Love you /a/.
Never change.

- Asuka !Eo53u3zAbI