AFMBE 6-7

Session 6

So the lot of us stop at a cave in the wilderness where the scarred one has her shelter, where Plot exposition happens, apparently GIRUGAMESH killed her parents and she's been trying to kill him for a while, the one time she got close she stole his amulet(which bears a likeness to the one we search) because she doesn't know how to knife a motherfucker, speaking of which, he only appears publicly at weddings(in fucking babylon mind you) and fucks the wife.

Why the fuck they get married in the one city with a god-king who rapes every wife is beyond me, but whatever. The scarred one is basically questioning his status as a "god-king", yes with the quotes, do babylonians even know how to fucking air quote?

Apparently she robs caravans singlehandedly, kills everyone in them, this includes pacifists, because it's justified since they're the kings men and thus they have to be evil, I have no idea why they don't change the fucking trade routes since people keep dissapearing.

She's pretty much being a sanctamonious cunt, really.

She also tells us how she was once mindcontrolled, but her old master saved her from it, this is just what we need so we ask if we can go there, she doesn't trust us because we could be mind-controlled, keep in mind that these guys can basically kill us just by just glancing at us, but whatever.

But back to the group now, TBG want's to spar against TSO to test his skill(read, he wants to train his martial arts), she tells him, in the douchiest way possible, that he won't be as good as her in over a hundred years, he says he's gonna spar anyway, rolls high, the GM just announces that she stops the attacks with her palm because she doesn't even have to roll.

Bridezilla on the other hand made the same roll while she and Broseph decided to train with her, she succeeded of course while doing a combination of cheerleading and actually wielding the sword. The training goes on for 3 weeks, TBG announces that he wanks while watching the others spar because TSO won't train him, he'll at least get improved stamina out of this.

The GM now starts to hint that TSO is gay.

Of course she is.

Eventually though, we get to meet her master who hastily announces that we're not fit to be trained, instead he will give us scar magic which protects us from mind control and other such things probably.

We all get different tattoos, Bridezilla get's what looks like Ivy, TBG gets what looks like fire, Broseph looks like a fucking circuit card and the merc gets a scorpion.

Of course, now we're going to kill GIRUGAMESH when he appears at the wedding, but first Broseph tries to get laid, the GM hates that shit though, no luck for him, when GIRUGAMESH does come though, TSO jumps down from her hiding place and shouts at GIRUGAMESH "DIEEE GIRUGAMESH OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT".

Since GIRUGAMESH has some guards following him we fight them so that TSO might fight GIRUGAMESH mano el mano.

TBG punches the heads of some guards, goes down from full 60 to like 4 health in one round, Broseph picks up what Bridezilla leaves standing and takes one hit which cripples him, everyone fumbles against Bridezilla, and the merc, with his player being not being present is actually of use to the group, he goes down though so we have to perform some first aid.

With all the guards down TBG decides to throw a dead one at GIRUGAMESH to give TSO the upper hand, GIRUGAMESH dies like a bitch, we escape from the city and wait for her in her cave,
End session 6.









Session 7

Since the scarred one did not come back to the cave the group is starting to wonder wether she was caught or not, Bridezilla and Broseph decide to investigate the city the very next day, in their own separate ways, Bridezilla listened in to the conversations of the people on the streets while Broseph got his by way of seduction, many times, you know, to make sure they weren't just making stuff up.

In the end though they both got the same bits of information, TSO had been caught by the high priestess of Ea after the fight and how the people basically think that women can't do anything, the pair returns to TSO's cave where The Merc lies, with TBG protecting him, both are in pretty bad shape and The Merc will be unconcious for a few more days.

The lot of us decide that the situation is pretty bad, the prison TSO is being held in is apparently built like a labyrinth, we'll need some help, so we decide to ask The Master for guidance, hopefully he'll still be in his cave.

He's still there, meditating and shit, we take a seat and tell him of the situation, to which he replied that he knew about it, (since we told him obviously, this became a running joke for the duration of the session) TBG and The Merc were still pretty messed up though, so he told us to return when our spirits were rested and our bodies were whole, it took about a month during which Bridezilla and Broseph made sure their information was up to date. They also purchase some armor for the group

With their wounds healed the group makes their return to The Master's cave, he's made some wraps for us, each containing our weapons of choice

TBG – Gets some spiked knuckledusters, he can now basically punchdecapitate anyone unless he rolls a 1.
Bridezilla – Gets a rapier
Broseph – Gets a mace (Still wrapped)
The merc – Gets some knives

We ask if the cult would be able to bypass the tattoos with their mincontrol at some point, the master, in his infinite knowledge of platitudes tells us that anything is possible given enough time.

And since we're going to enter a labyrinth we get a pair of coins that when commanded, the one held will be attracted towards the other one, so we basically have a ball of string, our battle-ready battle group is now battle-ready. Let's enter this fucking temple-prison in broad daylight, it's so fucking stupid that noone will expect it.

We just waltz in really, any hostile guard is hastily taken care of and we enter the labyrinth without any problem, we hide one of the coins under some sand and proceed to hug the left wall per Broseph's suggestion, eventually we meet a pair of guards, one is quickly decapitated while we have the other one show us the way to TSO's cell.

There are some guards outside, thinking we're some bigwigs(or maybe just being plain terrified by all the blood that should be on us by now) they open the doors to the corridor that leads to the cell just to get swiftly killed, to be fair TSO would've killed them anyway when we released her.

Which we do, she's hanging in shackles, naked and asks us what took us so long, then boasts about how she didn't tell them anything, we backtrack but Broseph hears noises through the walls, more specifically through one which is made of sandstone.

TBG strongpunches it down.

We find that the high priestess stands behind it, her bewilderment from our entrance quickly turns into anger when she sees that TSO is following us, battle ensues.

The first thing that happens is that TSO is punched through one of the the walls (which were not made of sandstone, as per our initial assumption), we activate our magic scars and lo and behold, by the magic of applied force, the high priestess has been transformed into minced meat. The battle was won in about 5 seconds, we ask if the high priestess will stay dead, TSO assures us that she will because of the special magic imbued in the weapons.

She then crushes the fuck out of the high priestesses skull before TBG has a chance to make a trophy out of it. We continue where we left off and follow the coin-string-magic until we're back at the warden's quarters. When TSO retrieves her gear, she realizes that she's been walking around naked for a good while.

Broseph tells her that it happens to everyone.

When we exit the temple there is of course a veritable army of guards, we tell TSO that she can take care of all of them if she wants, we make our escape while she kicks dudes down stairs like there's no tomorrow. All of us actually make it to the cave this time, where we meet The Master, Broseph remarks, in plain english, that the dude is pretty fucking ugly, The Master replies that he can understand what we say, in fact he'd been reading our minds since we first met, he apologized though.

He then tells us that he can bring us back from when we originally came, but that he'd die if he did so, it would also be the only way for us to bring back the gear we'd collected during our stay, we came to the consensus that it would be for the best if we returned with his suicideportal, he tells us that he will be ready at midnight, and that we should make our farewells and such.

This of course means that we're bringing gold and wenches through, on camelback, to the base on the north pole.

Broseph then utters one last phrase before they all go through the portal

"Peace out"

End Session 7