“Carillion is getting bored, I think it's about that time again.”

“What? It's only been two years!”

I sipped my tea. What a headache. “Well we just got news about a man named Ferion; saved a damsel from a troll swan. Damsel happens to be bastard child of Melthinia.”

“Who was she again?”

Oh, to be new to this soul suck of a profession again. Still, I was glad she was asking questions instead of hiding ignorance. I thought of what a great Wise Old Man she would make one day.

“Melthinia happens to be the most generous patron of Grimlon.”

“Grimlon?”

Well, I hoped she would be great at least. Sigh.

“Grandmaster of the largest bard's guild in the whole damn empire. Anyway, slaying a troll swan isn't exactly that impressive so there will be some legitimacy issues, but with those connections the transition shouldn't be too rough. I just hope this Ferion fellow is worthwhile.”

Oh, what I was in for.

---

“I have gathered us in Royal Hall for an occasion most joyous and momentous! A new beginning...”

What a relief it was to hear the emperor's voice not screwing me over. While one can always shove a script in front of an emperor, to these hero types words in a speech often mean little, whereas the tone of the reader can mean everything. I smiled at the thought of the enthusiasm and pomposity in Carillion's voice making Ferion more enthralled and pliable. At least, that was the hope.

“...most heroic slaying of such a terrible and fearsome beast...”

The mannacrafters were nearly finished tampering with my vocal chords, my voice now sounded of ancient wisdom and penis-having. My mind wandered to the guards. I say guards, but really with the amount of gem inlay of their equipment, their weapons would probably collapse under their own weight in a real fight. Not to mention their training was more focused on acting and acrobatics than tactics and security. There were real guards lurking in the shadows could actually keep a decent watch. But the odd thing was a soldier in the army wasn't much more combat ready than the actors. That's what happens when recruits aren't the bottlenecked resource, and equipment and training are. The army's weapons consisted mostly of splintering spears and the armour was whatever clothes were brought to the recruitment centre. In fact, with the all logistical issues involved in supplying the significantly differing needs of each species-

“...do hereby abdicate the throne, bestowing it upon Hero Ferion. This is the Final Imperial Decree of I, Emperor Carillion Maxnamus.”

Oop, sidetracked. Time to enter stage right.

The emperor looked at me, relief in his eyes. You could practically see the odd combination of boredom and stress lifting from his shoulders.

“Ah, Emperor Ferion, meet my, or should I say your, most sagely mentor, Elexian.” He turned to look at me in what appeared to be a state of reverence. “I am humbled to be in the presence of such a Wise Elder as yourself.”

A good start. I replied “It fills my old heart with hope to hear of-”

“-Yes, yes, now we must get to ruling! Clear the hall! Tell me Elexian, what dire business must I attend to this moment!” interrupted Ferion.

The old emperor Maxnamus almost seemed to sneer as he left us.

“My lord, there has been a mounting issue of the deficit, primarily fuelled by maintenance of this very palace. If this continues it threatens to-”

“-These lands are being threatened by Deficit? Who is Deficit and why is he interfering with the palace!? I shall venture forth and cut down this vile foe and bring peace to the people!”

Oh dear.

“I admire your heroic tenacity, but this issue is more complicated than-”

“-Complicated? There is good and evil in this world. I believe deep in my heart in the greatness of good and will gladly throw my life away like so much wood for the fire in order to end the scourge of evil. That is my principle and that is all there is to it! It is simple! Tell me now where Deficit is, and I shall strike him down!”

Knit the hero's narrative.

“Deficit is born in the words of the emperors, the toil of the people, the compassion and avarice of administrators. To slay the foe requires a different set of tools than swords, bows, and manna concentrators. It requires you to learn a set of ancient arts, such as the power of risk management, of return on investment, of liquidity and trade offs-”

“Trade offs!?” He practically spat those words. “I have heard of this concept, and it strikes me as the means of cowardice and compromise. We must do all that we can to bring good and accept nothing less.”

“But what we are able to do is not limitless. Look to our history, emperor after emperor has spent extraordinary resources in the aim of enhancing the glory and grandeur of this palace. But now the sheer size and lack of return we get on just the salary of the mannacrafter maintainers alone brings sleeplessness to my weary soul. For all these precious resources go not to the plight and welfare of the people-”

“To diminish the palace is to poison the words of promise to my dear beloved! I told my love that I shall give her the world, anything less I simply can not stand for. Love is only good, broken promises only evil! We can solve the plight and welfare of the people and keep my word, it can be done! It can!”

“You speak with such confidence, but your success has led you astray. If you do not heed my warnings then you are entering a duel with your arms tied behind your back. Just the worth of that footstool alone-”

“-I always win my fights, no matter the odds! I grow weary of these topics! Let us talk instead of the vile dread manna disease terrorizing these lands. I have witnessed the tragedy myself! I have looked into the eyes of children and saw nothing but pits of despair! What can be done!?”

“It wilts the heart to see such a sight but it is wise to acknowledge the plague is small and contained. While our prevention efforts have been exceedingly successful and heroic, the cost of the cure for this particular disease in comparison to others means the resources necessary to-”

“More talk of resources!” he shouted, his exasperation almost matching mine.

“Well, there is one alternative to that cure, but it challenges us in a far different way. We can easily flood liquid manna reserves into the Great Basin. But doing so will contaminate nearby water sources. There are many orcs living in that area, and they will suffer diseases of the mind, distorting their memories and even personality. To decide what is good and evil in this case is a task most difficult and taxing. But the will of the people is clear that this is evil and if we put our beliefs on this issue aside and choose to represent the-”

“This is no matter at all, for orcs are evil!”

Oh my, righteous bigotry.

“Your Majesty, I know they may appear ugly and their odour may pierce the nose, but to call them evil-”

“-is right! If you do not share this view, then I am afraif I must highly doubt your wisdom.”

Time to lie.

“I was simply about to say that calling them evil is unpopular, and that you are bold for doing so.”

“Good, is there any other advisor who thinks such wrong thoughts of orcs?”

All of them did, but only Paulia was bad enough at lying to hide it. That was one of the aspects I liked most about Paulia. Always straight to the point, no hidden agendas, just a sound understanding of finance and a fine talent for efficient administration.

“I'm afraid there is one your grace. In fact, I have a meeting scheduled this very day that will include she who is named Paulia.”

“You shall exclude Paulia on principle! In fact, banish her!”

“Your most Heroic Majesty, I must-”

“-I am sick of this, now go, obey my order at once!”

And that, my dear reader, is the moment. The moment I finally became the Cold Traitor. The moment I decided the Reign of Heroes must end. The moment I sought to destroy governance dominated by thinking in terms of stories and simplistic notions.

I bowed my head and made my exit. I walked down the halls to the office of the staff coordinator.

I knocked on the door, entered, and spoke “You asked to see me after the meeting of the emperor.”

“Ah, yes” replied the friendly voice.

“It was a small disaster, but nothing so terrible that it will affect the staff meeting. Is that still on track?”

“Everything is good on that front as long as Paulia shows up punctually this time.”

“Make sure she does.”