A cup of Punch

>A nice day in Equestria
>You're walking down the street when music begins playing
>Just a little tune that makes you smile
>Pinkie trots down the street and waves at you while singing
>She's an alright mare
>...
>Nothing like the mare you're going to see
>You enter the slums of town, never visited because it's basically the dump
>Aka, the home of your best friend Berry Punch
>While she is usually the town idiot, she is also drunk and knows her stuff
>So, you have teamed up with her to mix and sell the best booze
>The only problem is...
>You open the door and she tackles you
>"Oh sweetums! You're home! There's a viscous looking rabbit in the corner who keeps asking for my bits!"
>She's kind of become borderline retarded
>...and she loves you
Bet you thought I was gonna go breaking bad there didntcha?
>Yeah, lets just say the first batch wasn't the best...
>Celestia found out and tons of lawsuits were avoided by Berry declaring her love for you in court
>Now by law you come over to watch her so she doesn't hang herself with a jump rope or something
>Sad thing is that actually happened
>Left her alone in the park once for a few seconds while she played jump rope to go piss behind a tree
>You come back out and see her hanging from a branch ten feet in the air and flailing her limbs
>"Kill it!"
>You look inside the house and see a dead raccoon
Oh gross...
>You walk over and look closer
>Carved into it is...
>Oh my god
Berry...did you buy eggs and cheese at the market today?
>"Um...yeah! Yeah I did. Why?"
>You pick up the raccoon and show her
>"My shopping list! Thanks honey!"
>She grabs it by mouth and brings it back over to the spot you picked it up from
>"Now...where did I put that list?"
>She begins looking around in circles right next to her body
>As she does this you look behind her and see 12 cartons of eggs and three huge rotten wheels of cheese
>Then she looks back to the corner
>"AHHHH! ANON KILL IT!"
>God fucking damn it
>You pretend to bring your hand down on it and pat your chest with the other to make it seem like you did
There you go! Dead as it already was! Now let's get you out of here.
>"Oh great! I needed to go to the market for something anyways."
>You scoop her up and leave
>At least she doesn't smell like retarded people
>Saliva and shit because they can't properly wash and drool on themselves
>Fucking Retarded people
>Anyways, you carry her into town and Twilight crosses your path
>Berry yells out
>"Hello Twilight! Nice day it is!"
>But Twilight is right next to you
>Both her and you wince at the loudness in her voice as she continues
>"Can't you hear me?!"
>Berry cups her hooves to her mouth
>"I SAID NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING!"
>"Okay Berry! Okay!"
>Twilight yells back
>"I don't see why you have to be so loud Twilight. That hurts my ears."
>Twilight storms off pissed and you continue on to...
>Wait where are you even going?
>You should just go to SugarCube Corner, you're kind of hungry anyways
>And so you did
>Walk right through the front door still holding Berry
>As you're standing in line, some bitch in front of you lets a few of her friends that come in stand next to her
>Think that's Daisy
>Okay Anon, be nice about it
Daisy that's not cool, we were waiting here behind you.
>Daisy, being the kind and intelligent lass she is, replies with
>"Zigga I don see you with no pony else."
>Oh god they have mares like this here too...
>You lift Berry a few inches and then back
>"LIKE I SAID I don't see no pony else wit chu. So you best step the fuck off zigga."
Now wai-
>"That's not very nice flower mare."
>Berry cuts you off with an angry tone
>Apparently the retarded chick wants to take the wheel here
>You let her
>"And just what are you goin ta do bout it bitch?"
>Berry causually opens her mouth and vomit shoots out, splashing against the three of them
>They run out screaming and you walk up to the counter ignoring them
>Pinkie is there with a smile on her face
>"Hey Berrymous! How are you?"
That's neither of our names, good, and I would like three donuts.
>Berry hiccups
>"Make that a goose and we've got a pickle."
>You lightly shake your head
>Pinkie zooms out and comes back with a bag of that
>"Here you go Anon Punch!"
Pinkie stop combining our names right now or I'm going to hit you in the face.
>"What ever you say Bernonomy!"
Ugh...
>You grab the bag and head out
>Berry reaches into it as you walk and you hear a loud screech
>You look down to her
>She's holding the lifeless corpse of a goose with a ripped out throat in her arms and blood runs from the corners of her mouth
>"This donut tastes funny Anon."
>Some ponies who were watching run away in fear
Oh for the love of fuck Pinkie...
>You snatch it away and throw it into a trash bin as you pass it
>Then you grab a real donut and hand it to her
>"Thank you beautiful."
Shut up Berry.
>"I love you too."
>She enjoys her meal as you continue on
>Hoping something else to do pops in your mind
>Then the world turns 90 degrees and the back of your head is greeted by the ground
>Berry, having pushed you there, is now sitting on your chest happily eating the donut
>"Sorry, I had an itch. Hey Anon, how does it feel when I do this?"
>With a Swift movement she takes off your pants and begins sucking your dick
Holy shit Berry what are you doing?!
>You try to push her off you but her equine strength is too much for you to overcome
>You look around
>No pony is there
>Well you might as well enjoy it
>Outdoor sex is one of your many fetishes
>She gets you hard relatively quick and then pulls off you
Hey...why did you stop?
>She tearfully stares into your eyes
>"Do...do you love me?"
>Whoa Anon think this through for a second
>If you lie and say yes then she will continue
>But if you tell the truth and say no she'll be upset and stop
>Hold on a second, she's retarded!
>That means that if you say no she might think you said yes because she's fucking stupid
>Should you risk it though?
>...
>Nah, fuck it just lie
Yes.
>She smiles happily
>"Can we go to the playground again?"
>God fucking damn this bipolar retard
Sure.
>You stand and pull up your pants
>Then you pick her up and the bag of one smushed donut
>You throw it away when you reach the park with the swingset
Berry the sun is going to set soon so after this, we're going home.
>You say as you are setting her down on a swing
>After about the third push, all of the colts and fillies that were at the park leave
>Probably don't want to be in spaghetti situations with the special needs
>That's understandable
>She comes back down giggling and you push her again
>But she fucking lets go at the top
Oh shit!
>You run over to where she's going to land with your hands out to catch her
>She smacks head first against the slide 6 ft away from you
>See this is why you don't play sports
>You run over to her motionless body and check her
>She seems to be just sleeping
>Good
>You scoop her up and scan the area
>Good, no witnesses
>You begin to walk her back to your house, like hell you're letting her sleep in that roach infested hellhole
>Bon Bon sees you as you walk through the town and approaches
>"Hey, what happened?"
>She points to Berry
Oh, she just tired herself out. You know how life is for her now.
>"Oh I see. Have a good night you two!"
>Psssh like Berry can even hear her
>"You too Bonny!"
>You jump in sheer terror for the split second that Berry's voice hits your ears
Holy shit when did you wake up?
>You look down to her
>Fast asleep, even snoring
Okay...
>You enter your house and close the door behind you
>Head into your room and set her on the bed in a curled up position
>Then you get into it and face away from her
>"Goodnight Anon..."
>You turn to her
>She's sprawled out on her back with her mouth hanging open and drooling a little
>Her ear flicks
>Aw...she's so adorable
>Her leg twitches and-
>"PTHTHTPHTPHTHBBPTPHT"
>You grab the pillow and throw your face into it to avoid the noxious gas
>Fucking Berry