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- Chapter 5 - Dobby's Admonition
- The crew stood in their circle of confusion for a moment after Max and NAD left the scene.
- Just as they began to break formation, a stereotypical puff of smoke errupted in the center.
- As the smoke cleared, they faced the image of Judge Dredd gone rouge.
- "Durr! I'm El Mysterio, the new spooky ghost on this submarine!" he announced.
- El Mysterio paced around the inside of the circle, assessing the crew members as he continued.
- "I'm so spooky that..."
- "BOO!" he yelled in Cedric's face.
- "Scared?"
- Cedric had drawn back, more startled than frightened.
- He blinked a couple times before regaining composure.
- "Here's the thing you should know about El Mysterio," El Mysterio continued, continuing to pace the circle.
- "El Mysterio is so badass that he don't fuck around. He just goes and fucks shit up everywhere. He goes every day, straight up gangsta, ass boss hog mothafucker!"
- El Mysterio did his best to mimic NAD's smirk.
- "The best part is you can never kill me... Because I'm Never Fully Dead. Pretty badass, right?"
- The crew stared at him, blankly.
- "So if you don't want to fuck around with El Mysterio, gimme all your wenches so I can fuck 'em like a boss hog gangster! Best part is, none of you will never guess who I am, even though I know all of you in real life!"
- El Mysterio let out a belly laugh.
- "Pretty original right?"
- "This isn't me, for those of you who are wondering."
- The crew looked from EM, to NAD, and then back to EM.
- "I legitimately prefer you over Never Always Dead," Ranon concluded.
- NAD shrugged.
- "El Mysterio is more swaggeriffic, but EM and NAD are infantsauce compared to infantsauce. Koobaxion was fucking up shit before it was cool."
- Ranon looked a bit unsettled.
- It was actually HE who had been fucking up shit before it was cool.
- Cedric stole his schtick.
- Ranon's thoughts were interupted by his preference speaking.
- "Max is such a cool guy!" El Mysterio swooned.
- "He's so charming and funny! You all should upvote his account all over the place, because of how charming he is. And in such great shape! Man, I sure do love Max. Really."
- V shook his head in disgust.
- "Fuck you, faggot!" called Eric.
- "In great... shape?" Cedric repeated in disbelief.
- NAD smirked Max's smirk.
- "Yeah, if 'round' is a shape," he muttered under his breath.
- NAD closed his eyes and took a moment to interpret everything that had happened so far.
- First off, he had almost explicitly laid out for Max who he was, but Max couldn't name him.
- Maybe he was still in shock.
- Maybe Max was in denial that he was alive, or back to life, after he had killed him.
- Maybe the experience was so traumatic, Max had tucked it away into the folds of his fat--
- Did I say fat?
- I meant unconscious.
- ...and didn't remember that he had ever existed at all...
- NAD also pondered how long it would take the crew to realize he had magically reappeared on the wrong side of the hall, after walking off with Max chasing him.
- Perhaps Max had caused an epidemic of slow reactions and realizations.
- NAD noted that he would keep this in mind, and later spell things out more clearly.
- It was sad how they didn't recognize obvious things, like how Nantucket was to Charles as Khrinan was to NevAlDe.
- But really, how could they not notice him coming and going like that?
- Then again, as they say, "The only way you can leave a room twice is if nobody sees you come back in."
- El Mysterio was undoubtedly materialized electric energy, like Charles and Nantucket, but who created him?
- NAD was made in the image of Max, and EM - NAD suppposed - was made in the image of him.
- NAD felt a little honored to be copied, as copying is the highest form of flattery, but also was a bit insulted that his clone turned out to be an un-classy, unsophisticated douche bag.
- Sometimes EM spoke like a normal person, but most of the time, he spoke in a 4chan dialect.
- Because of this, NAD was forced to believe that EM was the result of a collaborative effort of two people.
- Perhaps it was the lovers, Alex Pollak and Summer Zuber.
- "I feel like this submarine is full of people pretending to be people," Ranon mumbled.
- Suddenly, a new face appeared.
- "So who are all of you?" she asked.
- "I was searching for Fall Out Boy and you guys came up. What's going on?
- V flailed his arms in excitement.
- "THE CYCLE IS REPEATING ITSELF!"
- The girl raised an eyebrow, but smiled.
- "I'm Kassy, by the way..."
- NAD looked the girl over, suspiciously.
- There was no way this girl was real.
- She was too new.
- She was too perfectly timed.
- As the Moscow Rules state, "Once is normal, twice is a coincidence, but three times is enemy opposition."
- It seemed like the crew was creating "Casey" alts just to freak him out.
- I mean, what the hell was with the name "Kassy?"
- El Mysterio pushed the limits with a fake crush on Max.
- NAD's thoughts were interrupted as V spoke.
- "Hi, Kassy. I'm V, and I'm an addict."
- With all eyes on him, Viesulas Sliupas gave a guilty smile.
- "...Wait, no, that's wrong..."
- Cedric shrugged.
- "Hey, at least it's a real person this time."
- "It's not," NAD assessed.
- "It's not me, but it's not a real person."
- Cedric looked at him, cockeyed.
- "Proof?" he demanded.
- NAD sighed.
- Were they really this blind?
- "Name 'Kassy'?" NAD began.
- "There's no such thing as female redditors."
- He threw his hand, as if to slap her, and his hand went through her.
- Her image flashed binary code before stablizing again.
- NAD quickly analyzed the digital information.
- "Lonelyifonly. Redditor for 17 days. 1 link karma. 1 comment karma," he recited.
- "Only one post on a sub other than ruleastwokings? Seems suspicious..."
- NAD's eyes narrowed.
- "Probably someone's alt. I'm just surmising. I could be wrong."
- "This is completely retarded," the other Max snapped.
- "Why are all these girls suddenly on board?"
- "Scott probably let them in," Cedric scoffed.
- NAD stepped forward, not telling the complete truth.
- "I don't know about the others, but I have a key..."
- Still, Cedric had a point.
- Scott WAS notorious for flirting with anything that moved...
- If the AIs were Casey's creations, Scott was most definitely the one who let her in.
- Suddenly, a lightbulb in V's head went off.
- "Oh yeah, where is Scott?"
- There was an awkward silence.
- It was true.
- The conversation had fallen quiet without Scott's snarky remarks.
- He should have been out to bitch about the body in the hallway the second it was found.
- Pondering heads snapped back into reality and turned to the supply closet door as it clicked shut.
- "Infantsauce? Is that you?" the other Max called.
- "No, it's probably just another Max," Cedric smirked.
- "Half true. It's me," Khrinan's voice answered.
- Sure enough, NAD was no longer in the circle.
- Cedric was about to ask why NAD was in the closet when the sexiest man alive, Patrick Tibor, strutted into the scene, swinging his hips seductively.
- "Um... Scott's dead in the storage room, by the way..."
- The crew stared at him, curiously, spewing things like, "What?" and "How?"
- "He knew he was going to die."
- Eyes shifted from Patrick to the supply room door.
- "He did?" the other Max inquired, curiously.
- From the other side of the door, Khrinan answered calmly.
- "I told him he was going to die. He responded with, 'Well shit.'"
- In an attempted vengence, V screeched and launched himself at the door.
- There was a muffled "thud" from the impact.
- Then V bounced back, blank-faced.
- "Ow..."
- He tried the handle.
- Ranon stepped up.
- "Excuse me, V..."
- He politely cleared his throat.
- "Will all occupants of this closet please move away from the entry way!"
- Then, with a swift Sparta kick, the hinges snapped and the door neatly toppled to the ground.
- The crew peered in; it was empty.
- Scott's murderer had disappeared without a trace.
- Ranon pulled on his detective hat and smiled his most charming smile.
- "Gentlemen, we have a case on our hands!"
- ... Who could NAD be?
- It couldn't be Scott.
- Scott was dead.
- It was time to think.
- Who would want Scott dead?
- (Well, who wouldn't want Scott dead?)
- (But seriously... Who would kill Scott?)
- Easy.
- Alex Pollak would.
- Khrinan saw these thoughts circulating in the crew members heads and sadly let herself out the escape chute.
- He never listened to her admonitions, though she had warned him before.
- "You're next."
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