[Secret Santa 2012] It's the Thought That counts

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Why are women so damn hard to shop for?

I walk through the aisles of the local department store, trying to find something to get Yuuko for Christmas. Problem is, well, I have no damn clue what to buy for her. I’m no ladies man, but hell, I should be able to find something for her.

A pen? No, she’s a librarian. She has like eighty pens, for fuck’s sake. Perfume? Hell no, she doesn’t go for stuff like that. A scarf? Nah, cliché. Jewelry? I’m not made of money.

I continue to wander the store, trying to locate that perfect little something she’d want; something that says “Damn it, I love you so much I actually spent time in public finding you a gift”.

Finally, I give up on the department store and make my way down the street, poking my head into every other store, just trying to jog my mind. I’m amazed at how hard it is to buy a gift for a woman. The real trick is trying to find one they can’t kill you with.

Food is out of the question, because they could just poison it and “share” it with you. You can’t get them weapons, for obvious reasons. Books are generally a bad idea, because, as we all know, information is the most dangerous weapon of all. Sun Tzu said that, I think. Then again, I figure if Yuuko hasn’t tried to kill me in the last year, why would she do it now?

I shake my head, trying to clear my clouded mind. Normally, it’s a steel trap in there, but this whole season’s got me all muddled up.

Finally, I see something in one of the shop’s windows that might just work. I’m not sure how she feels about clothing, but it’s five kinds of awesome, and cheap to boot. I’ve got to get it for her. I run in, buy it, and book it back home.

---

I might still dislike women, but I’ll admit - Yuuko’s one hell of a cook. As we let our dinner settle, the both of us meet on the couch to exchange gifts.

“Here ya go, Yuuko. I hope you like it”, I say as I hand her the hefty package. Her eyebrow raises at the weight of it; it’s pretty hefty for such a small bundle.

“I wonder what it is...” she mumbles as she rips it open, revealing a jet black vest, covered in pockets and holsters of all shapes and sizes. Staring at it blankly for a few seconds, she finally asks me, “Wh-... What is it?”

“It’s a combat vest! I figured you don’t have one, and it’ll come in handy when the world ends next year. It’s even your size, and I made sure to get the one with kevlar, just in case.” I’m sure she’s just trying to take it in. It’s pretty impressive, after all.

Sure enough, her mouth quickly forms into a small smile, and she almost chuckles a bit as she sets it aside, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek. That’ll never get old. “Thanks, Kenji. I love it. Now open yours!”

I take the small parcel from her, carefully and painstakingly wrapped in gold foil. It’s rectangular and light. I give it a slight shake to check the contents - you can never be too careful - and tear into it, opening the small box to reveal...

A tie.

A friggin’ tie.

It’s not even camouflage or something, it’s just... It’s plaid. Hell, it looks kinda like Hisao’s stupid sweatervest. It’s... It’s a fuckin’ tie. I mean, it’s not ugly or anything, it’s just... When the fuck am I gonna wear a tie?

I peak over the package at Yuuko, and realize I’ve made a pretty shitty mistake. She looks like I’ve kicked her puppy or something. Quickly, I backpedal, forcing a smile and swinging the thing over my head, around my neck.

“H-hey, it’s pre-tied. Cool. Thanks, Yuuko. I appreciate it.” She brightens up, that gorgeous smile of hers coming back. I’d kill to see that smile more often.

She grabs the tie and pulls me in, throwing her arms around me and kissing me lightly. “I’m glad you like it~.” We sit there for a bit, just enjoying each other’s company. I guess it’s more about the thought than the gift, isn’t it? As long as it makes her happy, I’ll keep wearing it, every day of my life.

Even if it looks kinda stupid.