American Anon - Enter the Fug

>Day Freedumb and Justice 4 Trayvon in Equestria
>It's a hard life, being the bastion of all that is Good in the land of magical talking ponies.
>The tragic truth is that Equestria is a monarchy and, like those gap-toothed Brits, their rulers are pathetically useless.
>And yet the ponies still believe that the sun, moon and stars bend to the will of their Matriarchs.
>But you've had enough.
>Today, everything changes.
>With a grunt, you roll out of bed.
>Your enormous bulk settles into familiar contours of the padded seat adorning your Rascal Scooter
>The now magically motored monstrosity hums to life, filling your single story home with a insectoid-like buzzing.
>Rushing along at a breakneck two miles an hour, you burst out the door and rattle your way down the street.
>Ponies wave and giggle as you pass, obviously impressed by the freedom your perfectly portioned body boasts.
>As you make your way towards city hall, the buzzing of your scooter is overshadowed by a vicious snarl that rips across the quiet village of Ponyville.
>True fear grips you as the sound echoes again, this time drawing the concerned glances of the ponies.
>As they turn to the sky, searching for wayward dragons, you quickly duck into a nearby McBurger in the Box.
>Though the door frame desires to restrict you from entering, the raw unadulterated FREEDOM jiggling within your body is too much for the wooden supports to handle.
>You buzz up to the counter and slap a bag of bits onto the counter.
>Fixing the counter clerk with a stare, you stare at one another in silence for a few moments.
>With a heavy sigh, you decide to do the worker’s job for him.



"YO HAHBLOW ENGLISH?"
>The pony recoils a little bit, his brow furrowing in confusion.
>"I, I understand you just fine, Mister Anonymous, we see each other every day..."
>What bunk.
>At least he speaks the native language.
>Shoving the bits over, you point to several of the pictures.
"I want those.  With extra mayonnaise."
>The counter clerk sighs and takes your money.
>Thirty seconds later, he places a satchel on the back of your scooter.
“See you at lunch, Mister Anonymous!”
"Great.  Hasta la vista, Paco."
>With a mighty roar, you buzz out of the restaurant, burgers in tow.
>As you munch on the sweet energy rich grease and trans fats, your target comes into view.
>The center of power in Ponyville
>The office of Mayor Mare.
>You have a brilliant plan in place
>Just like George Jefferson before you, you will rally the ponies of Ponyville to throw off the shackles of monarchy.
>Then, Equestria will follow.
>You can guide the ponies through the drafting of a Constitution.
>And then they can make you their king.
>Or President.
>...For life.
>Oh Anonymous, truly you are a brilliant American!
>And now, nothing stands in your way!
>Nothing!
>NOTHING!
>"Hey, big butt!"
>A chill rolls down your spine.
>That slightly scratchy voice.
>That off color demeanor.
>With a sneer on your lips, you turn to regard the grinning pegasus mare.
"Gay Pride..."
>She cocks her head, obviously stunned by your amazing wit.
>After a moment, she shakes her head.
>"Anyway, I was just wondering when we're going to get together and get you out of that chair!"
"It's a Rascal Scooter, and I'm never leaving it.  It's my primary mode of transportation."
>Rainbow Dash makes a buzzing sound with her lips before laughter overtakes her.
>Falling onto her back, she kicks her hind legs into the air and rolls around in the dirt.
>"Th-that thing?  You're serious?  Oh wow!"




>Your face goes flush with righteous fury.
>Before you can respond, the blue pony is back on her hooves, circling you like those fish on Shark Week.
>She reaches out and nudges your scooter.
>It rocks wildly, leaving you hanging on for dear life.
>You wail.
>She cackles and nudges you again.
>More rocking.
>As your bloated knuckles go white from hanging onto the handles of your scooter, you screech.
"Get your hooves off me you damn, filthy pony!"
>The eternal words of Moses bring her pause.
>She stares at you again, then scowls and gives your scooter a forceful shove.
>Time slows as you begin to tip over.
>Your Freedom Rolls jiggle as you fall.
>Out of the corner of your eye, you see your burger satchel fall from the back of the scooter.
>Fat and grease glisten as they catch the light of the sun.
>You moan and reach your chubby fingers for the all beef patties.
>Too little too late.
>They hit the ground with a resounding thud, throwing up a small pillar of dust.
>You follow shortly after, sending shockwaves throughout the entire town, knocking ponies from their hooves.
"Muh... muh burgers..."
>As you moan and reach for your ruined breakfast, you hear the flutter of Rainbow Dash's wings as she flies off.
>Tears well in your eyes as, for the first time, you understand why it is so important to protect the nation of Israel.
>You lay there for several more hours until Ponyville gets a crane from a neighboring town and puts you back on your scooter.
>It's well after dark as you make your way home, a broken man.
>You can feel your body shedding pounds as you fail to achieve your daily requirement of 10,000 calories
>Truly, Freedom has a terrible price...