Chapter 14: The Mirror That Reflects It

Chapter 14:  The Mirror That Reflects It

I find her classroom easily enough, and have the good fortune to actually find her in it.  I open the door and stick my head in, causing the entire class to come to a complete stop and go utterly silent.  I smile, partly because I'm amused by the effect I have on these idiots, partly because of the effect that I know I'm about to have, and mostly because I know that none of this is coming back to me.
"Hey Tish, come out here.  We need to talk."

I close the door and have to wait all of three seconds before she comes out, leaving a classroom that's buzzing with new whispers.  "Hey," she starts, trying to hide the tension in her voice.
"Hey," I answer.  "The answer is no."
Her face slowly turns confused, making me a great deal happier than it should have.

She starts to ask, but I don't feel like listening to her voice.  Not today.  "Lythalia said that you were interested in me.  The answer's no.  Just no."  I laugh, in part because I'm even having this conversation to begin with, "I mean, what did you think would happen?  Why would I ever want to date you?  What have you ever done to anyone that would make them like you?"  She just stares at me, taking the verbal beating.  "It would be one thing if you were even sorry for any of it."

"I'm sorry."  It's small and breathy, and interjected so quickly that I could've skipped right over it.
"No you're not.  You're not sorry for a damn thing you've done - if you were, you would've stopped.  You're sorry that you aren't getting what you want."
I turn and I walk away.  I've done all that I was asked to do.  I'm done with this entire damn school and every asshole in it.

---

Or, at least, I would like to be.  The exit's not a hundred feet away.  I could be out of here in ten seconds if I was willing to tackle Evette's two friends to the ground to do so.  Honestly, I've never been more tempted.
The shorter, bustier of the pair is Lily and the tall, strawberry-haired one is Lizzy, if I remember correctly.  They move in unison, smiling and greeting me as they move into position to block my escape.  It's such an obvious tactic that I almost want to mock them for it.  The door holds my attention for a while longer as I contemplate just keeping going, but eventually I turn to them as they talk between themselves.

"Well, I mean, we've already met before.  It's not like we're complete strangers."
"Of course not.  You're the little brother of our dear friend, Evette.  Tell me, how has she been of late?  I'd ask her myself, but all she seems to talk about is you."
One talks, then the other, like watching a pair bounce a ball back and forth.  "It's true!  It used to be that we'd only hear so much about that 'dear brother' of hers who offered her so much energy."
"But then she went and found a way to get even more out of you, and it's become rather unbearable."
"Enough energy for a dozen girls,' she says.  And then does she offer to share?  Why no, not even amongst her closest friends.  Doesn't that seem cruel to you?"

And with that, it seems like the ball has been passed to me.  They stare pointedly for a moment, awaiting my response.
"I want to go to bed."

They laugh, and it's so fake and forced that I almost cringe at the sound of it.  It's like they're trying to outdo the other's polite joviality.  Lily reaches out to stroke my arm, "Well, I'll admit that I'd rather like to do so as well."
"So long as we're talking about the same bed, here."
Painful, annoying laughter.
"Of course, there's no real need to go so far, isn't that right?  I mean, we hear tell that you can simply snuff that flame of yours whenever you want."
"If you were feeling generous and would let a pair of young women such as ourselves have a taste."
Lizzy places a hand on her chest above her breasts and puts on a pleading tone to her voice.  "We're hungry, you see.  It is so late in the morning, and we've not had any energy in hours."
"And your energy is so rich.  Be a dear, won't you?"

They step just a little wider than they intended and I twist and step, sliding out from between them.  I answer over my shoulder with "Nah, I'm good."

"No one knows where that rumor came from, do they?"  I stop, listening to Lily's voice as it shifts from pleading to prideful.  "The one that's going to get you kicked out of school."
"My, how strange that something like that would simply pop up."
"But I'm sure that, if we were to try and make it go away, then it would be like it never happened."
"Of course, we're much too exhausted to do so much work."
"We're so very tired and hungry, you see."

My smile has already spread across my face before I even turn around.  "Thanks, I guess."  Their expressions shift from arrogant self-satisfaction to confusion before I continue, "For making me get out of here."

I don't know what's going to happen, but it has to be better than what would have if I'd stayed.  To the hells with everyone who'd even consider that I'd join the order.  I'd rather be gone than deal with any of them.

---

My feet take me back to my house before I even pause to consider why.  I stand outside, looking in, slowly realizing that I'd rather be anywhere else than in there again.  I start walking again, not sure of where I'm going.

By the time I get there, though, I realize that my feet are smarter than I am.  Muscle memory takes me around the yard to the window in the back, and muscle memory taps on it, but I'm the one to smile when I see the flash of violet eyes.
Jen doesn't, though.  For a moment all she does is stare at me from through the glass.  It takes just long enough for me to wonder what the hells is going on before she slides it open.  "Hey," she offers, and I'm struck by how uncomfortable that just was.
I lean forward to plant my forearms on the windowsill.  "Hey yourself.  What's going on?"
She shakes her head, "I- nothing, come in."

I'm still curious about what's going on, but it can wait.  I step back before half-rolling over the sill and landing on the bed with just enough force for it to creak in protest.  I pull myself up to sit on the edge and notice that something isn't exactly right here.  "Why the clothes?"  She's still wearing the baggy, black number that I saw her in last time.
"Well, you know, I just," she stops and laughs nervously, "I don't know.  I just felt like it, I guess."
"You skipped school today."
"Yeah, well, I didn't really feel like it."

Something is wrong here.  I wait a moment, watching her as she stares at my shoulder, standing awkwardly in front of her own bed.  "Hey, what's going on?"
"Nothing.  I just, you know, after last night," she trails off.
I frown at her, "And what happened with you last night?"
She lifts her brow in incredulity, pauses, and then looks back away.  "You know what."  She waits a moment before slowly, hesitantly, "Those texts I sent you."
I let out a long "Oh," then nod.  "Yeah, never read 'em."

She practically deflates.  "You didn't."
"Nope.  I didn't want you to be embarrassed.  I deleted them before I headed out," I lie.  It's no harder with her than anyone else, but for some reason that bothers me.  "Guess I should've mentioned that a little bit earlier, but it's been a long two days without sleep."  It strikes me only now that I was in such a rush heading out today that I actually left my phone back at the house.
She quickly hops onto the other side of her bed and stares at me with open concern.  Whatever had her bothered before seems to've just disappeared.  "What happened?"
I let out a sigh and laugh, "Oh, well, not much.  I got run out of my house and had to hide in the park all night, my sisters are avoiding me now, I'm laying low from school, and my mom wants me to lie back and think of Megalos."

Her expression slowly turns pained.  "Dude."
I smile bitterly.  "Yeah."
She leans in, "What are you going to do?"
I fill my lungs just to say "I don't know.  I don't know if I can go back there."

We both take a break to think.  I lay down on the bed, idly grateful that I chose here to come to.  This is so much more relaxing than home ever was.  No angels, no mother, no sisters.  Just the same old Jen as always.
My mind loops back around to those angels, and a thought starts to form.
"You know, you don't have to go back," Jen starts.
"I know.  There's something I could do, but I'd never considered it before."  I turn to face her again.  She turns, looking expectantly to me.  "I could be an adventurer.  I wouldn't ever have to go back there again."

If anything, she looks more worried and confused than before.  "Yeah, but, I mean, you've got other options, right?"
"Not if I'm gonna stay away from there.  I've only got one skill - not getting raped.  I can't think of any other way to use that.  Well, that I'm willing to do.  I can't see myself being an escort."
She collapses on her side next to me.  I can't see her face under the sudden deluge of hair, but I can hear the puff of air that signals her frustration.  I can't blame her.  I don't like the idea either.

"Hey, let me borrow your phone."
She pulls the small piece of red and black plastic from one of the cargo pockets on her pants and pulls the screen up to the pile of hair where her face should be.  She taps away at it angrily for a moment before passing it over to me.  She sent me to the login for me.  I tap away, having to redo the password a few times because the screen where the "o" key lights up is half-broken and doesn't register it half the time.

shackleborn > hey lythalia
shackleborn > i wont be coming home tonight
horticultist > Wait, what?

I drop the phone next to her and set my hand down next to her face, "Here."  A blood-red hand lifts her hair out of the way and she stares at the offered hand for a moment before idly leaning forward and swallowing it.  I remember when this was uncomfortable, and I'd tell her to stop after a few seconds.  Now there's just something about it.  Trusting, maybe.  "Thanks."
She furrows her brow, asking "For what" with her eyes.
"I dunno.  For sticking around, I guess.  Everything's just been going downhill recently.  It's like the world's just been trying to find new ways to take shit from me.  Hells, I never thought I'd have to find a new home.  The people I thought were friends all promptly fucked me over for nothing - the only things I've got left are a roomful of random crap and ten pounds of iron and fire chained to my wrist."  I'm not used to this sort of thing, and my eyes start to get a bit misty.  I'd better wrap this up.  "It's just, you know, you're basically the only friend I've got now.  I don't know what I'd've done if I lost that, too."

Her already slow chewing and licking motions slow to a stop as I talk.
"So, you know.  Don't ever change, and all that."
There's no response, just a long silence.  We both just lay back for a while.  It strikes me way too late that that might've been really damn awkward of me.  I can't be blamed if I get sentimental after today, though.  I think I've earned that much.

I wait a while longer before pulling myself up onto my shoulders.  "If I'm gonna do this, it's gotta be today.  Otherwise I won't have time to find a place to stay."  I give an experimental tug on my hand, but she doesn't let it go.
"Oh'h ho (don't go)."
"Jen, I gotta do something.  This is all I got."
She finally spits out my hand just to say "Couldn't you just stay with someone else?"
"Who?"  She just looks away.  She doesn't have an answer, either.  "Listen, I don't like it either, but I don't have to be like any of the others.  I won't have to kill any mamono to protect myself.  So don't worry about me or what I'm doing, all right?"  I hop up out of her bed and stretch my back out, smiling at the steady stream of realizations hitting me.  "And besides, maybe I'll find someone this way, like my dad did.  Then I wouldn't have to avoid anyone at all."

I climb back over the bed, out the window, and turn to stick my head back in.  "I'll be back tomorrow and tell you how it went."
Her face is once again hidden beneath a curtain of white hair.  She mutters something back.
"What was that?"
She pulls back a bit of hair to look at me.  Her voice is breathy as she answers "Yeah, be safe."
I nod, and then I'm on my way.  I've got a goal now - a clear path that'll get me out of here.  I don't have to deal with this anymore.  I don't have to worry about anything else.  The world just righted itself in front of me.  The cold of winter blows in my face, but now the brisk wind just makes me feel more awake.

I breathe it in and feel reborn.

---

The bus finally comes to a stop at the edge of town, right next to the walls.  Whenever we'd pass by this place, dad would always give it a nostalgic stare or bring up some aspect of the old days.  It always made me wonder if he missed his old job.  I always thought it looked like crap.  The beaten wood looks even more weathered now, and a handful of dirty figures are chatting outside.  They give me an appraising look as I walk up to them, then past them.  The door parts, and I wish it hadn't.

It smells of smoke and alcohol.  Swords and guns hang along the walls in the back, and the two sides have a bar and an old man in a caged section to himself.  A dozen figures a hunched over the tables in the center, talking amongst themselves.  A couple turn and stare at me.  They aren't what I'm here for.  I spot it next to the glass box with the old man: the board.  The stares accumulate as I make my way over to it.  Followed by one man's laughter.  I could give a damn.

Eight strips of paper are pinned to the wall.
"YOUNG MAN KIDNAPPED BY WEREWOLF"
"ARACHNE LAIR DISCOVERED, REWARD FOR CLEARING"
"LIZARDFOLK SEEK COMPETENT FIGHTERS FOR SPARRING"
"LAMIA STALKER, REWARD FOR MAKING LEAVE"
"ORC WARBAND FORMING IN EAST, REWARD FOR CLEARING"

I stop reading, disgusted by the bloodthirstiness of some of these things.  I reach out and pull the first of the offers off the board and walk over to the old man.  He squints angrily at me, or else just squints at me while his wrinkles make him look bitter and annoyed.  "I'll take this job."
He smacks his lips, flips open a worn ledger, and dips an old-fashioned pen into an inkwell.  "Names," he wheezes.
"Val Trevor."
He writes it down more quickly than I can see, then turns back to peer back at me.  "Where's your party, young man?"
"It's just me."

He stops and stares at me for a long while.  Finally he turns back and writes something else on his ledger.  "Well, I can't tell you that you can't."
I nod to him.  He gives me a copy of the job posting and promptly flips his ledger back.  I let out a sigh, thinking that that was somewhat easier than I thought it would be.  I walk back out the door, out the way I came.  The posting lists an area southeast of town where they think the boy might've been taken.  It shouldn't be three hours' walk from here.

---

I don't know why I bothered reading this damn thing.  I've been pacing through this patch of forest for three hours now, and I haven't seen a damn thing aside from Devil Bugs.  They weren't even an issue since they're all slowing down from the cold.  I've circled this place four times now, and all I've found are-
Four claw marks have gouged out the bark on one side of the trees.  They're eminently recognizable; sometimes Cara would get a little too excited when we'd play together.  I've got two different scars that almost exactly match the mark on this tree.  If she's around here, she'd probably make her main lair on the top of the nearest hill, or at some overhang if there were cliff faces in this part of the forest.  And where her lair is, that's where she'll keep her husband, too.

The trees are somewhat thick, but a brief, clear line of sight shows a patch a ways north that's got sparser trees and a hill climbing its way upward.  If I'm lucky, that's where she'll be.
The howl lets me know that I'm right just as I reach the base of the hill.  She knows that I'm here, and she's letting me know that she isn't interested in having a second male around.  Unfortunately, I don't give a damn.  I start my climb, trying to hear for the crush of leaves.  She's at a disadvantage here, since it's practically impossible to move through this forest without making noise.  Even a werewolf would have a damn hard time attacking from surprise.

As I crest the hill, I discover that that wasn't her plan at all.  She's just standing in front of a makeshift bed of rags with a curled up figure resting on it.  Her teeth are bared and her golden eyes are locked with mine.  She growls "This is my territory.  Out."
I point at the bed, "I'm just here for him."
She doesn't bother saying anything else.  Between my presence in her territory and not turning back when she told me to, I'm fairly certain that I was about to be charged no matter what I said.  That I threatened her "territory" afterward just sealed the deal.

The first thing that strikes me is that she just isn't as fast as Cara.  She charges me straight-on, leaping into the air some ten feet away, just as Cara did.  The same movement, the same jump.  The only thing different is how her claws are pointed straight at me, rather than at an angle.  She's trying to cut instead of grab.  There's a moment of calm where I just compare and contrast, underwhelmed purely because of how many times I've been here before.

Once you're in the air there's nothing to push off of.  You're stuck going where you're going until something moves you.  You're ballistic.

I step to the side and reach out.  The tiniest spark of glowing spirit energy pops into existence in my hand, immediately drawing her gaze.  She twists to try and grab it, and only succeeds in causing herself to wrap her back around the tree behind me.  I know that'll only stun her for a moment, so I bring my light source up and over my head and then pull it back down.
There's a loud crack that's just as recognizable from this side as it was when it happened to me.  I've had enough experience to tell when a bone breaks.  She collapses in on herself, clutching the wounded leg defensively.  I raise a hand, "Hey, relax.  Fight's over."

She just stares at me in confusion as I turn and walk off.  The figure on the bed has uncurled himself somewhat, revealing a man wrapped in shredded clothes.  He's at least five years older than me, and the fact is both amusing and depressing.  "Are you here to rescue me?"
"Yeah.  Get up, we're heading home."
"Wait," the Werewolf cries out.  "He's," she stops to take a few whimpering breaths, "he's mine!"

I don't bother answering.  He, on the other hand, starts to slow down as we walk back into the treeline.  "Should we leave her like that?"
"She knows how to survive on her own.  She's been doing it for a while now."
"Husband!  I love you!"
He hesitates again, obviously bothered by that.  I almost slap him.  "Oh come on, you don't actually think she means that, do you?"  He glances away, embarrassed.  The realization makes me cringe.  "Oh hells, you're new here, aren't you?"  I don't wait for the answer.  I turn back toward the clearing and shout "What's his name?"
There's a pause.  "It doesn't matter, I love him!"

I turn back to him.  "Don't fall for the first girl to try and rape you, man.  I mean damn, you're making the rest of us look bad."

I toss him my coat and we keep walking.  The rest of the walk home is uneventful, except for him shrieking like a girl when a Devil Bug grabs his ankle.  I swear, why would a guy like that even come here?

---

The hall is completely silent as the old man squints at me, and then at the man wearing my coat.  "Paul Viridus?"  I try not to crack a smile when he nods; the urge to make a joke about him seeming "green" is almost overpowering after listening to him complain about his feet hurting for the past half hour.  "Sign here, would you?"  The old man pulls out a second ledger and passes it in the slot in the glass.  They pass back and forth some identification before the old man tells him that he'll get a ride back home soon.

I try not to pay attention to his conversation with his mother over the phone while the old man gestures for me to step forward again.  His expression has some vague hint of a smile that's all but buried under the perpetual scowl.  "Well, I've seen stranger things, mister," he pauses to look at my signature again, "Trevor.  Your reward."

He sets down a pair of platinum trade bars and slides them through the slot.  It takes me a moment to fully grasp that they're mine now.  I reach out and gingerly pick them up, half expecting him to realize that he's made a mistake any moment now.  These are worth a hundred platinum coins apiece.  I could live for months off of this.

But he doesn't say anything.  Instead I'm free to just walk out, as though this was completely normal.  The weight of it is slow to set in.  I'm an adventurer now.  I just got up and did it, like it was as normal as could be.  Now that I'm actually thinking about it in retrospect, I can hardly believe that I did that.

I try to suppress the giddiness as I start heading out.  There's a local inn that's been around for decades and I've always been curious to stay there.  I can hardly wait 'til tomorrow.  This is gonna blow Jen's mind.

---

"Don't touch her!"
"Shiny, help!"
The blade falls, severing the form before me.  One of the tiny, green horns that had only just started growing in roll across the ground and come to a stop before my knees.

---

It's not so much that I just walked out and started my own life without telling them.  It's more that I still feel really weird that I left my phone laying on my desk charger back home.  I don't really need it for anything, but it's kind of uncomfortable that I can't get in contact with them.  It's uncomfortable knowing that my family's probably going to worry about me, and it's uncomfortable heading over to Jen's without letting her know.

When I get there, the window's already open.  I pop my head in to look around, but don't see her.  I wait for a moment before realizing that I'm being an idiot and climb inside.  She isn't going to be mad, especially if she left the window open for me.  The place is even more of a mess than usual.  Her random assortment of figurines that she dressed in mismatching clothes are all tipped over or spilled onto the floor.  Most of her blankets are draping off of the mattress or else have fallen off entirely.  It looks like she even ripped off the one poster she kept of that ancient mag-fi series with the bubble-headed man-golem.

A horrible possibility slowly comes to me as I look over the pile of clothes lying around her floor: maybe she actually tidies up the place when I'm heading over.  My laughter is cut short by the door all but slamming open.  In the doorway is Jen's older sister, staring intensely at me.  I don't get a chance to open my mouth before she asks "Where is she?"
My chest tightens at the worry in her voice.  "Jen?"
She nods quickly, "Yeah.  She ran out last night, crying.  Didn't say anything - just bolted out the door.  We've called for a search, but no one's found her yet.  We thought she might've been with you."

A lump starts to form in my throat as she talks.  Jen seemed worried or upset when I left, didn't she?  Her room's a scattered mess - even the things that she actually gave a damn about.
But why?  What's wrong with her?  The bile and stress start to make my stomach ache as the strangeness of it all dawns on me.  Jen's never run off before.  Hells, she barely even walks anywhere that she isn't forced to.
And besides, she said she'd be here when I got back.
"We looked around but we didn't find anything.  No message, no-"

A message.  My mind picks up on that word in all of the information, and my legs act on it.  I'm out the window and down the street before Julia has a chance to say anything else.  The door groans at the rough treatment as I slam my key into it and shove it open.  I bolt past the doorway, around the turn, up the stairs, and past my startled mom as quickly as my feet will take me.

My phone sits there, light blinking.

| log from Monday night |
greenmachine > hey
greenmachine > val
greenmachine > please
greenmachine > u hung up
greenmachine > i wanted to talk
greenmachine > val
greenmachine > i nedeed to talk to u
greenmachine > please dnt ignore me
greenmachine > i couldnt tell u this before
greenmachine > i love you
greenmachine > please talkt o me
greenmachine > i just need to hear ur voice
greenmachine > i mean it
greenmachine > ive tried to tell u
greenmachine > i just never could befre
greenmachine > please
greenmachine > if i cant see u now then i dont knw if i can
greenmachine > val
greenmachine > i need u
greenmachine > please
greenmachine > please
greenmachine > please

| log from Tuesday afternoon |
greenmachine > im sorry
greenmachine > i know i said id stay
greenmachine > but i cant
greenmachine > it hurts too much
greenmachine > i know i said id always be your friend
greenmachine > but i cant do that either
greenmachine > i know you dont want things to change
greenmachine > between us
greenmachine > but i do
greenmachine > i want it so badly that it hurts
greenmachine > im sorry
greenmachine > im so sorry
greenmachine > i just cant do this anymore

I tap away at the keys as quickly as I can.

shackleborn > jen, where are you
shackleborn > talk to me

I wait, but she doesn't answer.  I type more, but she doesn't answer.

The pain in my chest doesn't go away.

I hold my phone tight to my chest as the first droplets darken my carpet.

I was never alone before.  Not while she was there.

Now we both are.