Skit 09: Clipping Through The TV

CLICK

From the static came a room with grey drab wallpaper and a window with blue skies and white clouds beyond it. A door to the

right of the camera. Simply, a sales set with a minimalistic approach, one that's a step above an obvious cardboard box or

garage. Out of the door came a girl with pink hair, in the pig tails fashion, with amber eyes and an aura of something off.

"HI, PINKY MAYS HERE," she winked, a taloned finger pointing at the screen. The lights flickered. "AND I HAVE A STUNNING NEW

PRODUCT FOR YOU!"

The camera shot to something emitting high levels of glittering light, and soon was overwhelmed. A dark lens had to be

placed over the camera for the product to come through.

"GOLDEN WEAPONS!" An arsenal full of weapons, goldly glinting, stood proud before the camera's eye.

"NOW YOU MAY BE WONDERING WHY YOU WANT GOLDEN WEAPONS WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ORDINARY ONES YOU POSSESS. LET ME SHOW YOU!"

Anthony after Anthony was brought into the room, only to be killed off in some gruesome manner, different from the last.

Pinky Mays goes through each weapon.

"IT CAN DICE THEM, SLICE THEM, EVISCERATE THEM, AND EVEN DRILL THEM WITH THE UTMOST EASE. GUARANTEED! YOU WON'T BE IN THE

MIDDLE OF A FIREFIGHT KEEPING TRACK OF HOW MANY BULLETS YOU HAVE LEFT CHAMBERED. NO MORE SECOND DOUBTING YOUR AIM! NO MORE

WORRYING OVER YOUR SWORD BREAKING IN TWO WITH THE NEXT STRIKE. IN FACT, YOU WILL BREAK THEIRS ON THE FIRST EXCHANGE!"

Pinky Mays goes through various weapons, showcasing their destructive forces on structures and environments. Never once did

she reload, and that's including the golden rocket launcher that had only room for one rocket.

Once the dust settled Pinky Mays turned toward the camera, doing her trademark wink and point.

"NOW TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE USED THESE GOLDEN WEAPONS!"

"Bartender shiny stuff in dreams are made of stooped necromancers. She sings like a banana wrist, having strayed too close

to the constellation on their shaved skulls. The rain of frogs ended." Blabbered the short raven haired beauty with the

voice of a cement mixer, her eyes fixated on particularly nothing.

The camera went back to Pinky, who was blushing crimson, her hands holding onto her cheeks with her eyes glued on the

interviewee.

The camera went to a new person.

"Yeah I like murdering people!" Proclaimed the one eyed psychopath, gesturing with her hands as she talked. A rose garden

was the backdrop."They get so damn annoying, crying on and on that they're gonna die any second, please help please help."

She made a disgusted look, as if she wanted to puke, but soon grinned malignantly. "With my precious golden katana, I

silence them. I'm so happy what this thing can cut through! And I don't even have to hack limbs off, it's," she sliced the

air with the blade of her hand, "'swish, nothing but air.'"

The camera went to a new person.

"Please, I don't want to use these golden muskets anymore..." A blonde goddess trembled before the camera, her face scared.

"You bought the muskets, used them for a time, and now it's time for you to review them." Pinky Mays quietly spoke to Mami,

encouraging her to give a positive review.

Mami trembled more, shook her head, causing Pinky to exchange a few more words - words that the camera couldn't pick up -

then Mami visibly swallowed and nodded. Her eyes went back to the camera.

"I... like how they feel in my hands. As if they were meant for me. Their weight is perfect, the iron sight perfect. I can

hit my target dead on with how I aim. They're... they're great. Best purchases in my life... but the voices! Oh god, the

things they tell me and the sights I see...!" Mami gripped her head with both hands, visibly freaking out.

Pinky Mays consoled Mami, turning her head to the camera and nodding.

The camera went to a new person.

"I can channel my magics very well with this golden staff." Ahriman said with a rather demonic looking grin. A vigilant

Erebus stood ready by her side, constantly giving the camera looks of distrust. With her hand on the partially unsheathed

sword, she was ready to come to blows with the infernal contraption, if it dared attack her Mistress. "it's... very

beautiful, too." Ahriman continued, stroking the staff, which was pressed against her cheek, once, then flicked her eyes

toward the camera. "This staff has innate magical abilities that allow for naturally powerful spells. Anyone who dares stand

up against me will perish, just like that pesky Warmast-"

The camera went to a new person.

"Ah, The Blessed Lady graces me with her presence." The black eyed, red irised death machine spoke, her accent thick with

Russian. A grin was on her face, her entire attention upon the Blessed Lady. Pinky Mays smiled.

"Please tell me what you think of my gift, Miss Valnikov."

"Your gift!" It's then she summoned them, the pair of lethal metal chainaxes grinding the air, all too eager for combat.

Since the Blessed Lady requested her to speak on them, she let her actions do the opening words, and did a few stylized

moves. Power was in each swipe, and not a movement was wasted. Imagining a squad of anthonies around her, they would all be

piles on the ground. "Da, best possessions in my life, besides skull throne, servo skull, and red rimmed glasses! I feel

very fierce with them in my hands, and happy when I hear their cry. Your gift is the best, and payment is of no regret! I

will... pay you now." The grin became gleeful.

The briefest sight of her extraordinary tongue before the camera went to a new person, in which it was immediately hijacked,

with a yakuza sounding voice going a mile a minute.

"I like my golden lance, it is the best thing ever and now I wanna" A struggle ensued, with the camera rattling like a mini

Gatling gun. Pinky Mays could be heard telling her to stop, telling the camerawoman to cut, alternating between the two on a

dime.

"Be-" More rattling, more fighting.

"I never gave you a golden lance!"

"Paid!"

CLICK

---A beach with a setting sun. Two girls, one placing her hand on the other's shoulder.

"Midori, don't be foolish, you're the only thing precious to me in this world."

Their eyes get closer, and closer.

But Midori swatted the hand away.

"Lies. You have Mad Madoka-chan, Murder Mayumi. She's beautiful, and her personality, too... extremely appealing..."

"Don't be stupid, Midori, that's what you call crazy. Compared to your green hair and down to earth personality, she's

nothing."

Miracle Midori tried running away but Mayumi's five fingers managed to keep her in place. Slowly, the two---

CLICK

"This is pink, Akemi-chan. All my life I've been in love with its color, its warmth, its divine essence. I will welcome any

enterprise that will increase love." Pinkfinger marveled the way the pink sputtered into life from the red laser. For a

moment she remembered every moment of when Love, and it's primary color, was experienced. She turned away from the display,

looking at Akemi-chan. "Which is considerable."

They were in a nondescript room with a few databanks and computers. The main attraction of the room was the table, with

which Akemi-chan, Agent 320110107, was straped akimbo to, with the other main attraction progressively growing nearer: the

laser. Her attention was on it, and on it's effectiveness to the solid plate of love on the table.

"I think you made the point, Pinkfinger, thank you for the demonstration." Akemi-chan said, keeping an eye on that laser,

not once looking at Pinkfinger. The only thing that did move her way were Akemi-chan's lips. Pinkfinger looked at her, as if

dissecting a bug, then back at the laser.

"Choose your next witticism carefully, Akemi-chan, for it may be your last." As if she had grown weary with this scene,

Pinkfinger turned to the restrained Agent.

"The purpose of our previous encounters have become clear to me, and I won't have another. Good night, Akemi-chan." With a

turn, she left the wretched agent to die an agonizing death.

The laser was spitting out beautiful shades of pink, getting closer and closer to Akemi-chan. She stared at Pinkfinger's

back in shock, then back at the laser, gauging the distance.

"Do you expect me to talk?" Her eyes darted back to Pinkfinger.

Pinkfinger stopped at some stairs, amusement twinkling on her face.

"No, Akemi-chan, I expect you to die!" She resumed walking. "There is nothing you can talk about that I don't already know."

Passing the stairs, Pinkfinger stopped to chat with a scientist, who was a former ally: Kharn.

"You're forgetting one thing: If I fail to make a report, Agent 320110108 will replace me." A weak attempt on Akemi-chan's

part, she was growing desparate. It really did look like she was about to meet her doom.

"I trust she will be more successful." Pinkfinger's vision held Akemi-chan for one last time, smiling as one does when a

threat was about to be rubbed out.

Now done with it all, Pinkfinger started to leave the room with her trustworthy acolyte. Akemi-chan struggled against her

restraints, the laser a deadly important thing on her list of priorities.

"She knows what I know!"

"You know nothing, Akemi-chan."

"Operation..." Akemi-chan licked her lips. Sweat was visible upon her brow. Her chance to get out was dwindling quick, she

had to think fast! "SOUL GEM, for instance."

This piqued Kharn's interest, as well of Pinkfinger's, both turning to stare at the agent.

Pinkfinger and Kharn discussed things in hushed voices, none of which carried over to Akemi-chan---

CLICK

"---and Kharn steps up to bat for the Soul Gem Lickers!"

Kharn stood at the base. The baseball long sleeve shirt she wore was ripped to shreads from the elbow onward, her metalflesh

limbs too brutal for the soft fabric. Her pants were in equal ruin, her legs just as sharp. In her gruesome hands was a

baseball bat with chainsaw teeth going up and down the length of the shaft. Fastened upon her skull was a baseball hat, bill

level with her eyes. It made her look real sharp. Soul Gem Lickers etched on the front of her uniform, Kharn looked every

bit of a baseball player. She tapped the base with her chainbat, swung it in the air, readying herself to deliver a homurun!

"For those not in the know, the Soul Gem Lickers are new to the big leagues, having tried for many years to get in. After

defeating their rivals, the Three Backstabbers, and with some luck from you know who, they have really shaped themselves out

to be a force to be reckoned with."

Bowing, the green haired pitcher toyed with the baseball in her hot mitten, eyeing the umpire, Mirai Wakabe. Mirai held up

two fingers, pitcher shook her head. Three fingers, then a nod. Spitting to the side, she stood up and began the pitch...

"After some deliberation with the umpire, Midori 'Miracle Midori' Hanegawa of the Saintly Strikers readies her pitch, and

lets it go with a powerful blast!"

... and sent the ball flying straight at Mirai. The ball broke a sound barrier, closing the distance swiftly.

Kharn pulled her bat back, and, with a great keening sound that filled the stadium, swung the chainbat. The umpire had to

fall back on her butt to avoid the gnawing teeth. The baseball was hit with such force that the teeth dug into it and ate

the middle out, effectively cutting it in half.

"STRIKE ONE!" Cried the umpire

"KHARN! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO KEEP IT OFF?!" Her coach, Kyuubey, was losing it on the sidelines. Kharn turned,

with her mouth full of beautiful shark teeth showing, and shrugged. The chainbat hung loosely from limp wristed hands.

"Uuu, and Kharn flops that by shredding the ball in two. Will Kyuubey call for a time out, or will he---"

CLICK

"Moments ago a car chase began in the safe, quiet town of Mitakihara. It's not so safe anymore now... We have a Mr. Payne, a

police sergeant, on call."

The display showed an aerial shot of a highway. On it, an insanely armored, pitch black with a vast pile of grinning skulls

painted on the side, tank raced from a squadron of police cruisers. The tank wasn't even trying to dodge other drivers; it

was smashing right through them as if they were ants. On the driver's side a helmeted head would occasionally be seen poking

out as a car would fly over the windshield. The camera would zoom in, attempting to gather additional details. One was

prominent: A skull was painted on the visor of the helmet.

"Now, Mr. Payne, for the viewers just tuning in, tell us what's going on. How did this all start?"

"An underground gang conflict finally escalated to the point of open warfare. We know very little about the gangs, but one

of them we labeled 'The Skullz' due to the prominence of skulls. Now how it happened..."

Police Sergeant Payne described what happened. The helicopter changed vantage points, showcasing the lead tank. It was

painted green with gold trimming, the emblem, if it had any, was replaced with a jagged scar. Twisted metal, torn asunder,

allowing the camera to peek in a little. Someone was sitting inside, wearing what looked like a robe. Gold glinted once from

inside. The driver of this tank shared a similar sentiment toward innocent drivers.

The camera veered back toward the other tank when a young woman appeared from the backside window. Long black hair

fluttering under a military hat, she was dressed like a soviet officer, replete with her fanciful club-axe thing. She

pointed at the tank with it, then swung it around.

In retaliation a rocket exploded into the opposite side of the tank where the woman was perched, rocking the tank enough to

make the her duck back in. A moment later the tank accelerated forward, hitting a pair of overturned semis to gain air.

Hushed silence fell over the anchorwoman and the police sergeant. The camera kept very close attention to the flying tank.

The police radio on the helicopter became a blaze of curses and exclamations.

It reached its peak, started to nose dive back to the ground, and smashed into the other tank with the fury of a few guided

missiles. The two careened off the highway, smashing into the houses below. The police arrived, with one cruiser stupid

enough to drive after them, plummeting out of sight. Officers cautiously got of their cars and inched their way to the edge

with guns ready.

"What are we dealing with, Officer Payne?" The anchorwoman sounded to be at a loss, all the dangerous scenarios in fiction

coming to life in front of her.

Sergeant Payne quickly disconnected himself from the mic, assumingly leaving to deal with the mess.

CLICK

A commercial ended, followed by an eye-catch piece.

One girl was drooping, sad in appearance. A wave of bullets raced across the screen, and after it, a short haired with

glasses girl was holding the other surprised girl close to her, a handgun pointed at the screen with a steely glare from

behind. The words "The Adventures of Miracle Midori & Murder Mayumi" were shot into the lower right of the screen.

"Mayumi!" Midori cried out. Mayumi barely moved on the ground, a nasty wound pouring her life's blood out. Midori gritted

her teeth, balled her fists, and became angry. That bitch hurt her partner! Midori manifested her daggers. It was time to

destroy her!

Midori ran toward the laughing mage-witch, and commenced a fierce fight with her. Finally, the evil mage-witch was

vanquished.

As the barrier faded away, Midori ran back to Mayumi, who still lay on the ground. She lifted her damaged body up gingerly,

worriment coloring her face and tone.

"Mayumi! Mayumi! Open your eyes!" Mayumi slowly opened one of her eyes, pain screwing her face up.

"Did we... get her?" Her harsh voice asked, gentle like dry leaves rustling across cement.

Midori nodded. "I'm going to heal you." Mayumi shook her head.

"N-no, you can't Midori. That will kill you. You don't... you don't have enough, nnnng, spirit to use for me."

"I will do this for you, Mayumi." The rest of the sentence went unsaid. Midori stared into Mayumi's eyes with calm

determination. She could do this. She was Miracle Midori, after all!

Midori pressed the palm of her hand on the wound, causing Mayumi to grunt softly, causing Midori's heart to skip a beat. She

couldn't back down. She focused all her energies into sealing this wound, from inside to outside. A gentle light surrounded

her hand, then a light filled the gaping hole in Mayumi's torso. Mayumi gritted her teeth, her body feeling funny from the

healing process.

After a while, Mayumi was healed, with Midori sweating and panting. It took a lot out of her to undo the damage, but she

pulled a miracle out of the air.

Midori's arms surrounded Mayumi, pulled her into a tight hug.

"I can't lose you, Mayumi. You're my best friend." Mayumi didn't say anything. Slowly her arms rose, stopped, then

continued, before gently wrapping around Midori. She wasn't so good at social interactions.

"Midori, I..." Mayumi's face scrunched up in difficulty. "I..." A slightly tremulous, blood stained hand held the back of

Midori's head. Her mouth began to move, a silent murmur in things that she didn't understand. Midori smiled warmly, hugging

her best friend closer.

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CLICK

The conjured images and sounds returned to the primordial blackness. The green light on the TV turned to red, and all the

channels in the world waited for more viewership. The magical girl sitting in the rec room of QB Heavy Industries sighed,

muttered something about nothing being on and that she wasted a break on brainless pursuits. In the black screen the magical

girl stood up, placed the remote back on the TV, and walked out of the room.