Rhymes of Equestria

(I wrote these in mid 2016 after reading a book called 'The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes' and wondering what some of the Equestria equivalents to those rhymes might have been. It was an experiment, one that probably shouldn't have ever seen the light of day, but I posted it up on my Pastebin anyway--so now I have to post it here as well. It fascinates me that there's a book that documents and studies nursery rhymes, as the people that used to say some of these old rhymes must have thought nothing of them at the time. Will the same ever happen with fan fiction? Probably not, but it's still a good laugh to think of essays being written someday about "My Immortal.")

***

Twilight Sparkle loved to read books.
If you don’t believe me take a look;
Because there she sits in the schoolyard alone,
Without a happy memory of school for her own.
But little did we suspect that the hermit of recess,
Would be king of the hill–but known as princess.
When you’re all alone, with no pony to call your own,
Then you only have one place that you can call home.
Didn’t the princess of friendship have quite a rough start?
Look up from your books and open your heart.

Rainbow Dash was very fast;
She flew around the world in an impressive flash;
But she went too fast for her tail and mane;
So everpony laughed when she came back again.

Applejack ran from Big McIntosh,
Higgeldey Ho and Higgeldy We.
An empty tin by where the hog’s wash,
Higgeldey Ho and Higgeldy Ti,
The apple cores floated up in the mud,
Higgeldy Ho and Higgeldy Me.
And Applejack tripped and fell in the mud,
Higgeldy Woah and Higgeldy Scream!

Pinkie Pie baked a stinky pie that no pony wanted to taste;
But she just couldn’t let it go to waste.
She brought it to Twilight who shook her head;
So Pinkie added with it some freshly baked bread.
She brought it to Applejack who pulled down her hat;
Pinkie wished her friend’s cart tires would go flat.
The Pie brought the pie to Rainbow Dash;
One whiff was enough to turn her flight into a crash.
Pinkie’s stinky pie took Rarity by surprise;
And she ran out her boutique with tears in her eyes.
Fluttershy hid when Pinkie came by;
When Pinkie Pie found her Fluttershy cried.
Oh come on! said Pinkie. It’s not that bad.
She took one bite and those were the last words she had.

Fluttershy was too kind and sweet, so no pony wanted to say,
They didn’t want to be around her too long after her and her animals played.
It’s just too bad that when she washed everypony was still abhorred;
Because the tub her animals washed in was the same tub she used for her.

Rarity was dainty, talented and pretty;
But it did her little good so far away from the city.

Spike wanted to go to town and look noble,
But he couldn’t ride a mare and had to settle for a foal.
Spike wanted to buy lady Rarity a charm,
But a charm would cost a tail and an arm;
Even a salamander would have better luck than he,
Because their tails grow back if they’re lucky.

Princess Celestia, bake me a cake!
I do not have any time to wait.
Bake it in your sun where you can save some time;
I can’t give you any time that is not mine.
Frost it white and pretty like you;
I need it now and I can’t wait for stew.
Decorate its borders like the aurora of your mane;
It must be done quickly and must not be plain.
Princess Celestia, bake me a cake!
I did, she said, I baked you a cake;
But if you want it you’ll have to wait,
I foolishly baked it when my hunger was at stake.

Leave some candy for Nightmare Moon;
Little kids who don’t will all be gone soon.

What happens if you dream of Princess Luna?
Does she show up herself,
And wonder how she got there sooner?
You can’t control your dreams anyway;
So you can’t be blamed.
Well, what else can you say?

Discord’s six core’s fix war soothers for hungry poor,
Fooly or Fooly or Fooly or Fooly or
Discord fools more schools for implored dinosaurs,
Fooly more Fooly more Fooly more Fooly more
Discord’s tongue sore for forewarned suitor canter banter suit or sand floor,
Twister Twist or Twister Twist more.

Unique but not alone,
A spark in the dark,
Shatters old stones,
That grew from a tree.
–What am I?

Rarity rode into town on a carriage;
The crowds all cheered her good luck on her marriage;
But she leaned out too far when her good ride had stopped;
And the dress she truly loved got covered in slop.

Applejack ran around the rodeo stick;
That game seemed to her such a fun sport;
But she stopped running around the rodeo stick;
When she ran the rodeo and placed fourth.

The critters were left with Spike;
It was such a sorry sight;
To see the critters bite his tail,
Left, front, back, and right.

Did I have a foal or did I have a fly?
Don’t turn around on Discord or you’re likely to cry.

The sun is a big and bright sight,
But nothing beats what I’ve seen;
When Celestia fell in a barrel of grease,
For two weeks her flank had a sheen.

Hooves go down the street,
Clip-Clop, Clip-Clop,
Wagon wheels too,
Click-Clack, Click-Clack,
But there goes the chicken,
Cluck-Cluck, Cluck-Cluck,
And all Fluttershy’s zoo,
Knicker, Squeak, Woo!

This is Zecora’s rhyme, but only this you will find;
We wanted to write more down, but found that there just wasn’t time.

Twilight Sparkle always helps a friend in need,
So just remember this whenever you are blue:
You can count on her to be by your side,
Especially if your library book is overdue.

Stoney Tonkey To!
Crankey brayed in pain,
When Maud showed him a rock,
By tossing it on his brain.

Pinkie Pie told a lie about the sun,
Telling everypony that it rose just for fun,
Now the days are spent only in merry,
And no pony ever gets any work done.

Sugar, smiles, and mystery,
That’s what Pinkie Pie is made of;
Apples, pride, and family,
That’s what Applejack is made of;
Flashes, and virtue, stirred quickly,
That’s how to make Rainbow Dash;
Elegance, jewels, and Generosity,
Will make you your own Rarity;
Pins, and slowly simmered butterflies,
Will ease in loving Fluttershy;
But no Twilight, her recipe had lots of long words;
When we couldn’t make her we sat down and cried.

Rainbow Dash lauded her speed,
To the crowd of admirers on the ground below;
So she failed to see the cliff she crashed into,
And she had to hobble past them pained and slow.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders help ponies find their talents,
But after your first batch of searching,
You may find that your very-special talent,
Is trying their ideas and surviving.

My newborn pegasus filly,
Took ill and died in my arms;
I sang a lullaby at her grave,
And Princess Luna put her in the stars;
Now she can fly in the sky,
Way up with her daddy and mine,
And sleep softly under the grass,
Where one day beside her I’ll lie.
Cutie mark constellations,
Shine in the nighttime sky;
Of long gone family and friends,
So we remember them after they die;
And the single stars twinkling with light,
Are the children with no destiny;
But they make the night sky bright,
So other kids can see.

Goodbye, my friends, goodbye;
The earth ponies stand and cry;
And wave to you as they give you fruit.
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye.
*
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye;
The pegasi clear the sky;
To give you safe travel for where you go next;
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye.
*
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye,
The unicorn magic confides;
Safe wishes for you with spells and prayers;
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye.
*
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye;
The moon sets down in the sky;
And the sun comes up to wish you good luck;
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye.
*
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye;
Don’t say it with a sigh;
We’ll meet again someday, but for now we must say,
Goodbye, my friends, goodbye.