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Ford explains Eridan

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  1. 07:15 p.m. - ♣: I just found out that all monotheist religions are in fact the same
  2. 07:15 p.m. - ♣: And that the bibles has two jesuses
  3. HiHeiwa¼ is now Online.
  4. 07:16 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Really?
  5. 07:16 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Cool.
  6. 07:16 p.m. - ♣: yeah
  7. 07:16 p.m. - ♣: You see
  8. 07:16 p.m. - ♣: Once upon a time there were the Egyptians
  9. 07:16 p.m. - ♣: They liked the sun
  10. 07:16 p.m. - ♣: So they worshipped the sun and called it Horus
  11. 07:17 p.m. - ♣: in Egyptian mythology, Horus was born of a virgin on december 25th and was followed by three kings.
  12. 07:18 p.m. - ♣: He was a teacher at the age of 12 and was baptized at the age of 30
  13. 07:18 p.m. - ♣: Furthermore he was crucified and three days later resurrected
  14. 07:18 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Haha what
  15. 07:18 p.m. - ♣: And there's a lot of religions that go this way
  16. 07:18 p.m. - ♣: But the best part is
  17. 07:19 p.m. - ♣: It happened twice in the bible
  18. 07:19 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Win
  19. 07:19 p.m. - ♣: You see
  20. 07:20 p.m. - ♣: Jesus and the jesus before him, named Joseph, were personifications of the sun
  21. 07:20 p.m. - ♣: A mistranslation of God's sun.
  22. 07:20 p.m. - ♣: Which became God's son
  23. 07:21 p.m. - ♣: Actually I should just link you to the videos
  24. 07:22 p.m. - ♣: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k49dDCSFnk&feature=related
  25. 07:22 p.m. - ♣: Conclusion?
  26. 07:22 p.m. - ♣: Religion is the best thing ever
  27. 07:22 p.m. - ♣: If you know the story behind it all
  28. 07:23 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Hehe
  29. 07:24 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Well
  30. 07:24 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: There was one thing I was taught in my old school
  31. 07:24 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: When Jesus died on the cross
  32. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: He made it so that he got a "black mark" instead of us when we sinned
  33. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Which basically means he gets the punishment
  34. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: So surely, no-one goes to Hell
  35. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: except Jesus
  36. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: And because we were taught that, according to the Holy Trinity
  37. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: God = Jesus
  38. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: The only person in Hell
  39. 07:25 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: is God
  40. 07:26 p.m. - ♣: Actually
  41. 07:26 p.m. - ♣: Everyone worships satan
  42. 07:26 p.m. - ♣: You see
  43. 07:26 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Coo'
  44. 07:27 p.m. - ♣: The entire story of the sun god is about Horus and Set, who do battle every twelve hours
  45. 07:27 p.m. - ♣: so in this case, Jesus vs. Satan all day erry day
  46. 07:27 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Sweet
  47. 07:27 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: God vs Satan every twelve hours
  48. 07:27 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: How do people keep missing it?
  49. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: Well
  50. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: Religion
  51. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: is just a word for belief
  52. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: The roots however
  53. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: Lie in astronomy
  54. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: All of it
  55. 07:28 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: True dat
  56. 07:28 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Well, in everything generally
  57. 07:28 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: "There's lightning out there"
  58. 07:28 p.m. - ♣: Actually the best bit is
  59. 07:29 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: "MUST BE SOME GIANT HUMAN IN THE SKY WIT A BEARD"
  60. 07:29 p.m. - ♣: There's been multiple messiahs
  61. 07:29 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: "Dude your wife cheated on you again"
  62. 07:29 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: "GOD'S WIIIIIIIIIIIILL!"
  63. 07:29 p.m. - ♣: There was the bull dude who we know nothing of
  64. 07:29 p.m. - ♣: And then there was Moses, who was the deity of I think Aeris
  65. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Well, he wasn't a Messiah
  66. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: He was
  67. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: He was a prophet
  68. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: To christians that is
  69. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: Kayfine
  70. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: Prophet
  71. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: Anyway
  72. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: Best part
  73. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: when he ascended the mountain with the tablet with the ten commandments
  74. 07:30 p.m. - ♣: Best thing
  75. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: >Eat a weird mushroom
  76. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: >Think a burning bush is talking to you
  77. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: >???
  78. 07:30 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: >Prophet!
  79. 07:31 p.m. - ♣: New age happened
  80. 07:31 p.m. - ♣: When Moses came down
  81. 07:31 p.m. - ♣: People were still worshipping the bull in what religious nuts think is a fake religion
  82. 07:31 p.m. - ♣: it wasn't.
  83. 07:31 p.m. - ♣: Honk.
  84. 07:31 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Durrhurr
  85. 07:31 p.m. - ♣: Y'see
  86. 07:32 p.m. - ♣: The sun passes a constellation every 2150 years
  87. 07:33 p.m. - ♣: That day, the sun had passed the tauros and reached aeris
  88. 07:33 p.m. - ♣: so they had to reinvent religion
  89. 07:33 p.m. - ♣: So Moses gets pissed and he's like "Kill yourself in the name of the sun"
  90. 07:33 p.m. - ♣: Everybody died.
  91. 07:33 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: :V
  92. 07:34 p.m. - ♣: Oh yeah,
  93. 07:34 p.m. - ♣: Jesus is two fish
  94. 07:34 p.m. - ♣: He is the prophet of pisces
  95. 07:34 p.m. - ♣: And the bible hints to this a lot.
  96. 07:34 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Religion sure is complicated
  97. 07:34 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: And silly
  98. 07:34 p.m. - ♣: Hence the jesus fish
  99. 07:34 p.m. - ♣: Now here comes the best part.
  100. 07:35 p.m. - ♣: In approximately 149 years
  101. 07:35 p.m. - ♣: There will be a new prophet
  102. 07:35 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Welp.
  103. 07:35 p.m. - ♣: Jesus announced that he will be an aquarius.
  104. 07:35 p.m. - ♣: Honk.
  105. 07:36 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Eridan: The Prophet?
  106. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: Also the apocalypse? Bullshit.
  107. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: It was a mistranslation
  108. 07:36 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: "Wwe all need to wworship the hipster god"
  109. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: instead of world, it was supposed to say 'Aeon'
  110. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: which means age
  111. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: so basically
  112. 07:36 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: End of an age
  113. 07:36 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: :T
  114. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: Yes.
  115. 07:36 p.m. - ♣: The age of pisces
  116. 07:37 p.m. - ♣: So this means
  117. 07:38 p.m. - ♣: That Homestuck is dumb and completely incorrect
  118. 07:38 p.m. - ♣: 0/10 andsoforth
  119. 07:39 p.m. - ♣: except when you start thinking
  120. 07:39 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Wait what's it incorrect about?
  121. 07:39 p.m. - ♣: Y'see
  122. 07:39 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: I dun geddit
  123. 07:39 p.m. - ♣: I stop thinking when I explain things
  124. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: I jsut gave it some thought and was like 'OH FUCK I JUST REALIZED'
  125. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: so here goes
  126. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: OH FUCK I JUST REALIZED
  127. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: FEFERI IS IN FACT LIKE JESUS
  128. 07:40 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: True dat
  129. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: How 'bout this
  130. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: She hangs out with gods
  131. 07:40 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Bringing about peace and shiz
  132. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: And wants people to accept them
  133. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: instead, she dies.
  134. 07:40 p.m. - HiHeiwa¼: Died
  135. 07:40 p.m. - ♣: The end.
  136. 07:41 p.m. - ♣: So basically
  137. 07:41 p.m. - ♣: Historical in-joke
  138. 07:41 p.m. - ♣: Eridan is
  139. 07:41 p.m. - ♣ sunglasses
  140. 07:41 p.m. - ♣: New age