THE GLORIOUS MUSCLE CHURCH

THE MUSCLE CHURCH
DIETY: J'IEFF, THE GOD OF STRENGTH, MUSCLES AND ASS-KICKING
REQUIREMENTS: 9 WISDOM, 16 STRENGTH
RACES ALLOWED: DWARVES, HUMANS
ALL MUSCLE CLERICS ARE MALE
WEAPONS ALLOWED: BOULDERS, FURNITURE, STATUES, DOORS AND UNARMED COMBAT. THE CLERIC MAY NOT CARRY WEAPONS OUTSIDE OF COMBAT.
ARMOR ALLOWED: NONE
CLOTHES ALLOWED: A LOINCLOTH. MAYBE A CLOAK. IF IT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WINTER.
HOLY TEXT: THE BROCODE

LORE: ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A MAN NAMED J'IEFF. J'IEFF WAS STRONG, AND HIS STRENGTH ATTRACTED ADMIRERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. J'IEFF TAUGHT THEM HOW TO TRAIN (HARD), HOW TO ACT (AS STRONG AS POSSIBLE) AND HOW TO DRESS (AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE). HE WROTE THE BRO CODE, AND IT WAS GOOD. AND STRONG. MOSTLY STRONG.
HE SAID:
"GO OUT IN THE WORLD AND PROVE YOUR STRENGTH. IT IS THE GREATEST CAUSE."

ONE DAY, WHEN J'IEFF WAS OUT ON A STRONG CRUSADE, HE FOUND WHAT WOULD BE THE MUSCLE CHURCH'S MOST HOLY RELIC: THE BELT OF A HUNDRED GIANTS STRENGTH. HE DONNED IT, AND HIS STRENGTH SCORE EXCEEDED WAS OVER 30. THIS CAUSED REALITY TO CRACK IN IT EDGES, NO MORTAL MAN SHOULD BE SO STRONG. LUCKILY, THE SOLUTION WAS SIMPLE. J'IEFF SIMPLY BECAME THE IMMORTAL GOD OF STRENGTH, MUSCLES AND ASS-KICKING.

BACK IN THE REALM OF MORTALS, J'IEFF'S FOLLOWERS THOUGHT HIM DEAD, EVEN IF HE WAS IMMORTAL. SO HE ASCENDED DOWN TO THEM, AND SPOKE TO ALL OF HIS FOLLOWERS. HE SAID THESE WORDS:
"YOU WILL BE STRONG, LIKE WARRIORS. YOU SHALL FOLLOW MY BROCODE, AND YOU SHALL CREATE THE MUSCLE CHURCH IN MY GLORY. IN RETURN, I WILL GRANT YOU WAYS TO USE YOUR STRENGTH THAT YOU HAD NEVER DREAMED OF." AND THE CROWD WAS LIKE:
"AMEN TO THAT, BROTHER."
AND THUS THE MUSCLE CHURCH WAS CREATED. THEIR MEMBERS MARCH IN GROUPS OF SIX (KNOWN AS "SIX-PACKS") ACROSS THE WORLD, PROVING THEIR EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH. THE DREAM OF EVERY MUSCLE CLERIC IS TO BE WORTHY TO DON THE BELT OF A HUNDRED GIANTS STRENGTH, ALSO KNOWN AS "J'IEFF'S BELT". WHO IS WORTHY OF DONNING THE BELT IS DECIDED BY THE YEARLY WRESTLING TOURNAMENT.

GLOSSARY:
J'IEFF: THE GOD OF MUSCLE, STRENGTH AND ASS-.KICKING. ONCE A MORTAL MAN, J'IEFF ASCENDED TO GODHOOD THANKS TO HIS RIDICULOUS STRENGTH.
AH'NOLD: J'IEFF'S PROPHET. HE WAS BLESSED BY J'IEFF, AND WAS THE ONE WHO, ON J'IEFF'S WORD, MADE IT SO THAT THE MUSCLE PRIESTS WERE ALLOWED TO WIELD DOORS, STATUES AND FURNITURE IN BATTLE.
THE BROCODE: J'IEFF'S HOLY TEXT. BEST COMPLEMENTED WITH AH'NOLD'S TEXT "BE LIKE DA CHOPPA".
J'IEFF'S BELT: THE BELT OF A HUNDRED GIANTS STRENGTH. IT IS CARRIED BY THE BESTEREST WRESTLER IN THE MUSCLE CHURCH.
WIMPIEST OF WIMPS: ANYONE WITH A STRENGTH THAT IS NINE OR LESS THAN NINE. ACKNOWLEDGING THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH A PERSON IS A GREAT SIN, UNLESS THE MUSCLE PRIEST INTENDS TO SLAP HIM IN THE FACE.
WIMP: ANYONE WITH A STRENGTH THAT IS 12 OR LESS THAN 12. THE MUSCLE PRIEST IS ALLOWED TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH A PERSON. HOWEVER, HE MAY NOT TALK TO THEM IN A FRIENDLY MANNER.
NON-WIMP: ANYONE WITH A STRENGTH THAT IS 15 OR LESS. THE MUSCLE PRIEST IS NEUTRAL TOWARDS SUCH A PERSON.
BRO (OR MAYBE SIS/DOLL/WHATEVER): A PERSON WITH 16 TO 17 STRENGTH. IT IS WITHIN THE MUSCLE PRIEST'S DUTY TO TRY TO BE FRIENDLY TOWARDS SUCH A PERSON (UNLESS THEY ARE ENEMIES, IN WHICH CASE THEY MUST FIGHT WITH GLORY).
TOTAL BRO: ANYONE WITH EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH. THERE IS ONLY TWO WAYS FOR A MUSCLE PRIEST TO HANDLE SUCH A PERSON: GREAT BROMANCE OR MORTAL ENEMIES.

SPECIAL POWERS:
IRRESISTIBLE FLEX: TWICE PER DAY, A MUSCLE PRIEST MAY PERFORM AN IRRESISTIBLE FLEX, USING A HIDDEN TECHNIQUE ONLY KNOWN BY MUSCLE PRIESTS TO MAKE HIS MUSCLES EXTREMELY LARGE AND CHARMING. THE FLEX LASTS FOR 1 ROUND, AND DURING THAT TIME, THE MUSCLE PRIEST'S CHARISMA IS EQUAL TO HIS STRENGTH, REGARDLESS OF HIS PREVIOUS CHARISMA. ADDITIONALLY, IF THE PERSON ON THE RECEIVING END IS ATTRACTED TO MALES, THE PRIEST GETS AN ADDITIONAL +2 BONUS TO REACTION ROLLS.

MUSCLE PRIESTS ARE MASTERS OF UNARMED COMBAT. WHEN IN COMBAT AND NOT WIELDING A WEAPON, DURING ONE TURN A MUSCLE PRIEST MAY EITHER USE BOTH THEIR FISTS OR PERFORM ONE KICK. BOTH DEAL LETHAL DAMAGE.
THE FISTS DEALS 1D4 (1D3 AGAINST LARGE) DAMAGE EACH, BUT SUFFER A -1 PENALTY FROM DUAL WIELDING.
THE KICK DEALS 1D8 (1D6 AGAINST LARGE) DAMAGE, AND PUSHES HIS OPPONENT AWAY.
IF A KICK OR PUNCH HITS SOMETHING IN THE BUTT, IT IS ALWAYS A CRITICAL HIT. HOWEVER, THIS REQUIRES THE PRIEST TO EITHER COME FROM BEHIND, OR THE TARGET TO BE TIED UP.
KINKY.

J'IEFF'S MIGHT: ONCE PER DAY, A MUSCLE PRIEST MAY CALL UPON J'IEFF'S MIGHT, INFUSING HIM WITH THE POWER OF THE GOD OF MUSCLES, STRENGTH AND ASS-KICKING.
WHILE J'IEFF'S MIGHT IS ACTIVE, THE MUSCLE PRIEST'S  FISTS DEAL 1D6 DAMAGE EACH, AND THE BONUS DAMAGE FROM HIS STRENGTH IS DOUBLED. HOWEVER, HIS FISTS SUFFERS A -3 PENALTY TO ATTACK ROLLS.
WHILE J'IEFF'S MIGHT IS ACTIVE, THE MUSCLE PRIEST'S KICK DEALS 1D12 DAMAGE, AND THE BONUS DAMAGE FROM HIS STRENGTH IS DOUBLED. HOWEVER, HIS KICK SUFFERS A -2 PENALTY TO ATTACK ROLLS.

A MUSCLE PRIEST MAY TURN UNDEAD, BUT THIS REQUIRES A STRONG, SPOTLIGHT-LIKE SOURCE OF LIGHT DIRECTED AT HIS MUSCLES. IF THERE IS NO SPOTLIGHT AVAILABLE, OR IF THE AREA IS WELL LIT, THE MUSCLE PRIEST CAN NOT TURN UNDEAD.

SPECIAL ARMOR:
WHILE A MUSCLE PRIEST MAY NOT WEAR ARMOR, HE IS STILL A FIERCE COMBATANT AND CAN, SOMETIMES, BE A FRONT-LINE TANK. IN ADDITION TO BONUSES FROM DEXTERITY, A MUSCLE PRIEST GAINS ADDITIONAL ARMOR RELATIVE TO HIS STRENGTH. EVERY POINT OF STRENGTH ABOVE 16 LOWERS HIS ARMOR CLASS BY ONE. IN ADDITION, HIS EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH ALSO AFFECTS HIS AC

STR			AC
16			10
17			9
18/1-50		8
18/51-75		7
18/76-99		6
18/00		5
19			4
20			3
21			2
22			1
23			0

SPHERE'S ALLOWED: MAJOR ACCESS TO ALL, COMBAT, HEALING, MUSCLES. MINOR ACCESS TO NECROMANTIC, PROTECTION.

MUSCLE SPHERE SPELLS:

1ST LEVEL:
CONJURE PROTEIN SHAKE
THE PRIEST SUMMONS A PROTEIN SHAKE, AS A GIFT FROM HIS GOD. WHEN DRINKING THE PROTEIN SHAKE, ONE RECEIVES +2 TO STRENGTH FOR ONE HOUR, AND ALL TEMPORARY AND NON-LETHAL DAMAGE IS HEALED. NOTE THAT J'IEFF WILL ONLY GRANT A PROTEIN SHAKE IF THE PRIEST HAS IN MIND TO DO SOMETHING EXCEPTIONALLY BRAVE/STUPID/STRONK. IF THE DRINKER HAS EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH, HIS EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH IS PUSHED TO THE NEXT LEVEL OF EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH.
THE EFFECT LASTS FOR ONE ACTION.

DETECT WIMPS
THE MUSCLE PRIEST DETECTS ALL CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 12 OR LOWER WITHIN A 60" RADIUS. IF THE PRIEST DETECTS ANY WIMPS, HE IS INSPIRED BY J'IEFF TO SEEK THEM OUT AND SLAP THEM.
IN.
THE.
FACE.

BROCODE
THE MUSCLE PRIEST CALLS UPON THE BROCODE, INSTANTLY BECOMING BROS WITH A HUMANOID MALE WITH A STRENGTH OF 16 OR HIGHER.


2ND LEVEL:
SPIRITUAL TABLE/DOOR/STATUE
THE MUSCLE PRIEST CONJURES A SPIRITUAL WEAPON OF HIS CHOICE. THIS WEAPON CAN EITHER BE HELD, THROWN OR OCCASIONALLY USED AS A SHIELD. THE WEAPON DEALS 1D12 DAMAGE TO SMALL CREATURES, 1D10 DAMAGE TO MEDIUM CREATURES AND 1D8 TO LARGE CREATURES. THROWING IT DEALS DOUBLE DAMAGE, BUT IT IS ALSO COUNTED AS A MISSILE WEAPON.
THE WEAPON LASTS THREE ATTACKS OR ONE THROW.

KNOW STRENGTH
THE MUSCLE PRIEST GAINS KNOWLEDGE OF A CHARACTERS OR MONSTERS STRENGTH.

3RD LEVEL:
HOLD WIMPS
THE MUSCLE PRIEST BINDS 2D6 CHARACTER WITH 12 OR LESS STRENGTH. IF NO STRENGTH SCORE IS GIVEN, THE SPELL BINDS CREATURES WITH A LOWER THAC0 THAN HIM (MODIFIERS INCLUDED). FOR MORE DETAILS, SEE "HOLD PERSON".

SPEAK WITH DAD
AN IMAGE OF THE MUSCLE PRIEST'S DAD APPEARS BEFORE HIM. HIS FATHER WILL BE INSPIRED BY J'IEFF, AND GIVE HIM HELPFUL ADVICE IN HIS QUEST FOR STRENGTH BEYOND IMAGINATION.

PROTECTION FROM THE WIMPIEST WIMPS:
ALL CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 16+ BECOMES IMMUNE TO ALL CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 9 OR LOWER. THIS INCLUDES MAGIC CONJURED BY SUCH WIMPS.


4TH LEVEL:
PROTECTION FROM WIMPS
ALL CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 16+ BECOMES IMMUNE TO ALL CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 12 OR LOWER. THIS INCLUDES MAGIC CONJURED BY SUCH WIMPS.


6TH LEVEL:
BRO'S CRIB
CREATE A CIRCLE ON THE GROUND, WHERE ONLY THE STRONGEST CAN ENTER. ENTERING ALSO INCLUDES CASTING SPELLS INTO THE CIRCLE, ATTACKING SOMEONE IN THE CIRCLE AND NOT THINKING ABOUT THE MUSCLES OF THE CHARACTERS IN THE CRIB WITH AWE.
CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 12 OR LOWER CAN'T ENTER THE BRO'S CRIB AT ALL.
CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 15 OR LOWER MUST ATTEMPT A SAVING THROW VERSUS SPELL, OR BE DENIED ACCESS TO THE BRO'S CRIB.
CHARACTERS WITH A STRENGTH SCORE OF 16+ CAN ENTER THE CRIB FREELY.
CHARACTERS WITH AN EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH RECEIVES +5 ON SAVING THROWS, ATTACK ROLLS AND DAMAGE ROLLS WHILE INSIDE THE CRIB. THEY CAN ALSO FREELY CONJURE PROTEIN SHAKES WHILE INSIDE THE CRIB.

7TH LEVEL:
J'IEFF'S GLORY
THE MUSCLE PRIEST CONJURES A STATUE OF J'IEFF, THAT FALLS DOWN AND CRUSHES NOT JUST WIMPS, BUT ANYONE WHO OPPOSES J'IEFF. ANYONE CAUGHT UNDER THE STATUE TAKES 50 DAMAGE. HOWEVER, THE CAN TRY A BEND BARS CHECK TO SEE IF HE CAN CATCH THE STATUE AND CARRY IT ON HIS ARMS.
ANYONE WITH WHO LAYS HIS OR HER EYES ON THE STATUE MUST SUFFER THE FOLLOWING EFFECTS, DEPENDING ON THEIR STRENGTH.

STR			EFFECT
>9			SAVING THROW VERSUS DEATH. FAILURE RESULTS IN DEATH.
>12			SAVING THROW VERSUS SYSTEM SHOCK. FAILURE RESULTS IN A 24 HOUR BLACK OUT, FOLLOWED BY AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO MAN UP AND TRAIN HARD.
>16			SAVING THROW VERSUS PARALYSIS. FAILURE RESULTS IN 1D4 TURNS OF PARALYSIS.
16-17			NONE
18+			BECOME THE AVATAR OF J'IEFF, CHANGING THE AVATAR'S STRENGTH TO 25.


HOLY RELICS
EVERY CHURCH WORTH THE NAME HAS HOLY RELICS, AND THE MUSCLE CHURCH IS NO EXCEPTION.

THE BRO CODE
THIS WAS THE TEXT THAT J'IEFF WROTE, AND EVERY MUSCLE PRIEST WORTH HIS NAME CAN RECITE IT. THE ORIGINAL TEXT IS STORED IN THE GREAT CHURCH OF MUSCLES, BUT EVERY MUSCLE PRIEST CARRIES A COPY OF IT WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES.

ARNOLD'S RING
THIS RING IS MAGICALLY GRANTED TO MUSCLE CLERICS AFTER PERFORMING EXTRAORDINARY FEATS OF STRENGTH. NORMALLY, THE RING HOLDS NO EXTRAORDINARY POWER. IT IS NOT UNTIL THE MUSCLE PRIEST RECITES ONE OF ARNOLDS MONOLOGUES THAT IT'S TRUE POWER IS REVEALED.