https://web.archive.org/web/20141021053233/http://www.vixyan

And now, a couple of tales from the life of an officemouse...

* * * * *

Last week, a woman knocked at my office door. (I keep it locked because I'm alone most of the time and we don't do walk-in business; not so much out of fear as that then I can just wave solicitors away without having to talk to them.)

She said, "I see you've been feeding the crows out here..."

Me [bracing self to field another complaint about bird poop on the sidewalk]: "Yes..."

Her: "You feed them dog food and hard boiled eggs."

Me:  "Yes..."

Her: "You shouldn't do that. It's bad for them."

Me [o.O]: "Er... no it's not."

Her: "Yes it is!  Something something Audubon Society [I didn't quite get all this] and you should really be feeding them bird food."

Me [patiently]: "Well, no, bird food is generally formulated for seed-eaters. Crows are scavengers; they're omnivores. They eat everything. Meat, fish, berries, bugs..."

Her:  "But they're not eating what they're supposed to because they're eating your food instead!"

Me: "Oh no, I'm not their only source of food. Birds eat really often. I'm not even here all day, or every day. I see them out here eating roadkill when it's there, and..."

Her:  "(something about the Audubon Society again) and you're LITERALLY KILLING THEM!  LOOK at how SCRUFFY they are!"

Me:  "They're molting. That's how they look when they molt."

Her: "They're supposed to be eating the grubs out here in the ground! They're not doing their JOBS!"

(In hindsight, this is the point at which I should perhaps have just started smiling and nodding.)

Me:  "Er... no, I'm really not their only food source, I promise you."

Her:  "You can TELL they're not eating the grubs because they're ALL OVER THE CARS!"

(There's been some speculation in my household as to what this meant. I thought she meant that the grubs were all over the cars, and I was trying to figure out how the grubs had climbed up onto the cars (and why); or if grubs fall out of the trees (I don't know anything about grubs) then how that would tell her anything, because they'd be falling on the cars anyway, whether the crows were eating them off the ground or not. Some of my household think maybe she meant the crows were all over the cars. Although none of us can figure out what that would have to do with the grubs, either.)

Me [at a loss]: "I can only say I'm certain I'm not their only food source. They eat lots of things, they're omnivores."

Her:  "Well there are different SPECIES of crows and you're killing SOME OF THEM."

Me: "...I appreciate your concern, but I promise you it's fine. I can double check and read the ingredients of the dog food I'm using..."

Her [walking away with one of those bitter laughs like she's giving up talking to someone completely unreasonable]: "Read the AUDUBON SOCIETY!!!"

(I'm not entirely sure I got it all verbatim or in the right order because she kept skipping from one issue to another and I was having a hard time keeping up.)

Well. It shook me up a little. Partly because strangers unexpectedly getting on your case about something can be a bit unnerving. Partly because it's also a bit unnerving when someone says YOU ARE KILLING THIS THING THAT YOU CARE ABOUT.  And partly because I don't think fast enough on my feet, and didn't have the presence of mind to point out to her that my sources on what I feed the crows include John Marzluff, the UW researcher who did the facial recognition studies in crows, Michael J. Westerfield, another crow researcher, and Seanan's uncle who did corvid rescue and rehab. (Some of you will remember the "MICROWAVE!" story.) The fact that I didn't tell the woman these things pokes at my "someone is WRONG on the INTERNET" button.

I went inside and continued my IM conversation with Seanan, telling her what happened. Seanan soothed my metaphorical feathers and reminded me that yes, I really am feeding them the right things. ("What did your uncle feed his ravens?" "Chicken, liver, sometimes hearts, egg yolks, and DOG FOOD.")

(And just to be thorough, we both searched the Audubon Society website, and neither of us could find anything to contradict this. Their food & feeding pages are devoted entirely to feeding seed-eaters; no mention of corvids there at all. I guess they don't think anyone would actually want corvids around. Their few corvid identification pages-- I checked all the species they had that are said to be in the Pacific Northwest-- mostly don't mention what crows eat at all, but the few that do include meat, fish, fruit, insects, and GARBAGE. Really, I think once garbage is on the diet list, dog food and eggs aren't going to be any trouble.)

It's not likely that lady will be back for me to tell her just how WRONG she is. She was around for an hour or two more after she talked to me. I think she was helping the neighboring office with some kind of gardening thing (I saw her moving a bag of potting soil at one point) but she's not the building's regular gardener, who is a very sweet lady that I talk to often. Every time I saw the woman again after that, she was walking along with a different one of my office neighbors and talking earnestly and frownily to them. I don't know if she was still complaining about the crows (I'll be amused if she was; I'm certain my neighbors don't give a shit what I feed them) or if she just had lots of other things to complain about that day. But people so rarely come back and give you the chance to say the things you wish you had thought to say in the moment.

* * * * *

Last week, a man knocked at my office door. Sometimes I wait before answering, to give people a chance to decide that a locked door means we're closed and wander away. (They do this blessedly often.)  He didn't go away and he didn't look like he was selling anything, so I opened the door.

Me: "Can I help you?"

Him:  "Yes, I want to pay my bill." [holds out torn envelope toward me]

Me:  "Er... I'm sorry?"

Him:  "Isn't this State Farm?"

Me:  "Oh, no, State Farm is next door, that way." [pointing]

Him: "Oh, thank you."  [leaves]

Now, it's not like this was a HUGE inconvenience for me or anything. But sometimes I just wonder what's going on in people's minds.

My office door says "EVERGREEN" on it, and has a green evergreen tree logo. About eye-level to this man for the thirty or so seconds that I made him wait before I came to the door.

The State Farm office, at the corner of the building, has:
* A big brand new red and white awning that says "STATE FARM" and has the State Farm logo, and the agent's name and phone number and I think also their email address
* A red and white feather banner on the corner (I had a time googling for what the hell those are called) that says "STATE FARM" and has the State Farm logo
* A red and white sandwich-board style sign in front of the office on the planter that says "STATE FARM" and has the State Farm slogan and the agent's name and phone number
* A large square sign mounted on two poles in the ground in front of the office that says "STATE FARM" and has the State Farm logo
* Another sign mounted on the wall next to their door that says "STATE FARM" and has the State Farm logo (I think this one might be a drop box for payments; it's kind of raised)
* Red and white lettering on the glass of their front windows and doors, which says STATE FARM" and has the State Farm logo (and their hours and phone number and stuff)

I'm not kidding. This is the view as you'd see it from the street out front.  This is the view as you'd see it walking toward it along the sidewalk. One of these two views is what you'd see before you got to my office. Unless you were walking along the sidewalk from the other direction, in which case you'd see that feather banner before anything else.

I wasn't upset or even annoyed, really; as I said, it really wasn't all that much of an inconvenience. But... I dunno. Is it me?