Anons Party Cannon (Completed 3/18/13

>Day depression in Equestria.
>You are Anonymous.
>P0nyvilles most successful shut in.
>Deep within your fortress of solitude you spend your days (or nights, it's hard to tell with the windows boarded up from both sides) stewing in your misery.
>Life wasn't always like this though.
>Once upon a time you were a strange alien creature the townsponies feared!
>Then you became a helpful giant that many a pony could rely on for help be it bucking apples, Cutie Mark crusading (broke their little hearts to find out humans don't get cutie marks but they still loved hanging out with you) and your last official job delivering cakes for the Cakes.
>Delivery boy may not have been the most glamorous job but when you let Pinkie into your close circle of friends it became a blast.
>Once you became friends you started going to more pinkie parties and using your mighty dance of the pelvic thrust, you would slay many a mare-tang.
>Each one night stand however left you wanting for more. Yet no amount of pony poon could satisfy your hunger.
>One day it dawned on you that it wasn't lust you sought, but love.
>Considering the number of partners you've had you're surprised there've been no takers for your hot monkey [spoiler]LOVE[/spoiler].
>Days turned into weeks and the oceans of mare muff turned into the occasional wetting of your dick with no answer as to who you would give your heart to instead of just your hard-on.
>At work Pinkie picked up on your strange vibes and would listen to your gripes about finding somep0ny to love.
>Didn't stop you from taking random mares home but it became habitual after a while.
>Just talking to her about your problems seemed to ease the aching in your heart and it wasn't long until you figured out why.
>You loved Pinkie.
>To you, she was far more than some pony to bag and shag. She was more than a friend and you had to let her know how you felt as soon as possible.
>That was your first mistake.
>During your time as the premier party person you developed a reputation as a player of sorts. Never being tied down to one mare but never really taking advantage of them.
>That reputation left it's mark with pinkie, especially since a couple of her close friends found their way between your sheets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"I'm really sorry Nonny, but I think we should just be friends. I know you like to have your fun but that's not really for me. Don't worry though! You're still my favortiest human in all of Equestria!"
"Pinkie I'm the only human in Equestria."
>She giggle snorts before looking you in the eyes with an honest smile, "But you're still my favorite, and you'll always have a friend in Pinkie!"
>Feigning shock you grab her jaw and open her mouth to speak inside it.
"Friend can you hear me? I'm sorry Pinkie ate you!"
>Letting go of her face you both share a laugh before she decides to head back home.
>"I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted Nonny, but I'm glad that you can still smile for me! You'll find the right mare someday."
"Yeah Pinkie, I understand how you feel so don't worry about me. I'll bounce back just as good as you do."
>Holding onto to your grin from earlier you feel the corners of your mouth fall with each hop she takes back towards Sugarcube Corner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That was a few months ago and since then you've struck out with multiple mares, stopped partying, and stopped working since you don't really need bits as an "Alien Ambassador" which was your given title here.
>At first the girls would come check on you every so often but since you were only on a working relationship with most of them them at best they quickly moved on thinking you'd come back on your own.
>Pinkie had no trouble picking up your slack since she did your combined work before you showed anyways but was usually too busy to come see you.
>The first times she did you turned her down, insisting you were fine and just needed time to yourself.
>When she asked you to Pinkie Promise you were fine though you couldn't go through with it and only promised her.
>Winter came quickly and with Sugarcube Corner being swamped with Holiday orders Pinkie found herself working daily shifts.
>Your daily shifts involved hard liquor bought with your saved up bits and delivery meals. None of which came from Sugarcube Corner you made sure of.
>At one point you decided that sunlight could go fuck itself and everyone that looks like it by boarding up your windows.
>Your bathroom didn't really need that door anyway.
>Finally a few days after Hearths Warming Day, Pinkie makes her way up the familiar hill to your plus sized house.
>When she reaches the door she brings a hoof up to it and with the first knock your door slowly swings open.
>"Anonymous? You in here?" She says before nearly tripping on one of the many empty bottles of alcohol littering your floor.
>Avoiding the discarded clothes and trash on your staircase she makes her way up towards your room only to find it's door missing and a familiar human rummaging through the closet.
>"Anon?"
>Her voice gets your attention you turn your head back to see Pinkie Pie standing at your chamber door.
"So you're back. Want me to make us whole, huh? Convergence is at hand, right?"
>Even Pinkie is at a loss for words seeing your behavior.
"Fuck you... and fuck your marker!"
>This wasn't the first time you saw her there, but you're about to make it the last.
"Actually Pinkie... I'm sooo glad to see YOU again." you utter with a noticeable slur.
"I don't blame you for any of this. Really it's my fault. It should've been obvious to me that even if a mare did fall for me, I'd never be able to give her a foal. So here I am. The first and last human to set foot in this world." You punctuate that sentence by picking up an unfinished whiskey bottle and taking two large gulps before upturning the bottle to verify it's emptiness.
>For once in her life, Pinkie is at a complete loss of words while you continue to ramble on.
"Remember that time you first met me and you used that cannon to set up a party out of nowhere to welcome me? Of course you do, you were there."
>You dig through the contents of your closet some more before finding the prize you sought after.
"See when I first arrived in Equestria I actually did bring a few things here with me."
>Taking ahold of the box in both hands you set it down and open the lock with an unassuming key on your key ring.
"One of those things was this shiny little lady here." you say bringing out an old .44 magnum revolver that you bought as a home security measure back on earth.
"This was something I kept as a last resort around the house. Never thought I'd need it here but it reminds me of home so I didn't want to get rid of it. I guess it's kinda like your party cannon but smaller."
>Exposing the cylinder you grab a single bullet out of the box and load her up.
>Spinning the cylinder you flick your wrist and the game is afoot.
"Except that my cannon doesn't start parties." you say pointing it at Pinkie.
"It ends them."
>Click.
"Aww man, well it was a one in six chance anyways."
>You bring the barrel up under your chin.
"One in five now I guess."
>Click.
"Fuck. Your turn."
>She's frozen in place as the two of you stare at each other from opposite ends of the gun.
>Pinkie makes a move to speak, you pull the trigger and she flinches.
>Click.
"My oh my. It's getting pretty intense and we're only half way there."
>You point the barrel at your face and close your eyes.
"Give us a kiss baby."
>You press your lips to the barrel and pull the trigger.
>Click.
"Tease~. Well Pinks, it's fifty-fifty now, but being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, Pinkie?
>Her eyes are pinpricks and your trigger finger is itching to go.
>Outside your boarded up window, a flock of doves fly off in slow motion as you pull the trigger.
>Click.
"And so here we are, the grand finale. It's not exactly gonna be a fireworks show but I can damn well guarantee one hell of a bang for your buck." You bring the gun up to your temple.
>Click.
>Boom.
>Sweet release.
>Hurts in a way you didn't expect.
>Feels more like you've gone fucking deaf honestly.
"Don't tell me I fucked this up too."
>Opening your eyes you see Pinkie once again with tears streaming down her face and her hoof holding your gun hand up against the wall.
"P-Pinkie? Holy shit, it really is you this time."
>Wiping some tears away with her free hoof she nods at you.
>"Nonny, why were you gonna do it? You know if you were upset about something you could talk to me about it."
>Here we go, time to bite the bullet.
>"Anonymous. That was a terrible pun."
"You always did have a way of knowing exactly what I was thinking." a small smile falls across your lips as you feel your breath hitch.
>"Silly filly, it only works when we look deep into each others eyes like this." She smiles just a little bigger than you.
"I am not a filly." You grin.
>Pinkie starts to giggle while new tears fall from her eyes.
>You join in and take hold of the magenta mare as the two of you laugh and cry together.
>After a couple of minutes your laughter dies down and you both finally catch your breaths.
>"You know, you still haven't answered my question Nonny."
"Yeah... It's just. I guess the best way to explain it is to just say that after everything I've been through, coming to Equestria, losing my old life and starting a new one here; The thought that I finally found the one thing I truly wanted, NEEDED, which I didn't even accomplish back on Earth, but couldn't have, was just devastating."
>Pinkie sits there continuing to listen in.
>"So... Finally having a goal, something besides making bits and just surviving like I did on Earth, I set my heart completely on that goal. On you. Without you Pinkie, my life here wouldn't be any different than it was back home, sure I wasn't the playboy there that I am here, but no matter how many times I've done it, there's never really been a connection that makes it feel as fulfilling. I've found my place here and it's by your side. If you'll have me."
>"Anon, look into my eyes again."
>Her big, beautiful blue eyes are met with yours.
>"Do you really mean it?"
"It meant enough to push me this far right?"
>She holds your head in between her forehooves, "Yes or no Anon."
"Yes. With all my heart."
>"I can't freeze ponies like Flutters or tell with one hundred percent certainty you're being honest like AJ, but I can hear the answer coming from inside my heart Anon."
"What does your heart say Pinkie?"
>She leans forward and kisses you firmly on the lips, "It told me, 'KISS HIM YOU FOOL!'" She raises a hoof to her head dramatically before giggling and you join in.
"So what changed?"
>"Well, back when you had first confessed to me, I really didn't think you were serious. I'll admit now that a part of me wanted to believe you but I was scared of just becoming another notch in your belt. So I decided to save myself from the heartache and said 'No.' I never realized I meant that much to you."
"It's okay Pinkie, I had barely realized it myself really. Sooo... what happens now?"
>She hops into your lap and leans her head against your chest, "Now? Hmm, I want you to sing me a song to make up for scaring me like you did."
"Aww man. C'mon Pinkie, you know I don't like to sing."
>"Exactly!" She's boops your nose, "That's what will make it EXTRA special. Now that you're finally doing it just for me."
"*sigh* Fine. *Ahem* Do-do-do-do-doo-do-do, do-do-do-do-doo-do-do, do-do-do-do-doo-do-do."
>Pinkie cuts you off, "Anon! That's not singing!"
"Damn it Pinkie, it's got an instrumental intro that helps me set the pace for the words."
>She stares at you like the bullet had missed and killed an innocent cupcake.
"Okay, okay!"
>Deep breath.
"She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky~

Now and then when I see her face
It takes me away to that special place
And if I stare too long I'd probably break down and cry~

Whoa-oa-oa sweet child o' mine
Whoa-oa-oa-oa sweet love of mine

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
And if they they thought of rain
I'd hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain

Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hi-i-ide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain to quietly pass me bye~

Ooo-ooo-ooo, sweet child o' mine
Whoa-oa-oa-oa sweet love of mine...

There, are you happy now Pinkie?"
>"I don't know Anon, are you?"
>It doesn't take a genius to answer that one.
"You know what Pinkie? I am happy. Thank you."
>You wrap the party pony in a big hug and give her a little peck on the cheek, just the first of many you plan to let her have.