Neckbeard in Equestria 2

>You head out the door and set down the path, hoping to find Twilight Sparkle.
>You run with great swift, holding two fingers in front of your face to break the wind and reduce drag.
>As well as hanging on to your fedora…have to look classy for the ladies.
>After a few feet, you have to stop and catch your breath.
>And then once more.
I must catch up with Sparkle-chan before she reaches town. She holds the key to my heart. She’s also my only chance of getting to Rarity.
>You make decent work of the trail. You forgot to button up your trench coat and the sides are flailing in the wind behind you, making a cool flapping noise.
>In the distance you can see her.
Twilight-chan!
>She stops dead in her tracks, hanging her head before turning to face you speeding up the trail.
>She’s probably overwhelmed with feelings. I mean, you did do a romantic gesture chasing after her and all.
>”Oh…hello again, Anon. What can I do for you?”
>You huff heavily.
Twi-light…do you need…any…protection on your way home?
>You stand up and reveal the hilt of your katana. Her face contorts at the sight of it…probably didn’t know you were a master swordsman with the power to end lives in a few quick swings of your blade. But you would never do that…
>…unless someone made you mad.
>”uhh..I don’t know, Anon.”
I won’t hurt you.
>”No really, Anon. I think I’ll be okay.”
Well, I’m going the same way. Let’s get going.
>”Okay I guess…”
>The two of you continue along. You trail a little at the beginning to catch a peek, but Twilight’s tail is obscuring everything. Damn.
>You’ve both been walking and talking constantly about how you wrote a character based on Twilight in your latest issues of your manga. You’ve been talking rather. She’s been staring off the path into space. How rude.
She’s a warrior that wears this really small shirt and when she gets in a battle with demons, she gets horny because she’s actually part demon and killing her father’s demon warriors gets her off which is why her nipples are always hard.
>”Mhmm.”
>You feel you need to pick up the conversation to something she can actually keep up with so she doesn’t look like an idiot. That must be awkward.
So Twilight-chan…
>She snaps her face to you, “Yes what is it, Anon?”
Do you think there’d be a chance that we could go out sometime? I’d be a really great boyfriend or even a husband if you’d want to stay together for that long.
>Twilights hook smacks her face as she lets out a loud groan.
>You look at her confused.
>”Y’know what, Anon? I really don’t think this is the best time to talk about this.”
Oh, okay. I’ll wait until we get to your house instead.
>You both finally reach Ponyville. Finally. You couldn’t hide you boner anymore.
>Twilight sets off to her house.
>”I’ve gotta get home, Anon. I’ll see you later.
Do you need someone to protect you?
>”No! I’ll be fine!”
>What a bitch. Maybe she doesn’t deserve to be your girlfriend after all.
>You watch her trot away to the center of town. You notice your surroundings and realize you are in close proximity to Sugarcube Corner. Better grab some cupcakes after that long trek through the woods. Fluttershy’s spaghetti wasn’t that good anyways.
>You hope Pinkie Pie is there, she’s the only other friend you have besides that weirdo Fluttershy.
>You then ponder how Fluttershy even has friends. She’s so socially awkward.
>Oh well. At least I’m doing her a service by putting up with her at times.
>The bell rings on the door as you swing it open. The place looks deserted.
>Suddenly you get an eyeful of pink.
>”A-NONA-MUSS! HOW ARE YOU?”
>Pinkie presents you with Equestrian Twinkies.
>”Try these! I made them extra super special JUST for you!”
>You gladly take one of the golden cakes and sink your unwashed yellow teeth into it.
>A cascade of chocolate filling and golden pillow cake fills your mouth.
Oh, Pinkie-kun. These are delicious!
>You reach for another, but Pinkie has eaten the remainder of them already.
>”Snooze you lose, ‘Nonymous!”
>She has frosting all over her lips.
>If Pinkie wasn’t so chubby, you’d probably go out with her.
>Too bad.
>”Come on, ‘Non! Let’s play!”
>You log into your computer that you left here from the day before.
>You enter into your account, “xXxPast4.Manc3RxXx”
>People don’t fuck with a badass name like that, and if they ever do, you get on the mic and throw some serious heat at them that’ll make them think twice about you choosing to be the 4th sniper of your team.
>Pinkie is a great gamer. She never gets discouraged when she dies a lot, and she’s the best airblaster you’ve ever seen.
>She’s funny, always happy, well-liked, and a great cook. If you ate her homemade cakes and pies maybe you’d lose weight instead of eating the unhealthy boxed kind all the time.
>After the round is over you look up to her.
Hey Pinkie-kun…can we talk?
>”Oh yes of course! Is this about the newest issue of your story? I sure hope so! That purple-haired girl is so fierce!”
>You hand it out to everyone you can. You might get a job as a renowned artist and artistic visionary in Equestria.
Well Pinkie, I really consider you my best friend in this world. Better than any other friend I had in mine, counting the girlfriend I was engaged to on Vampire Freaks for a month.
>”Well…thanks for that ‘Nonnymoose! What’s a ‘vampire’?”
It’s not really important right now.
>You remove your hat to signal the importance of what you are about to say.
Well, Pinkie-kun I was wondering…
>She moves closer to you and looks at you with concern.
>You breathe in.
I’ve really given up all hope. I just…don’t know what to do.
>Pinkie’s face grows sad.
I’ve just…given up.
>She knows you have depression and schizophrenia. But she likes you anyways.
>”Anonymous…don’t talk like that…”
>Pinkie brings her arms up for an embrace. She holds you closely as her mane gets in your face. It smells of sugar and vegetable shortening.
>Delicious.
>You hug her back and give out a deep sigh.
Do you…do you ever feel alone?
>Pinkie pulls back and gazes into your eyes through your greasy locks.
>”Oh Anonymous…”
>Her squiggly mane starts to flatten, as do her ears.
>”Everyone feels alone sometimes. But you have friends who care about you by your side all the time. People like me, ‘Nonnymoose.”
>A smile creeps across her face and she wipes her tears away.
So…people are always here for me?
>The smile widens, “Always, Anon!”
>Pinkie moves closer to you.
Good. Because I’ve given up on Twilight being my girlfriend. Do you know if Rarity is single? Or what she’s doing for estrus?
>Pinkie’s face turns sour. Must have a stomach ache or something.
>”N-no, Anon…I can’t say I do.
>She looks upset. It’s not her fault she didn’t know Rarity’s cycles, no need to feel upset.
Oh. Okay then, Pinkie. Well I need to get going. Good game. If you find anything out just tell me.
>Pinkie trots out of the room crying, “just leave!”
>Jeeze what a bipolar psycho.
>You pack up your computer and head outside.
Nothing else to do now. I guess I’ll head home…it’s getting late.
>”H-hi, Anonymous.”
Ah, Flutter-chan…what are you doing here?
>It’s dusk and everyone is in their homes.
>”I just came to make you that YOU made it home o-okay…”
Flutter-chan. You wouldn’t last long in combat. You are unskilled and a woman; women can’t fight.
>”O-oh, I didn’t know that. Maybe you could teach m-me?”
>Maybe you could. This could be just what you need to show Mayor Mare that any pony can be turned into a lethal killing machine with a little bit of training.
Sure. Follow me.
>Fluttershy isn’t worth the gander attempt.
>Inside, Fluttershy is astonished at the wealth of sketches.
>”O-oh, I really like these, Anonymous! Who’s is this with you?”
>Fluttershy points her hoof to a drawing of you and Rarity engaged in tentacle play.
Fluttershy! Isn’t it obvious! It’s me and my soon-to-be girlfriend.
>”Oh…I’m really sorry. Why do you keep this stuff around? What is that inside of her…”, Fluttershy blushes.
It’s called ‘tentacle erotica’. What are you, Flutter-chan, a baka gaijin? I keep it around in case she ever visits me in the night to ask me out or if she passes by my house so I can slip in into the street so she’ll discover it.
>You scoff at her.
 Seriously Flutter-chan.
>”Oh…I see. So sorry, Anonymous.”
>You hide the papers from her in the silence of the still house.
>”So um…you mentioned estrus and um…i-it’s coming up soon. Do you want to do something that day?”
I don’t know. Depends if I have to carry this relationship with Rarity myself. She’s probably waiting until the last minute to ask me out; she’s probably just shy.
>It’s getting late as you stuff more of your quality Japanese hentai into the drawers.
>”So uhm…i-is it okay if I stay the night h-here? I got you home safe but I’m afraid to go home now.”
>You ponder. She better not snore.
Sure I guess, whatever.
>You don’t have a recliner or a futon. So Fluttershy has to sleep with you in your bed.
>It’s the still of the night.
>Silence as Fluttershy lays next to you.
>”Y’know, Anonymous…I sleep really, really heavy. I-if you tried to do anything to wake me up, I’d probably sleep right through it.”
Probably won’t be necessary.
>You put you katana under your bed in case she’s an imposter.
>You drift off to sleep…
>In bed with your weirdo friend, Flutter-chan.