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How the Grinch Stole Amour

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Apr 17th, 2015
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  1. Every Anon down in /padt/ Liked Amour a lot...
  2. But the Grinch, who lived just north of /padt/, did NOT!
  3. The Grinch hated Amour! The whole Amour shipping!
  4. No one quite knows the reason, so there's no point in asking.
  5. It could be he didn't remember the 90s just right.
  6. It could be that his rose-tinted glasses were too tight.
  7. But I think that the most likely reason of all,
  8. May have been that his dick was two sizes too small.
  9. Whatever the reason, His dick or his mind,
  10. He stood there on that day, hating the Anons,
  11. Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
  12. At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
  13. For he knew every Anon down in /padt/ right there,
  14. Was busy now, watching as each episode aired.
  15. "And they're headed for Anistar!" he snarled with a sneer,
  16. "So many hints for Amour! It's practically here!"
  17. Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
  18. "I MUST find some way to stop Amour from coming!"
  19. For Tomorrow, he knew, the Anon boors and upper crusters,
  20. Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their computers!
  21. And then! Oh, the hollers! Oh, the hollers!
  22. Hollers! Hollers! Hollers!
  23. That's one thing he hated! The HOLLERS!
  24. HOLLERS! HOLLERS! HOLLERS!
  25. Then the Anons, young and old, would sit down to a stream.
  26. And they'd shout! And they'd shout! And they'd SHOUT!
  27. SHOUT! SHOUT! SHOUT!
  28. They would shout from spaghetti, and rare ramen strands.
  29. Which was something the Grinch knew he hardly could stand!
  30. And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
  31. Every Anon down in /padt/, the tall and the small,
  32. Would stand close together, with the Volt song ringing.
  33. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Anons would start singing!
  34. They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
  35. SING! SING! SING!
  36. And the more the Grinch thought of this Anon Amour sing,
  37. The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
  38. "Why, for fifty-three threads I've put up with it now!"
  39. "I MUST stop this Amour from coming! But HOW?"
  40. Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
  41. THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
  42. "I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
  43. And he made a quick Ash Ketchum hat and a coat.
  44. And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"
  45. "With this coat and this hat, I look just like that prick!"
  46. "All I need is a Pikachu..." The Grinch looked around.
  47. But, since Pikachu are scarce, there was none to be found.
  48. Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
  49. "If I can't find a Pikachu, I'll make one instead!"
  50. So he called his dog, Max. Then he took some red thread,
  51. And he tied two big ears on the top of his head.
  52. Then he loaded his Tumblr and his old Facebook hax,
  53. On his computer screen and he called up old Max.
  54. Then the Grinch said, "Thunderbolt!" And the Genwunners started down,
  55. Toward the homes where the Anons lay asnooze in their town.
  56. All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
  57. All the Anons were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
  58. When he came to the first little house on the square.
  59. "This is stop number one," the old Grinch Ketchum hissed,
  60. And he climbed to the roof, empty hax in his fist.
  61. Then he slid through the firewall. A rather tight pinch.
  62. But, if Narutoad could do it, then so could the Grinch.
  63. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
  64. Then he stuck his nose into the posts for this Genwunner ruse.
  65. Where the little Amour screencaps all hung in a row.
  66. "These screencaps," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
  67. Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most vile,
  68. Around the whole room, and he took every video file!
  69. Spaghetti! And blushing! Promises! Hope!
  70. Ramen strands! Time alone! The ribbon! And Volt!
  71. And he deleted them off the accounts. Then the Grinch, very fast,
  72. Logged out of the accounts, with a very pained ass!
  73.  
  74. You're a genwunner, Mr. Grinch
  75. You're a grumpy guy, you see,
  76. All this crap you're trying to pull here even sickens Tajiri,
  77. Mr. Grinch,
  78. The only waifu you deserve is Iris, yes siree!
  79.  
  80. You're worse than Team Flare, Mr. Grinch,
  81. You have Caterpie in your smile,
  82. You have all the tender sweetness of an angry Totodile,
  83. Mr. Grinch,
  84. Given a choice between the two of you'd take the angry Totodile!
  85.  
  86. You're a Slowpoke, Mr. Grinch,
  87. You're toxic as a Croagunk,
  88. You're as smelly as a group of Garbodor covered in a pile of junk,
  89. Mr. Grinch,
  90. I hate to break it to you, but Misty isn't coming back,
  91. And no amount of Facebook groups, petitions, or polls can change that!
  92. The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
  93. "Stink, stank, stunk"!
  94.  
  95. And the one speck of Amour that he left in the thread,
  96. Was a fan art that was even too small for an ant.
  97. Then he did the same thing to the other Anons' threads
  98. Leaving fan art much too small For the other Anons' ants!
  99. It was quarter past dawn... All the Anons, still a-bed,
  100. All the Anons, still asnooze after he tried to kill Amour ded,
  101. Packed it up with their spaghetti! The ramen! The hope!
  102. The ribbon! And all the time Ash and Serena had alone!
  103. Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
  104. He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
  105. "To hell with the Anons!" he was grinchishly humming.
  106. "They're finding out now that no Amour is coming!"
  107. "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
  108. "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
  109. Then the Anon down in /padt/ will all cry BooHoo!"
  110. "That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
  111. So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
  112. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
  113. It started in low. Then it started to grow.
  114. But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
  115. It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
  116. He stared down at /padt/! The Grinch popped his eyes!
  117. Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
  118. Every Anon down in /padt/, the tall and the small,
  119. Was singing! Without any screencaps at all!
  120. He HADN'T stopped Amour from coming! IT CAME!
  121. Somehow or other, it came just the same!
  122. And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
  123. Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
  124. "It came with out ribbons! It came without ramen!"
  125. "It came without blushing or spaghetti strands!"
  126. And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
  127. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
  128. "Maybe Amour," he thought, "doesn't come from delusion."
  129. "Maybe Amour...perhaps...just might actually be canon!"
  130. And what happened then? Well...in /padt/ they say,
  131. That the Grinch's small dick grew three sizes that day!
  132. And the minute his dick didn't feel quite so tight,
  133. He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
  134. And he brought back the screencaps! And the videos for the singalong!
  135. And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch sang along to the Volt song!
  136.  
  137. >Volt starts playing
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