Femanon's Period One Shot

>day I-miss-the-pill in Equestria
>be Femanon
>and you sure are glad it's your day off today
>because right now, you feel like you've gone several rounds against Mike Tyson
>fuck these cramps, fuck this nausea, fuck these puffy tits, fuck this fatigue, fuckity fuck everything
>you lay in your bed in Yellow Quiet's house, able to do little but moan in pain and curse your luck
>unfortunately, Flutters not here today
>she went out of town with her 5 friends, something about a map in Twilght's fancy new castle
>she left this morning, and it's about 7 now
>symptoms hit you like an oncoming train sometime between
>except for the rabbit, you're alone
"Ooooh... Angel... Angel!"
>no response
>motherfucker is still napping, probably
>he never leaves the house when Yellow is out
"Angel! Please, I need help!"
>nope
"ANGEL FUCKING BUNNY! IF I HAVE TO GET UP, I SWEAR TO ALMIGHTY GOD THAT TONIGHT I WILL DINE ON RABBIT SOUP!"
>silence
>tell tale pitter-pat of rabbit paws is getting closer
>moments later, the white rabbit hops up next to your head on the bed, arms crossed, and clearly not to pleased with you
>prick

"Thanks... can I ask for-ow, ow... Does Fluttershy have any aspirin? Ibuprofen, maybe?"
>he raises a questioning eyebrow
"You know... some medicine for pain?"
>another questioning look
"I can't read the labels... Twilight's still teaching me Equestria's alphabet... I don't want to get the wrong medication... Ooooh... Please?"
>same language, different writing script
>fuck you show writers
>another interrogative stare
"...Come on, I'm sorry I said I'd eat you, I'm just... in a bad mood. I'll let you sit in my lap while I rub your ears, okay?"
>he thinks about this, before hopping down and leaving the room
>animals here sure do love you your soft, dexterous fingers
>not even Flutters can give out the ear scratches and belly rubs that you do
>Angel returns with a bottle
"Thanks... er, how many pills do I need?"
>Angel takes a quick peek at the label
>you've been here for over a year and it's still weird to see sentient, literate animals
>he holds up two "fingers"
>you graciously grab two white capsules
>something's missing though...
"Er, Angel? I kind of need water to swallow these... Get me a glass, please? That's all I need, promise."
>the rabbit sighs before hopping off
>moments later, you keep hearing the sound of water hitting the floor
>Angel returns with the glass almost half-empty
>probably a bad idea to carry that when you have to hop around to move
>he's visibly soaked from the water he spilled
>you need to reach down and grab it
"Thank you Angel... seriously, you're great."
>the rabbit in question looks awfully proud of himself.
>you take the painkillers and let out a sigh of relief
>you suddenly feel a light pressure on your lap as Angel hops on, ear twitching
"Alright, alright, I'll scratch you... Uh, you can't use my chest as a pillow though
>peopleseyebrow.jpg
"They're a little sore, you see."
>he groans
>that's his favorite part of snuggling with you

>be Angel Bunny
>can't believe you can't use Femanon's chest as a pillow
>closest thing to heaven
>eh, at least she's spoiling your ears
>"Ooooooh... urp."
>kind of hard to enjoy it with her moaning and complaining though
>minutes later, you start to doze off in this heavenly state, when...
>"Urp... Oh shit..."
>Woman, did I SAY you could stop scr-- hey!
>how dare she throw you off he-- where's she running off to?
>"Oh no, oh why m-- Hurp!"
>there's the sound like a bucket of water being dumped in the toilet, coming from the bathroom
>"Oh fuck, oh ma-- Blargh!"
>and again
>Femanon's pretty sick, huh...
>and you just gave her that medicine
>sucks to be her
>she does this three more times, followed by the toilet flushing
>you hop into the bathroom to check on her
>the human's in a real bad state
>face all red and sweaty, breathing heavily and looking down at the floor
>some vomit even got on her shirt
>hey, her breathing is starting to sound odd...
>is she crying?

>be Femanon
>you hate this
>you hate your body for hurting and feeling so weak
>you hate your stomach for rejecting the medicine
>you hate that you have vomit on your shirt
>you hate evolution for making your periods like this
>you hate Fluttershy for leaving in your time of need
>you hate Twilight for taking Fluttershy
>you hate God for putting you in this place where you need a rabbit to get your fucking medicine
>you feel a tap on your thigh
"WHAT?! W-WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ANGEL?!"
>the rabbit cringes at your outburst and starts backing off
"No... no, I didn't mean... sniff... Don't go... sniff..."
>you really miss your pills

>be Angel Bunny
>stupid sun, waking you from your sleep
>you get up and stretch
>you glance over at Femanon's bed
>oh yeah, you dragged your bed over to her room, at her request
>because you're a nice guy like that
>she owes you more than one chest pillow nap at this point, once she's better
>she's sleeping peacefully
>what a relief
>after throwing up and screaming at you, Femanon just wanted to hold you until she stopped her blubbering
>she decided to skip on dinner and just shower and prepare for bed, after taking more pills
>hm... something's missing here...
>oh yeah, Mistress Fluttershy's not here yet
>stupid friends of hers keep her away from you whenever they go on adventures
>hmm... need breakfast
>...bah, the human will probably scream at you more if you wake her up, better get it yourself
>Mistress owes you some desert for this

>be Femanon
>fucking Sunhorse, waking you from your sleep
>you always preferred Luna over her
>you roll over away from the sun's rays, trying to fall back asleep
>you feel marginally less like shit, but it's something
>hey, Angel's not in his bed
>it takes your half-asleep brain a few seconds to figure out that it's late morning and he probably went for breakfast
>might as well get up
>after another dose of painkillers, you stumble over to the bathroom to brush your teeth
>few minutes later, there comes a tapping at the front door
"Angel! See who it is, please! And tell them to fuck off!"
>still a little cranky, you see

>be Angel
>stupid not-sick Femanon, making you do things she should be doing
>she insists she's not ill
>"It's a woman thing, you non-primates wouldn't understand" was her only explanation
>stupid weird alien monkey biology
>eh, at least she's not that jerk Discord
>you hop on over to the door and start to open it away from your carrot breakfast
>now who could that be?

>be Angel
>oh great, it's the purple princess' dragon
>"H-hey, Femanon! I just wanted to--"
>he looks down at you
>his expression sours
>"You're not Femanon."
>voice doesn't sound so nervous anymore
>well screw you too, reptile
>"Uh, hey, Angel, is Femanon in? She didn't open her grooming stall yet. Is she okay?"
>you're about to pantomime, when...
>"ANGEL! WHOEVER IT IS, TELL THEM TO GET LOST, I SAID!"
>you sigh as Spike's eyes widen
>"Whoa. Is she alright? Maybe I should come inside. J-just to see if she's alright."
>you shake your head and attempt to shoo Romeo away
>he's having none of it as he steps over you
>you know you can't stop him
>you facepalm as you shut the door
>Mistress owes you two desserts for dealing with these shenanigans

>be Femanon
>by now you noticed that Fluttershy didn't return home last night
>you hope she's okay
>you don't want to have to move in with one of the other ponies
>Flutters is just the most tolerable of them all, you see
>you just finished up in the bathroom when you heard the front door close again
"Who was it, Angel?."
>you make your way over to the staircase
>"Oh, erm, hi, Femanon! H-how are you?"
>it's Spike
>you glare at Angel next to him
>he lets his paws and head hang
>he definitely didn't want this guy in here either
>...eh, you could think of worse people to annoy you during your cycle
"...Not too good, Spike," you say as you go downstairs.
>"Huh? What's wrong?"
>his previously anxious, sweaty demeanor changes to a sympathetic one
>he's always so nervous around you, for some reason
"I'm just not feeling well. It's a human thing I have to deal with," you say as you make your way to the kitchen for some food you hope will stay in your stomach
>you can hear both dragon and rabbit following you
>"Is that why you didn't open your grooming stall in town square today?"
>fuck, you missed work

"Yep. Have to deal with it every month," you say bitterly.
>have you mentioned how much you miss your pills?
>you sit and pour yourself some dry, unflavored cereal and some water
>don't want to upset your stomach with anything sweet or salty
>you're not sure if milk is off-limits with nausea but you don't want to take any chances
>you see Spike sit next to you as you eat a spoonful
"Oh, want some?"
>Angel shrugs and leaves the room
>"N-no no, I ate already," says the purple reptile. "So, what's wrong with you?"
>you visibly hesitate
>he'll probably blab to Twilight, who will then excitedly pester you with endless--
>"I won't tell Twilight, I promise."
>...he's a surprisingly perceptive one
"...Okay, I'll talk. But you asked for it, so no complaining about how gross what I'm about to tell you is, okay?"
>Spike looks a little confused, but he nods.
>you swear that with Twilight, sometimes you think she sees you more as a science project then a friend, what with all those questions about your world, and especially about your alien body
>fucking purple sperglord
"It's... something us human girls have to deal with every month. There's... a period of time when I can get pregnant. I think mares have that too, but when they don't get pregnant, nothing really happens, you know?"
>he turns slightly red, but he nods again
"Well, if I can't pregnant during that time window, I... My body goes through all these shitty changes. It has to eject the egg in me, and it comes out all... bloody."
>"R-really? That's-- how--- Can't you... die from that?"
You hold back a chuckle. "Nah, I won't bleed out from it, but... sometimes I wish I could. The really bad parts are the stomach cramps, the throwing up, the feeling of weakness... it's just awful."
>"And you have to deal with it EVERY month?" he ask incredulously.
"...Back on Earth, no. Humans had pills to ge rid of the bad stuff. I even had some in my backpack when I first came here, but I recently ran out."

>"Maybe Twilight can do something about when she gets back? Cast a spell on you?"
"Magic doesn't work on me, remember? Ow, ow..." you mutter as your cramps start acting up.
>"Oops I forgot. I think Twilight could make copies of your pills with a spell..."
>...
>processing...
>processing...
>Oh... you... fucking...
>you facepalm hard and let out a growl of frustration
"FfffffFFUCKING IDIOT!"
>"Whaa! What?"
"Not you! Me! I... I was so careless! Your sister or mom or whatever the fuck she is could have just made copies of my medicine with magic! Stupid... It's all her fault I'm so wary of her!"
>"Femanon, don't say th--"
>you slam your fists on the table as you start to tear up again
"No! I am! I'm a fucking fool, Spike! A stupid bitch who somehow ended up on another planet by complete accident, never to fucking to see her friends and family again and now I've eaten the last thing that can make my worthless fucking life bearable, you scaly little ASSHOLE!"
>Spike's jaw has dropped
>you're up and shaking
"I-I didn't mean to say... I..."
>you fall to your knees in front of Spike and embrace him
>you break
>"H-hey! Femanon, are--"
"I'm sorry... sniff... so sorry..." you sob
>"Uhm, there there?" he says as he lets you sob into his little shoulder
>kind of awkward considering the size of his head but you don't care.

>be Spike
>you trying to consider whether to comfort Femanon here, or tell her to stop getting your shoulder all soggy
>as you pat her head, you opt for something else entirely
"Femanon, I think there's another way you can get your medicine."
>she lifts up her head to look at you
>"Wh-what do you mean?"
>you could get lost in those eyes, if they weren't so red and puffy
"Do you still have the bottle or package? Of your medicine, I mean."
>she stops crying to think
>"I... I do. I'm sure I do..."
"Well, why not give the pill label to Twilight? It has to have the ingredients or something on it. She can figure it out how to make it."
>Fem seems to have had a 'eureka!' moment
"And even if she can't figure it out, Princess Celestia can do something about it, and have a whole bunch of doctors on the case. You'll have all the medicine you can get."
>she stares at you in awe
>before she starts smiling
>hnnnnng.jpg
>"You scaly little GENIUS! YES!" she exclaims as she lifts you from your seat for another hug, with the strength of a bear
>you decide to enjoy the feeling of her soft, warm body for now

>Be Femanon
>you're currently hugging your savior
>and laughing, partly out of joy
>and partly for how dumb you were just now, breaking down before he could finish telling you what to do
>when something occurs to you as you let him down
"Uh, Fluttershy didn't come home last night. Did..."
>"Nuh-uh, Twilight isn't back yet. Neither are the other four."
>you sigh
"Welll... at least I only have to deal with this until they come back. I can handle it. Totally!"
>Mr. Cramps says no!
"Ow, shit..."
>"Do you need anything Femanon? I don't have anything else to do, so let me take care of you."
>d'aaaaaaaw
>Spike is best dragon
"Nah, I'll be... well, actually, I need some more painkillers. Fluttershy didn't have much left, and I doubt I'll last if..."
>"Coming right up! I'll tell everypony in town that you'll be closed for another day or two as well!"

"Sounds like a plan! I'll get my wallet, and..."
>"No no, let ME buy it for you! I insist."
>your going to need to ask Spike for insulin if he keeps this up
"No. My medicine, my money. ...But thanks for the offer. You're just... the sweetest guy I know. Twilight has no idea how lucky she is to have you around."
>he's turning beet-red.
>"Y-yeah, uh... you're my friend, okay? Maybe I'm not all mushy like the girls, but I care too."

>a minute later, you're at the door with Spike
>you handed over some money and the painkiller bottle, so he knows what to look for
>"See you in a bit, Fem!" he says as he runs off towards town.
>you have good-bye before closing the door behind you
>so, you just have to wait for Purple Smart to get back from wherever that castle map thingy told her to go
>odd how she's running do something like that without Celestia telling her to do so
>ow, ow, fucking cramps
>you sit on the couch with your water while you wait
>the hell did the rabbit go?
>there. looks like he dragged his bed back down to nap again
>lazy slob
>Spike's not taking care of you on his own, that's for sure