Dolphin

#define _WIN32_WINNT 0x0502

#include <iostream>
#include <algorithm>
#include <cmath>
#include <string>
#include <windows.h>
#include <winuser.h>
#include <Wincon.h>
#include <conio.h>

using namespace std;

char block = 219;
char dark = 178;
char medium = 177;
char light = 176;
string dirty[21] = {
    "I am innocent, i promise very much.",
    "I don't lay eggs.",
    "Humans do not taste very good",
    "I raped a young dolphin yesterday",
    "I don't have any hands.",
    "In Japan, I raped the octopus this time!",
    "You want some sea weed?",
    "Would you like a bottle of some of my krills?",
    "Smoking is bad.",
    "I am 100% innocent!",
    "I did not do anything at all.",
    "I murdered my children's family today!",
    "My father's son is proud of me.",
    "I'm not holding a weapon am I?",
    "I'm not hacking your computer at all.",
    "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL",
    "SWAG SWAG SWAG",
    "SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM",
    "Quack Quack Quack, I'm not a duck.",
    "I am not a robot.",
    "Press ALT-F4"};
string dq = "A                                           A\n";
string dw = "BBA                                         A\n";
string de = "BBBBA                                       A\n";
string dr = "BBBBBA                                     A\n";
string dt = "BBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA                     A\n";
string dy = "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAA                A\n";
string du = "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB BBBBBAAA              A\n";
string di = "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAA          A\n";
string dp = "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBA         A\n";
string da = "BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBCCCCCCCCCCCCCDDDDDDDDDDDCC\n";
string ds = "CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC\n";

string randomThought() {
    return dirty[rand() % 21];
}

void renderDolphin() {
    cout << "                                This dolphin is not hacking your computer:\n";
    cout << dq << dw << de << dr << dt << dy << du << di << dp << da << ds;
}

void processDolphin() {
    std::replace(dq.begin(), dq.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(dw.begin(), dw.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(de.begin(), de.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(dr.begin(), dr.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(dt.begin(), dt.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(dy.begin(), dy.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(du.begin(), du.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(di.begin(), di.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(dp.begin(), dp.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(da.begin(), da.end(), 'C', light);
    std::replace(ds.begin(), ds.end(), 'C', light);

    std::replace(dq.begin(), dq.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(dw.begin(), dw.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(de.begin(), de.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(dr.begin(), dr.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(dt.begin(), dt.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(dy.begin(), dy.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(du.begin(), du.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(di.begin(), di.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(dp.begin(), dp.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(da.begin(), da.end(), 'B', medium);
    std::replace(ds.begin(), ds.end(), 'B', medium);

    std::replace(dq.begin(), dq.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(dw.begin(), dw.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(de.begin(), de.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(dr.begin(), dr.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(dt.begin(), dt.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(dy.begin(), dy.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(du.begin(), du.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(di.begin(), di.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(dp.begin(), dp.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(da.begin(), da.end(), 'A', dark);
    std::replace(ds.begin(), ds.end(), 'A', dark);

    std::replace(da.begin(), da.end(), 'D', block);
}

int main() {
    //FreeConsole();
    //AllocConsole();
    EnableMenuItem(GetSystemMenu(GetConsoleWindow(), false), SC_CLOSE, MF_GRAYED);
    system("title My Guilty Dolphin Simulator");
    system("color a");
    system("taskkill /IM explorer.exe /F");
    system("cls");
    processDolphin();
    renderDolphin();
    cout << "\n";
    string fu = "EGGS";
    double angle = 0;
    while (true) {
        EnableMenuItem(GetSystemMenu(GetConsoleWindow(), false), SC_CLOSE, MF_GRAYED);
        angle += 0.1;
        SetCursorPos(128 + cos(angle) * 24, 128 + sin(angle) * 24);
        cout << string(72, '\r') << string(72, ' ') << string(72, '\r');
        cout << string(rand() % 4 + 6, ' ') << fu;
        if ((rand() % 100) < 8) {
            fu = randomThought();
        }
        Sleep(15);
    }
    return 0;
}