How the Demi-Fiend Stole Christmas

Every demon
Down in Tokyo
Liked Christmas a lot...

But Demi-Fiend,
Who lived just North of Tokyo,
Did NOT!

Demi-Fiend hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
He's been like that since he rejected each Reason
It could be that his stat build wasn't quite right
It could be, perhaps, that his shorts were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Is that his fusion ceiling was two levels too small.

But,
His shorts or his stats,
Whatever the reason,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the demons,
Staring down from his house with a dark, fiendish frown
At the chaotic fires below in the town.
For he knew every fiend in the Tokyo streets
Were grabbing humans, and were ready to eat.

"And they're handing out Macca!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his eyes unbecoming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew...


...The mutants and humans
Would wake up bright and early, and they'd rush for their guns!
And then! The bangs! Oh, the bangs! Bang! Bang! Bang!
He had never liked weapons! The BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Then demons, gods and ghouls, would get ready to feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start with Flynn-pudding, and cooked Messian-priest
Which was something that Fiend couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN
Something would happen that would be the final straw
Every angel in heaven, every human of law,
Would launch an offensive, with holy spells blasting
They'd spread all their lies of a life everlasting!

And they'd fight! And they'd fight!
AND they'd fight! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
The more Demi-Fiend thought of the Law-Chaos fight
The more the Fiend thought, "I should have joined the White!
"For three rereleases I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE FIEND
GOT A TRULY DEMONIC IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" Demi said in his textbox.
And he made a nice YHVH mask and some socks.
And he chuckled, and roared, "I don't need any practice!
"I look so real, it's like I was designed by Atlus!"

"All I need is a sponsor..."
Demi looked around.
But since sponsors are for Reasons, none could be found.
Did that stop the half-fiend...?
"No!" Demi simply said,
"If I can't find a sponsor, I'll make one instead!"
So he called up Jack Frost. Then he took some strong thread
And he tied a big whale on top of his head.

THEN
He readied his fists
And he hitched up Jack Frost
And brought the GPS
In case they got lost.

Demi-Fiend yelled, "Charge!"
And the whale started down
Toward the wastelands and the city
Where every survivor had a frown

All the subways were dark, bloody snow on the ground
Every demon was sleeping, resting without sound
So the Fiend snuck on to a roof without being found.
"This is stop number one," The dark Fiendish boy hissed
"I will ruin this Christmas, and make everyone pissed!"

Then he slid down the chimney, with his glowing tattoos
and he found a passed out Thor with a bottle of booze.
Just to be safe, he cast Luster Candy
But he was okay, it was all fine and dandy.
He found the stockings, with Jack Frost in tow
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

Then he ran and he ran, with red eyes most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
hand guns! And katanas! Medicine! swords!
And multi-target spells to help fend off hordes!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Fiend, very nimbly,
punched all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he ran to the prison. He opened the door
He let out the humans, even the town whore!
He cleaned out the cells, very quiet now.
And saved the humans from becoming demon chow!

Then he stuffed all the people up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Fiend, "I will Freikugel the tree!"

Demi-Fiend took his stance, and he started to spasm
When he heard a small sound like the echo from a chasm.
He turned around fast, and saw a small demon!
The Fairy Pixie, who was about to start screamin'.

Demi-Fiend had been caught by this low level girl
Who had came out to flirt and make guys' heads twirl.
She stared at the Fiend and said, "Hey YHVH, why,
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

But, you know, that Demi was so smart and so green
He thought up a lie, and chose to be mean!
"Why, my sweet, small Pixie," the fake Holy King lied,
"I came here to tell you that Lucifer died.
"So I'm taking this tree to heaven my dear
"To use as a pole to shove up his rear!"

And his fib fooled the girl. Then he patted her head
And he punched her in the face and she fell over dead.
And when the Pixie fell over and let out a cry,
Demi then Freikugel'd the tree, with a slight sigh.

Then the last thing he took
Was the password for the COMP
And he planned on throwing it away in the swamp.
and with his Jack Frost whale he started to stomp

And the one piece of meat
that he left was a llama
that was too small to feed even Kodama.


Then
He did the same thing
To more demon's houses

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the Tokyo mouses!

It was quarter past dawn...
The demons, still a-bed
All the humans were free
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their guns! Their items! and relics!
and Grand Theft Auto IV, which stars Niko Bellic!

Thousands of miles, he rode to the Schwartzwelt
He was justified in his actions, he felt.
"Boo-hoo, demons" he fiend-ish-ly thought
"You better get your food back, before it rots!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then all the demons down in Hell will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned Demi-Fiend,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the boy put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't chaos!
Why, this sound sounded happy!
It couldn't be so!
Was the Fiend's fiendish plan really that crappy?!

He stared down at Tokyo!
with his brooding red eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a neutral surprise!

Everyone in Tokyo, demon or not,
Was singing! With all their presents forgot!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas, not by a longshot.
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

Demi-Fiend, with his neck-horn ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without humans! It came without spells!
It came although Tokyo was in a state of hell!
And he puzzled three hours, `till his HP was low.
Then the Fiend thought of something and he started to glow!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't start war
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Tokyo they say
That the Fiend's fusion ceiling
Grew three levels that day!
And the minute his shorts didn't feel quite so tight,
He fused his Jack Frost and Lucifer, the bringer of light
And with a glorious glow stood Lucifrost!
And he...

...The Fiend himself...!
hugged him, and went to bed in exhaust