Preparations for death

Dearest father,

Forgive me for my weakness and failed actualization of glorious potential you endowed me with. It is a great shame your name and glorious deeds will likely not know the history books. How unfortunate this new generation will likely never be able to follow your giant footsteps. Your originality, your indomitable will, your silver tongue used for noble purposes, your respect for females while still utterly dominating them without abuse, has truly been remarkable to witness. Your rebel against your seemingly heartless Father, treating his children as workers and rejection of religion reminds me of the story of Lucifer in the bible you rightly rejected due to how it was taught to you. Truly a grand effort in the eyes of society to break the cycle of beating one's children as your father did, but it may have caused my crippling lack of discipline in later years. Would have been nice to fight you properly during our play fights in your old age...

Sissy has stated you may be the only Man she'll ever love, you have given me similar praise in the past and surely my love for you was clear before I was left to rot, infected by estrogen and passivity with Mother and daughter. This unfortunate upbringing along with being poisoned by the internet, my own passivity and probably the harmful low testosterone inducing chemicals the wicked implant in plastics, foods and the environment were probably the main causes.

Can't say there is much love for you in an emotional sense, but rather a deep admiration and appreciation for your consistent auspiciousness. You conquered your emotions very well dear dad, but they say it is the task of women to control their emotions which dominate their feeble minds and for the Man to control sex desire or rather transmute it to be used for purposes that would allow you to reach the heights vaguely promised by the religions you reject. Like Augustus, Honest Men and virtuous Women are what I seek and this will not be found here, lest I dare to transmute society itself with a Might Manly Mind.

Dearest mother,

Forgive me for my lack of expressed emotional and ungratefulness shown towards you growing up. If you recall the scrap books you gave me past birthday, you would see how this aquarius was not meant for such close loving and hugs/strangled my bullying sibling tormented me to. Can hardly comprehend the toughness a working solo mom has to go through. This new wave of solo “””mothers””” who cheat the government for cash and seem treat children like cash cows belong not in the same sentence as the strong, independent solo mother.

Understand that opening up and expressing myself emotionally has always been tough for me, a typical trait of males who went through divorce. It seems to mess with the brain circuitry.

Apologies for my inability to take over as the Man of the house. My shyness, low testosterone and lack of masculine energy was probably due to the improper home environment. Females had always been so cruel since moving to the wicked cities, (even with this appearance which you assumed would break all the girls hearts) aside from you and those trying to recruit me.

There still lies a desire in me to make enough money to properly look after you if you and your new suspicious partner meet with disaster. Your musely comment on my skills with numbers led me to pursue accounting, the highest advertised cash, even though it bored me. You have also implied  pursuing such education is foolishness.

To have proper discussions with you would have been nice throughout childhood and adolescence, but it seems sissy occupied most of your talk time.

To see you truly happy would have made me so happy, therefore according to the greatest philosophers I love you. Apologies that emotional love wasn't properly expressed before the divorce.

Requested funeral music:
Hideaki Anno-Komm, süsser Tod (Come, Sweet Death)
God Only Knows – Suzumiya, Haruhi(Japanese)
God Only Knows – Suzumiya, Haruhi (english dub)
Super Driver - Aya Hirano
Neon Genesis Evangelion - A Cruel Angels Thesis (Full Japanese Version)
Neon Genesis Evangelion - A Cruel Angels Thesis (Full English Version)
Can't Tell Me Nothing – Kanye West
Bhagavad Gita audiobook spoken by female for rest of service

or find some kind Buddhists who could help my body into Pure Land or Tibetan Buddhists to help navigate bardos