An Asshole Prince Learns to Love Getting Punched in the Face

01[02:17] <Yoki> So! Haldis! ... And Maximus as well, if Tim so wishes to join in. You're on the campsite, attending to your soldierly and/or (wo)manly duties on a rather nice, peaceful day. Things seem to be progressing rather normally as far as you can tell, when the shrill cry of a man in pain practically slices through the monotony of the day. ... Or peace. Whichever seems more significant that it was disrupted.
[02:19] <Haldis> The soldier shoulders her spear on her spaulder upon hearing the shriek and contemplates briefly before calmly ambling toward its source, clearly in no particular hurry. It's unknown whether she's investigating through concern or curiosity, but really...it doesn't matter.
01[02:22] <Yoki> Following the source of the cry, she makes her way to the training ground. There, a young man clad in the standard fare armor with a dinky little wooden spear is laid out on the floor, arm clenched as he continues to cry out in pain. If you had to guess, he's probably one of the new recruits to the campaign. Standing over him is an even younger looking man, a wooden sword pointed at his face and bellowing at him. "You're going to die if you act so carelessly on the battlefield!" "You can't even hold a proper grip on your spear!" "I thought perhaps you'd at least have some gut instinct as to how to fight, but I see now I was merely wasting my time!" Comments such as those and others of similar nature are spewed from the person's mouth.
01[02:23] <Yoki> Quite caustically, at that. You swear the fresh meat looks as if he's about to cry ;_;
06[02:27] * Haldis casually meanders up behind the aggressor as quietly as she can, listening in on his remarks to see if he's actually attempting to instruct the newbie or simply being insulting.
01[02:29] <Yoki> He actually is! ... Though you definitely get the feeling he could be less of... Well, less of a complete dickhole about it. "Your weapon is your life on the battlefield!" He takes the sword and holds it up to the recruit's neck. "You're as good as dead if the enemy catches you without it!" And then he leans in at face level with him. "Do I make myself clear?"
06[02:31] * Haldis waits until the training sword isn't needlessly threatening the recruit and very casually sweeps Yoki's legs out from under him with the butt of her lance.
01[02:33] <Yoki> The little swordsman goes 270* in the air before landing face-up. His attire's odd for the battlefield, consisting of a green tunic and brown pants beset with belts to hold them in place, but nothing too out of place in terms of common attire. "Aaaaaarghhhh!" He lets out a pained cry, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand as soon as he possibly can, before looking up at his assailant. "What in the seven hells do you think you're doing?!?"
06[02:35] * Haldis ignores the runt and offers a hand to the recruit with a rare smile. "Report to the Guard Captain for training, you don't need to take lessons from crazed vagrants."
01[02:37] <Yoki> Tears are streaming down the newguy's face, though you imagine those are more his failing to fight them back from the chiding and threatening than out of from your saving him. He totally looks like he'd bow down before you and call you his Goddess if you so much as asked for it, though~ "Oh, yes, ma'am! Th-th... Thank you, ma'am!" He bows before you, maybe gives you a hug in thanks, before dashing off, away from the young, angry tyrant.
01[02:38] <Yoki> Speaking of which, he sits upright and pulls himself up off the ground, his face flushed red with fury. "I said, What in the seven hells do you think. You're. 5DOING?!?"
01[02:40] <Yoki> He draws ever closer to Haldis, to the point where if he were tall enough his spit would probably be spattering on her face. ... He's a munchkin, though, so it might just be spattering on her breastplate as he screams up at her.
06[02:41] * Haldis regards him apathetically. She scans him quickly before finally replying. "You're going to die if you act so carelessly on the battlefield."
01[02:45] <Yoki> If there were one of those dials that shows the level of steam in Yoki's head floating over him, or if such a thing even existed in this time frame, it'd be pretty deep in the red right now at a glance. "You dare chastise me?!? Tell me, then, milady... Who died and made you princess that you're telling me how to act? Hmm?!?" He's totally glaring daggers at the girl.
[02:50] <Haldis> She avoids his gaze and taps her temple, feigning being deep in thought. "Now I had expected an individual with so low a center of mass would easily have been able to maintain his balance even if he was deaf to the sound of the enemy approaching from behind." She snaps her fingers. "Ah, it makes more sense if that individual is a barbaric rat lacking in finesse! That would certainly
[02:50] <Haldis> explain his unrefined stance and abhorrent mouth."
01[02:54] <Yoki> Yoki takes a step back, but doing so merely serves as distance for him to put the wooden sword forth, pointed straight at Haldis' face. Just a little closer, and it might be touching the tip of her nose. "How dare you speak so lowly of the Prince! ... And I... i... I wasn't ready for that! You cheated! I wasn't even paying attention when you did that!" While his stance might be rigid, his composure is far from it, leaking all over the floor, here, there, and just about everywhere. "What manner of brigand are you that you'd do something so dishonorable?!?"
[02:58] <Haldis> Haldis steps back and drives her lance into the ground, picking up the wooden one the recruit left behind. She copies Yoki's stance and puts the tip of the spear before his nose, though with the considerably advantageous distance afforded by the weapon. "What manner of brigand are you that you'd regard an ally with such hostility?"
01[03:02] <Yoki> "The kind that's going to kick your butt!" He swings his wooden sword sideways, the goal being, at the very least, to cause Haldis' spear (along with her body mass) to go sideways, perhaps throw her off balance a little, before darting forth in the opening he seeks to create. ... This is expected to go as well for Yoki as this does with any of Botherer's characters when they try to accomplish things. Which is, to say, not at all.
[03:07] <Haldis> The sentinel does not resist the initial strike at all but rather uses the momentum from it to strike forth with the butt of the glorified wooden stick, lashing out at Yoki's swordhand, aiming to disarm him immediately.
01[03:09] <Yoki> Can you explain that one a little better? Not quite getting the picture here, sorry.
[03:10] <Haldis> Lance points forward. Sword knocks lance sideways. Lance rotates about a pivot, so while the tip is being pushed away from Yoki, the other end  is being pushed towards him.
01[03:14] <Yoki> Oh~ Okay, that makes things clearer. Yeah, he... Wasn't quite expecting that. Hell, what he ends up doing is ducking down to try and get into Haldis' midsection range... Only to end up getting thwacked in the face and knocked off to the side. He rubs at his cheek, visibly bruised from the "You... Hit me. You actually hit me!" He proclaims, and quite loudly at that.
01[03:16] <Yoki> visibly bruised where the stick hit him**
[03:17] <BlendedSolosis> i forgot to her left cheek, visibly bruised from the you..
[03:17] <Haldis> Her brow furrows in confusion at the remark. "Yes...? It would have been much worse if I was the enemy..."
01[03:20] <Yoki> He springs back up into the ground, and you see the fire in his eyes. For a moment, you swear the manchild looks like he wants to kill you infinitely more than he did before. ... Which, if you had to guess, may have been a lot. The intensity in his gaze as his eyes meets Haldis' is fierce.
01[03:20] <Yoki> ... But then suddenly he bursts into laughter. "Try that again! It's been ages since I've partnered up with someone who could do that!" He looks... Happy that you hit him.
[03:22] <Haldis> She regards the manchild with further confusion. Ages? "How long...have you been fighting...exactly?"
01[03:24] <Yoki> "Let's see here..." With his free hand, Yoki starts counting on his fingers, verbally making this into a much more complicated endeavor than you'd think it would take. "... And if you carry the two..." Now would be a perfect time to hit him again~
[03:27] <Haldis> Oh gods, he can't even count. "Nevermind that, is it safe to assume you're self-taught?"
01[03:31] <Yoki> Descendants of royal, non draconic blood. No sense of right and wrong! ... Or what two plus two equals. "Past the basics, yeah!" He stops this convoluted abomination of what you can only assume is an attempt at math and takes a stance, one that... For lack of a better way to describe it, is a lot better than the last one he'd taken prior to trying to lop Haldis' head off with a wooden sword. "But what are you waiting for? I told you to hit me! So come on! 5Do it already!" ... And then a wry smile comes across his face. "If you can~"
[03:35] <Haldis> "If you say so..." Rather than preparing any sort of stance, Haldis begins a series of stretches for one of her arms and starts walking away from Yoki. The distance is curiously far, further than one would expect for even a running start. She cups her hands to her mouth and yells to him. "Are you ready?"
01[03:37] <Yoki> "I don't feel you hitting me~" At this point it's teasing! Playful teasing, but teasing nonetheless. He sounds like he's ready to enjoy the hell out of himself, though.
[03:41] <Haldis> She stares at the munchkin for a bit before grasping the wooden spear and pulling it up to her shoulder. Assuming he's actually encountered this before, he should have a few seconds after realizing what she's doing before the spear is sent whistling through the air. Probably at some sort of padded/armored part of his if he's wearing any. Hopefully he's wearing any. Because this might
[03:41] <Haldis> hurt if he screws up.
01[03:45] <Yoki> You mean a javelin throw? Yeah, he's seen that before. What idiot hasn't? ... You know, besides the ones who died before they made it to the stages where the enemies actually carry javelins? Yeah, he'd have no trouble dodging this if she's not doing anything super ridiculously crazy.
[03:48] <Haldis> She isn't doing anything particularly ridiculously crazy. Unless you mean sprinting at him full force after the toss and hoping the javelin was enough of a distraction. If he's clearly surprised as she closes in (or possibly did something as ridiculous as turning to watch the spear after he dodged it), she's totally punching him in the face because he asked for it. Really, if he reacts
[03:48] <Haldis> in a way other than readying his sword, she's doing that. I mean what kind of psycho does that?
01[03:51] <Yoki> Once the javelin's launched, Yoki jumps to the left. His gaze is still Haldiswards, though his focus is any place but. He begins to dance in place before realizing just what Haldis is doing. "You're too slo-Oh Gods!"
[03:53] <Haldis> POW! Right in the kisser.
01[03:58] <Yoki> If this were some kind of cheesy cartoon, Yoki'd be soaring skywards--Okay, so he is going skywards, but not to the point where he'd disappear into the atmosphere and twinkle. He hits the ground with a thud and an "Oomph!" That makes Haldis 2, Yoki... None. "... Oh man, that's good! That's really good! Reckless and crazy, what with throwing your weapon away, but good!" With some disturbingly abundant amount of energy and enthusiasm you'd think only a masochist could have, he hops back up on his feet. "This is so good! Come on, come on, keep at it, girl!"
[03:59] <Haldis> She sighs and picks up her real weapon. "If we're going to continue this, we're first going to have to teach you how to fight. Properly."
01[04:04] <Yoki> "Wait, what?!?" Yoki had been bouncing about with this almost hyperactive, energetic quality to his motions. "But I was having so much fun! I could've kept at this until the cows came home! ... And what do you mean properly?!?" He starts chasing after Haldis. "Hey, hey! I'm not done with you!" ... And he totally ends up just verbally pestering her with his hyperactive energy until he gets the hint that it's not a permanent shutdown and more of a temporary hiatus/pause thing.