[Un]broken (Emi prologue), Chapter 2: Awake

Emi wanders through the void, her mind still absent from the physical realm. She is lost, alone in the dark. She can't feel the lower half of her body, a completely surreal sensation. Her eyes fasten shut, trying to convince herself of the truth: that this is all a dream.

Pain shoots up the spine, forcing her awake.

Her emerald green eyes flutter open to a white ceiling. The owner wonders where she is... how she got here. The last thing she remembered was riding home with her father from their morning run at the track. She recalls talking to him about Ryota, about her time at school, and about how he met her mother.

Another memory brings itself front and center: there was a car hurtling toward them in the intersection. It couldn't stop... She can see it as if it were happening right in front of her. Her father's arms extending to brace for the impact. Her own screams filling the car alongside the sounds of crunching glass and screeching metal.

Another jolt of pain fires up her back. She identifies her toes as the source. Why do they hurt so badly? She tries to wiggle them beneath the bed sheets, but it feels like lighting surges through her. Just trying to contract them is a huge effort. And now it feels hot, like her lower half is being cooked over a roaring fire.

She sits up straight from her angled bed, throwing the covers away from her body, trying desperately to cool off. She doesn't expect what she sees.

Nothing can prepare an amputee from seeing what has happened to them for the first time.

What remains of her legs sits there on the bed, cut off below the knee. Only her thighs are still intact, wrapped in bandages to stymie off a potential infection. She slides the stumps around, completely bewildered. Just to confirm what her eyes are seeing, she reaches down and rubs one of the cutoffs. It feels coarse, the skin freshly stitched from the amputation.

Her brain isn't sure what to make of the sensation. She sees and feels the truth, but she also experiences a weird feeling of having her hand embedded into her calf. Conflicting messages all around. One emotion definitely stands out, though.

Tears well in her eyes, then flow like rivers. She cups her face in her hands, trying to keep anyone who might come in from seeing her cry. Her sobs awaken another woman in the room.

“Emi...?” The voice of her mother sounds different from the light, airy version she's used to. It's coarse, grainy, like she's under an unbelievable amount of stress. Meiko squints her eyes, adjusting to the light from her nap. Despite everything that has happened, she can only smile at seeing her daughter awake.

She rushes over to the bedside and envelops the girl in her arms, hugging her tightly around the neck. There is crying on both ends. “I'm so glad you're okay...”

“Mom...” Emi starts with a whisper. “They're... they're gone.” She motions to her legs, as if they might magically reappear. If only they could.

Meiko pulls away, stroking her daughter's face. “I know, sweetie. But we'll adapt.” Emi shifts her thighs back and forth, much to her mother's surprise. “You... you can move them?”

“Yeah.... why?”

“They thought they were gone completely. That you wouldn't even be able to use what was left of them.” She chuckles a bit through the light streams running down her face. “I guess they were mistaken.”

Emi just falls back into her mother's embrace. She doesn't want to think about anything right now. She just wants to feel loved, to feel secure with her family again. /Wait...,/ she thinks, /where is he?/

“Mom?” Her mother stands at attention. “Where's Dad?”

Meiko only sighs, hugging her daughter tightly. How does she put this? “Emi, sweetie... I was so afraid I'd lost you, too.”

/Lost me... too?/ “Mom...?”

“He... he's gone, Emi.” Her eyes go wide again. “He left us.”

“No...,” she mutters. “No, it can't be! He can't be gone!” The tears turn from sadness to rage. Her mother absorbs the light verbal abuse. “You can't just tell me he's gone! He can't just leave us like that! We need him! /I/ need him...” She falls back into her mother's chest, sobbing furiously and beating her fist into Meiko's thigh. Her wails are so loud that they can be heard throughout the hall.

In the midst of her tantrum, she just keeps whispering, “It's not fair.” Meiko rubs the top of her head, trying to provide what little comfort she can. This wasn't going to be easy for either of them, and she was so close to her father that this kind of reaction was expected.

A knock on the door manages to slip its way into the cries. “No, don't let him in! I don't want to let him see me like this!”

“Dear, he only wants to help.”

“But I don't need help! I can do this myself?”

“And yet you're here, crying into my lap.” Emi snaps. She's right. “Please... you're not broken. We don't think you're broken. We just want to help you through this rough spot.”

The girl in her lap grumbles. “Okay. Let him in.”

Meiko smiles at the quick turnaround. “Come in,” she says. The man steps into the room, trying not to draw too much attention. He definitely heard her outburst, god forbid he force another one. He wears the typical nursing scrubs, his hair dyed lavender and a smile etched into his cheekbones. “Good to see she's awake,” he starts. “I would ask how she's doing, but that much is... obvious.”

That struck one of her nerves. “And just how did you expect me to act?” she bites, her cracking voice muffled by her mother's leg. She rises and looks him in the eye, teeth gritting and muscles completely taut. “All happy and sunshine? Everything's going to be alright, isn't it? Well, it's not.” Her tone intensifies, but her mother only stares in awe at her wrath. “I just had my whole world taken away from me!”

“Now, now, Miss Emi...,” the nurse starts. She cuts him off.

“Don't you 'Miss Emi' me! You don't know what I'm going through right now! You don't know how it feels to lose it all. You have NO idea!!”

“Emi, please...” her mother whispers.

“Please what?” she barks. “Act like everything's okay? Pretend that nothing happened and let life go on as it did? Well, it can't, Mom. It won't ever be like it was...” She turns back to the nurse and bellows at him. “And you! Why couldn't you save him? Why did he have to die and I get left behind? It's not fair! It's not fair...” Her anger subsides back into depression, and the sobbing continues.

The man quickly realizes that he is not welcome here. “I'll just... see myself out,” he says to Meiko. “I'll be sure to report that she's awake.” /Assuming people don't already know./

She nods and thanks him, then returns her attention to the girl in her lap. “Emi... why are you so angry?” The girl whimpers her best imitation of remorse. What she did was wrong, but it felt so good to lash out and put the blame on someone else. Her mother considers reprimanding her, but that's not what she needs right now. She needs comfort and compassion.

“Angel, do you not remember what he always told you?”

Her voice cracks into something resembling a croak. “'You are strong. You can be more. You can go the distance.'“

“And you can. You are unbelievably strong.” She picks up her chin to bring their eyes together. “You are his daughter, after all.”

A smile manages to flash across Emi's face before fading away again. Even in this darkness, she only remembers him fondly. “Mom...,” she says, “can you let me be alone for a minute? I... I need some space right now.”

“Of course, dear,” she responds. “Whatever you want.” She rises to her feet and heads for the door, twisting the handle. Emi falls back onto her bed, staring at the ceiling, just like she awoke. Before stepping outside, her mother utters a few words. “I love you, Emi. More than anything. And he did, too. Never forget that.”

“I know, Mom. I love you, too.” The doorway closes, and she is alone again. She starts to think about him again, of all the times they shared: the running, the laughing, and the mutual happiness. Most of her memories are on those runs. They defined their relationship, and it was in those moments that she became who she was.

As she lies there in silence, reminiscing about her father, she comes to a decision. /I can't let anyone that close again. He was taken away from me... so suddenly. Without warning. Couldn't anyone be taken away like that?/ Thoughts turn into words. “I can't hurt like this again.... It's... it's too much.”

Minutes pass. The clock ticks, and the day goes on. With time in constant motion, she drifts into sleep amidst more tears.

It's the first time she experiences the night terrors that will plague her for years to come.

In her subconscious, all of her dreams involve him. She relives that last moment, time and time again. Each recollection is more painful, digging deeper into her soul. There are other dreams, most of them memories brought to fruition by her psyche.

One dream stands out. He is there, off in the distance, running like they always did. She struggles to keep up, trying to accelerate up to his pace and catch him. But she can't. No matter how strong she is, she can never reach him. He will always keep moving, one foot in front of the other.

She jerks awake from the nightmare, panting. She checks her pulse and finds it racing almost as fast as if she were physically running. “Just a dream...,” she mutters to herself. “But it was... so real.” Her eyes turn to the ceiling, begging for inspiration. “Daddy...” She seldom called him by that name. Only in times of deep love or deep sorrow. “What do I do?”

His words come back to her, and she can swear she hears his voice. “Always put your best foot forward... keep on moving, one step at a time.”

“I will, Dad,” she whispers into the empty room. “I'll keep on going. I am strong. I won't let anyone bring me down.” Her hand grips the pillow casing tightly.

“And I won't let anyone hurt me again.”