LNPP from thread 111

559_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but it's time for...MAIL TIME!

"Yay!"

'...Really?'

>Yup and you two are doing it for me! I want to see what people have been saying.
Slowly reaches for popcorn.

"Pumpernickel writes, I bought a small ice sculpture in your image and was delivered to my house. I planned to send it to you the next day, but it would always mysteriously disappear in the morning with only a puddle of water in it's place. I'm sorry I couldn't send it."

'...Listen carefully, you may not know this, but ICE MELTS! Put it in the freezer, so that it doesn't melt! Also why are you sending it to your house!? It's going to melt on the way to Pinkie if you try to send it and there's nothing to keep it cold, you idiot!'

"Happy Hour writes, a friend of mine gifted me a banana slug. It's neat, but it's so lazy. I tried to take it for a walk, but it just goes at it's own pace. Is something wrong with it?"

'...Let me tell you what's wrong...SLUGS ARE PHYSICALLY SLOW! WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A SLUG ON A WALK?! DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A SLUG IS?! WHY IS IT TAKING YOU SO LONG TO FIGURE IT OUT?! It may be physically slower than you, but it's FASTER THAN YOUR BRAIN!'

"Morning Joe says, I love cheese, but my mom keeps leaving cheese on this weird device. Every time I reach for it, it snaps at me and hurts my hoof. Why do you think she's using this torture device on me?"

"Here's a clue...IT'S A MOUSETRAP! THE CHEESE ISN'T FOR YOU! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S DUMBER! THE FACT THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A MOUSETRAP IS OR THAT YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO SET IT OFF! MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A FAT TURD, YOU'D ASK YOUR MOM TO BUY CHEESE FOR YOU SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET IT FROM A MOUSETRAP!"
DT pants heavily as Pinkie claps.

>You're really good at this!

'...If I die of a brain aneurysm-

>Thanks for sending your fan mail and have a wonderful day!

560_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Applejack"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and the crazy ones are out! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!

"Howdy hoe."

>Now that I've had my own entertainment, it's time to ask, what do you do for fun some times?

"Why Ah do all sorts of fun things like-"

>That are not apple related.

"......Did Ah ever tell you the story of how me and mah cousin Peach used to hang around in our club house?"

>Okay, I'm sorry. It can be apple related.

"This one time, she managed to nail her tongue to the wall hahaha. Hooo it was messy. There was a lot of screaming that's fer sure. Couldn't make a word out of her. Now you'd think it's strange how that could possibly happen when you're holding the hammer in your mouth, but you can count on cousin Peach to nail her own tongue. Since she technically pierced her tongue, she went ahead and got herself a tongue piercings later on."

>WE'RE OUT OF TIME NOW, but enjoy the rest of your night and I'll see you next time!

"Oh wait, Ah didn't get to mention the-"
AJ wakes up.
"...other place that she got piercings...oh well. It's an area Ah probably shouldn't say on the show."

561_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Applejack"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and I bring in the good times! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!

"Hidally diddly"

>...Before we even begin, where is your Cousin Peach now?

"It's been a while. Last Ah heard, she had something to do with plumbers and mushrooms or something. Was kind bad staying in one place. Speaking of which, did Ah ever tell you the time me and mah cousin Peach were visiting Manehatten by sneaking onto a train? See, there was this homeless lady in the boxcar we were in who was probably a pedophile by the way she kept touching cousin Peach's flank and the way she kept try to make us touch her flank. We didn't think it was a good idea to stay, so we jumped off while the train was still moving, which in retrospect was a bad idea because cousin Peach smacked into a pole. Broke her forelegs in multiple places and cracked her skull. Oh nelly, that's why we look both ways."

>aaaand that's all the time we have folks but thanks for joining us and have a good night!

"Oh, but the next part is where we-"
AJ wakes up.
"...meet the animatronic alligator. Aw Ah thought she'd like that."

562_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but it's time for a lesson! Now for our main guest...PRINCESS LUNA!!!

"We are pleased to be here."

>Good because we're going to give an emergency lesson in comedy! See how princess Luna has a frown on her face? Clearly she's been having a rough day! Let's put a smile on that!

"We don't need to smile, we just need to-"

>Shhh baby it's okay...I got this. First you need to do something silly that could make them forget about their problems!
Pinkie slips on a banana.

"No bananas please."

>But bananas are delicious!

"We said no bananas!"

>Okay bananas are off the table! How about a joke then? What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? ...A stick!

"...we don't get it."

>...the point is don't take yourself seriously and be silly. But if all else fails...please try out this brownie, Princess Luna. It'll make things better!

Eats it.
"...I don't feel any better."

~Later~
"HAHAHA WE GET IT! A STICK! HAHAHAHA"

>Sometimes you may need some extra substance. Thank you for joining us for an unexpected episode, and I'll see you next time!
Canned applause.

564_______________________________________________________________________________________
Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and it's story time! Now for our main segment...Three Billy Goats Gruff!!!

Luna stands on a bridge dressed as a troll.
[We're really doing this again?]
DT wears curly goat horns and walks across the bridge.
[Who is trip trapping on our bridge! Thou appears quite delicious...delicious enough to eat right up.]

'You want to eat me? I'm just a little kid. Practically skin and bones. You don't want me. Wait until you see my friend who's crossing the bridge soon. She's bigger than I am, so plenty of meat on that. Eat her.'

[...hmmm thou is scrawny. Very well, thou may pass. We will wait for thy friend.]

'Tell her that DT sends her regards.'
DT walks away. After a bit, Pinkie shows up.

[So thou has decided to trip trap on our bridge? Thou looks delicious enough to eat right up. Oh and thy little friend DT sends her regards]

>Wait, why didn't you eat her?

"She was too young and scrawny to eat. She also promised that you'd be bigger than her, so you'd have more meat."

>Oh then you'll want to meet my friend who's coming up behind me. She's waaay bigger than me. I bet she can fill you up better than I ever can. Trust me.

[Hmm...that is true. You're not much bigger either. We will wait for thy bigger friend.]

>Okay. Tell her that Pinkie sends her regards.
Pinkie walks away. After a bit, Cadence shows up.

[So thou has decided to trip trap on our bridge? Thou looks delicious enough to eat right up. Oh and thy little friend Pinkie sends her regards.]

"*gasp* Backstabber!"

[Dost thou have any more friends coming?]

"I'm sure they'll come back to check on me...Right girls!? ...GIRLS?!"

[Let's eat while we wait.]

"No no no NOOOOOOOOO!!!"

~Somewhere way past the bridge~
>Do you think Cadence will figure out that the troll is gullible

'She can handle herself. She's a big mare.'

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