HG fic

My name is Emi Shain. I am 16 years old, and was born in the ninth district of the country of Panem. I am currently three months pregnant with a baby girl. My fiancé is the sweetest boy alive; his name is Jacob Collins, and he’s just a year older than me.  We are going to die before the month is out.

My name was pulled from the pool of names for the reaping. I never thought it would happen to me; just five little slips of paper with my name on them. Just five slips of paper with my name on them, in thousands of other strips. I couldn’t move for nearly a minute when they called my name, frozen to the spot as if it was suddenly winter, like there was ice around my whole body. It was cold enough for that, the seeping dread that spread through me.  And then I was up on the stage, the eyes of my people on me.

When the boy’s name was called, I still was partly frozen over, the winter wind still howling all these words into my mind. All that fear starting to ice over in my gut. Then I heard his voice call out; normally so soft-spoken, but loud now, thick with panic. The voice that was so ingrained in my mind; my Jacob calling for the people from the Capitol to take him too, take him instead of the other boy.  That was when everything thawed, almost instantly.

So many emotions in that one moment.  I was scared for him, and maybe a little relieved that I would have him there…but at the same time angry. How could he do this? Did he forget that only one person could come back, one out of twenty-four young people?  Even if our district won, it would have to be one of us, just one, leaving the other alone. And it was unlikely that we would win.  Just look at the pair of us! A tiny little doctor’s daughter, and that scruffy boy who lived next door. We would be nothing compared to the other districts.

But when I saw his smile, nervous and afraid, and slightly crooked, but all his, I couldn’t stay angry at him for much longer. He was trying to reassure me with that smile, I think. I don’t know how well it worked, but just for that moment, I felt a tiny bit better.


---


Saying goodbye to my family in the Justice Building is hard. My big sisters hold me and cry; they are too old for the games now, and they had thought that our family would escape unscathed.  Just one name in the ball, after all.  But my name, the youngest girl, was pulled today. I manage to pull myself out of their grasp long enough to see my mother.  She looks like she’s in shock, holding my father’s hand tight. When I get away from my sisters, she lets go of him and approaches me, holding my head to her chest. She is quiet, not speaking, not even crying.

This is how I knew that she is really upset; I’d rarely seen her like this before, but I know what it means. My mother is angry. Not at me, I am sure of it, but at the Capitol, for taking me away. Me and her grandchild… She touches my belly gently, leans in to speak in my ear.

“Come home, please,” she whispers, voice wavering. “We can’t lose you.”

I feel…odd after that. She wants me home, I know, but…had she forgotten Jacob? I know that she still hasn’t forgiven him for getting me pregnant, but this seems a bit extreme.  She probably didn’t mean it, but I feel like she had just condemned him to death at my hand.

My father moved forward next, took me from mother’s arms, and hugged me briefly. He’d never been very touchy with us, always so caught up in his work, so I don’t press him for more. Then he strokes my dark hair – the same as his – and puts one arm around my shoulders, leaning down to look me in the eyes.

“You’d better be safe.  I know how fast you are, from when you helped me in the office, so use that.  It’s your strength. I want you to come home, my little mouse,” he says to me, brown eyes looking right into mine.

“I’ll try my best, daddy.” My voice wavers, and is far too quiet for my liking. I clear my throat.

He moves to stand up fully again, then looks like he just remembered something. He leans in to whisper in my ear the same way mother did.

“Remember to go for his eyes.”

I know he means Jacob, and I recoil from him as if he just burned me. He expects me to fight and kill him, the boy I love, and that I was to marry. I feel betrayed, upset, and scared that I’ll have to do just that.

I am thankful when the Peacekeeper comes to take me away.


----


When I see Jacob next, we’re on the train.  He looks worn out, tired almost, and holds me without a word. We stand like this for a long time, his face in my hair, and my head against his chest. I can hear him breathing, the steady beat of his heart.  His hands are warm on my back, and I can’t help but think of all the other times he’s held me, happier times. Those times are past now, though, and all we have is this.

I can’t bear to sleep alone, and he seems to pick up on this, following me to my room. The place isn’t that big, it’s on a train after all, but seems to try and make up for it with its elegance.  I fall onto my back on the bed in my clothes, and Jacob joins me, always in some gentle contact with me – touching my hair, holding my hand, kissing my face.  I let him, and the gentle affection seems to calm us both down a bit.

When we finally curl up under the soft blanket, he draws me into his arms and rests his chin on top my head.  He’s been so quiet today…I wonder what he’s thinking about.  Does he regret volunteering to take the other boy’s place? Is he scared of what lies ahead? I know I am.

“I love you.” His voice is soft, quiet. Afraid.

“I love you too.” Mine is the same.

I look up at his face, and am surprised to see him fighting tears. He presses my face back to his chest when he sees me looking, and buries his face in my hair. He must be trying to stay strong, for me. My heart suddenly sinks; he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me.  If we had never met, he’d be safe at home, celebrating that his family is safe for another year, just like always. Just like every other year. But not this one.

I think about the reaping. About what lies ahead as we are prepared. About the Games.  My father’s words replay themselves in my mind, and I shiver; I could never kill my Jacob, and I know it. Even if he begged me to, I could never do it. I don’t have the heart for it, I’m not a killer.

 Finally, I can’t take the silence any longer. I shift so I can look up at him again, and he looks right back, though he’s not quite focused, like he’s daydreaming.

“Jacob… What do you think is going to happen to us…?” I ask.  He jolts a bit, shaken out of his thoughts, and looks down at me.

“I…I don’t know.”

That doesn’t help very much.

“I just…I don’t want to die, Jacob… Or kill anyone. You know I can’t do that.”

“I don’t either. I don’t want a part of this,” he whispers, shaking his head a bit. “Just…just stay strong, okay…?”

I stay quiet, and he squeezes my slightly, puling me closer to him. Our bellies touch, and I think of the child I carry. His child.  I’m scared for her, but what can I do?  Just the fact that the Capitol would send a pregnant girl into the arena makes me sick.  But there’s nothing I can do.

He takes a gentle hold of my chin then, tilting my face up to look at him. There’s something in his eyes, fear and pain and dread. He looks reluctant, but finally speaks.

“I…I’ll protect you…help you…w-when I can,” he whispers. His face changes slightly, a sad look. “I can’t let you die.”

“But…then you’ll… ” is all I can choke out; my throat feels so tight, like when I’m sick in bed at home. He touches the slight swell of my belly.

“I know, but…You just can’t die…you or…or her.”

I press my face back into his chest and cry. I fall asleep there, I guess. I don’t remember anything but his warm arms around me, and us sobbing together when I wake up.

----

When morning comes, we are woken by a knock at the door, then it being pushed open gently.  We both turn to see who it is, and we’re faced with our mentor; an older man, tall, slender, and rather sinister looking. I can’t recall his name at this moment, but Jacob tenses up a bit.  The man smiles, and I try to recall his name…something with an F I think?  He introduces himself, though, before I can remember.

“Hello children. You may know me already, but I feel that a formal introduction is in order. My name is Fritz Almstedt. And you are?” He purrs, voice silky soft.

Fritz, right. That was it.

“Jacob Collins,” I hear from above my head. His tone is stiff, a bit on edge. Something about the way is said it implies more, though; you know who we are, why are you asking?  I wonder why he’s so upset.  “And she’s Emi Shain.”

I nod my head, sitting up as Jacob gets out of the bed and stands before the tall man.  Fritz extends a hand and Jacob shakes it reluctantly. He takes one of my hands and kisses it. I smile a little; he’s a gentleman, it seems.   He leads us to the dining car, talking a bit about how valiant what Jacob did was. I can’t help but snort a bit; it was foolish of him, a spark of the moment.

My train of thought stops when we see the food, though; I’ve never been starving, my father is a doctor after all, but I’ve never seen this much at once. We are seated, Jacob immediately to my left, his hand always on mine, and Fritz across from us.  We are joined quickly by a woman; she looks younger than Fritz, but just as slender. She introduces herself as Tessa. She’s pretty enough, but seems ever so slightly…off. I can’t figure out why.

Breakfast is more pleasant than I thought it would; I can forget about what’s going to happen, if only for a while, as Jacob and I stuff ourselves on eggs and bread and sausage and other delicious things.  He keeps touching my leg under the table.

But the escape is only a brief one, for as soon as we are full, Fritz leans forward, hands steepled in front of him, a smile on his face.  It’s time to start the preparations, to figure out what we will be in a week, when we enter the arena. As our mentor, it’s his job to give us advice, prepare us for battle.  He’s been there before himself, after all.

“Now then, you two…it’s time.  Do you have any questions, before we begin?” He says.

I know that there are so many things I want to ask, but nothing surfaces, so I stay quiet. Jacob is tense again, and again I wonder why; this is so unlike him. He doesn’t speak either, and Fritz nods.

“I understand.  If you think of anything, you know where my room is.  Now, tell me, what are you good at? If we find out where your talents lie, then we can find out how to make them work for you in the arena.”  His voice is hard as steel, and it scares me a bit. He means business.

“I can run…I’m fast,” I hear myself squeak out, and he nods.

“That’s a start. It gives you a bit of an edge over the larger tributes, if you’re fleet of foot.  And what else?”

“I…I don’t know. That’s it, I guess…” I lower my head a bit.

Fritz shakes his head and frowns, like he doesn’t believe me. He then reaches out and touches my hand.

“Your father is a doctor, isn’t he?  You must know something of the trade, then,” he says.

Once I think about it, he’s right. Since I was a little girl, I have been assisting my father, not only with the drugs and checkups, but herbal remedies, acupuncture, and how to work fast in emergencies. I can splint a broken bone in minutes.  And I can handle a scalpel alright, even if I’ve never used one on a real person.

He must have seen the realization cross my face, since he smiles widely and squeezes my hand. I can feel Jacob put an arm around me, protectively, but my eyes are locked on the face of our mentor. He can read me far too well, and it makes me nervous… Perhaps this is why Jacob is so tense.

“And what about you, Jacob?  What do you have to offer?” He turns to Jacob, and I feel a bit better, like he’s no longer staring a hole into me.

“I don’t know.  There’s…nothing I can do, I think.  Emi is so much better than me.”

He’s lying, I can tell. I know that he’s strong; he could carry a person in his arms easily. He’s carried me enough.  He’s intelligent, brave, and caring.  He knows a bit of medical knowledge, since I taught that to him myself.