Episodes 11-13 Synopsis

Interlewd 6: "The 20 Day War of Me and My Sister"

The remainder of the episode is mostly about hijinks at the anime club. Cerise wants to continue having a hands-on role in the club, but Alabaster believes it's too risky. They bicker and argue over it, and about how to revitalize the club. Back at home, Cerise is also growing wary of Whitney:

"She's getting rapey, Alabaster. She's giving me rape-eyes, like, all the time. I'm afraid to go to sleep at night."

"Oh, stop being such a baby," you say. "Let her rape you if she wants it that badly--"

"You are UNBELIEVABLE."

"That was a joke. I'd never let that happen. Unless I was there, too--"

Cerise punshes you in the solar plexus, ending the conversation.

At some point in the episode, a CerisexWhitney threesome would likely become reality -- this draws the conflict between Cerise and Alabaster to a close.

A WhitneyxCarte double date was also planned, as you can see; and that would have ended in smut, too.

Interlewd 6 ends ominously: Alabaster returns to the weekly he shares with his mother to find Darkbloom there.

Episode 11: "I'm Dreaming of an Alabaster Christmas"

We pick up right where we left off. Darkbloom is having tea with Mom. He invites Alabaster to sit and have a chat.

"You don't seem surprised that I'm alive."

"Why should I be?" Darkbloom says. "Renee is the very best at what she does. She would never have been in my employ if it were any different."

Alabaster and Mom spin their lies. Alabaster says he and the harem had a falling-out.

"A falling out?" Darkbloom says, arching his eyebrows. "Do tell."

"There was -- infidelity."

"Really." Darkbloom rests his chin on his interlaced fingers. "Don't tell me it was Gustav. That man's more flaming than your house was when I burnt it to embers..."

You grimace, clutching at your pantlegs. You try to play up the bitterness and revulsion of being NTR'd. "It was... it was--" you trail off, as if so pained you're unable to finish.

"It was his father," Mom intercedes, just as according to the script you two practiced.

"Hmm. I see these predilections run in the family," says Darkbloom. "And yet you kept your Mommy. What a consolation prize. Stole her right out from under the old man like he stole the others from you. This is rich. Somewhere, Freud is smiling."

Darkbloom pauses his gloating to offer the Soliloquys a sweetheart deal: if they will come to live with him, he will see to their financial well-being. No strings attached -- although he does invite them reconsider his offer from episode 9. Alabaster and Mom pretend to be torn, but ultimately accept.

Darkbloom demands to know where his daughter, Ms. Carte, and the others are. Alabaster claims not to know. Darkbloom is dubious.

Alabaster and Mom  move in to the Darkbloom mansion. Alabaster is kept off the premises in a guest house, and Mom sleeps in Darkbloom's  bedroom. It's obvious that Darkbloom is playing a game of divide and conquer.

In conversations, Darkbloom pesters Alabaster to give up the hiding places of the harem.

"What about Rose?" Darkbloom asks. "Surely you have no problem delivering her."

"Forget Rose. No one wants a personality like hers as a companion, anyway."

Darkbloom steeples his fingers. "There are personal reasons at play as well. She needs to be punished. She killed my manservant."

"I killed your manservant."

Darkbloom glowers at you.

"More importantly," you say, "I despise Rose. Rose is a fat, stupid cow. She was never anything to me but a cumdump."

"That's the point!" Darkbloom cries. He slaps a palm against the table. "Rose is the perfect type of girl for people who enjoy discipline. The dominant and the submissive alike. Just imagine -- millions and millions of men using her like the tramp she is! I need a cybernetic companion who can fill a role like that."

"Well," you say, looking at your fingernails and trying to play nonchalant, "I wish you luck in your search. But if I had to see Rose's face everywhere I went, I think I'd die. Leave her out or the deal's off."

"You've gone soft," Darkbloom says.

"Me? I never go soft."

Throughout Episode 11, mention is made of Alabaster's performance at quiz bowl, which is suitably spectacular. The team is on track to go to the national competition in Boise.

Interacting with the other haremites during this phase is difficult and risky. Alabaster feels himself under constant surveillance by daddy Darkbloom. Worse, Mom seems to be going native -- she increasingly displays affection toward Darkbloom and coldness toward Alabaster. Major NTR red flags popping up everywhere. Mom and Darkbloom do everything short of fucking while Alabaster weeps in a corner. There is in fact some question of whether our kaa-san hasn't been replaced with a cybernetic doppelganger already.

On Christmas Eve, Alabaster tries to get Mom alone and interrogate her on what kind of progress she has made in securing Darkbloom's private files for Ms. Carte to study. (Ms. Carte can only make progress in her current research if she has her old data to work off of.) Mom refuses to reveal anything. Alabaster flies into a rage and leaves the Darkbloom residence, spending the holiday with his harem despite the risks involved.

After much group sex, Alabaster and Cerise go for a walk alone in town. It grows unseasonably cold. Snow falls for the first time in the town's history. Wandering through the snow, Alabaster is accosted by a TV reporter who wants to know what his feelings are:

"Being in the snow with my sister is like being immersed in a sea of lovely feelings. I like it."

Cerise covers her face with one hand, blushing deeply, and tries to hide behind your shoulder.

As Alabaster returns home from the holiday celebrations, Darkbloom confronts him. He shows Alabaster the TV footage of the interview with Cerise. The jig is up: Darkbloom knows Alabaster's entire harem is in town.

Darkbloom lays down another whopper: the reason that Alabaster's semen is so addictive isn't a genetic accident. It's because of Ms. Carte.

Owing to Vivian's obsession with Alabaster, Darkbloom and Ms. Carte selected him as the candidate for a special implant. This implant would produce the biological energy necessary to sustain Vivian's prototypical augmentations. Alabaster was diagnosed with tonsillitis and scheduled for a tonsillectomy; but when he was anesthetized, Ms. Carte arrived and instead added the implant.

Darkbloom claims that Ms. Carte doesn't want to reverse the effects of this implant at all; she wants to amplify them, and profit from them herself. This is the real reason she wants access to her previous research again. She never cared about Alabaster.

The reader is given the choice of whether Alabaster will continue to trust Ms. Carte or not. I am assuming most readers will pick yes, even though the evidence against Ms. Carte is pretty damning. This is the choice that really determines whether the series ends well for the characters or not. The rest of this synopsis assumes you made the right decision.

Darkbloom has a final ultimatum. Attend the national quiz bowl competition in Boise. Bring Vivian as a fellow competitor, and bring the rest of the harem along as well. Alabaster can't fathom why the national competition is so important; but he feels he has no move remaining but to accept.

Interlewd 7: "GothicLoli SadoMaso Complex"

A fairly short interlewd covering the run-up to the national competition. Alabaster realizes that the harem will need more manpower if it comes down to all-out war with Darkbloom's forces. Ms. Carte suggests giving the quiz team augmentations, an idea Alabaster nixes. Cerise suggests "the next best thing" -- augmenting the Turkish Cultural Appreciation Club. Ms. Carte does it, and the club members enthusiastically accept their augmentations. Cerise assists the operations.

Alabaster, the harem, and the newly-augmented anime club arrive at a Boise Ramada Inn, "lap of luxury," to await the beginning of the tournament. Mr. Langley is so ecstatic to see Vivian back on the team that he literally ejaculates.

Rose corners and tries to rape Alabaster at some point, but Vivian knocks her out, in a reversal of a scene that happened way back in Episode 5. Alabaster thanks Vivian profusely -- but she knocks him out, too.

When you wake up, you're tightly bound -- hand and foot. Groaning, you sit upright. You feel your vision unblur and your pupils adjust to the room's low light. Rose is similarly hogtied, propped naked against the wall on the opposite end of the room.

Vivian stands in front of you, dressed in a ridiculous form-fitting leather costume that leaves her cunt and nipples exposed. She wields a cat-o-nine-tails and a black cat masque.

Rose gains consciousness not long after you do. "Oh, what the fuck," she says, looking from you to Vivian and back again. "Seriously?"

You stare up at Vivian. "What are you doing?" you ask.

"B-be quiet!" she commands. "You will s-speak when spoken to!"

You frown. "I'm sorry," you say, "but you *do* know that I could break free from these ropes literally at any time I want, right?"

"I said quiet!" She cracks the whip -- but instead of the sharp snap she's looking for, the tails just flop round uselessly. She tries a second time and gets the same results.

"This can't be real..." Rose says.

"This is what you like," Vivian asserts, although it comes out sounding more like a question. "This is what you want. Isn't that right, you, you, you... p-p-p-pervert?"

"I wish I could hate you to DEATH," Rose says, straining against her bonds. "Both of you! Oh my GOD."

Vivian ignores her. She steps closer, doing her best to loom. But even with you sitting down she isn't much taller. She arches her back, as if to gain extra height. This pushes her little button of a clit against your nose. Her tummy is taut against the smooth confines of her leather suit. Her delicate skin is flushed darkly red. You watch her with a bemused grin.

"W-worship me, you w-worm..."

[ ] "Submit"
[ ] Enough of this silliness.

Et cetera, et cetera.

After much fucky fucky, sucky sucky, the interlewd ends with Alabaster and Vivian stepping out onto the stage with the rest of the quiz team for their first match.

Episode 12: "One Night in Boise"

Darkbloom attends the competition. Mom is with him. They're way too cozy for your liking.

Vivian's nerves become frazzled by her father's presence in the audience -- as well as her growing addiction to your "essence," which is spiraling out of control. She costs the team their first match in the round-robin stage with silly mistakes:

"Which modern-day island nation was the dodo endemic to before its extinction?"

Vivian gets to the buzzer before you can. "Madagascar," she says.

"No, I'm sorry," the host says. "Team 2?"

"Mauritius," says the team captain, beaming proudly. The host awards them 500 points.

Vivian rubs at her forehead like she's trying to dig to the skull by friction. She looks like she wants to die. You give her a consoling squeeze of the shoulder, but the truth is that you're kind of pissed. She should have known that one. You did.

Alabaster attempts to keep Vivian "doped up" during the competition by cumming in her panties and having her wear them during the next match. This only makes her performance even worse. She spends most of the second match clutching at her podium and orgasming herself stupid. During a lightning round, where each team member is posed a question individually, she embarrasses everyone:

"Vivian. Who founded the Tokugawa Shogunate?"

Vivian's eyes roll to one side and she peers helplessly at the host. Trembling, she stutters: "D-dick..."

The team is close to being eliminated. They need to pull off back-to-back shutouts to survive the round-robin phase and make it to single-elimination brackets.

Darkbloom confronts Alabaster and stresses the importance of winning. Alabaster wants to know why it matters so much. Darkbloom responds by laying out the final revelation:

Darbkloom snaps his fingers.

♫I'm singin' in the rain, just siiiingin' in the rain...♫

He breaks into a jaunty two-step dance, tip-tip-tapping his feet against the tile. He caps it by breaking into a dash that devolves into a slide that carries him a considerable distance, even as he falls to his knees and holds his arms out to the sides.

♫What a gloooooorious feeling, I'm happy again...♫

"Where the hell is that music *coming* from?" you demand.

Darkbloom snaps his fingers again, and the music stops. He stands and straightens his turtleneck. "It's not coming from anywhere," he says. "It's non-diegetic."

I shake my head, not--

Wait a second.

"What the hell," I say. "Isn't this supposed to be second-person?"

"It was. But I can shift it into any POV -- or any tense -- I want," Darkbloom said. "Like that."

"Stop it," I said.

"No," I will say. I will grin evilly. Alabaster will gawk at me, his mouth hanging open.

"What are you doing?" Alabaster yells. "How--"

"It's easy," I say, "once you realize one simple fact. The world we inhabit is purely diegetic. With or without my tinkering, that is."

Alabaster still doesn't understand, bless his heart. I make it a little easier for him.

"You are Alabaster Soliloquy, quest thread protagonist."

So ends the episode.

Interlewd 8: "I'll Show You a True Harem Ending!"

Darkbloom explains that (I'm hazy on the details, myself) by winning the national competition with Vivian, Alabaster will have achieved his purpose as a protagonist. Only then can Darkbloom seize the last bit of control over their living narrative and establish his anime instrumentality scheme.

Darkbloom would like to keep Alabaster around, both as an adopted son and a source of power for himself. But if Alabaster fails, Darkbloom is not afraid to go with plan B: killing Alabaster outright.

This entire explanation is written in first-person POV with Darkbloom as narrator. The episode begins with a twist on the usual episode opener.

I am David Darkbloom, hot-shit institutor of anime instrumentality and king of the fucking world.

Unfortunately for Darkbloom, his control over the story doesn't last for very long. As he finishes up his explanation, something he can't account for happens.

Whitney sneaks up behind me and--

Whitney sneaks up behind me? Wait--

"Take that, fucker!" You conk Darkbloom on his stupid dumb head. He falls to his stomach, whining like a little girl.

"Thank Christ you're here," Alabaster says.

"Did I just take control?" you ask. You flex your arms and stare at your hands, turning them over. "Am I the protag now?"

"Whitney--" Alabaster says. "Please give me back control--"

"Whoo!" You pump your fists in the air. "Hell yeah! Whitney Quest is a go!"

"This is NOT Whitney Quest," Alabaster pouts. "Stop that. There's no time to play around."

"Fighting for justice! Kicking ass! Raping bitches! Choo choo!"

Whitney eventually does give control back to Alabaster. We resume our second-person narrative.

Ms. Carte makes a last-second breakthrough. She believes she can remove the implant that she put inside of Alabaster without that removal killing him, contrary to her initial analysis -- she reaches this new conclusion relying on insights from Cerise. Ms. Carte also believes that there's a way to reverse Vivian's worsening dependency.

Of course, relinquishing his ability to produce addictive semen means the possibility that Alabaster's harem will fall out of love with him. Alabaster is still smarting from kaa-san's apparent betrayal, and he's not sure he can bear the thought of losing everyone else, too. The reader can decide whether to move forward with the operation -- it should be an easy yes.

Damon, North High's britbong janitor, pops in for a visit. It turns out he's not a low-class chav at all, but a secret agent.

"License to kill?" Whitney asks.

"No," Damon avers, "I'm only a single-0, not double. License to permanently maim."

Damon says that Darkbloom is wanted by the British government for "crimes against the crown" -- exactly what that entails is anyone's guess. He brings info about how Darkbloom can be killed: if Alabaster's blood mingles with his, he will become weak to exsanguination. (Why? Fucked if I know.)

Alabaster goes under the knife in a makeshift operating room in the bathroom of his hotel suite. Cerise assists once more. When our Ally wakes up, his semen is no longer addictive.

He has a six-way orgy with his harem (all but kaa-san in attendance) and the results put his mind at ease: his girls still go crazy for his dick like bitches in heat. Great success.

Of course, there's still the whole "preventing the apocalypse" thing to see to.

Episode 13: "VIV-01"

Alabaster and the group draft a last-ditch plan to thwart Darkbloom.

One last phial of Alabaster's hormone-laden semen is all Vivian has to tide her over until the moment Alabaster can reverse her physical dependence. Her performance over the next few matches is paramount; the team needs to make it to the grand finals.

The competition is being covered in the national press. If the plan to defeat Darkbloom succeeds, you will need to flee the country; and the harem decides to commandeer a press plane to accomplish this. Rose and Ms. Carte are tasked with sneaking aboard one such plane to help make this a reality.

Ms. Carte gets aboard by touting that she helped train Alabaster Soliloquy, the tournament's top scorer; CNN wants to interview her. Conversely, Rose manages it by feigning outrage over the quiz bowl's perceived issues of sexism and racism.

"Academic competitions such as these by their very nature discriminate against females and people of color," Rose says to the bundle of microphones pushed against her face. "That's a given. That's known. The knowledge they test is culturally biased."

"But your own high school has a team in this competition!" a reporter shoots back. "Don't you want them to win?"

Rose pounds a fist against her palm. "Not if it means perpetuating this social injustice!"

She gets aboard the press plane with an offer to be interviewed on the Rachel Maddow Show. "She's my second-favorite lesbian," Rose notes in later dialogue.

After much tension, Alabaster and Vivian make it to the grand finals. But instead of winning, Alabaster purposely throws the match. And then, for REASONS, her fucks Vivian on-stage.

I think. I haven't really thought that through.

Anyway, Cerise does some tinkering in the big moment and, using SCIENCE, relieves Vivian of her addiction to the X-11 hormone Alabaster was producing with his old implant.

Darkbloom rains the full force of his fury down on Alabaster and the harem. He unleashes an army of Viv-tans. His robotic daughterus wreak general mayhem on the crowd and the contestants. Our two Spancers valiantly sacrifice themselves to stem the tide. We get the long-awaited "I know now why you fuck" monologue.

Meanwhile, our augmented Turkish Cultural Appreciation Club members (remember them?) fight against Darkbloom's armed mooks. The club treats the fight like something out of Super Sentai or a magical girl anime, perhaps.

"Knight in shining armor! TCAC Connor!"

"Strength of ten gorillas! TCAC Kyle!"

"The love that dare not speak its name! TCAC Kimberly!"

"Silent but deadly! TCAC Franklin!"

"Heart of mercy, fist of justice! TCAC Fazil!"

"Truest believer! TCAC Stackleford!"

Still, it's not enough. Whitney, Alabaster, and Vivian fight Darkbloom directly, but even with their combined forces, he has the upper hand. The three weaken him, but one-by-one they still fall.

Darkbloom, bloodied and raging, prepares to deliver the killing blow to Alabaster.

He gloats about stealing Mom away from Alabaster. He says that he has another working prototype of the implant Ms. Carte placed inside you three years ago. He says that he will make the entire world love him -- he will make your harem love him.

"They'll never love you," you spit.

"What are you saying? I've already begun the process. Your own mother chose me over you. It's only a matter of time before the others join her at my side. Rose-- Vivian-- Whitney-- even Cerise. Of course, I'll dispose of Renee... but I could have her as well, if I wanted."

Mom sidles up to Darkbloom. He puts his arm around her waist and nuzzles her.

"Oh dear," Mom coos directly into his ear. "I'm sorry, but... I never loved you."

She pulls a dagger from her pocket and draws it to Darkbloom's throat.

Before he can even realize what has happened, Mom slices open his jugular vein. Darkbloom falls to his knees, clutching at the spurting slit in his neck. Mom reaches around and stabs him in the heart, for good measure. He gasps once and falls to the tile, wide-eyed, lifeless.

Darkbloom is dead, but what remains of his private military is still out to get you. You make a break for the escape vehicle.

You hurry to the tarmac.

Whitney flags down a man driving a stair car. When he stops, she tugs open the door and punches him in the head, knocking him out. She grabs him around the collar and pulls his unconscious body to the asphalt.

You all pile in. Whitney floors it, driving at top speed -- 10 MPH, give or take -- toward the taxiing press plane.

Whitney maintains pace with the plane as it slowly rumbles down the runway. Rose opens the plane's emergency exit and stares down at you. "Hurry!" she shouts, her voice muffled in the roar of the plane's engine.

You, Cerise, Mom, Dad, and Vivian clamber up the stairs. You clutch the stair car's railing to maintain your balance as the stairway sways lightly back and forth in the buffeting wind.

At the top, a small gap separates the stair car from the threshold of the press plane. Rose reaches across the gap and helps each of the others across in turn, pulling your loved ones safely aboard.

You go last. The plane is accelerating and Whitney is having difficulty maintaining pace. You have to leap to clear the widening gulf. Rose, her forearms flexing with unexpected strength, grips you with both arms and pulls you through.

"How is Whitney going to get in?" Rose asks with concern, a palm against your back as she helps you reorient yourself.

You poke your head out of the open door. Whitney is still driving the stair car. She rolls her window down and calls to you.

"I'll see you in Palau, Ally! Don't fuck yourself to death before I get there!"

You don't have time to argue with her. The plane is at cruising speed now and rapidly leaving the puttering stair car behind. You sigh and pull your head back into the plane, shutting the door. "See you soon, Whitney," you say to yourself.

"Who the hell are you people?" asks a flabbergasted reporter, speaking for everyone in the cabin.

"We're taking this plane over," you announce, turning to face the small assemblage of reporters. "You can all get out in Palau."

"Like hell you are!" comes the pilot's voice from the open cockpit. Small private planes like this apparently don't have the same security as large passenger jets. Vivian strides over and drags the pilot from the cockpit, pinching a nerve in his neck to render him unconscious.

"Oh, great going," Rose huffs. "How are we going to get to Palau without a pilot?"

"Huh?" Cerise says. "That's not a problem."

"Yeah," you say. "My dad's a pilot."

Dad rolls his newspaper up and puts it in his back trouser pocket. As usual, he's wearing his cap and uniform.

He smiles, throwing his arms wide. "Let's get this bird off the ground," he says.

Dad pilots the plane through a dogfight with a few helicopters. Armed men fire at the plane, but Rose pulls a trump card:

Rose raises a trembling hand. "STOP!!" she shrieks.

The armed men stop.

No, literally -- they stop -- as if frozen, or glued in place -- exactly where they stand, guns still drawn, fingers on their triggers.

Rose sweeps her fingers in an arc. The men fly back as if blown by a hurricane gale, crashing against the metal interiors of their helicopters. Sound of shattering glass, crunching metal, and breaking bones.

You look at Rose, jaw slack. Rose looks at her hand, equally shocked, then back up at you.

"Binding..." she breathes. "Mallory clan special."

With a little bit of fancy acrobatics and help from her retractable parasol-sword, Vivian finishes off the last of the assailants. The day is saved and everyone is safe -- except for Whitney, whose fate down on the ground remains technically unknown. But Alabaster is confident she'll be safe -- she always has been in the past.

As things settle and the plane charts a course for Palau, Vivian ruminates on the fact that she's an orphan. Renee makes a proposal:

"How does the name Vivian Carte sound to you?"

And so season 1 of FUCK QUEST ends:

You plop down in the seat next to Cerise, relieved that you can finally rest for a few seconds. You lean back and close your eyes.

"You stink like cum," Cerise says.

"Oh, be quiet. You love it, you slut."

Cerise takes hold of your arm and nuzzles her cheek against your shoulder. It isn't long before you both drift off. In a few hours, you'll be landing in Palau -- but for now, you can sleep. The future never looked brighter.