There once was a time in DOTA,
When IAV were pushing for a quota,
Of a history screen all green,
Of a record so clean,
Maybe this time we were even sober.

As the game pounded on,
A light suddenly shone,
Inside old Wolf’s head.
An arrow let fly,
An inflated supply,
And another creep ends up dead.

“I know” he smirked,
With a wink and a grin,
“Victory is assured,
Through this mighty thing.”

“Oh you wouldn’t” cries Maus,
As the scores start to settle.
“Don’t take the risk,
Not on that chunk of metal.”

An angry Pole shouts up from the jungle
“Fuck you Wolf, the whole team will crumble!”
“You’ll die like a scrub, our fate will be sealed,
Just find something cheaper for that bitch to wield!”

“I’ll do what I want!” exclaims the young Elf,
As Wolf was most known ,
For having an inflated opinion of self.
“This money I farmed, it’s mine, all mine!”
“There’s nothing better for it,
Than this rapier so divine!”

Battle lines formed between the two teams,
Mid lane was pushed, Radiant was hopeful,
Maybe now was the time to realise our dreams.

On dire stood five, calm and steady,
Their team fight ultimates,
Off cooldown,
Ready.

In charged Radiant with a whoop and a holler,
It was time to dig IAV out of scrub league squalor.

But what was this,
We were just four,
Where was Drow,
That filthy whore.

Spells were thrown,
Rocks were kicked,
Our plan was blown,
Dire just…clicked.

Health bars were smashed,
Like flies we did drop,
As over sauntered Wolf,
From the secret shop.

He readied his bow and in he did charge,
Not quite noticing this problem was far too large.
He threw out a shockwave and silenced the crowd,
But turned tail and ran, his confidence cowed.

He fled through the jungle, his tail fully tucked
He finally realised how much up he had fucked.
In blinks the dire, their team fully mobile,
And the Pole goes nuclear,
Like an in game Chernobyl.

With nowhere to run and no time to port,
“The Elf bitch dies!” screams Kidzin with a snort.
And Maus did sit, his head in his hands,
Just why did he lead this not so merry band?

And thus the relic was dropped,
In the hands of our foes,
They marched onwards,
To put the game to a close.

And so our story ends, as the ancient dies,
Our valiant efforts reduced to wails and cries,
“Noobs!” scream the team,
Against which we can’t defend
Destroyed is the dream,
To our ego’s we must tend.

And thus we all see what arrogance brings,
That is why Wolf can’t have nice things.