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- This is a Lyler Homage to A Hole in One by anonpencil - http://pastebin.com/y3KrfJp5 - http://www.fimfiction.net/story/273279/a-hole-in-one
- prose: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/245069/4/the-lyler-archive/a-hole-in-lyler
- -------------
- >As the sun gently rises over the horizon of Ponyville, it's rays batters your eyes and forces you out of your slumber.
- >With a blink, you smile and stretch in your own bed.
- >Today, you don't have to do a damn thing.
- >Thank. God.
- >But, you already know, the first thing you want to do.
- >Go back to sleep.
- >Except, there's one problem.
- >This side of the bed is too warm.
- >Turning over, you find yourself nose to nose with a lime-green mare.
- >Wat.
- >"HI ANERN"
- >Your eyes shoot open.
- >This was not how your day should have started.
- >A part of you wants to believe you are dreaming.
- >Except, Lyler lying next to you is not the same as a sexy changeling queen.
- "WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE."
- >"IT NICE HERE"
- >You stare at her.
- >She stares back at you with a dumbfounded smile.
- "Why are you in my bed?" you ask, this being the most pressing question on your mind, for some reason.
- >"I HAVE SECRIT"
- >Oh god.
- >Oh god.
- >What the fuck could this horse be keeping secret?
- >If she openly announces that she shits on the ground, what could she hide?
- >Well, then again, most ponies shit on the ground.
- >It's complicated.
- >This is Lyler we are talking about here.
- >She's a fucking special case.
- "W-what's your secret?" you ask, unsure if you truly want to know the answer.
- >Her eyes widen as a smile curls at the edges of her lips.
- >The expression doesn't settle your concerns.
- >In fact, if your concerns were a pit of snakes, they just added spikes at the bottom, and there's a strange tall man with a gun poking you in the back.
- >At least, you hope it's a gun.
- >Bleeding out might not be as bad as-
- >"i want to make the baby with you, anun," Lyler whispers.
- "Wait, Wha-"
- >"LETS HAVE BABIES ANERN" she screeches, leaping to her hooves.
- "WOOAH! HOLD-"
- >Without another word, Lyler swings her hoof into the air and smashes it down on your man-meat.
- >A surge of electricity courses through every nerve in your body as your curl into a ball.
- >Your face contorts and a whimper leaves your mouth.
- >"WE MAKE LEG BABY!"
- >Lyler batters at your arms, which are desperately trying to protect your family jewels as you desperately try to roll away from her.
- >As you roll off the bed, your nose collides with your wooden floor, and a spray of blood shoots down your lips and neck.
- "AUGH! FUCK!" you sputter, pushing blood out of your mouth.
- >The green unicorn hops off the bed and stares at you curiously, flicking her tail and twitching her ears.
- >"WHY YOU LIE DOWN? U NO HAVE GURL PART!" she bellows.
- >Her head turns one way, then another.
- >Then Lyler's eyes light up again.
- >With a single, hard kick, her hoof lines up with your side, and you roll over out of instinct, trying to protect your new bruise.
- >"BETTER! BABY MINE NOW!"
- >Lyler's assault on your Rod of Ages continues, each hit seeming to make her more and more distressed.
- >Breathing becomes difficult as your try to push her hooves away, but 4 limbs isn't match for two.
- >When you try to raise your legs, even more constriction is placed on your sensitive dice bag, shooting more pain through your fragile frame.
- >"WHY IT NOT STIFFIE?" she screams.
- "Please, stop," you beg.
- >She looks at you.
- >"OH! DO YOU WANT TO GIVE THE LICKIES?"
- >You look at her in horror as she smiles at you dearly, clearly excited by the aspect of 'the lickies'.
- >What the F-
- >Instantly, you find your mouth filled with pony ass.
- >Which, normally would be a great thing.
- >Except, this is Lyler we are talking about.
- >She violently rubs her butthole on your lips in some attempt to be sexy.
- >You expected the putrid, violent stench of molded over vegetables, like when you helped clean Princess Twilight's kitchen after Spike was on vacation for a week.
- >In your head, you expected that at any moment a spray of milk chocolate, imported from the toilet bowl, would cleanse your palate of any worldly innocence you had left in your sorry life.
- >Except, it didn't happen.
- >In fact, was that... perfume?
- >You open your eyes, grab her marshmellowy pony flank, and push her flank up to get a good look.
- >Surprisingly, she's perfectly bleached her pony-ponut and it seems that it's pretty damn well taken care of.
- >Even her mare parts don't seem to smell like a sickening combination of maggots, blood, and last week's baked bads.
- >It's like... she took care of herself for today.
- "Lyler, did you clean yourself?"
- >"NO LYRA GOT THE FIREHOSE."
- "Oh."
- >Whatever.
- >It's not like you get any action around here.
- >Fuck it.
- >You never thought you'd say this, but let's lick Lyler's butthole.
- ---
- >Flutterpriest sits in his chair, looking at the line he just wrote.
- >He grabs his bottle of scotch, sighing to himself.
- "Fuck."
- ---
- >You lean in closely to Lyler's tight, flesh star and place your tongue on it.
- >It tastes clean, and surprisingly neutral.
- >Like skin.
- >As you trace the rim of the hole, you find her ass suddenly disappear from your hands.
- >It's quickly replaced by Lyler's face, with her tongue blopped out.
- >Then, a hoof enters your vision.
- >It's too quick for you to have any sort of reaction, as the hoof connects directly with her nose, and the back of your head connects with the wooden floor.
- >More blood sprays into the air as a splitting headache takes a hold of any train of thought that you had and runs it off the tracks.
- >Into a small country town's Gas Storage facility.
- >There were no survivors.
- "FUCK!" you scream so hard that it scrapes the back of your throat.
- >"IS THIS SEXY?"
- "NO!"
- >"KISS ME ANERN!"
- "WILL YOU STOP FUCKING HITTING ME IF I DO?" you say, just wanting this terrible, terrible experience to stop.
- >"ME WANT BABY NOW."
- "FUCKING FINE!"
- >You push your hand into Lyler's mane and press your lips firmly onto hers.
- >Guiding her tongue back into her mouth with yours, you intertwine your tongue with the tip of hers, but don't dare to venture too deep into her mouth.
- >She continues the kiss, somehow keeping up with your well-trained kissing skills.
- >Well-trained on a human.
- >That you totally kissed on Earth.
- >You swear.
- >It was the best day at grade school ever.
- >But, then your best friend forgot to say 'No Homo' and it got really weird.
- >Anyway.
- >You finally break the kiss, and lean back to examine the blood spattered face of Lyler, who stares down at you in shock.
- >Her eyes are wide, and staring directly into yours.
- >Lyler's expression softens, and she gently smiles, tears welling in her eyes.
- >You can't help but feel some sort of feeling well in your chest.
- >And you don't think it's a heart attack.
- >At least, you could dream... but you tend to take good care of yourself.
- >You smile back.
- >Carefully, you reach your hand up and wipe some of the blood off of her face.
- >You know, you never really realized how nice her eyes were.
- >They had a shade of gold that you've only ever seen in paintings and there was an innocence behind them that you didn't expect to see.
- "How was that?" you ask gently.
- >Lyler blushes and looks away from you, breaking eye contact.
- >Your hand gently pulls her back to lock eyes again.
- "Wanna do that again?"
- >Lyler nods like a shy little girl and you chuckle in response.
- >You bring your face closer to hers and she gently closes her eyes.
- >Heh.
- >You know.
- >When she's like this, you'd never think that she was this repulsive.
- >Your lips nearly connect, when you hear an abnormally loud grumble from Lyler's stomach.
- >She groans and her eyes clench shut as her body tightens in pain.
- >Her stance over you weakens as you watch her with concern.
- "Hey... hey. What's wrong?" you ask.
- >The groan comes again, louder than before as she collapses on top of you.
- >You sit up and look over her carefully.
- "Lyler? Are you okay? What should I do?"
- >With one last intense groan, Lyler curls into a ball on your lap as you pet her mane, feeling helpless.
- "It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. Tell me what's wrong. Let me help you."
- >Then, she stops.
- >She sits up happily like a dog, still in your lap and smiles widely, showing her yellowed teeth.
- >"BABY TIME."
- >Wat.
- >Before you can even register what she was going to say, her mouth opens, and a torrent of green, slippery slime pours out of her throat and onto your face and into your mouth.
- >Sound fills your ears, although you aren't actually sure it's there.
- >http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6714229
- >You fall backwards slowly.
- >The muck overwhelms you as you can feel it collide into your eyeballs.
- >The vomit pierces into you badly bleeding and abused nose, filling your smell with her intestinal juices.
- >It runs down your throat as you can taste it's horrid acid on the way down.
- >All you can hear is the gurgling rush of fluids that makes your muscles cringe.
- >The slime makes your skin crawl and makes the rest of your body feel numb.
- >Lyler had, in a few short seconds, raped every one of your five senses.
- >Your head collides with the floor one more time as your head turns to the side, still being waterfalled by a projectile stream of juice.
- >Then, a massive -thud- connects with the side of your head, aggravating your already bad headache.
- >You hear something plop by the side of your head with a sickly squish.
- >Then, nothing.
- >The puke stops.
- >You open your eyes, wondering how in the world you could have this happen to you.
- >Where did you go wrong in life?
- >Was it all the times you kicked Fluttershy?
- >Was it all the times you re-arranged Twilight's library and blamed spike?
- >Or did God just hate you?
- >You turn your head again, just like you did when you woke up this morning.
- >Only, this time you were bleeding, covered in vomit and wanted to die.
- >Once again, just like this morning, a pair of golden eyes lock with yours.
- >Except.
- >This face, was human.
- >Your eyes opened wide as you took in the creature.
- >The upper half was human, and the lower half seemed to be just like Lyler.
- >A Pony.
- >You remember the name of these creatures from an old fantasy book you read.
- >Satyrs.
- >JESUS FUCK YOU CREATED AN ABOMINATION WITH LYLER.
- >"DADA!" it screams out loud.
- "No."
- >"I NAME HER HOOPIE!"
- "No no no."
- >"HOOPIE!" the little satyr says.
- >"NO NO NO NO!"
- >Hoopie opens her mouth with a wide smile and then forces a strong stream of green, thick slime at your chest.
- >It's much thinner and not as powerful as her mother's but it tells you two things.
- >1. She takes after her mother.
- >2. Oh my God you created a monster.
- >With a gentle thud of your chest, you aren't even surprised as something plops onto your chest and sits there silently, covered in green slime.
- >A baby cactus, in a small ceramic pot, rests on your chest.
- >"BOOMBOOM JUNIOR!" The mother and daughter call out in unison.
- >You rise to your feet, covered in blood, vomit, and what you think are your tears.
- >As you stand up, you feel the surging pain of a ravaged ballsack, which causes you to huddle over.
- "I'm done," you whimper.
- >You turn around, and head towards your bedroom door.
- >Step one: Leave this house.
- >Step two: Go to Ghastly Gorge.
- >Step three: Jump.
- >Step four: Atone for your sins.
- >"BUT ANERN!" Lyler calls to you as you leave.
- >You open the door to your bedroom and look to Lyler and Hoopie.
- >Hoopie is giggling intently as she repeatedly slaps her hand on prickly points of the cactus, and Lyler looks at you in pure dismay.
- >"HOW WILL I GET CHILD SUPPERT?"
- "Nope," you say simply, and walk out.
- >The stairs are difficult to descend, but you make your way down.
- >As you head towards your front door, you hear a gentle knock at the door.
- >You pay it absolutely no mind as you push it out towards the world, catching a certain purple dragon off guard.
- >The door swings open, knocking Spike into your prized rose bushes.
- >"Oooww!"
- >You ignore his yelp as you push west.
- >Just keep walking, Anon.
- >There's nothing left in this world.
- >Just keep walking.
- >You continue on into the morning sun, never to be seen in Ponyville again.
- >"Okay Anon! You got me! Now can you pull me out of these bushes?" Spike asks.
- >...
- >"Anon?"
- >"Anon. I think I'm stuck, and these thorns are digging into my scales."
- >...
- >"Anon? Twilight?"
- >...
- >"Maybe if I just shift a little- OWW ow ow."
- >"ANON! THIS REALLY HURTS!"
- >...
- >"Shoot. It think I'm bleeding."
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