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- >Day After Hearths Warming Eve in Equestria
- >Wake up
- >Upside down
- >Look around at the weird dimensions for a while
- >Everything sure does look funny
- >Realise that you're dangling from your own ceiling, held aloft by a giant party banner
- >It's been nailed there
- >How?
- >Why?
- >More importantly, When?
- >Notice a sleeping figure on your couch
- >It's Pinkie Pie
- >Speak quietly, due to a pounding headache
- Pinkie? Hey, Pink. Wake up!
- >She snoozes away peacefully, kicking her rear leg in her sleep
- >Repress an adoration induced squeal
- >Don't want to shout because of your headache
- >Nor do you want to shock her awake
- >Think for a moment
- >Try to swing around by moving your body
- >Start to move
- >Keep trying
- >The nail holding the banner in can't hold it
- >It pings out and you fall to the floor, hitting it head first
- MOTHER FUCKER!
- >Pinkie Pie screams like a banshee and gets up, flailing madly
- >"WUZZAT? WHAT HAPPENED?! ANON!"
- CHRIST ALMIGHT STOP SHOUTING
- >"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
- AAAAAAAAAAH MY HEAD
- >"AAAAAAAAAAH YOUR HEAD!"
- >Scream at each other for 10 more seconds
- >"AAAA- So what's wrong, Anny?"
- >She looks down at you with a big smile on her face
- >Fucking Pinkie Pie
- 1/?
- Why was I attached to the ceiling?
- >"I dunno. Last night got pretty wild."
- Last night?
- >Oh. Now you remember
- >Party
- >A big one.
- >Hearths Warming Eve
- >The whole day comes flooding back to you, it's a blur of laughter, good food, presents and parties
- >Seems to have all ended at your place
- >Rub your head, which is still pounding
- So... Where is everyone?
- >"Probably went home. Your door's wide open, by the way."
- >She bounces over to it
- >"Bye, Anon!"
- >And she's gone
- >Look around the room
- >It's a tip.
- >Empty bottles and upturned furniture
- >Cracked kitchen window
- >You can't feel your left arm
- >Look at it
- >You don't have a left arm
- >Oh. Well then.
- 2/?
- >10 minutes later
- >Sat down at your upturned kitchen table, resting a glass of water on one of the sticking up legs
- >Think for a while about what you're going to do
- >You found your arm
- >It was in the upstairs toilet
- >Someone had drawn dicks all over it
- >Fucking assholes
- >Lucky it was your left. Since you do everything with your right
- >Scratch your ballsack through your pants
- >Everything
- >Stand up and burp
- >Pick up the ice-box with your arm in it and head towards the hospital
- >They could probably reattach it.
- >Maybe even make it stronger than your right arm
- >And also make the muscles bigger
- >Or replace the whole thing and give you a Dragon's arm.
- >They could probably just turn YOU into a Dragon.
- >They fixed Twilight's broken leg in an afternoon
- >Fucking magic.
- 3/?
- >Walking towards the hospital
- >Looking at the way the blood cascades down your arm
- >You should probably be blocking that, or applying pressure
- >But it looks icky
- >And your right arm is carrying the ice box
- >You're in quite the connundrum
- >Fall face first into the snow
- >Your leg just gave out
- >Yep. That's the blood loss kicking in.
- >Stand back up and hop one-legged to the hospital
- >A flash of purple light occurs in the corner of your eye
- >Look and see Twilight gawping at you
- Oh, hey Twilight. What's up?
- >"ANON! WHAT HAPPENED?!"
- Calm down, Twilight. You've got nothing to be afraid of
- >Hold up the icebox
- I'm 'Armless
- >Beam at her
- >She glares back at you
- >Hear Pinkie scream through a megaphone across town
- >"NICE JOKE, ANON!"
- >Scream back at her
- THANKS, PINKIE PIE!
- >Look back to Twilight
- >"Y-your arm!"
- It's in here
- >Shake the icebox
- >"...How?"
- I picked it up and put it in.
- >She groans
- >"No, Anon! How did you lose your arm?"
- Dunno. Just another one of those days I guess. Heading towards the hospital, though. So I'll be fine
- >"You won't make it that far! You're losing blood!"
- 4/?
- >Feel roughly 40% of your brain just turn off
- >You can't see the colour yellow now
- >The sun just went blue
- >Odd.
- Welp. Guess I'd better get a move on then.
- >Carry on hobbling towards the hospital
- >Realise that Pinkie Pie never told you about your missing arm
- >Unless SHE'S the one that tore it off and drew dicks all over it
- >Son of a bitch.
- >You'll have a long talk with her later
- >Dicks aren't funny.
- >Giggle to yourself about the thought of erect stallion cocks
- >Twilight screams in frustration
- >"Anon! Just... Wait here! I'll go and get help!"
- >She teleports away
- >Wonder where she went
- >She probably abandoned you
- >Applejack really annoyed you sometimes.
- >You weren't even sure that was her name
- >Keep hobbling towards the hospital
- >Pass a sign
- >"Pleez can al hunan stnd heer. pls"
- >Well you aren't one to turn down a hardworking sign
- >Stand there and smile at it for a second
- >Blink as a giant blue dildo impales itself straight through the centre of the sign at an unmatched velocity
- >Turn around and see a blue pegasus with a pink mane grinning at you and carrying a large weapon with a large belt of multicoloured dildos trailing from the ammo deposit and into a saddlebag on her back
- >She laughs menacingly
- >"Anon."
- Rarity.
- 5/?
- >"H-Have a good Hearths Warming Eve, Anon?"
- >Look down at the icebox
- Yep!
- >"G-good. So did I. I got everything I asked for."
- Oh, nice to know! Like what?
- >A dildo flies past your head and embeds itself in a tree
- >"Like this"
- Cool. Well I have to be going now. I'm probably going to die in a few minutes.
- >"Well if you do, a-at least you'll die eroticly!"
- >You don't even begin to question it
- >Well, the 60% of your brain-
- >Hang on
- >...
- >Yeah, you can't drive a car now.
- >The 30% of your brain still active tries to question it anyway.
- >Why is Spike shooting dildos at you?
- >Why didn't Celestia just teleport you straight to the hospital?
- >Why didn't Frodo just ride an Eagle to Mordor?
- >You think about this as you try and run away from the deranged horse and towards the Hospital as fast as you can
- >Dildos fly past you and strike various objects
- >A really dark blue flight-capable equine flies by you
- >"Heya, Anon! What's new? Why's Fluttershy chasing you?"
- >A dildo flies straight into her vagina from behind
- >She whinnies, orgasms, then falls to the floor unconcious
- >Poor Fluttershy.
- 6/?
- >At last, the hospital is in sight
- >You're not sure why Granny Smith didn't just fly after you and restrain you. You're not exactly running at full speed here
- >Another question added to the pile, along with why you can't see colour anymore
- >You reach the door of the hospital and push it open
- >A dildo flies past your head and jams a nurse in the eye
- >She screams and falls to the floor, clutching the phallus lodged in it
- >Step over it and walk up to a stunned looking doctor
- >"W-what-"
- Flah. Blargnah fublublu neaahhh.
- >Ah. Only 5% of your brain left. No more English for you!
- >It's a medical miracle that you're still standing, carrying your icebox and capable of rational thought with only 5% of your brain left
- >Blood long since stopped pouring out of your arm.
- >You doubt that you have any left
- >Must be running on whatever fluids are left lying around your body
- >The doctor takes note of your missing arm, bloodstained clothes, decapitated arm lying inside an icebox, and the nurse writhing in dildo-agnoy on the floor
- >He puts 2 and 2 together
- >"Here for a checkup?"
- Blah.
- 7/?
- >30 minutes later
- >Full of blood. Arm reattached. Fully functioning brain. Able to speak English. Nurse managed to get the dildo out of her eye.
- >Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity are stood around your bed.
- >Twilight speaks first
- >"Anon, we're so sorry we didn't help you! I wrote a letter to the princess about what I learned about friendship from this experience"
- >She smiles
- >Smile back
- >She's such a good student
- >Pinkie Pie speaks next
- >"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about your arm, Anny. I thought it was a human thing!"
- >Stroke her mane and tell her it's ok
- >Rainbow Dash after that
- >"Sorry I didn't stop Fluttershy, Anon. I was preoccupied."
- >She blushes, quivers, and you hear a sound like water dripping onto tiles
- >Rarity says something next
- >"I don't really know why I'm here, darling"
- I understand.
- >Applejack nods at you
- >"Apples."
- >She's so wise, that one.
- >Spike hops onto your bed and smiles at you
- >"Hey there, Anon. Feeling better?"
- Hehe. A talking dragon.
- >Prod his face while he giggles
- >The rest of the mane 5 laugh heartily
- >Laugh with them
- 8/?
- >Wipe a tear from your eye
- >Everyone is smiling from ear to ear
- So where's Fluttershy, anyway?
- >Twilight composes herself and speaks with a massive grin on her face
- >"She's in prison for 6 accounts of assault and 2 accounts of attempted murder"
- Ok then.
- >You all carry on laughing while the camera pans out of the hospital window and looks at a nearby tree with a group of birds hugging, in order to show the audience the value of togetherness or some other bullshit
- 9/9
- The End
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