gideon

Hello, friend. Sit down and have a drink or something. I do love to entertain company, and this is the first friendly face I've seen in awhile. Most folks go slightly cross-eyed when I have to them in the halls... which is suppose is for the better... oh, I think I'm rambling again. And such a generic monolouge too, surely I could make up something better than a posh accent and a mental hazard to make myself interesting.

Maybe I could tell you some stories of the places I've been.

> Notice to students and faculty
>
> The instructor "Professor Gideon" has been released from staff as of yester day, due to persistent failures in his attendance and suspected confiscation of philosophy department property. All classes shall be moved away from his tutilage, and to the effective care of our other educators. His termination notice has been filed and he should be removed from the campus.

//Sorry if that's a bit difficult to read, had to take some translation liberties to have it used in idle conversation. This was from the University, which I hired myself to because it seemed like an interesting place. It's technically how I found you and your friends, on account of all their lost stuff. Followed it here after they managed to punch me out of the record. Well, until I let them. They were kinda funky over there, in the not so good way.//

//I followed the stuff after that, and met some nice rich folk. I hired myself up there as a donor.//

> Fellow patrons,
>
> It pains me to inform you that our secure deposit and transaction system may have been compromised. Several million pounds appear to have been appropriated to a false identity known as "Professor Gideon" or "Commodore Gideon." Do not worry about your transactions, as our financiers are as we speak tracking down this thief. No auctions have been disrupted as of this moment, and no objects stolen from inventory.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> Mister Carter

//It's not what it looks like. I simply went into their system and set myself up as a donor, figguring I'd get some promotion to give myself soon after. But, didn't work out, because apparently donators need to have several million money in the bank. I had a whole bunch of blank bucks. So... panicked a bit. Think anyone would. Dumped it all, and took off to someplace the records mentioned. Which... didn't work out.//

> GOC DOCUMENT 44Y
>
> All offices and equipment attributed to the "Commander Gideon" persona have been removed. Records that were altered have been replaced, and it is currently believed that we have neutralized it. Hard sonofabitch to hunt down, but we nailed him good.

//See, too hostile. They spotted me almost immediately and went on with trying to kill me. Didn't stick around on account of the murder, but luckily they were an international organization. Through their channels, I found someplace safe and interesting to hire myself to.//

> We are sad to report, that after 30 years of dedicated service, Director Gideon will be stepping down as the head of the Unusual Incidents Unit. During his tenure, the UIU has been a leader in the investigation of unusual incidents. His friends described him as having few truly close friends, but being a man of good heart and judicious judgement, even if his attendance was somewhat legendarily tardy. His succesor...

//That was safe. Also extremely dull, and full of really depressed people. I mean occasionally, we'd get someone who had actual drive, but that just made me feel bad for occupying the director position. It's a very conformitory environment, which made it pretty easy to hire my way in, but once I was there all that I got were mopers. But, luckily, your friends came along to help me out.//

So... that brings us to today. I've got a pretty good gig here. Basically all the fun of being payed attention to without the fear of being smashed. Sometimes I even get to carry on little tests of my own. You all don't mind the things you don't recall.

Where to next? I don't know, Librarian. Why don't you tell me?